My Testimony
I had this in another forum but felt it was better off in here!
I know I need help and need to change, thats why I am here. I am sure that this is the place where I can get some of that help. I applaud Shelly and all of you who contribute and support the Pink Cross. I was completely blind/ignorate to the fact that these women were treated so badly. They do a great job of covering that up and all look like they are having a great time.I was wrong, I have been reading this site for a days now and have learned a lot. I learned that my beatiful wife and daughter are both at ages that are where there are girls working in the industy. My son is old enough to also be in the industry and or subject to the addiction as I am. The more I read the more it frightens me.
I have masterbated since I was 12 or 13 now 46 I enjoy it. My problem has been that whenever I am alone I head down to the PC find some porn and masterbate. Yes I am an addict, I now know the truth behind porn. The past 2 years it has been bad beacause I quit my gym to save some bucks. I go down to work out in the am but stop to masterbate almost every day. My poor wife thinks I am working out and I have gained about 20 lbs. becauase of this. I have stoppoed before but not for long. This time I go cold turkey, armed with God and this site for help.
I knew I was addict becaus before masternating the other day I had a thought about David Caradine, dying during masterbation. He was a ledgend. Supposed that happend to me and my wife or daughter found me. Oh MY! I did it anyway, I hit rock bottom that day. I want to stop. I have a gorgeous wife who gives me all the sex I want.I have sex with her thinking about what I see online thats sick. What she gives me is never enough no matter how much I want it to be. She is a loving, caring wife and my best friend. I want to appologize to her but cant because this would tear her up so I am telling you and god that I am sorry. I will make it up to her even thought she has no idea about it. This is it, I need to do this, I was an idiot.
BTW, I have never been abusive or treated my wife disrespectfully. I have never cheated or been addicted to drugs or alcohol but this dug its claws in deep.
This is a few days old and I have been porn and masterbation free for about a week. It feels better now that I can openly talk about it with people that have been there.
God Bless all of you.
Comments
wastintimenomore
I am praying for you. You are a child of God and what the Lord has begun in you He will complete. He will never give up on you...so NEVER give up on yourself.
He loves you and He will always continue to work in you. He knows your heart and I will be praying for you,your marriage and for the strength for you to overcome the addiction/temptation and the lies that have been planted in your head.
Thank you for having the courage to come here and open up,. I will be praying.
Keep in the word and prayer.
God bless you....
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team
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JESUS IS THE GLUE THAT HOLDS ME TOGETHER
I am soooo glad to see that God has finally came into your heart and started to heal your addiction to porn! I myself was a porn star/exotic dancer. That whole entire industry totally destroys lives...God spoke to me and got me out, but I still had already incurred alot of traumatic situations that I must deal with every day. Without the good Lord by my side I could never have over come my darkness. I know he will help you with anything you need!!
I wish you many blessings in your recovery! God Bless and guide you everyday!
Melissa
Thanks wastintimenomore. I've read a few of your posts, and you responded to my one post. Except that I am 10 years younger than you, we have a lot in common. I too started this problem, very innocently at the age of 9 or 10. That is when me and my friend started to find dirty pictures in the wooded areas behind our homes. Than at about 12 years of age I started the whole masturbation thing, still doing it.
But yes, this crap has to stop. I'm married, have a daughter and need to be a better husband/father to both of them. It is funny, like you used to do, I stay downstairs on the computer looking at porn. And yes, when I'm alone at home I'm almost always looking at porn and masturbating. I can only imagine what I could have accomplished with my life thus far if I had actually used those hours for something productive.
OK. enough for now, just wanted to thank you for your testimony. I hope I can follow in your footsteps and set myself free as well.
Mr. X
And knowing what it really happening to the women and men making the films may help you turn away....
The first step to healing is to know the truth and that you do have a problem....
We are so proud of you for taking those first steps out!
Blessings!
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member