My youth, clouded in the darkness of iniquity.
Listening to lies,
and the justifications of hell.
Led to actions of the devil's will,
and it turned into a living hell.
 
A young fool.
No roots.
Lost.
Blinded.
Out my senses.
Wandered away,
easily led astray...
 
It happened so quick -
satan's voice:
"Nothing is going to happen..."
"There is no God..."
 
...That was WRONG!
I'll never tell anyone about this...
 
Mistake. Too late.
 
Hit the bong and drank a beer...
I buried it deep within me.
Went so low that it didn't matter anymore...
It changed me.
Morals went into a box,
and threw it behind me.
Then,
they started calling me wild bill,
I became one of them,
and our father was the devil himself.
I hardened inside,
and died.
 
Out of control.
No restraint.
Insanity.
Resist temptation?..
We were the tempters,
bringing others down.
Having fun, partying,
not knowing what we do.
Like an evil spirt within me,
guiding me,
to feed an evil appetite.
Nothing but encouragement,
the devil does not resist his own.
Puppets of misery and destruction,
on a mission to steal, kill and destroy.
I was so high, I didn't realize I was so low.
Allbline... Thought I was cool.
I was the biggest fool.
Didn't realize it would cause so much pain.
I went so low it didn't matter anymore...
 
The darkness was so deep,
the sky clouded and overcast.
I forgot that stars shined above me.
 
I know satan is real.. I was listening to him..
 
Woke up and realized.
Evil, nothing justifies.
Shame.
I feel like a criminal.
Regret is like,
poison in my soul.
Demons.
Chains.
Trapped.
Something sucking the life out of me.
Death.
 
I want to run away from myself,
the drugs don't work anymore.
 
My little sister asking me if she can hold my hand.
Crying myself to sleep,
can't hold it back.
 
Seeing myself as I truly was.
Self-contempt.
Self-destruct.
 
Went back to the box,
that I threw behind me.
I opened it,
and I seen.
That thing as a child,
that I believed was true,
but failed to
let it guide me.
 
“The stone that the builder refuse,
will always be the head corner stone.”
 
From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry.
 
Bowing my head in shame,
understanding in my heart,
beating my chest.
Knees bowed,
and a face full of tears on the floor.
 
Lord I believe.
God have mercy on me.
I know you live…
Thank you,
for spilling your blood,
to ransom me.
Forgive me Lord,
I have done evil in your sight.
Forgive me of all my iniquities.
 
Now,
trying to turn it all around.
Bowing my kness to the
the truth,
the way,
and the life.
The Son of God.
Jesus Christ.
 
Give me strength and courage.
To face what I must.
To be legit.
Not a hypocrite,
but genuine before You.
To conquer myself and
to do the right thing.
To love You, and others.
With all my heart, mind, soul and strength.
 
Change me.
Bring me out of death,
into life.
So I can stand in Your light,
and not be ashamed.
Somehow, Someway.
Whatever it takes.
 
This is the path that leads to life,
all others end in death.
 
...Now I understand.
I've studied it diligently.
I've prayed for years, with tears.
But it has not set me free.
It has made no difference inside of me.
 
A hope only death,
is no hope at all...
Then why not suicide?
 
It seems too late.
I have missed it.
Blew it.
I am guilty.
Troubled. Distressed.
I am weighed down with chains.
Bound. Not free.
The poison runs deep.
The pain so strong.
No sermon has healed.
The demons haven't gone.
The body diseased.
Doctors no avail.
They pray in vain.
The devil overwhelms.
They say I'm forgiven,
But thier words don't heal.
Inside is paralyzed, tramatized
destroyed, dead.
Someone Revive me.
They shun me.
Abandon me.
They don't understand me.
I feel like I am turning into hell.
I ask God to kill me.
 
I wish Jesus was still here.
But he left this world,
He is no longer here.
If He was I would go to his house,
ask to sleep on his couch.
I need someone exactly like him,
Today, with what He had.
to help me.