Hi Everyone,

I'm posting this in the prayer request forum because I am not exactly sure it belongs in the “Help for Male Porn Addiction” category. If I'm posting in the wrong section, my apologies; I felt the need to finally ask for prayerful help, and decided to just focus on posting this as opposed to researching which area too much.

I'm someone who has been a practicing Christian since I was 15 or 16, and have been addicted to porn and masturbation since I was 18, and have struggled—and failed—for most of this time. I've become sober twice, the latter time being a time of great freedom and close, platonic relationships with women for the first time. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I declared to God on the eve of my last semester of college that I would follow His will wholeheartedly and do His work in the world. Literally seconds after I finished this prayer, Satan attacked me with a temptation that was so strong, I was bewildered and overcome. I can't describe it, of course, due to the need for decency, but it threw me back down into my addiction, and other bad things started to happen in my life to lead me to a mental breakdown that I'm still recovering from slowly after 4+ years.
I don't want to give you guys my life story, but I do want to ask for your prayerful support because, for the last four years, I've fought repeatedly to overcome this addiction and failed. I've prayerfully sought counseling, and been denied; spiritual direction, and been denied; I've tried Sexaholics Anonymous, and believe that it was a mistake and damaged me more than it helped (though I wonder if I am wrong in this). I've tried everything I can think of and/or afford, whether prayer or practical application, and still find myself unable to overcome this problem. Worse yet, I find myself not quite really wanting to, which may be the core of the issue. At best I can say that I WANT to want to give it up.
I can only assume that I am not ready or willing to give it up, something that I despise to say despite what I now know about the industry and the experiences of those who have suffered in it. It's a strange and horrible thing to pray for sex industry workers, and then turn around and find yourself indulging in the same material...
So, please pray for my recovery. I have many things in my life that are painful and depressing that feed into this addiction, and vice versa, and I need definite healing and provision from God. I believe he wants me to come to others for help now, and so I come to you guys. I've struggled fruitlessly for so long, however, that I can find little strength most days to confront it on any level. I do not want to give you the idea that God has not been gracious to me because he has; I have made great progress in healing in my life these past couple years, but I have made comparably little in this area, if any.
On a final note, I want to thank Shelley and the others who are part of the ministry of Pinkcross.org. You've opened my eyes to truth and the reality of the problem in the industry. Please know that, when I find the strength, those who have left the sex industry or seek exit are in my prayers.

Shalom,
HopeEndures