Need Advice On How To Approach Ex-Girlfriend/Prostitute
Does anyone have any advice on how to talk to my ex-girlfriend who used to moonlight as a prostitute? We fell in love over a year ago, I got her to quit the industry, but then we broke up after 6 months of one crazy rollercoaster ride. I could no longer deal with her promiscuous behavior and she could no longer deal with me constantly hounding her about her issues. Since then, we have been seperated and she has found employment as a bartender and has begun randomly dating sugar daddies. I've reached out to her in every way possible, sending gifts/flowers, text messages, voice mails, phone calls...all letting her know I love her and also reminding her of God's love as well. Her response has been mostly dismissive, many times cocky, other times teasing. I only got one short sincere phone call just checking in with me. To be honest, I am sort of shocked at how quickly we fell out of love and
Anyways, I received a text message last week briefly stating she is coming to my city to visit me. I asked her to call to discuss the details and havent received a return call yet. As a person who has absolutely no experience in dealing with a former sex industry worker, and having failed out right in her successful recovery, I'd like to get some advice from former industry workers and experts on how to talk to her constructively.
To be clear, I know there is much animosity against me...I know she hates the fact that I know her "dirty little secret" as publicly she lives a double life as a "pillar" in her community (words she used to describe herself). I know she hates men and perhaps hates me even more for loving me and then for us falling out of love. I know she feels that she entrusted me with many things...and now that we fell out of love, she resents me for doing so. Also, I know she hates when I talk to her about her issues as she feels as if I am talking down to her (which perhaps I am - ugh!!!).
Anyways, my position is this...I love her and dont care about her past, I am just deeply concerned about her future. I'd like her to continually seek proper therapy and lead a prosperous life living in the truth...not continual lies. I am very concerned about relapse...the economy is not good, she is not making good money, she is an alcholic working as bartender, and I know the temptation is there to go back to work as a prostitute.
Ok, perhaps she is coming to visit to meet up with other people, but we will eventually have to meet as we have to sort a few personal tidbits. I'd like some advice on how my approach should be and perhaps what I should say if anything. I'm walking on egg shells here and could use all the advice I could get.
Thanks so much for any input and God Bless.
First off, I want to remind you as you already know to pray before you go meet with her and ask God to give you His words. Ask of His love to flow out of you like never before. I have a friend who is in a similar situation as your ex, and i have been praying for her for over 12 years. I am not saying that to discourage you, but to encourage you that sometimes it takes a while but God does not give up on people. He never has and He never will. God loves your Ex, more than you could possibly imagine. and He loves you too, I know you care for her very deeply, and you want the very best for her, so give her salvation and healing to God and Trust Him with it and with her. Pray about this until you get peace over it. and when it comes to actually getting together with her, while talking with her just don't bring up her past. Just show her you love her by supporting the good things she does. You said she was a pillar in her community, ask her about how that is going. support the positives in her life and let God deal with the negative destructive things. Love is the only way she will come back to God. Let God show you how to love her and what to say.
I hope this helps.
Your Brother in Christ,
LJ Phoenix
Hi, there, sunalwaysrises, and welcome to the forums.
First of all, let me just say how wonderful it is to hear that you care about your ex so much. Breakups are always painful, but it really sounds like God has put a lot of love in your heart for her, which is good, because right now that's exactly what she needs.
First of all, I would definitely go with LJ's advice, and PRAY PRAY PRAY!! Pray that God leads you and guides you in what you should do. You have already contacted her asking for details, so now the ball is in her court. I would not contact her too much more, because that might end up driving her away, if she thinks you are being too pushy. Cut her a little slack, and pray that the Holy Spirit impresses on her heart to contact you.
If and when she does, just talk to her about what's going on in her life. Don't bring up the past, but just let her know that you have been thinking about and praying for her, and that you are concerned about how she's doing. If I were you, I would approach her more as a concerned friend than an old boyfriend. What she needs right now is someone who will support and encourage her, and who will listen. Just be there to listen to her, and don't talk too much about her past.
Let her know that you are there to help her in any way. You mentioned that she knows that you know about her "double-life." She may feel threatened by that, so I would do my best to avoid all of that. You can ask her about her job, though.
I would also try to witness to her, if she's receptive. Just let her know what Christ has done in your life, and share with her some of your own personal experience. The Bible says that we are to be salt and light, so be just that. What you need to know, and this is so important, is that right now, you are probably the ONLY salt and light that she has in her life, so you need to be there for her....but let her contact you, and I wouldn;t continue to hound her anymore if I were you.
You can text her Scriptures if you like. Right now, she definitely needs them. She needs to be encouraged and loved, but not feel as though you are only out to get back together with her.
I pray that the Lord guides you in your approach, and that He gives you wisdom, discernment, strength, and clarity.
One additional thing, you can always tell her about this site and ask her to check it out and let you know what she thinks of it...
God has blessed you with a the opening to speak into her life and I am so proud of you for wanting to do that and that you care about her so much.
I will be praying for her and you!
Blessings,
Carolemarie
Man...we must have been seeing the same gal!! J/K
Btdt brother, almost verbatim word for word. I was in a relationship with a lady who was an escort prior to my meeting her. I didn't and don't frequent the clubs now nor prior to meeting her. So I was a blank slate regarding any preceptions of her earlier lifestyle, or any baggage associated.
I loved her as a woman and not as an object. Sex didn't exist in our relationship and it wasn't my main focus of our relationship. I think that used to piss her off honestly. She also went back to the 'Sugar Daddy' thing.
But this ain't about me...it's about you.
Soooo...keep your head screwed on straight mate. The number one thing in your life should be (and it's not easy) seeing where God wants to take this thing. Don't let your life in Christ be driven down or compromised. Shelly says it best when advising us about dealing with folks in this industry (they can manipulate us). It's in one of her columns about dealing with some of these people.
Believe me...I got manipulated till the cows came home with my lady friend. I justified all sorts of reasoning against the will of God just to prove to her that I loved her and would stand up for her against (you name it).
One realllllllly important thing to recognize partner is that you're a Christian. And being a Christian more than likely you see the potential for good in individuals. But sometimes they're just not ready yet. At this point let wisdom and faith prevail, water it down in prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to feed the seed.
"Above all things protect your heart, for it is the wellspring of life"
written in Love,
Son of Adam
She wasn't my girlfriend, just a girl I knew.
I just looked at her, and said "How Much", and she gave me a look, like OMG he knows.
I pray for her daily, I still wish her the best.
What scares girls in the sex industry most is judgment so be caring not condemning with her. Know this (coming from a ex working gal) behind all the bravado she throws at you is an in-need, out of control, scared girl! She's reaching out to you by contacting you. It sounds like you can help her because she trusts you.
Agree to meet her somewhere non threatening and non sexual -- like a coffee shop.
Talk to her a little about how her life is going. Don't beat her over the head with your faith - you don't want her to shut down - but you can work it in lightly. Something like, "I care about you so much. It hurts me to hear about all the crazy stuff you are dealing with. I want really good things for you - I will be praying for you to be taken care of and lifted from all this. How can I help?"