HI
Sat, 08/30/2008 - 21:59
I am in desperate need of going deeper with God, I'm not satisfied with where I am anymore. I need that stress relief that only the Holy Spirit can bring. Please keep me in your prayers as I will you. You all are so very near and dear to my heart. I love you all so much.
LJ Phoenix
Comments
Hi Luke,
Thank you for reaching out. Depression is something that God has been teaching me and healing me for a long time. It's the devil's goal to get us DETACHED as much as possible- thru drug use, alcohol use, depression, etc. All of those things cause us to detach from reality, and our lives and cause us to become dysfunctional. When we're dysfunctional we can't go to work, pay our bills, interact with our family, etc. The downward spiral begins and we lose our job, go into debt, lose relationships, etc. I learned this the hard way, and when I realized what the devil's plan was I started getting mad and fighting back.
We truly have to meditate on God's word to renew our minds. To meditate we have to repeat scripture, whisper it to ourselves throughout the day, and let it heal us. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" is a great place to start. Any life-breathing scripture will strengthen us and heal us. Before we know it, we WILL have a renewed mind.
It is a battle for me, but I go to the word for healing.
I just wanted to share.
Thanks
Dana
Update on me, I have been up and down but lately things are looking up again. and God is leading me through new territory, and I am glad He is leading me because it was kind of scary at first, but He has already started giving me peace about it. The area is being single, and the possible permanence of it. last night at church(XA, Chi Alpha) I looked that fear in the face and handed it over to God and accepted that as a possibility. I didn't want to at all but I knew that I had to in order to move on in any direction. and immediately after I did it, I started getting attacked with depression, pain, and just a general glum feeling. This morning I woke up and I was still depressed and didn't really feel like getting up to go to class, but I got up and my motivation was pretty low and I got to school and got out of the car and walked up to the building and one of my brother-friends was walking my way and he walked up and asked me how I was and gave me a hug and was really a blessing, and I talked to another friend who I haven't talked to in about 7 months or so. and he encouraged me. and then me and a friend went to get coffee before Bible study, and we walked in and one of our friends was there and he told the girl to put our drinks on his tab.
Today was amazing and I have asked God to take away the possibility of a girlfriend away until I can have her and it not get in the way of me and Jesus. so I am still single but now it's for a reason. and When and if God wants me to get married in the future then He will have to do the bringing together.
I love you all so much. so very much!!!
Your fellow servant,
LJPhoenix aka Luke J.
Also. God showed me something tonight, stretch out your faith. when you pray for something, prepare for it. but also expect bigger than you normally would. God will go well above and beyond your expectations. If you expect small, God will give you big, but if you expect big or huge or to the limit of your imaginations, God will go so far beyond what you ask, it will utterly blow your mind.
God loves you so much He wants to spoil you and take away everything that gives you pain except for that which is needed to grow you.
WOW it really sounds like God is working my friend:) i am so happy for you.
Father God I bring before you right now in the name of Jesus my brother in Christ...Luke I pray that the depression, pain and all that is not of you will be cast out and diminish In Jesus name. I pray that Your Holy Spirit Father will pour into him and out of him. I pray peace,hope,love,patience and endurance as he continues to walk the walk. I pray abundante blessings in EVERY area of Luke's life. I pray that he will continue to look to you Lord for and in all things and that you Lord will grant him the desire and ability to go deeper with You. I pray Lord that You will answer all his prayers and that the desires of his heart will be fulfilled. Bless him Lord and keep him in your care...In Jesus name
p.s. thank you for the words at the end of your message...they touched my heart, so thanks
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
and blessings
carrie
When you saw only one set of footprints it was then that I (JESUS) carried you.
my guys are really great, we are very much into the iron sharpening iron, these guys are like a chain, that God picks up and lashes satan across the face with. and we are tight together like that too.
things here at home have been ok, the grip of my grandfather is breaking because it was fueled by fear, and God conquered the fear, one time my grandfather threatened me with taking away my allowance, but he is not giving me any allowance, so it was just an idle threat, but it is these kinds of things that he would do to manipulate me. but this weekend I got to go visit my mom and dad, and mom talked with me about things out here and we got things cleared up in my head, She has always been my spiritual mentor and guide and sometimes confirmation checker. but things are getting better in that respect. I just have to remember who is really in charge and let God run things instead of letting myself get run over.
