This is my personal testimony of what I call "the lost 90's" and how after a little over a decade I came to know the Lord Jesus Christ. **some of this story may be considered graphic**

Journey into Hell

At the beginning of the 90's I sold my soul to the devil for money. I needed money and I wanted it quickly. Didn't matter much then how I got it or what came with it, as long as I got what I wanted.

Around 1992, I started working at an adult dance club. It was a nude bar, no alcohol served. I was quite nervous at first, so to rationalize everything, I told myself I would only do this for a year or no more than two years or when I got "x" amount of dollars. I tried to put some sort of limit on it to make this decision seem right in my mind.

The women who worked there were made to dance three songs and by the third song, all clothes were to be off. In the background on a gigantic screen behind the stage they played porn movies non stop.

One could not only make money on stage but also in private "fantasy booths" in the back, where the customer would buy his coins for the booth and give the girl of his choice a tip. We were seperated from the customer by a piece of glass and the lights in there glowed red on both sides. Almost every single customer that participated in these booths would ejaculate straight onto the floor. On a good business day, there would be around 100 men at least who were back there doing this. Hence, why they had to call a maintenance man about three or four times a day to mop it all up. There were also lap dances and private dances available on the upper balcony. The private fantasy booths also offered lesbian shows. I did participate in these, but did not do anything real. Though in my eyes now, it is just as disgusting and I might as well have been doing the real thing.

At first I was quite intimidated and did not know how to "work it", but I soon learned. I was averaging about 350 to 500 dollars a day working around six days a week. I had not started prostituting yet at this point. I thought I was living the high life. I was spending and saving money like it would never run out. I became addicted to shopping. I also mutilated my body by getting tattoos and two cosmetic surgery procedures. After my breasts were enhanced, my money started to increase, but it was never enough.

I was having trouble with what was I doing. I knew it was wrong and I fought with myself constantly. I then decided to work around this problem, I would quit dancing, but just waitress at this club. Around the time I started waitressing, the club underwent renovations inside and out (this was around 1995) and they started to have porn stars come in on the weekends to perform. They were what we called "features", and they would normally work the weekends, performing four or five times at different intervals on Friday and Saturday. I was still making very good money waitressing plus I was still doing lap dances as well.

It was around this shift in roles, this nagging on the inside became louder, I started having trouble ignoring it. Even though I wasn't dancing anymore, I was still having much inner conflict with working there. Again, rationalizing to myself that I wasn't doing anything bad by just waitressing. Not realizing I was still very much a part of all this and contributing to the chaos. And I was taking it home with me. It went everywhere I did, I could not escape it no matter how hard I tried. But I needed to keep making money to pay off all my credit cards plus feed my shopping addiction.

As time rolled on I soon found myself addicted to cocaine and especially xanax. Between 95' and 99', I was taking between six to ten xanax just to make it through a seven hour shift. I don't know how I stood up or functioned and I really don't know how I did not overdose. I wasn't just taking xanax. I would mix vicodin and alcohol with it. Other employees would sneak in alcohol and put in my cranberry drink. (nude bar=no alcohol)

It got to be unbearable to even get up and keep going. I didn't want to live, yet I didn't want to die. I was stuck in the middle somewhere.

Towards the end of the 90's, I did prostitute myself in and outside of the club. I ended my stay at this club in 1999 and worked at an escort service with a friend of mine from the club afterwards. I stayed there for a couple months.

** An interesting side note is that in 94' I ended up meeting a man who came to work at the club and we became friends for many years. After my divorce from my husband, this man and I took up a sexual addiction relationship from 2000 to 2002. He was of Native American descent and practiced many witchcraft things. Unknown to me at the time, he had the power to release the kundalini demon in me and himself. This would be the snake that is coiled at the base of the spine that when uncoiled goes to the top of the head. It is also known as the chakras. Many people for years practice yoga and/or tantric sex to achieve this. Well him and I both had it naturally and he/we released this thing in only a couple sessions.

What came next I can only describe as porn without the cameras or our name in lights. We had a porn addiction and I could not count the number of movies we owned. We would have sex anywhere, anytime, and any place. We could not stop ourselves. We were having sex around ten times a day plus masturbating constantly while watching porn. And the more we did this, the more we wanted. It was never ever enough. We also started to fight around this time. Our fights were constant and one night in March of 2002, he attacked me so violently the police were called and we were in and out of court for almost a year.

So after all the money, the attention, the drug use, the prostitution, the porn, the alcohol, the fights, the lies, sex with women and men, and the violence, I could not stand one more minute of this.

I knew if I did not change something, I would end up dead, somehow. I called out to God and asked him to save me or kill me right then and there.

I did get saved and my life has changed for the better. There are certain things I struggle with and pray about still, but God took the lust and drug part away.

I realized I did not know God's plan or even realize how demonically influenced or possessed most things in this world are. I did not even think they could have effect or power over me.

I did some spiritual housecleaning and threw away anything evil: porn, regular movies, books, magazines, music, ect. All things evil had to go and so they did. And I have not watched TV in about three years. Once in a while, my husband and I will watch a movie, but the things we take in have to pass the God test. If it is not of God, we have nothing to do with it.

I feel like part of me is still healing from all those years I went through, but I am in a much better place now. I ended up meeting and marrying a wonderful man in 2004 who is into God and as much of a believer as I am.

When I do look back on my life in the 90's, I don't even know who that girl was, nor do I want to. I have asked God to forgive me and I forgave myself for being so bad to myself.

I want to say to anyone reading this: it is never too late to come to the TRUTH of Jesus Christ. No matter what you have done or how bad you think it is, Jesus can and does forgive. Give your life to him and read the Bible daily for strength and inspiration. And pray to HIM all the time, he is there, he is listening, even when you think or feel HE is not. God does things on HIS time, not ours. Be patient and faithful.

Get rid of all the bad influences in your home, your life and yes, this includes people. This took me awhile to understand as well. To truly start over, I had to get rid of the people in my life who were into all the old things. So I did.

Everything comes from one of two places: either from God or the devil. If it is not from God, be done with it and bid it goodbye. The things we take in: with our eyes, our ears, our minds, all affect our soul.

God Bless and Thank you for reading.