off the website where only the moderators can see it. Only to protect you since you posted your address on it....please don't do that....people can be lurking and get your address, it isn't safe to do that....
I was going to just delete the address, but couldn't, so I will get someone to fix it later and hopefully they can move it back....
Anyways, know i love you and we are praying for you!
Blessings,
Carolemarie
Pink Cross Foundation, founded by former porn actress Shelley Lubben, is a faith-based IRS approved 501(c)(3) public charity dedicated to reaching out to adult industry workers offering emotional, financial and transitional support. We largely focus on reaching out to the adult film industry offering support to porn stars. Pink Cross Foundation also reaches out to those struggling with pornography offering education and resources to recover.
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sorry about causing a problem
I would want someone to do that for my child too....
Love you!
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
thanks man i wished the internet had more sites for girls about becoming a christian because i need a easy but challenging way to help me
The first thing is just ask Jesus that if He is real to show that to you, and I promise you He will show up! And start reading your bible, start in the New Testament and read about Jesus and what He was like, He loves you and wants to know you...
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
problem is the bible i'm getting wont be here i have to wait like 4 to 6 weeks :( its from bibles for america its a recovery edition so i'm gonna be without a bible til then and i dont wanna wait and the bible i have at my house is a jehovas witness one (my aunt sometimes sends my mom awake and watchtower newsletters and those silly yearbooks they send out)
at 6 this morning i was crying i think there about a millions demons in me i couldnt get out i ended up goin gto sleep until 4 in the afternoon with "the hiding place" on repeat on my laptop and TBN on my tv and the fact that i cant hear god in my head and the fact the demons are telling me to go ahead and kill myself
Hey- You can read the gospel online --just type in biblegateway and it will take you to the site. Then click on the version of the bible you want to use (try the NIV) and click on either John, Luke, Matthew and Mark and read it.
Also, there are some really good sites and I will pm them too you!
Obviously, you are important to God and Satan knows what a threat you will be to him, so he is tormenting you. We are praying for you and we care about you....don't think about death, think about the life you are about to discover in Christ....
satan is a liar and comes to kill and destroy us, don't listen to him, you are a special young woman and he wants to destroy you, don't give in!
I promise you that you will get through this and come out healthy an whole and strong. hang in there girl!
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
Kelsey God is going to do amazing things through you...you wait and see. His plans are to prosper you and to love you...satan hates that you are seeking ans searching for God and His promises. And satan will try anything he can to try to bring you down. We are prying for you and we love you. I pray that you know how truly loved and valuable you are. You are precious and nothing can ever take that away fro you. Look up the links so that you can read the bible on line....there are versions of the bible that are a little easier to understand that way as well...I know I had a hard time with the King James Version when I first started reading...BUT God will speak to you through His word and His word is truth and full of promises...lean on those promises and remember you are loved. Praying for you girl...
PS crying can be a cleansing thing, and GOD gave you tears...so don't ever let anyone tell you it's wrong ((HUGS]]
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team
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REMEMBER THAT NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU HAVE FALLEN
IT IS NEVER FURTHER THAN GOD CAN REACH
i got max lucado's 3:16 on dvd at the library today and a brochure from the billy graham evangelical association in the mail as well and i got loads of books on being a christian teen from the library as well that i'll try to read the books and watch 3:16 to see if i'm ready
okay anyways i'm still trying to figure out something for myself
you think someone can help me with a list i wanna make of the things i can change and do before i return to school in the fall
i'm really scared of telling my parents i want to be a christian :(
maybe i shouldnt become one
I feel for you Kelsey I really do. I am not to sure what to say...other than I am praying for you. I pray peace,boldness and strength for you. You are precious and Never forget that.
P.S. what type of things are you wanting to put on your list....I would be more than happy to pray with you about it:]
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team
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REMEMBER THAT NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU HAVE FALLEN
IT IS NEVER FURTHER THAN GOD CAN REACH
idk what i want on this list thats why i need help
i'm going to walmart today and getting a bible to use until my recovery bible comes and waiting for a book about esther from carole :) so i hope something good happens by the end of the weekend!
either carrie or carole i forgot who :D
so i've been getting mail from a couple of the girls yesterday i recieved a card from carrie (that made me smile) and today i got a small package from carole (i gott start reading that book) so i'm glad i have you all as help :) i wonder who god will choose next to write to me?
you are precious Kelsey never forget that. We are all praying for you:]
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team
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REMEMBER THAT NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU HAVE FALLEN
IT IS NEVER FURTHER THAN GOD CAN REACH
Did you like the bracelet
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
yes i been wearing it
i got my recovery bible!!!!!!!
sorry if i havent spoke to any of the girls i'm not on myspace that much anymore so if you wanna talk just talk to me here!
hugs and kisses!