things at school are going ok, my biggest problem is loneliness, I have sisterfriends that I love very much, and there are a couple of them that really catch my eyes and heart, but I am doing my best to wait on God to show me what to do in the relationship area. but lately it's been pretty painful because I don't know what or when I am supposed to do something. and deep down I really know that it will be like most every other God thing in my life, it will just kind of happen around me and God will guide my steps and actions and things will just fall together. That being said, it still hurts and stinks about having these love pains sometimes i feel love for one of them so strongly that it actually hurts in my chest. and I think about just asking a girl out but I don't believe I can do that without getting too attached.
but this summer there have been 2 things on my mind and i have tried to pursue on of them and delay the other as much as possible. the first is growing deeper with God, in my life I had gotten kind of stale and was at a point where I didn't know how to grow deeper in God, but then right as this semester started God showed me that there is sooooo much further to go in Him, and just to hang on because it's about to get wild. and god has been doing amaxing things right in front of me. like today I came home and pulled into the gas station and a guy said his girlfriend worked there, and if I waited just a few minutes the price was going to drop 20 cents per gallon, 3.19 was the new price and it dropped right in front of my eyes.
the other thing was how to deal with the loneliness and being single. I have tried to push it away and delay dealing with it and ignoring it but it just gets to hurting sometimes. I can dry about it but the pain just comes back. that is part of why i fell back into things, I get weary of dealing with the pain.
but things are looking up. I have seen miracles happen, some small and some not so small, almost every day this week.
so yeah, things are actually doing pretty awesome. kind of like a salsa that is too hot. it tastes good but it still burns a bit.
As I passed the gas station on the way home I noticed that gas is now 2.19. and last week I dealt with my greatest fear, being single. At XA during the Alter call I went down and while I was there God asked me to submit to Him and trust Him with the possibility of me being single for the rest of my life. talk about scared. I think I was even trembling, like out of fear. but He said trust Him and I know He has my best interests in mind. and He has given me peace over this and I have never had that before, so now I am single on purpose. I have to get my heart chasing after God like it has chased after His girl. and the weirdest thing happened, I started noticing things like when a girl would smile at me , I would see it and notice it, kind of like the way you notice getting hit on after you are in a relationship. it's like a temptation to cheat, but I am single but not exactly. it's like me and God are, dare i say it, dating. I mean because I am a guy it sounds really weird to say and even weirder to type, but that is kind of how it feels. except without the awkwardness. even last Sunday, after church, everyone went out to eat, and we went to pizza hut where we always go. and there is a girl there who I tried to go out with earlier this year, back in February. it got weird and I kind of smothered her and freaked her out and then she stopped talking to me. like totally. and avoided me like I was a walking plague, and it's been that was since about mid march, and last Sunday she speaks to me twice, like she spoke first. and I was like awesome hopefully I can get my friend back. because she was my friend before I tried to go out with her. but there was restoration there. I was amazed! I kind of wanted to run over and give her a hug but she might have freaked out. but I miss my friend terribly. and I am single on purpose for a time, it's at least 33 more days because I am trying something but it will probably go on for longer. at first I was scared, then it got to where I just didn't like it. but now it's kind of fun. and it doesn't really change anything, I was single before, and didn't know when I was going to have a girlfriend again. but now it's the same way, except there is a reason for it.
so please pray for me because this is very new territory for me. I'm a little excited about everything right now. God is amazing.
I love you all so very much!!!
and now it's 4:40AM and I am still not tired. oh well.
isn't it so awesome that even when we slip Jesus loves us anyway...He pulls us back, dusts us off and says try again:} I just love that guy so much:}:}
Praying for you my friend and i am so glad that you have a place where you can go and be real,open and honest with a group of men...that is so cool.
How are things going at home??
I pray all is well.
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
and blessings
carrie
slipped today, but bouncing back. while I am at school I am ok. because I am usually busy. when I am at home I get not busy and I am too far to go visit friends and my grandfather has been complaining about me being out late, I've made it sure that I have not been out past midnight and except for this week I have been back by or before 11PM which I believe is reasonable. Especially for a 28 year old.
