I feel that writing this can help someone. I don't know who and I don't know how, but no one will lose anything by reading this, so let's have a go...

I was brought up in a fairly spiritual Roman Catholic family. Unlike most Roman Catholics my parents actually read the Bible and were involved in various Charismatic groups and Bible study courses.

I never understood salvation by faith, nor had anyone ever explained it to me. I thought I knew God and loved Him, but it was not God at all. It was merely a concept that I never grasped.

A week after my 13th birthday I started masturbating. I was instantly hooked, did not think of it as a sin and never felt guilty about it.

At age 14, I remember my school organizing a workshop to "educate" us about sex. There was even a man who told us that there was nothing wrong with masturbation. I was actually happy about this news. It was all ok!

When a few months later my parents told me that it was a sin, and that it could be cause of an unhealthy marriage, I disregarded them. I knew better.

At age 16 I decided that God did not exist. I did not do it out of rebellion but out of a sincere desire to be free from religious lies and seek the truth for myself. I committed myself to hardcore atheism until proven of the contrary.

To make a long story short masturbation became more than a normal part of life. At times it was the only form of entertainment I had. There were months when I masturbated 8 times a day as an average. Days where I did it 24 or even 32 times, and I even boasted with my friends about it. No one ever believed the larger numbers, and this made me boast even more.

So not only was I not guilty about it, there was a sense of pride in it for me. I had sexual endurance my friends could only dream of. I could probably beat them at the stuff I imagined too.

I even got really good at hiding it. There was no way I was going to stop this.

Sometimes there was nothing sexual about it. I just did it because I was bored.

I don't know when my first exposure to porn was. I remember viewing some nudes at age 6, hardcore mags at age 14, more mags at age 17 and more than a handful of websites ever since.

I don't think I ever got addicted to porn. There were months when I totally enjoyed it daily, but eventually I would lose interest. I have too many engaging interests so not much time is left for porn.

Up until age 28 this was my life as an atheist. Needless to say, I even got many opportunities to get promiscuous with women.

I don't know exactly why, but I never took advantage of any of those opportunities. There was a sense of guilt perhaps, or a sense that casual sex was not exactly what I was looking for.

I don't know how, but I actually remained a virgin in spite of having all the opportunities to throw it away. On 3 occasions I even had friends reward me by paying a prostitute all for me. I would just go to a room with the girl and I would actually demand that we just chat.

Eventually these incidents led me to question, why I was behaving in this way. Fact is, I was happy I was restricting myself. There was a sense of fulfilling peace about it.

At age 28 through a series of apparent coincidences, which I know today were organized by God, I decided to follow Jesus. My life started changing.

I immediately gave up the last few porn sites I used to look at, and cleaned over 100Gb of junk from my computer consisting of nudes, new age books, witchcraft books, recipes for explosives and several ungodly things.

But masturbation was stuck with me. I could not imagine ever becoming a non-masturbator nor did I actually have an interest.

The truth is, Jesus was someone I was attempting to follow but in truth I had not really started to put my faith in him. There was little to no repentance of that sin in particular.

Jesus was just a preference over other things, but nothing else.

Two years went by with me studying the Bible and learning more about the real Christian life. I joined an Evangelical church, which irritated my parents quite a bit, although they were still happy I had chosen Jesus again; even though I wasn't following their own religion.

A time came when I decided that masturbation had to go. I realized that in spite of knowing Jesus and having asked Him to come into my heart, I was not saved. I knew I was not! You can't expect to be saved simply by saying a prayer sincerely - there was no outer evidence that I was a Christian when I was alone.

Eventually I formulated a prayer just for the issue.

In the prayer, which I eventually plan to share, I simply prayed God to do what I couldn't. I actually asked for a direct intervention so that I could become pleasing in His eyes and have a good relationship.

The Apostle Paul says that when a person is born again, he is a new creature. I wanted to experience this rebirth and become transformed into a genuine son of God.

I even asked God to provide the repentance I did not have, because I was not even feeling guilty about masturbation and many other sins.

The first 2 days, nothing happened apart from falling back into masturbation, I think it was God showing me how pathetic I am without Him.

On the third day, I felt no urge to masturbate. Before I retired that day I noticed that I was a totally different person. A life of sexual purity was not only a prayer. It was granted, and it was even something I was willing to embrace!

On the 4th day there was no temptation to masturbate. I was utterly amazed. God was really doing something and I couldn't stop thanking Him and pray that He keeps renewing me.

On the 5th day, I felt some urge, but I managed just fine.

9th day came, 6 full days without masturbation. A little urge came, but I managed just fine. I realize God was putting the cross back on my shoulder and teaching me to carry it.

Another 4 days without masturbation went on and I found myself enjoying a sexual fantasy before taking a break in the middle of the day.

During this nap, I dream of meeting a man! He asks me, "What do you want for your life now?", I replied "I only want Jesus. Jesus is all I want!"

He said, let's pray about it and we started praying. All of a sudden I felt like a whole pile of dirt was squeezing out of my body's every fiber and a whole sense of renewal came upon me.

I knew God finally saved me. I woke up and noticed that my brain was actually thinking different. I was clean to stay clean now. Many of my habits changed, my thinking cleared out, my focus became more present and under control. Even my favorite color changed; it was Blue and now it is Wine.

I felt a love for my God and my new life like nothing before.
So this is what being a new creature is like!

This is the end of my 12th day without masturbation. It is more than a record. I know it is gone for good. These 2 days I felt no pressure buildup or anything.

It just cannot come back, I am not even the same person, so it cannot come back to me, because it was never part of The NEW me in Christ!

And I did nothing. It was just a gift! There is no glory in this achievement for me because I did absolutely nothing. I have SOMEONE greater to boast in now.

I will be sharing the prayer I used later on (I never got to write it down) with the hopes that God may start renewing people just as He renewed me.

Blessings!

-
Mark