I would like to share with you a testimony that has changed my life. I would like you to understand that this is a story of how the addiction of co-dependency and drugs nearly destroyed my life. I pray that this will be a blessing and encouragement to you.

I want you to know that you are very important to God; nothing you have ever done can ever separate you from the love of God. It does not mater where you have been but it’s where you are going that will make the difference. I am writing this because; I want you to know that if I can make it out of the pit of hell SO CAN YOU!

My story started about 6 ½ to 7 years ago when I lived in Plattsburgh, New York. I was a mother of three children and I moved in with a man named Mark (now legally my husband) and his son.

Mark was a good man who was a recovering addict and had about 6-7 months clean when I met him. He had a nice home, boat and his own contracting business. When we first met it was like a match made in heaven. We had everything that we needed and was very happy together.

After we were together for about 7 months or so Mark had relapsed. He would take off and use drugs for a few days and then be clean for a few months, this would go on for about a year. I would become very angry with him and I called him all kind of names when he would use. I would chase him all over town to try to stop him and at that time I could not understand how he could do this to us.

I also had a problem of my own, (A BIG PROBLEM) it was with co-dependency but at the time I did not know that I had a problem. I was a very jealous woman and I would not let Mark go to the AA/NA meetings. At that time I had no understanding what addiction really was. All I knew was I thought that I could fix him and when I couldn’t I blamed myself for his addiction. I always thought that if I somehow could be a better person, or meet his needs better then he would not use drugs.

One day on New Years Day I had severe back pain so I went to the local hospital and they gave me some pain medication. I sent the bottle next door to his mother’s house because I could not keep pain medication in the house with his addiction. The next day I took a nap and he had his son go to his mother’s house and get my medication. When I found out I became so angry and at that point something started to change within me. I had this sick thought that if I took more of the pills then there would be fewer pills for him to take.

At this point I then started to realize that if I took the drugs with him that I no longer had to chase him all over town when he would relapse. Now that I used with him I would know where he was at all times and be in control (so I thought).

I now started to take more pills then I should have, and found myself going from one hospital to another to get more. That only lasted until they caught on. Now I was becoming physically addicted to pain pills. The pain pills were no longer strong enough and one day Mark came home with heroin. I allowed him to shot my arm up with that poison. Within a month in a half Mark was up to 30 bags of heroin a day and I was up to 15 bags of heroin a day. Now the heroin that we got from upstate New York was a very strong grade of heroin. I have to say that it is a miracle of God that neither one of us had died from an over dose.

Over the next few months we went through all our savings and we had to start selling heroin from time to time to support our $600.00-$700.00 a day habit. I no longer wanted to use this drug anymore but it was too hard to stop because I would get deathly sick without it. We wanted to wean ourselves off the drug and we decided to move to Florida for a fresh start.

We sold our home and packed up what was left of our belongings onto our pickup truck with a small trailer towed behind it. I drove the truck and Mark drove the motor home. We had to stop at every major city on our way to find heroin; when we did not have it we would be stuck in bed in the motor home so sick that we could not move. It took us two months to make it from New York to Florida.

We now made it to Florida but we lost most of our personal belongings somewhere in Georgia when the trailer tipped over and went into a ditch. Now that we were in Florida we were somewhat weaned off the heroin but not totally. We found it hard to find any heroin in the Ft. Pierce area so we turned to crack. At this point I could no longer take care of the kids so my parents’ temporality took them in.

We had our Motor home parked at a local camp ground and we would drive to Alphabet City (Center of Ft. Pierce Fl) for crack in the pickup truck. We had no money so I started to write a lot of bad checks to Publix for cash. Writing bad checks only lasted for a short time until it hit there system and they caught on.

When I no longer could write bad checks, I then started to panhandle and that worked out good for a while because I was a woman and I was more believable then a man. Now the worse that I started looking the harder it was for me to panhandle. I have to say I hated panhandling and lying to people to get money. I can look back now and see that when these people gave me money in good faith and out of their heart; they were not giving it to me but they were giving it to God. So I was not stealing from those people I was stealing from God.

When we had the truck we would play this dangerous game called snatch and grab. We would roll up a small piece of newspaper and hand it out of the truck and grab the crack and take off. We made many enemies out in the street by doing that.

We decided to sell the pickup truck for an $800.00 crack cookie. Mark and I smoked that all night until we got to the middle of it and it was no longer crack but Ambosol. That burned my lungs for about 3 days and I could not breathe right because of it. Once the truck was gone we then removed the motor home from the campground and drove around Alphabet City in Fort Pierce, FL full time in the old broken down motor home. Most of the time we were out of gas and we would have to push it all over Ft. Pierce.

