Good Evening,

I am not sure where to begin so please bare with me.

I grew up in Orlando Florida, I came from an abusive childhood of sexual, physical and mental abuse. By the age of 13 I had been arrested for grand theft auto, in and out of programs and rehabs till the age of 15 when my mother finally lost custody of me, I was brought to a children's shelter. Til the courts then decided to send me to job corps til I turned 18 (in prestonsburg KY). I stayed there and completed my GED as well as gained a few skills and started some college courses. I turned 18 and moved back to Orlando. I got involved with drugs (using and dealing) and adult entertaining.

I later met my husband and he brought me to the Lord and help me to get out of the adult entertainment field. We relocated to SC where I began working at a childrens shelter and at risk youth like I once was and also helping me to become involved in the medical field.

At the age of 23 I lost my husband in a horrible accident.....I felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me. My heart felt as if it were shattered in a million pieces. I thought if the Lord loved me so much why would he take aways the only person who was good to me? My pain turned to anger and I began to turned to alcohol to help ease some of the pain....soon the alcohol wasnt enough, the alcohol to pills and the pills to cocaine. I had received some insurance money from my late husbands death and the majority of it went to buy drugs and alcohol. I got back into adult entertaining to help support my $600 a day habit. When I was high was the only time I didnt remember how bad my heart was broken.
Being addicted to drugs is like committed a slow ....agonizing....very long suicide.

So that was it...my mind was made up. That night I was going home to kill myself. As I walked thru the doors pulling open every pill bottle everything from aspirin to valium I downed every pill then washed it down with every drop of alcohol in my home. As my head began to get fuzzy I walked in the kitchen wrapping large rubber bands around my arms to get all the veins to stand up I pulled out a steak knife from the drawer and began hacking away at my wrists. As the blood covered my arms....hands and pooled over the counter onto the floor I walked back into the living room........sat down......broken hearted.....lost.....bleeding....tears streaming down my face.......everything was getting dark now......I looked up and uttered the words "God forgive me"....that was the last thing I said before I lost conscienceness.....

The next morning my dealer woke me up. Covered in blood and barley able to open my eyes.....my wrists were in so much pain...pressed against me my shirt had helped to stop the bleeding. He helped me upstairs were I slept for about 3 days. When I woke I was vomited and very ill. i wasnt able to smoke cigarettes, do cocaine, pills, drink.....not even caffiene!! I had figured it was from all the pills.....a few days after that I found out I was pregnant.

There I was alone.....scared......a severe addiction to drugs and alcohol....homeless.....jobless...pennyless....and pregnant with my dealers baby.

It was certainly an uphill battle and it has taken me almost 5 years to get on my feet, but I have a cozy little home, a beautiful and HEALTHY baby girl (she is my angel), I have a job at the United way, a car, I have recently enrolled at tech to go back to school for RN and to help others as I was once in the same situation.

Last year I was reunited with my birth family as well as one of my foster families, unfortunatley the other kids werent so lucky and all serving time in prison. The Lord has called upon me to share my testimony and witness to others ....I crawled thru hell on my hands and knees and if I can do it ANYONE CAN!!!!....I know it is only half way thru and he has only begun.

The very first person i shared my testimony with said "and all this time you thought you were alone.....he was carrying you".