Let me open my testimony by posting what a mentor shared with me.

"Satan was present in the throne room at the beginning. He heard the arrangements, placements, purposes and dreams God launched into existence. He had wind of specific plans for us. Understand Satan was setting up strategies back then in order to derail us - not just in this season, but since his initial fall. It's a chess and domino result. One person gets knocked off course, and others are affected. Satan works in multiplication. His time is short."

Few understand how time plays a key role. Jesus is our defense. He equips us to stand firm and is not surprised by the enemy's planned tactics against us.

Testimony - Double Escape

Sexual bondage and addiction in my life was a generational stronghold. My mom, a former sex worker in Hong Kong's sex industry, became pregnant with me. She managed to escape. After I was born speculation is that she returned to prostitution. I remained in orphan until I was almost 6. My adoption in 1984 set me in a new territory, but the oppression and bondage and generational curses from my birth family followed. At age 6 I was shown my 1st pornographic material and inappropriately touched by a family member. He was never caught. Things went dormant, but my fascination as a kid was abnormal. I acted out sexually. By age 14, this family member began subtle forms of abuse which increased. I allowed it for 6 months.

I part of me died that year and the torment continued, but once I hit 18 I began searching for my birth mom. I really did not have confirmation of her past activities. When she was found - I began a three-year letter writing relationship with her and that was then I found out. Unfortunately by then-I had already began struggling with porn. The addiction intensified.

In the darkest moment during my addiction - I got only 2 hours of sleep each night. One evening I was viewing a rape scene and I spoke out loud - "God, that is me right there." In that moment, I knew I needed help and that the addiction was destroying my life. I was desperately acting out the shame I felt. God in His great mercy connected me with another friend who began to help me on my journey out of porn addiction. However, it was not easy - it took years. Allowing God to recode my thinking and behavior was painful, but empowering.

In 2002 I went to work in Hong Kong and ended up reuniting with my birth mom and 15 members of my birth family. I didn't know it, but I had been stationed to work in the neighborhood where she had once worked as a prostitute. It gave me a whole new perspective into her world. Our conversations about forgiveness changed my life. God totally saw my mom in her next phase of glory - even while she was in the depths of bondage. I reminded myself of that throughout recovery. She is now fully recovered and walking out life with Jesus.

There comes this key chapter in your life where your heart and your body and your mind agree with God - enough is enough. The Spirit of God begins to work through you. A new hunger for His word and a new hunger for help and recovery is taken seriously.

I pray that you get of vision of how God really sees you even in your depth of despair. There is not a place He wouldn't go to bring you back to His heart. He sees you in the mess, but also in your next phase of glory-recovery. That is His faithful love.