Hi, Kelsey;
I just want you to know that I have not forgotten about you. I really wanted to send you some encouragement, but I am so honestly flat broke right now, I can't even afford to buy a stamp for a card.
As soon as I get a little more money, I will write you, and send you something, but I just want to let you know that i have not forgotten about you. I will continue to pray for you.
I'm glad you got your recovery Bible!!! Make sure to read it every day, and ask the Lord to give you wisdom and understanding. Have you found a good church yet? I think it would be awesome if you could find a good youth group to join.
Are you still worried about telling your parents that you are a Christian?
Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums
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Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
i'm a bit worried yes maybe i should forget about it
Hi, Kelsey;
We are all so proud of you for giving your life to the Lord, and I'm sure that everyone on this board would say that giving up on God is not what you should do right now.
God loves you so much, and He has so many great things in store for you. There are so many wonderful promises in the Bible that apply to you as a believer, and I would hate to see you miss out on them.
You cannot give up on God -- That would be the worst thing you could do!!! I wish I knew why it is that you are so fearful of telling your parents. What makes you think they would react badly?
Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums
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Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
i always blamed god for every bad thing in my life i think him and the devil made a deal to ruin my life and during al of that i have loving parents i cant talk to about my plans in life
my grandpa dying in 2005
my perodtid gland surgeries
me being bullied all my school life
me being molested when i was little
and most of all leaving school because i thought god forgot i was still alive
and those times at the mental hospital
these were the reasons why i blamed god and religion theres no religion in the world that can help me
i always thought god was a loving person who wants me on this earth but since growing up he became really judgemental i'd had cried more in my life then smile i never had true friends that doesnt count my mom and dad why does god want me on this earth to be a little crying ugly freak i'm afraid i'm gonna be when i turn 18 i dont wanna be a crackdealer or a pornstar for the money to keep me off the streets or die from some disease from having sex with a guy on my last week in school i wanted to jump of the schools building and at this time i still feel a little suicidal why cant god change me i'm scared of god still really i am :(
Kelsey
life can be very cruel...unfortunately we as humans tend to blame it on God. But it is through choices that we or others make that sometimes has an outcome that sucks. Those who treat others badly may have been hurt themselves and they don't know any better. They do not know the love that only Christ can give.
I am so very sorry for the hurt you are going through right now Kelsey, as well as for all the hurt that you have endured over your lifetime. BUT never give up....God does love you, He cries when you cry, He collects your tears in a bottle, He stands in the gap for you when you feel you can not stand any longer. He holds you in HIS arms as you weep as you feel you have no strength left...He gives you the strength that you need.
AND KELSEY GOD DOES NOT MAKE FREAKS...HE DOES NOT MAKE JUNK. Look in the mirror Kelsey and see yourself through His eyes. Read in His word what your worth is. YOU are precious, you are a treasure. When you accept Christ you become a Daughter of a KING...ROYALTY... A PRINCESS.
God loves you Kelsey and each of us here loves you. We are praying for you....I am also praying strength and boldness for you as you look to Jesus for guidance, and strength. I pry peace for you s you seek Him to help you tell your parents. YOU are precious Kelsey NEVER forget that. You are in my prayers....sending hugs.
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team
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REMEMBER THAT NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU HAVE FALLEN
IT IS NEVER FURTHER THAN GOD CAN REACH
i always feel like screaming at god i dont know why i hate him so much for making me feel hurt all this time
i always feel like screaming at god i dont know why i hate him so much for making me feel hurt all this time
It is okay to yell and scream and tell Him how much you are hurting and ask Him anything you want. He already knows what you are feeling, so it isn't like you are hiding it from Him..:)
Ask Him your questions and let God answer you. God loves you more than you will ever know. Everything that is good comes from God, and the only one who wants you to blame God and hate Him is the devil, because then Satan wins in hurting you here in this life, and getting you to throw away your eternal life by telling you lies.
