HOW TO HELP A GIRL OUT OF THE SEX INDUSTRY
[b]HOW TO HELP A SEX WORKER OUT OF THE SEX INDUSTRY:[/b]
Be prepared that if a girl tells you she wants out of the sex industry that your church or organization should be ready to help. You don't want to just go into a strip club or adult venues and share the truth and love of Christ and then not be able to physically help a woman who wants out of the sex industry.
Helping women in the sex industry is VERY tricky. Due to so much damage from the sex industry and the "mafia-like" atmosphere they have had to survive in, they are practiced at manipulating and lying. Most of the girls will at some time lie to you or seriously stretch the truth. They will hint about money problems often. They will tell you their "sad story" in order to break your heart and play on your "mercy" side. They will even cry big tears to tell you how hard everything is and if only someone could pay all their court fees, pay their two month behind rent, pay their credit debt, pay for their car to be fixed and on and on.
But you can STILL help them even if they do these things. But you have to understand, you don't need to pay those things for them. Focus on urgent issues such as food, cheaper place to live, proper clothing and job. Otherwise they will never learn how to rise up and live powerfully if people keep paying their way. Their whole job in the sex industry was to manipulate men to give them money. They are excellent at telling you their sob stories to make you feel badly for them so they can get more out of you.
The best way to handle that is to say, "Let me pray for you that God will provide for you in these things" and then pray. Then tell her you can assist her in immediate needs such as housing, food and clothing for work and household supplies. Tell her you would love to take her shopping to buy her new work clothes. Oh she'll love that! Girls LOVE shopping. lol
But seriously, the BEST way to help them is get your church involved to network with OTHER recovery programs who have experience with helping women recover from drugs, alcohol and prostitution. If there are no programs for sex workers in your area, then your church may need to open up a safe home for women but they need to get A LOT of wisdom to do this. What they could first do to help a girl is immediately get some Godly women to mentor her. What most girls need is a mother figure who is loving, encouraging and yet offers gentle correction and even sternness when appropriate.
Then your church can help the girl get a room to rent, or studio apartment if she doesn't have a place to live or needs a cheaper place to live. They could pay her rent for a month or two and utilities and offer her resume assistance and finding jobs. They could purchase some modest clothing for her for her to work in. They can help her with a budget.
Maybe professional ladies from the church could give her tips on how to do interviews and how to be confident to get a job. But then within a couple weeks to a month that girl should have a job! If I did it and other girls you see on my web site could do it, then OTHER girls can do it! Don't baby the girls too much or you will just enable them to be lazy. Most girls are lazy and don't have much discipline. If a girl is flaking out on you over and over again then she is not ready for recovery. It's important to help the women who really want help and are serious about changing their lives. Helping women who are playing games is just a waste of resources, time and money especially when there are so many women who really DO want to change their lives!
Remember, most of these women haven't been normal or worked a normal job in YEARS. Their work history is terrible. Their confidence level is terrible. They literally have worked in darkness for YEARS and so to come out into the light and get a normal job is difficult for them but with lots of encouragement and job assistance, they can do it!
Perhaps your church can ask members with businesses to take a chance and hire girls who they will be committed to help mentor. As long as a girl is trying and making an effort to change her life then we should be all means HELP HER. Even if she makes mistakes, which she WILL, but as long as she keeps trying then don't give up on her!
Try to offer the girl job ideas such as working at Starbucks, stocking grocery stores, working at a retail store but stay away from jobs that require major people skills or are high pressure. These girls need something more simple at first while they recover and heal from the trauma of the industry. Work is good for them though and VERY NECESSARY for recovery.
If a girl makes excuses why she can't find a job, don't believe her. She is being lazy or is fearful of being rejected. Go with her on her job interview if you have to. That's love!
As long as she is willing to try then do whatever it takes to encourage her and be there for her.
It's when girls blatantly lie and "use" people and are con-artists and aren't serious about recovery that a church or individuals should not physically assist her. How can you tell? Well, I've been burned a few times in my day so I've learned a thing or two.
First, I ask the girls to meet me half way. I say, okay I'll do this to help you if you do this. They need to find a job usually within the first two weeks unless they have a major drug addiction and then I refer them to a drug program. But if they seem to be able to sober up on their own and can get a job, which many can, then I expect them to work. I will do everything I can to get them job leads, teach them how to do a great interview, teach them how to shake hands with business owners and look them in the eye, really teach them how to do a strong interview and get the job!!
So, once they get a job, I immediately help them with a place to live or I assist them with their current rent IF they aren't living luxurious. If a girl lives in a $2000 a month apartment, um no we aren't paying for that. She will need to move into a cheaper place.
If they continue to work and work on their recovery, then I continue to financially assist them with food cards and help with utilities usually for about six months to a year. I NEVER GIVE CASH TO A SEX WORKER. But I do send them gift cards to Target, Walmart or a Grocery store card.
