Don't try to suppress your memories that is futile and unhealthy. You mentioned that you were abused when you were 14 yet you don't remember to much about it. The forgetting was and still is a survival mechanism for you but its not helping you grow. You survived! for that you should be proud but you need more in life than just survival. So get a good therapist that can help you get over the abuse and the energy connected to you memories as a stripper. Stop the sleeping pills and learn to meditate. It works for me when I cannot sleep and its free. God loves you no matter what you do, God's love is unconditional, remember that.  Forgiving the person that got you into it will come when you do the work to get better yourself. You will begin to see that they too are suffering and this will allow for you to be compassionate.

I think most of us here are in the same boat, we either worked in the indusrty, profited from it, or used those in it. Myself, I've been a user, porn, prostitues, one night stands and "relationships." So who's worse, the one who was mislead into porn/prostitution/stripping...or the men that used these women for their own lusts? So I struggle w/guilt all the same, if God's grace is sufficient for me, it's sufficient for you. As far as the memories/nightmares, man I had my share of those coming off all the bad trips on acid, enough for a string of Steven King movies! I never thought that would end, never thought I'd sleep again, never thought I'd get out of that nightmare that was occuring day and night! We were all mixed up in some really dark stuff, is it any wonder we experience the consequences? Perserverance in prayer and all the spiritual disciplines have their consequences as well, may we all perservere in them and "sleep sweet in Jesus!"
We should all keep Julie in our prayers as well, walking out of the darkness is never easy, and as many of us can testify to, slipping back in is!

Hi Julie. It very much sounds to me like you suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. This is probably associated with whatever you went through at 14 or earlier, and also with stripping. Where to begin...okay. Even if you've had no traumatic experiences, stripping can damage your self esteem and make the guilt so powerful that it causes flashbacks, nightmares, etc. Chances are there is some sexual trauma in your past...this is very common. Whether a counselor or therapist is Christian or not is meaningless. There are powerful healing tools out there that won't interfere with your faith or anyone else's. EMDR, or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing is a wonderful method of dealing with the leftover emotions of memories without needing to remember much detail. The important thing is freeing the emotions, understanding them and honestly accepting them, then letting them drift into the distance. Until these feelings are processed fully, the symptoms of PTSD do not go away and can get worse. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, trafficking and exploitation. I was not a stripper, but I did perform sex acts with women for money and other favors, and was photographed and filmed...forcibly at first, performing sex acts with women. The shame I've felt has been staggering, and like you I see faces and bodies, both while asleep and awake. From the age of 10, I had been engaged in sex acts with more than 300 women. That leaves many faces and bodies to haunt my memories. Over the last 2 years, EMDR has helped me to move beyond what I thought I would be stuck in forever. Memories remain, but at a safe distance and without the horrifying power. Regardless of your choice of treatment, Julie, I will pray for you. Please at least investigate and consider EMDR though. Kindest regards, Ghost

Did you ever find an innocent person and try to beat them to death?  See Saul/Paul's story in Acts.  Everyone of us has done awful and destriuctive things, which have been forgiven, and were stupid for us to start doing in the first place.  Jesus washes us white as snow in His blood, and you may still be having trouble letting yourself be fogiven.  You also may just be reliving bad experiences.  You will have to focus on emotional healing if that is the case.  Jesus was bruised crrushed and killed for your complete redemption.  You may find help by mediating on the nine Fruit of the Spirit as found in Paul's letter to the Galatians.  I get great strength from praising God for each one and what it is doin in my life (even if it isn't, because the Spirit is working in me even if I don't see results), and expanding in detail on each fruit as found elsewhere in scritpture.  For exambple, Joy:  In His presence there is fullness of Joy, and he  never leaves nor forsakes me, and His Joy is my strength, and HE rejoices over ME, and prepares a party for me while my enemies make fools of themselves trying to hurt me.   God is love, so much of my meditation on Love centers around that truth.  For me, these thoughts encourage me and I find myself in a better frame of mine and soul through the the day.  i hope they can be of some use to you, as well. 
Whatever you've done, the worse it was, the more important your salvation was.