should I confront him on homosexuality?
I am so torn and I really need help from every aspect!! I feel so stuck! I am living in HIS home.. and I left once before and it was so so so hard, but I had help from family and friends. I went back to him, so I dont think my family will be jumping up and down to help me get out again. He severed my friendship with my "best friend" and I have not talked to her in months. He is gay! OR.. he has such a severe addiction that women are not enough? I found phone calls to a website ad "Edited by Admin" for male for male.. and he called it months ago.. and then called it again last month on the way home from being with ME! I am so upset.. and I have been back to my old tactics of "searching".. I found the guy and he lives literally the next block over from his house. What do I do? My mind wants to expose him.. with all his friends.. family .. etc.. but then again I want him to seek help. I am so tired of this roller coaster. I know I need to get out. After this I dont think I could ever be intimate with him.. even if he begged me to get married. I honestly believe it cant continue, but my heart aches for the love I feel for him. It's so hard! My kids have been through hell with moving out then moving back.. he entices them with money and things.. cuz he knows I cant give it to them on my own.. yet.. I know he will never really get help.. I know he wont.. he is just banking on me continually forgiving him and turning my head..
if you can without risking your safety....
is he violent? Would he hit you or the kids?
If not, you have a right to know since he is putting you at risk and your kids at risk.
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
in the past.. but he is not here now. I know that he will freak out if I ask him in person. I have already dropped hints lately and after the last hint he went nuts. He has been accused by an ex (actually has rumors spread about him) in our town about him being gay and it strikes a huge nerve for him. His family owns a business here and he has tried to overcome the gossip. I think I am his "proof" that he is not gay, but I honestly think that he is totally in the closet. I dont knwo enough about sexual addiction to determine what is gay or just acting out in a severe way, but there have been many things with him that lead me to believe he has major homosexual tendencies. His ex sent me a profile which she swore was him on a site that said he was "bisexual".. he has a friend that he acts really different around who we all know is gay. He says things.. and has looked at men in a way that lead me to believe it. And.. I have joked with him about "glory holes" and his use of public restrooms where he spends a LOT of time when we go .. I know it sounds crazy.. but honestly I find it strange that as soon as we get to Home Depot he goes straight to the bathroom. I did a search on the internet and found there was a huge bust of men in restrooms doing just that.. "tapping" and exchaging sexual favors. It's just gotten way too much for me. When it was just women.. and call girls.. and porn.. I always felt like i could battle it.. or he would stop.. but now.. I feel liek I cant even compete!!! I mean.. how can I compete with a MAN? I cant.. I dont have the body parts to do so.. its' just way out of my league now. I alwasy suspected but now it's confirmed after I found the ad on the website "Edited by Admin" and the phone calls.. and him reacting the way he did.. He is so afraid of being exposed. He is so afraid of his "friends" and family finding out. BUT.. he wont get help until he tells the truth! And I dont think Im strong enough to stand by him through this. I have tried for three years.. but this is way too much! I am so afraid of getting HIV.. and my kids (especially my youngest) need me. He has no kids. So his behavior will only hurt him.. but I have responsibilities and children that need me here until they can care for themselves.
I agree that you need to take care of yourself and the girls, and protect yourself....
Can you get counseling for you? Is there a counselor at your church you could talk to? This sounds like an extreme situtation where you need to put the kids and yourself first.
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
snglmomuv4, I actually know somewhat how you feel. My ex-husband was a homosexual. When you're so emotionally involved and want to help someone, it's hard to move on. Especially when you wonder if women are not enough because they're with someone else of the same sex. You begin to project their decision on yourself and wonder if there is something wrong with you because it's normal to want to be with the opposite sex, so you wonder why they want the same sex.
First, I want to encourage you that it's NOT you. It could be that he is struggling with his sexuality and not sure which way he wants to go. This coupled with much shame causes many people to want to hide it. Homosexuality is a spirit, and therefore has to be fought in the spiritual realm. Many people don't have that understanding and think they just have to live with the torment... and it is torment.
Another issue could be his past. A large percentage of homosexuals/lesbians have had a traumatic experience in their past that causes them to lean towards the same sex. I was molested as a teenager and this cause me to turn to women for years until I repented and the Lord delivered me.
As far as confronting him, I would be very careful since he has a tendency to become violent. I would speak with someone who is strong in the Word of God, a trusted church leader or counselor, before taking that step. Having previously been married to a homsexual, and having come out of that myself, I believe that he already knows that you're aware of it. From what you've described, he seems to be very angry and wants to hide it. He knows it will all be in the open one day.
GodzPrincess
Pink Cross Forum Admin