My name is Kevin.
My name is Kevin. I'm 48 years old and have never been married. I've been addicted to pornography for most of my life. A complete slave. Pornography poisoned my mind, body, and soul. It's caused me to view women in an unnatural way. It's ruined my ability to form and maintain healthy relationships with women. I believed I was a disgusting person because of my addiction and even contemplated suicide a few times. I curse the day when I was first exposed to pornography.
I've been an atheist for most of my life. Maybe a tiny part of me believed God could exist, but I mostly believed that religion, the Bible, and the story of Jesus was an elaborate fairy tale. Believed only by fools and nutcases. But that has changed.
In August of 2009, God revealed himself to me in a way that left me stunned, trembling, begging for forgiveness, and forever changed. I now love God and have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. As a born-again Christian man, I embrace the changes that I've already made (with God's help) and continue to work on others. I am a still a sinner. But I have a new life now and live to grow in my praise and worship of the Lord, and to serve Him as I am able to.
I'm deeply ashamed of my past consumption of pornography. I determined to stop using it forever, but there have been some lapses. I was abstinent for several weeks but then succumbed to my sinful thoughts about a week ago. So far, so good since then. Praise the Lord.
The bottom line is this: I apologize with all my heart to all of the women that have been victimized by pornographers and their customers. I was a willing consumer. I helped enable your suffering. Please forgive me.
Pornography is a tool of Satan and he uses it, quite effectively, to ruin the lives of men and women (AND CHILDREN). But by the grace of God I have been rescued. I want to help anyone that needs help rejecting Satan and pornography.
I'm very fortunate to have stumbled across this websit. Shelly Lubben and her staff are truly serving the Lord in a special way by rescuing women from pornography and leading them to Jesus. Dear Father, continue to bless them. I hope I can help in some way. If I can help encourage people (maybe you)to reject pornography and accept Jesus, please let me know. I, as well, need and welcome all the support I can get from this community in staying on the right path.
Thanks for reading my story and God bless you. Kevin
Comments
Thank you Kevin for sharing your stories. It really means a lot of me because I did get involved in porn and most guys don't realize that they are hurting girls whenever they are watching us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I really wish you the best of luck in your recovery and in everything that you are doing.
Vivian
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It was such a blessing to read how the Lord found you and made you His!!! And I am thrilled that you are going to be set free from the bondage of pornography, knowing the truth about it makes a big difference in how you feel when you realize you have bought a lie that has hurt you and other people!
As an ex-porn performer, I gladly forgive you and ask you to forgive me too, for making the poisen that hurt you.
Blessing and looking forward to reading your post and seeing what wonderful thinkgs God will be doing in your life.!
Much Love!
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
Thanks for your understanding and kind words. They inspire me to continue on with my life free of porn. It's so much better. I look forward to tomorrow for many reasons, but a porn free day will be so awesome. No shame, no guilt, no secrets, no hurting. Thank GOD. I'm continuing to read and learn from everyone's experiences. I keep coming back everyday because I can relate so well to many of the members comments. Thanks for your forgiveness. Of course, I forgive you. God bless you. Kevin
Romans 3:23-24
Wow man, thanks for sharing yourself! When I was reading that I was praying that it would end with you being saved and changed. And PRAISE GOD, IT DID!!
You are a strong man and I thank God for the change in your life. Keep praying that God will convict your conscience about any little bit of sin in your life, like the foxes in the vineyards. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." Don't entertain bad thoughts. Sometimes images cut into my head but I immediately, immediately say, "No" and say a short "head" prayer.
You have defeated Satan, you do realise that. 2000 years ago Jesus defeated death and sin. Recently you have overcome it in your own life through Him and that's wonderful!!
It's my pleasure to tell you that you are NOT a sinner, you are saved. Even though we fall off the horse now and again, you are the wise man who has built his house on the rock, you will overcome all storms. The grip of sin over your life has been broken, it no longer keeps you from a relationship with God.
Think of it like this... if I told a crowd that I had the spirit of Mozart inside me, they'd tell me to prove it by getting in front of a piano and composing a new symphony. If I said I had the spirit of van Gogh inside of me, they'd probably ask why I have 2 ears and then set me up with an easel and some paint and expect a great masterpiece.
You have the Spirit of Jesus Christ inside of you.
I'll pray for you Kevin! Keep me in the loop and share that testimony with everyone you can, it's powerful man!!
Thanks for sharing your story. You will find some God fearing and loving people on this site. Praise God that you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior.
In Christ's Love
Doug
Thanks, Doug, I've been reading the testimonies of others and they are incredible. I'm learning so much about porn that I didn't know. God is so amazing. I know I've found a place where I can find support and give back as well. God bless you. Kevin
Romans 3:23-24