Ex Porn Star Neesa Story

I was silly, happy and outgoing little girl. My mother taught me good values and I knew my dad loved me in his own way. I also had two older brothers.

When I was in the 4th grade, my parents divorced and my whole world crashed. My brother who was 2 years older than me began to abuse me physically and mentally. I remember thinking that the abuse from my brother was normal. I just accepted it. If a friend came over, he would scream at me and get violent. Eventually, none of my friends wanted to come over anymore. He was finally sent to live with my Dad when I was around 16. My mother fell apart because of it and became an alcoholic. I had to go live with a family friend in order to help my mom deal with the trauma of everything going on around her.

Through all this drama, I was still a “good girl” during my teens. I kept all the rules at home and school. I never broke curfew and stayed a virgin until I was 18. I didn't kiss a boy until I was 16 years old and he eventually broke my heart. He knew I wouldn’t go past the kissing stage with him so he decided to have sex with my best friend instead. I didn’t date again until I was 18. I was too brokenhearted. (That’s probably why I still feel like if I don’t have sex with a guy, he's not going to want to be with me. I've tried making them wait. They don't stick around more than a month so I feel like I always have to sex in order to keep a guy. )

I began to act rebellious and started hanging out with the “Goths”. I became a popular metal head/goth girl. I even started doing phone sex a month before I graduated high school right when I turned 18. It was my first job. That was the beginning of my sex work lifestyle.

I went into stripping at 20 years old when I was lured in by a female hairdresser who probably got kickbacks for finding girls. I was dancing at a club and the club photographer came in and asked to shoot naked photos of me for magazines. Then it went to shooting me with another girl in magazines and then it was me and guys in magazines and then it turned into solo videos, girl/girl videos and boy/girl videos and a few shoots with me and multiple performers. It was a progression that finally led me into the porn industry.

I worked in porn for 10 years with breaks in between. My work name was Neesa and I did about 27 movies. My last shoot was November 2006. It was a very abusive, frightening and unsanitary experience for me. They reuse dirty sex toys all the time on porn sets. Most of the time, the companies don't want to purchase a new sex toy. Which start at $10. That’s how cheap they are. I always saw girls that had sore vaginas. We would want to take a bigger break to try to regain our composure after enduring painful scenes, but the directors, camera men, etc., would stress that they "needed to get of there as soon as possible". And the company wouldn't want them to have to pay their employees extra time. So, most the time, there wasn’t time for a shower to take after shoots. Not to mention doing shoots on couches that they used for other shoots. I doubt they paid to clean it after each time it got used.

In the worst scene and moment of my life, I was raped and verbally and mentally abused while making a video with Max Hardcore. It was the most horrible and degrading experience I ever had. I was in complete shock and horror. After that scene was shot, I got tested at AIM (Adult Industry Medical Clinic). I was horrified to find out that I was positive with Chlamydia/Gonorrhea in the throat. We didn't have vaginal or anal sex because my HIV test wasn't ready yet. So he insisted on an oral scene and right after that scene I tested positive for the two STD’s. I called Dr. Sharon Mitchell to let her know. She asked Max to come in and test. I'm sure she told him which girl, and what the diseases were, even before he came in. Of course he would take Zithromax before he got retested as Sharon wouldn't want to lose one of her biggest clients. They care about money. That’s it. Sharon Mitchell called me after he tested and called me a liar. "He didn't give it to you. His test came back negative". She said in a rude, ambivalent manner. This is the clinic that claims to keep us safe. It’s a joke.

I left porn 3 ½ years ago because I just couldn’t do it anymore, especially after the rape. I found out about The Pink Cross Foundation at a booth at AVN. I think very highly of The Pink Cross team and Shelley Lubben. They have taught me important information about the industry that I should have known before I even got in. They treat me like I am human. They are very caring. Shelley sends me care packages often. And they are filled with love, information, great books.etc. It put tears in my eyes. I felt so loved. It had been a long time since someone loved me like that. She and the organization don’t force religion on anyone. I went to her and she treats me with love and respect. I like being around girls that are just like me - FORMER porn actresses. I am very thankful for Shelley’s team and all of their prayers.

Since I met Shelley and heard that God has a plan for my life, I decided to leave the sex business for good. I have been stripping to make ends meet but now I know that God is with me and wants me to leave. I went to school for being a dental assistant so I am going to try and get a job. It's not easy right now because I know I have some health issues to deal with because of everything I've done. But I feel God really working in my life so Im not going to give up. Please pray for me.

 

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Porn Industry Statistics

  • Average life expectancy of a porn star is 36.2 years - 1
  • 206 porn stars died prematurely from aids, drugs, suicide, homicide, accidental and medical since 2014 - 2
  • #1 suicide method among porn stars is by hanging - 3
  • 66 porn stars that we know of committed suicide - 4
  • 66% of porn performers have Herpes, a non-curable disease. - 5

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