I was now numb at this point and I truly hated to panhandle for money. I was then forced to prostitute myself on the streets of Ft. Pierce. I still at times have nightmares of some of the stuff that happened to me out there but it was only by Gods grace that I have been able to get through it. I was raped, I was beaten, mistreated and forced to do things that I would never have done in my straight mind. As for me I can honestly say that every gas station, parking lot, back ally and street in Ft. Pierce, Fl has a story attached to it.

The motor home finally broke down and we found someone to buy it for a hunting camp. So we took that money and got a motel for 3 days, a small bucket of KFC Chicken, a bottle of Pepsi, a few packs of cigarettes and of course crack. When the motel was gone we were then homeless in the heart of Ft. Pierce.

My whole life I always had a heart for the homeless but I never had a clue what it was like to have no home. Every morning after chasing the night life I would sit at the park off US1 near the Dollar Tree and just want to cry. I had no rest and no place to lay my head down to sleep. My feet were so infected by such large blisters that I could hardly walk. I was hungry and thirsty and just plain tired.

I remember one day Mark fell a sleep behind the CITGO Gas Station where we kept a few of our things. I walked away and a man off the streets had a room off US1 in Fort Pierce and he was extremely kind to me. He bought me a loaf of bread, bologna and some soda. He let me take a shower and he left so I could have privacy and then I took a nap; I left before he came back. Later that night I went back there and he opened the door and I laid down for a few minutes. This man tried nothing with me and he hardly said a word but I remember there was Christian Gospel Music playing in the background and I felt such a peace in that room; until Mark showed up and dragged me out of there because he thought that I was doing something wrong. I can look back now and see that even at the worst point of my life the Lord was there with me, even when I was not with Him; God still had His hand on me.

After about two and half weeks homeless and on the streets, Mark and I were waiting at Save-A-Lot food store for my parents to bring me a check. All of a sudden we were surrounded by Sheriff Cars and my parents had got a court order to have me baker acted. They arrested me and took me to the mental hospital. Mark was left on the streets to fend for himself. I believe that if I was not pulled off those streets that night I would have been killed.

That night Mark ran into some of the people that we played snatch and grab with. Mark was able to run and get away from them but if I was still out there I would not have been able to run from them. My feet had large blisters that I had a hard time even walking, and I was so tired that I would not have been able to get away that night. I believe with all my heart that if I was not pulled off those streets that night, I would have been dead. I can look back now and see that God did have his hand upon me.

Well finally I ended up at my parent’s house truly disgusted with myself. All of a sudden it was like a light switch going off saying to me, OK now you can return to God. See when I was in my early 20’s I walked with God and I lived a Christian life. I was mentored for about three years by a strong no non-sense Christian woman. I do thank God for that strong foundation back then in my life. If I did not have that foundation back then I don’t think I could have handled the days, weeks and years ahead of me.

I did make a decision to give my whole heart, and everything to God. I ended up in a church that helped give me some emotional support and get me back on my feet. I now was in my own apartment and Mark ended up having to go to prison for some things that he did on the streets. This point of my life was probably the hardest times I ever had, because I had to face everything that I had done and everything that had happened to me with a straight mind.

The first year off the streets was the hardest, my kids were living with me and I honestly don’t think I was ready for them. I had really bad bouts with depression. It was so bad that I had days that I was in bed for two to three days and could not stop crying. I could not work or even function. All I could do was crawl out of bed and cry out to God. Thank God for knees because I can honestly say that I used them.

Six years ago God had given me a large vision and I knew that He has a large call on my life. I was determined that I would never end up back on those streets no matter what the cost. I was now led to a new church that was a training ministry and I trained for almost two years. I was then referred to a chaplain ministry for receiving a chaplain license. After two years of being off the streets I was a chaplain and only God could do that. It was a hard struggle and I could have easily have given up but I didn’t because I knew that God had something better for me.

Throughout the past six years I have had my ups and downs, and my struggles. Things have not always been perfect; but God has always been faithful. Just remember that no matter what you have done in your life Jesus loves you and is ready to forgive you. I will be honest with you that getting off the streets and out of that lifestyle was not easy, but it is possible. If I can make it out of the pit of hell, SO CAN YOU! All you have to do is call upon the name of Jesus and He will hear your prayers and direct your path.