The truth is that you are a Beloved Child of the King, and He wants to make your life a thing of beauty, and to delight in you.
I love you and am praying for you!
Peace and love!
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
but why ....... i just wish everything was good about me again i cant make lists in my head anymore if i remeber something i forget it days later maybe soon i'll forget learning to become a christian
I REALLY NEED HELP why isnt god here to help me!!!!!!!!
Kelsey cry out to God. Like Carolemrie said...HE knows everything anyway. He knows when you are hurting, when you feel like freaking out, crying, yelling,screaming t the top of your lings to Him. He has big shoulders He can take it. Give Him all your burdens...your pain.
He is there for you Kelsey, he will never give up on you. don't give up...are you reading your new bible. Is it an easy read bible. I am praying for you I mean that. all of us here are praying for you. as for forgetting things...it happens to the best of us, it just means you have a lot on your mind right now:)
keep in the word...I will keep praying.
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team
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REMEMBER THAT NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU HAVE FALLEN
IT IS NEVER FURTHER THAN GOD CAN REACH
Dear Whoever,
i cant sleep
i cant think
my mind is empty
i'm totally lost in a daze
i gained alot (around 220)
my acne is worse
i'm scared of god
is he scared of me
i've been up since 8 this morning
now its almost 2:15 in the morning
wondering what hell i'm in
whats wrong with me
he's not talking to me
i dont wanna be on myspace talking to the other pink cross ladies
(april,maddie & carrie)
it seems like myspace it is bored of me
i dont even wanna do nothing today cept stay in bed and watch tv
and ignore my life and wait til death comes to my door
i havent even read my new bible yet i just left it on my bedside table
i need help badly
i cant hate god anymore
its like every single day i'm growing away from him
i cant even pray for myself
i dont wanna hurt myself
why doesnt he want me
WHY!!!!!!!!
i cant go back to threapy or on medication
or back to the mental hospital
i cant even cry right now after thinking this
i feel like dying :(
CAN YOU GUYS HELP & PRAY FOR ME!
Hugs & Kisses,
kels
Hey Kels -
Trust me buddy - I've been there. I too have: 1- asked God to kill me (he won't by the way - god's time is not our time) 2- been scared of the pain that would take 3- suffered from feeling like nothing (and I used to be a porn star) 4- been equally scarred that telling someone would get me locked up or on meds.
Depression and Suicidal feelings come out when the pain outweighs the solutions.
Two sides to think about - pain and solutions. I deal with the pain with a Monte Python kind of humor and 2- there can be solutions - even if they are small bits of progress - research and make bits of headway each day.
Life is like being lost in the desert - best you can do is just start walking toward the light and pray for a town :) lol.
and the fact that i never had an actually friend in school at recess i would always be alone i'll sometime play with the kids but i dont become friends with them cause i'm afraid they'll turn my back on me thats what happen in first grade when all the kids didnt want to play with me and a little african girl took my friend away from me and i felt sad and alone i had a friend michelle for a couple years but by the time we went into middle school i couldnt stand being around her and one time in 5th grade a bunch of girls were grabbing on me and couldnt let me go and this was the first year my mom wasnt working at my school anymore (she was a ISS teacher she now works for a catering company)and in middle school the bullying got worse and i became upset every day at school i was like a soilder sometimes but when i got home my tears would come out my dad was trying his best to ask the principals to ask the kids to stop bullying me but the kids lie and said they didnt bully me and the bullying got worse and in 8th grade my parents gone to the school board and boy if you mess with a cub you mess with the mama and i went to the mental hospital twice (once in 7th and once in 8th) and a couple weeks after getting out the second time i couldnt take it no more and just left the classroom and it was the day that i went to my therapist and she told me not to go back to school unless i'm ready and i was in a deep depression and on medication on and off during one of the pills made me stay up the whole night and sleep all day and loose my appitite now that i'm the pills i eat more and still have a habit of staying up and sleeping in and now I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Hi,
I was reading your positings today and jsut want to say i'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now. It must be hard dealing with everything that you are right now and I understand. I didn't have any friends in school either, and was often picked on because I was born with a pigmentation problem on my face and went through nine laser surgeries to make myself "better".
