My first sexual memory is pretty vague. I remember being touched by a babysitter. I was probably 6 or 7 and she was a teenager. I remember her making me take naps with her on the couch, under the blankets where she would put my head under her shirt and try to nurse me. Shortly after, her family moved away, but the freedom was short-lived. The next babysitter I had sexually abused me as well. I remember she used to threaten me with telling my parents if I didn't comply with her demands. In the beginning I hated it, but as the years went by and I got older, I started to enjoy it. Eventually I was the one initiated the encounters. For many years after that, I blamed myself for what had happened.

I started watching porn regularly when I was about 10 years old. My best friend and next door neighbor was my supplier. His mom was the source of my fantasies when I was a child. Other than my mother, she was the first naked woman I ever saw. A single mother, she used to walk around the house in sexy nightgowns with nothing undernearth, enjoying the attention she got from me. They also had one of those illegal cable boxes that got all the premium and pay-per-view channels for free. For a young, curious boy, their house was like heaven.

This casual consumption continued until I moved away at the age of 15. When we moved into our new house, we got a new computer....with the internet. The year was 1997 and the internet was just started to explode. Now, I was able to get my fix without ever leaving the house.

Naturally as time progressed, so did my porn consumption. No longer were the sensual nude dancers on a porn channel "Edited by Admin" enough to fuel my lust, I craved more explicit material. The progression continued. Next was hardcore, then anal, then fat women, then old women, then rape fantasies, then midgets, then voyeurism, then trannys, then dudes.... Pretty soon that tiny little snowball turned into an avalanche that I had lost control of.

My college years were like the dark ages. I had a superfast internet connection and no parental supervision. It only took my three semesters to flunk out. I spend so many house watching porn and masturbating that I never found any time to do anything productive, like going to class. After enduring the shame and humiliation of having to move back home and go to community college, things seemed to be looking up. After a few semesters, I was accepted back into the state university. Three semesters later, I flunked out AGAIN.

My addiction to porn took away so much of my life. But it didn't end with porn. The lust in my heart had conceived and was causing me to act out. I was randomly hooking up with any woman who showed interest in me. I was giving myself away. After spending my childhood lusting after my friend's mom, I developed an older woman fetish. At the age of 19, I let a 46 year old Argentinian woman have her way with me. Over the years there were others just like her.

Because of my porn addiction, I was unable to foster a healthy relationship with women. They would use me for my money, and I would use them for their bodies. I felt like it was an even exchange. It was pretty much prostitution, but it was legal since we were "dating."

In the fall of 2006 when I was 24 years old, I met my wife. After dating for a while she found out about my porn addiction. She was the first woman I had ever been with who put a demand on me. All of my other girlfriends acted like they didn't care, but not Jess. She expressed her disdain for that behavior and demanded that I stopped. I tried, truly I did. But I wasn't stopping for the right reason. And on top of that, I was trying to stop with will power - using my own strength. Needless to say, it didn't work. Eventually I fell back into the habit. Only this time I started lying to her about it. I figured if I couldn't kick the habit, at least I could get her off my back by lying to her. It turns out that was a bad idea.

We were stuck on that merry-go-round for quite some time. I'd lie and say I was clean, then I'd get caught and beg her forgiveness. Then one day I hit rock bottom. I had been caught in yet another lie, but this time was different. This time I knew she was serious about leaving me. We were 3 months away from getting married and I was on the verge of losing her.

I cried out to God. I needed HELP, and I needed it in the worst way. I knew what I needed to do, but I just didn't know HOW. Through diligently seeking, I was able to find the path. It involved fasting, prayer, praying in the spirit, accountability, and setting up LOTS of boundaries. After repenting, I knew God has forgiven me and that I was a new person, but I learned that renewing my mind was a process. It didn't just happen overnight.

Fast forward to the present, and I've been porn and masturbation free since June 2008, and I married the love of my life. I can't begin to tell you how much our relationship has improved as a result of my being a MAN and doing the right thing. There are no more secrets. I'm not paranoid of being exposed anymore. I'm not damaging her trust and self-esteem by oggling other women. I have a healthy and God-given sex drive that is solely focused on my wife and NOT the the ficticious imagery of porn.

As many of you know, I'm in the process of writing a book about my experience. I'm going to outline in DETAIL the steps necessary to slay this giant. God is no respector of persons. If I can do it, you can do it.

To God be the glory. Amen.