I send them little notes and call to check on them. If they are in your local area, you can stop by and bring them meals. You can bring them groceries and then lovingly and gently teach them how to organize their groceries. Maybe have some women in your church set up a time to go to the girl's home and organize her house for her and teach her. She will probably LOVE it! I know I did.
These girls need mentorship, not enablement. They need to be taught HOW to fish, don't fish for them. Teach them to be Champions by your example and inspire them to be great. Teach them how to work with their hands and make good decisions. When they fall, help them back up with encouragement and hugs, not condemnation and finger pointing but with inspiration and gentle correction. Although some times it is appropriate to practice "tough love" on girls who are more rebellious or less disciplined or caught continuously lying or manipulating. But I really feel it's important to earn the right to speak into someone's life by first tenderly loving them.
If anybody has any questions, post them here and when I can I will try to answer them. My heart is to empower people all over the world to reach out and care for sex workers.
Thank you for caring!
Shelley
Comments
Hello Shelley
Briefly I am a 59 year old man with an addiciton to Porn.....The lack of passion in my life and my poor choice of women has put me in a self-imposed prison for the last 20 years,
As a result I have turned to Porn until recently when as ridiculous as it may sound to you I fell in love with a Porn Actress for Easten Europe by the name of Angel Dark (Viktoria Knezova).
It began about a year ago when I came across a video made by Pierre Woodman form his casting X series.
The video in question is of Viktoria at age 18 back in the year 2000 and her interview with Pierre.
I do not know if you have ever seen any of these but I can tell you now that if the Porn industry is what it is today it is most likely due to men like him.
Briefly in the 20 minutes of the video he had succeeded in manipulating and convincing this poor 18 year old girl from Slovakia that Porn was her ticket out.
As she was quite poor and working probably for very low wages in a restaurant and trying to help her very poor unemployed parents and wishing to travel and see the world, she was a prime victim for this guy Pierre.
What really bothers me is that if you watch and listen to the interview you discover that in fact Viktoria did not think that it was normal to have anal sex after seeing the magazine that Pierre so proudly showed her. Further to that she initially did not want to have sex with him but with his power of pursuasion he finally got her to accept and initiated this poor girl to the full spectrum of what would be expected of her on camera.
Suffice it to say that now 10 years later. After giving up a child for adoption, and at age 23 being hospitalized for kidney failure I think it is time for her to get out......
I have written to her on Facebook and through the Model Mania agency in the Czech republic and told her how beautiful and undeserving of this life that she has imposed on herself. I have told her about you and the website but so far no replies ....of course I have no way of knowing if she has seen my letters or is even aware that I have taken an interest in trying to convince her to leave the industry but I would really like to help her.
My motives I think are sincere and if given the opportunity to actually meet her I would definitely despite all that she has been through seriously consider a stable permanent exclusive relationship with her if it was at all possible....
My question is what more could I do to help her?
Shelley this is a wonderful thread, I read it yesterday at school and was not able to log on, I didn't have my passWord. I just wanted you to know I just love your heart, passion and what your doing! Keep up the good job~
Mrs. Eden
[quote="Admingirl"][b]HOW TO HELP A SEX WORKER OUT OF THE SEX INDUSTRY:[/b]
Be prepared that if a girl tells you she wants out of the sex industry that your church or organization should be ready to help. You don't want to just go into a strip club or adult venues and share the truth and love of Christ and then not be able to physically help a woman who wants out of the sex industry.
Helping women in the sex industry is VERY tricky. Due to so much damage from the sex industry and the "mafia-like" atmosphere they have had to survive in, they are practiced at manipulating and lying. Most of the girls will at some time lie to you or seriously stretch the truth. They will hint about money problems often. They will tell you their "sad story" in order to break your heart and play on your "mercy" side. They will even cry big tears to tell you how hard everything is and if only someone could pay all their court fees, pay their two month behind rent, pay their credit debt, pay for their car to be fixed and on and on.
But you can STILL help them even if they do these things. But you have to understand, you don't need to pay those things for them. Focus on urgent issues such as food, cheaper place to live, proper clothing and job. Otherwise they will never learn how to rise up and live powerfully if people keep paying their way. Their whole job in the sex industry was to manipulate men to give them money. They are excellent at telling you their sob stories to make you feel badly for them so they can get more out of you.
The best way to handle that is to say, "Let me pray for you that God will provide for you in these things" and then pray. Then tell her you can assist her in immediate needs such as housing, food and clothing for work and household supplies. Tell her you would love to take her shopping to buy her new work clothes. Oh she'll love that! Girls LOVE shopping. lol
But seriously, the BEST way to help them is get your church involved to network with OTHER recovery programs who have experience with helping women recover from drugs, alcohol and prostitution. If there are no programs for sex workers in your area, then your church may need to open up a safe home for women but they need to get A LOT of wisdom to do this. What they could first do to help a girl is immediately get some Godly women to mentor her. What most girls need is a mother figure who is loving, encouraging and yet offers gentle correction and even sternness when appropriate.