What I can tell you though that no matter how hard life gets, or how sad things seem sometimes..and sometimes they are really sad. There is still a future in front of you filled with hope and a lot of good things god wants to do for you! Don't worry so much about doing and learning everything so quickly it will come in time. Know that he loves you and is going to give you a beautiful future like he has given me. Right now it's okay to feel sad, because things probably aren't going as well as you would like. But KNOW that there are good things ahead of you!!!!! Maybe you can't see them right now but they will come.
As for medication and therapy I can't give you any advice on this because I am not qualified, but I am sorry your treatments haven't worked for you. It's okay though..just know that you will be okay please!...I have been at these dark times too so don't feel alone too! You ahve a long road ahead of you filled with a lot of joy..
Lots of love and hope you feel better soon!
Never give up!
so i hope i can talk to all of the girls soon maybe in the chat maybe you all can give me some ideas or help out!
thats it i'm gonna forget everything i said and to think that god is there and "he" doesnt wanna help me i'm about to go insane and i cant think about anymore i might as well forget every single word and leave this site god doesnt want me here in this world then so be it
i had a semi nervous breakdown last night i couldnt hold my tears and i didnt want wanna talk to my parents about it
I CANT DO NOTHING RIGHT NO MORE!
Hey Kelsey, its hard dealing with pain, but it cant last forever.
Im sure there are many things you can do right!
I bet if you think about it, you could come up withsome good things you have done for yourself or someone else. Dont let your state of mind, the world or anyone else trick you into believing you are no good...because you are good already.
Hang in there and keep posting...if you cant speak with your parents is there another person you can chat with? Theres nothing worse than keeping it locked up in your head.
You can get there dont give, have faith in yourself, you are worth it!
Geoffrey w
besides carrie and april & carolemarie NO i try talking to shelley and the other girls on here but havent got a reply
hEY kELSEY...
Just checking in to see how you are doing? Praying you are ok. I know in your last post here you have mentioned about contacting some other members and Shelley and that they have not answered your postings, or messages...I do know that they care about you, love you and are praying for you.
Many of the members are extremely busy with fighting the fight against porn...also with jobs,families etc. But please know that they are praying for you. And the ones who have contacted you are praying for you as well.
I just want to say Keep your chin up girl...you are precious. We here at Pink Cross are praying for you...and I thought I'd check in on you:)
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team
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REMEMBER THAT NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU HAVE FALLEN
IT IS NEVER FURTHER THAN GOD CAN REACH
okay i wonder what i'll do now my life is messed up
hey girls sorry i hadnt been on in a while i been thinking maybe i dont need god maybe his already here looking at me and i havent burned my bible :D and my mom told me she is going to talk to the city's school superintedent and ask her to find me a school where i can be safe! i excited for august! and maybe i can shed some pound while i'm at it! i should maybe do a video diary about my changes and show it to you girls as soon as i got more plans in my sleeves!
so guess what i'm going to start a progress blog! i hope all of you will wanna read this!
i'm still trying to find a good template for it but here the link!
http://agirlnamedkelsey.blogspot.com/
Hey Kelsey just wondering how you are doing? I am praying for you.
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team
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REMEMBER THAT NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU HAVE FALLEN
IT IS NEVER FURTHER THAN GOD CAN REACH
how r u??
p.s. my dogs name is Gizmo after the gremlin....he is a ship-poo a cross between a shitzu and poodle.
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team
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REMEMBER THAT NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU HAVE FALLEN
IT IS NEVER FURTHER THAN GOD CAN REACH
i'm okay relaxing for the summer figuring out what to do for the summer
MY DOG NAME IS GIZMO TOO! we call him mo or gizzy! i dont know what kind of dog he is he look like a dirty mop :D
i was cleaning my room sunday and came upon a card carrie sent me
(i need a place to put my cards at :D ) and to the fact i havent talk to an you and you all might be worried about me just let me know if you wanna talk my email is around or my post address if you want to send me something :)
hugs and kissies,
kelsey
How are you doing????
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
i'm okay its the summer that gets me i HATE summer so much i know its the time to relax and chill with family but the hot humid weather gets me i cant wait til fall comes! i like the cool calm weather i'm patiently waiting for the next voice of the martyrs newletters (very wierd that the come on the last week of the month)
my aunt was at the holocaust memorial when that shooting happen so i was stress a bit she get hurt or something i'm still figuring out if i wanna be a christian or not or what to do with my life so i have a lot on my mind!
everytime i hear this song i have a feeling i need help but i dont know how i'm gonna need help can you all help me please i need it!