When I was six years old one of my older sisters draws me to have sexual intercourse with her. It happened maybe ten times, but it felt weird and we knew that what we were doing was wrong from the beginning, so I told to my sister that I want to stop that. I deeply shamed what we have done. After we stop that I started to masturbate regularly and my sister became enemy to me, and we used to fight all the time. When I was twelve years old I gave my life to the Lord and I wanted to do what is right. Secretly I kept masturbating and I had some porn magazines in my room, which I throw occasionally away because I wanted to live a holier life. Many years later I was blessed because I found a Christian girl and we kept our promise that we don’t have sex before we are married. But I masturbate even after we get married. In university I had gradually started to believe to evolution and I could not believe to Bible in the same way than earlier. I still considered myself as a Christian but I despised a Christians who thought “old-fashioned” way that Bible was infallible Gods word. I did not try to do what is right in the same effort than earlier. I get drunk sometimes and I started to watch porn much more and I liked that. My wife was angry and confused when she realized what I was doing. I realized that my porn appetite was going to more dirty all the time. Things what I had considered disgusting begin to attract me and the normal sex did not turned me on in the same way than earlier. Our marriage was getting colder all the time and my wife started to avoid having sex with me (she doesn’t avoid doing that anymore, at least not in same measure). My life was going to direction what I haven’t intended to. I started to lust my workmates but thanks to God I never had opportunity to sleep with them. I still believed in God so I prayed that God would show me his will and change my thoughts if I was in wrong path. Soon after that my friend, who has just recently decided to follow Jesus whole-heartedly, started to speak to me about evolution critics and urge me to trust Gods word. I laughed to him but he was strong and kept talking to me and sometimes joked about my illogical way to be a Christian. I was curious about the truth and started to read what others (evolutionists, priests, Christian scientists…) say about the tension between evolution and Bible. Gradually I started to see clearer that evolution is based on a huge amount of assumptions and it seemed to be more like religion. But “I already had a religion so why should I change it into another one”. Then I started to seek Gods will and I joined to one of the small group meetings in our congregation. I understood that I was a disciple of Jesus Christ so I had to choose to do everything which moves me closer to God. In a while I felt Gods presence in my life and I left smoking and drinking (I drink still wine sometimes) because I felt they were like barriers against to know God. I still struggled with porn, but when I was kept myself away from viewing porn three months I was suddenly out of job. In next three months my incomes was so poor that I started grumble to God. Then I begin longing for something which helps me to forget my misery (that misery was mostly only my imagination and due to my vanity). I had only one thing in my mind “I don’t get peace before I had viewed porn”. Then I prayed a prayer that please God change my lust to those women into love (I thought it was pretty weird prayer, but it comes from my heart). Anyway I was out of job and the small group meetings, which were important to me, has dried away few months ago. I felt that God has left me to manage with my own effort and I was disappointed how the things were in my life. That’s when I allowed me to look just a few pictures to get peace. There was a battle inside of me when I started to browse internet so in the same time I hoped that God would somehow rescue me. With the help of search engine I found a testimony of Shelley Lubben from myspace (Shelley Speaks to Men). After listening her some time I begin to cry. I felt like a huge amount of lies has been washed away from my heart and I cried of joy and I cried because I felt experience of relief. I shamed myself and felt deep love to these people who are trapped in porn industry. I even begin to praise Jesus that He is beautiful (in that moment it was easy and natural to praise Jesus). Week after that I still feel like I live in the midst of the trial but I don’t worry my current situation anymore because I know better than ever that Jesus is in throne. And the peace what I have now is worth praising. I can not say that I never view porn again, but I feel like big giant has turned to surmountable thing. I need to say that I don’t believe that God gives us much credit of how well we have avoided to seek our own pleasure what God in first place has given us to our benefits, but He gives us credit of how obedient and faithful we have been (Matthew 25:20,21). (Please be merciful to me. I am not native English speaker and too lazy to check every sentence).