Then your church can help the girl get a room to rent, or studio apartment if she doesn't have a place to live or needs a cheaper place to live. They could pay her rent for a month or two and utilities and offer her resume assistance and finding jobs. They could purchase some modest clothing for her for her to work in. They can help her with a budget.
Maybe professional ladies from the church could give her tips on how to do interviews and how to be confident to get a job. But then within a couple weeks to a month that girl should have a job! If I did it and other girls you see on my web site could do it, then OTHER girls can do it! Don't baby the girls too much or you will just enable them to be lazy. Most girls are lazy and don't have much discipline. If a girl is flaking out on you over and over again then she is not ready for recovery. It's important to help the women who really want help and are serious about changing their lives. Helping women who are playing games is just a waste of resources, time and money especially when there are so many women who really DO want to change their lives!
Remember, most of these women haven't been normal or worked a normal job in YEARS. Their work history is terrible. Their confidence level is terrible. They literally have worked in darkness for YEARS and so to come out into the light and get a normal job is difficult for them but with lots of encouragement and job assistance, they can do it!
Perhaps your church can ask members with businesses to take a chance and hire girls who they will be committed to help mentor. As long as a girl is trying and making an effort to change her life then we should be all means HELP HER. Even if she makes mistakes, which she WILL, but as long as she keeps trying then don't give up on her!
Try to offer the girl job ideas such as working at Starbucks, stocking grocery stores, working at a retail store but stay away from jobs that require major people skills or are high pressure. These girls need something more simple at first while they recover and heal from the trauma of the industry. Work is good for them though and VERY NECESSARY for recovery.
If a girl makes excuses why she can't find a job, don't believe her. She is being lazy or is fearful of being rejected. Go with her on her job interview if you have to. That's love!
As long as she is willing to try then do whatever it takes to encourage her and be there for her.
It's when girls blatantly lie and "use" people and are con-artists and aren't serious about recovery that a church or individuals should not physically assist her. How can you tell? Well, I've been burned a few times in my day so I've learned a thing or two.
First, I ask the girls to meet me half way. I say, okay I'll do this to help you if you do this. They need to find a job usually within the first two weeks unless they have a major drug addiction and then I refer them to a drug program. But if they seem to be able to sober up on their own and can get a job, which many can, then I expect them to work. I will do everything I can to get them job leads, teach them how to do a great interview, teach them how to shake hands with business owners and look them in the eye, really teach them how to do a strong interview and get the job!!
So, once they get a job, I immediately help them with a place to live or I assist them with their current rent IF they aren't living luxurious. If a girl lives in a $2000 a month apartment, um no we aren't paying for that. She will need to move into a cheaper place.
If they continue to work and work on their recovery, then I continue to financially assist them with food cards and help with utilities usually for about six months to a year. I NEVER GIVE CASH TO A SEX WORKER. But I do send them gift cards to Target, Walmart or a Grocery store card.
I send them little notes and call to check on them. If they are in your local area, you can stop by and bring them meals. You can bring them groceries and then lovingly and gently teach them how to organize their groceries. Maybe have some women in your church set up a time to go to the girl's home and organize her house for her and teach her. She will probably LOVE it! I know I did.
These girls need mentorship, not enablement. They need to be taught HOW to fish, don't fish for them. Teach them to be Champions by your example and inspire them to be great. Teach them how to work with their hands and make good decisions. When they fall, help them back up with encouragement and hugs, not condemnation and finger pointing but with inspiration and gentle correction. Although some times it is appropriate to practice "tough love" on girls who are more rebellious or less disciplined or caught continuously lying or manipulating. But I really feel it's important to earn the right to speak into someone's life by first tenderly loving them.
If anybody has any questions, post them here and when I can I will try to answer them. My heart is to empower people all over the world to reach out and care for sex workers.
Thank you for caring!
Shelley[/quote]
AMEN Shelley. One of my big dreams is to find another girl like I did with Eliza and get her out and introduce her to the computer security industry that is so satisfying and just so much FUN and so much better than the sex industry.
WOW,Shelley thank you:) It seems that the devil always places thoughts in my mind as to "You can't do that or help that person...you don't even know how"....I have been praying for a long time to be able to help those in the industry. I mean I was one of them...thought I didn't stand on the street all that much but I prostituted myself on my own...out of my home and the homes of men. SAME THING:( These precious ladies really do need to learn the basics of everyday life. I am so glad that you posted this as well as the strip club one. EVERYONE who is a believer in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has the ability and the power to help these women. I have felt the nudge to get off my butt and do something for a while now...and I know God is going to help me to do so. HE will give us ALL strength,boldness,courage and wisdom to help these people.
MAN Shelley I am stoked:):) Thank you very much for sharing this ans I look forward to talking with you about what you mentioned in the email:) that would be awesome:)
luv ya girl see you tomorrow
Friday August 1st
take care
peace,hugs,prayers
and blessings
carrie