It feels like we are getting some progress again in our guys Bible study group, even to the point of it's not just a Bible study anymore, It's a fellowship gathering and last night we didn't even get to the curriculum but we all just poured out our hearts to each other and got alot of stuff dealt with. and we need to hang out more and I want to be a part of that, but it is very difficult to do so when obedience requires me to be home and away from my brothers.
Wow...LJ sounds like God is doing some amazing things in your life:) That is awesome. I am praying for oyu my friend as I am sure others are as well. I lived what you wrote at the end of your message...the prayer "I am waiting on You God...":) I think it is one I need to be praying daily:) thank you for sharing this and letting us know how things are going. May God continue to work in you and through you and may your ears and eyes be opened to Him daily:)
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
and blessings
carrie
p.s. I pray that God will open doors to the area in which He is calling you:):)
I am doing ok. I didn't make it to Sunday morning church yesterday but I made it last night. Yesterday was a bit sketchy of the fight thing, it came so close to giving back into it. but then someone called and I was able to get my mind on something else. so I made it through, but it got way too close for me to be relaxed about it. so I am staying on guard, but still making it.
School-wise, I could use a bit more self discipline, but I am doing ok. I just have to develop better study skills. and my classes are quite fun this semester so it is easier to apply myself, and try to hang in there til I graduate before I go and change my major again. today I was thinking and praying and this thought came to me and I was like sounds good, but then I would have to start over in college again. and then that thought didn't feel too great. I even felt a whimper coming on. but it made sense and had a peace to it. After I graduate I am going to look into getting whatever degree I need to be a counselor. that is one of the things that I feel like I can do sort of well and I help my friends out in that way as much as I can. and it feels very natural. but I just don't like the idea of having to start over again with education even if it is just starting over half way. but that is where I am in school. but I am hanging in there for my current degree, which is Industrial Technology. this is fun but I feel like the counseling would make a better career and this would make a better hobby because I get creative with making things but that gets expensive and unless you are in business for yourself you have to make what the boss says is needed. which is fine but I only have 18 hours left in this major so I am finishing it. so I can graduate. I may get a job in manufacturing and then get my couseling degree and do it that way, but I am still not sure. except for I am letting God make this decision, because Jesus will have come back before my mind is actually made up. joking but seriously it takes me a long time to make up my mind sometimes.
At home things are ok, I am still learning how to properly deal with my grandfather and brother. I don't remember having these problems while Grandma was alive, but there is probably alot of thing I don't remember because I left this place about 6 years before she passed away, I came back just prior to that event. there are times I really miss her and she has been gone about 2 and 3/4 years now. my grandparents raised me but my grandma kept the tithes paid and kept us in church. Grandpa likes the idea of going to church but if I talk about tithing, he gets mad, and if he hears that I have given tithe off of money that he gives me he gets mad at me for giving it. so I just don't talk about it. but it has gotten better since school has started because i am not trapped in the house, and i get to see my friends kind of often. they make life a little easier to swallow. You all do to. so it has improved at home a bit, or at least I don't notice as much.
At church things are pretty terrific, on Tuesdays Chi Alpha has been sweet and God has shown up and blessed us alot and let us have some face time in His presence, and on Sundays at church things are going well also, I guess my only complaint is it feels like I am up against a wall. when I finally get stuff into the "getting worked on and dealt with" area, then and I am looking over myself to find other stuff that needs to get fixed, like anger, patience, habits, attitude, self control, stinking thinking, and getting them in check and dealt with, I feel like I am supposed to be doing something else to grow and alot of time I feel like I am at a loss of direction. I have tried to spend more time in God's presence and it has been so nice, but I always feel like am I supposed to be doing more. I really have been having a blah feeling and I have been wanting to grow deeper and know God more and become a better servant. but i have been searching my heart for reasons why I have done some of the things, even some things I did with a servants attitude, but I find myself seeing possible selfish motives behind some of those things. like that other day I wrote and encouragement to a sister friend and then I felt like"why did I do that, was it to help her or was it to get her to write me back." and that thought bothered me. How much stuff do I do so I can have attention? I mean I do want to help people but I have been thinking how many times do I do stuff with multiple intentions. I don't praise in church the way I feel like maybe I should because I don't want anyone to think I am just showing off. so I am very reserved in my praise until I am by myself. Also I feel like I have spent too much time alone and it has made me talk about me way too much. alot of what I talk about for some reason there is a ME sticking somewhere in the center of it. I am tired of it just being me. I am being patient and waiting on Go to send His girl but it's difficult and then I start thinking what if God has sent her already and I am just not hearing correctly and have not responded properly and now she is waiting on me. I know it's some kind of test , but I would like to know how to pass it or hopefully Ace it so I can move on to the next test. and not have to take this singles test again. I can practically say that i am almost completely satisfied in my life except for the still being single, and that is not nearly as bad as it used to be. but some times it still hurts. and when that day comes that I no longer am waiting for her to show up because she is with me, in the past i have almost feared that day because I asked myself "what then?" I have times when I can think of it as a purely joyous occasion, but I had to deal with some things before I could answer that with a decent answer. for a while I was so focused on the girl that that thought kept me seeking god and that was why I was bothered when I actually asked myself Now what to do? so I shifted my focus on God and finding Him as a means to finding Him instead of finding her. Now that question doesn't bother me as bad, but I still wonder if that is why God is waiting to bring her to me or me to her. So I am trying to grow in Him in spite of being single but sometimes I wonder if I am doing this for the right reason. That is probably why i have not asked any girls out yet because I don't want to break God's heart again like I did 3 years ago. I know my life has been far from any sense of good enough but the love base, promise based thing of relationships and marriage are a concern of mine that i hold a bit higher than some of the other concerns.
I am waiting on You God, If I am why I am still waiting please show me how to fix whatever needs fixing so I can move on, however if I am not why I am still waiting then I will accept this time as just a waiting period and try to relax. God please help me relax, please. Help me not worry about everything so very much. Help me believe what my doubts try to cloud out. Help me believe it to the point that I know it. Help me grow to hears you better and be able to distinguish your voice from all of the other noise that is in my head. Heal my mind so I can do and be what you need. I don't even know what all to ask for in my own life but You do. so I ask you to fix me all the way and I trust you for it and I thank you for it in Jesus name. and God please take me as deep as I can possibly go in you, then take me deeper.
I love you all so very much. Yep another long one, big surprise huh.
Your fellowservant,
LJ Phoenix
LJ
how are you doing with everything? Home,church etc? Praying for you my friend...
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
and blessings
carrie
LJ,
The things that God is doing in your life is wonderful. He will always bless you as you desire to go deeper and closer. I am so excited for you and your excitement is contagious!! What an excellent testimony of how much he loves us! He treats us all as if we are his only one! How precious. I encourage you to keep going!! People need the power of the Holy Spirit to set them free, so get filled up so others can receive a blessing through you!!
Dana
I made it to church this morning and it was awesome, even though I was late and missed praise and worship and just caught the beginning of the sermon. but then one family invited all of our college group over for lunch and the food was amazing. all of the Chi Alpha praise team was there so they asked us to sing and so God still gave me some time for fellowship and praise. God is so freaking amazing!!!! I love my daddy so much! He spoils me all the time. :)
I love you all so very much! Have a wonderful day and let God rest and restore you. Let him love on you. it feels so good.
Digging deeper and it is working. Tuesday night at Chi Alpha, we had the most amazing service. We are praying for revival on our campus and fighting for it. This week has been so awesome. the teacher that I heard horror stories about turns out to be really nice and has a sweet personality, almost motherly. and for the lab for that class, that instructor is sweet also and very encouraging.
God is blessing me like crazy, Pray that I can get up and make it to church in the morning. I always make it at night but I have been having alot of trouble getting awake in time to get there in the mornings.
I love you all so very much. Please never forget that!
Dear Heavenly Father;
I bring LJ before you right now, and I pray that You would bring Him into deeper fellowship and understanding of You. I pray that You would draw him closer to You on a daily basis, and that his understanding of You would grow by leaps and bounds. May He know Your presence on a deeper level each and every day.
Lord, I pray that he would not be overcome by stress or worry, but that Your supernatural peace would fill his heart and mind, and overcome his anxieties. Father, enrich His walk with You, and bring Him to a place of complete contentment and rest in You.
These things I pray in the name of Your precious Son,
Jesus Christ