I just want to encourage you quickly, my husband and I met when I was still in the industry (we were only dating at that time) and when I decided to leave and totally rededicate my life back to Christ he didn't understand any of it, who God was or what having a relationship with God was. We separated for a period of three months and during that time he and I both did some serious soul searching. He had never encountered Christ and although he was confused he said he wanted to go to church and try to understand God and the idea of having a real relationship with him, this was over a year ago.

My point in telling you this is not for you and your husband to separate, but rather to let you know that it is possible for things to get better and if you let God lead you in the ways of patience, understanding, wisdom, communication and all things involving a relationship, anything is possible! My husband has struggled greatly with his sexuality and me not being in the lime light anymore as a sex symbol, but God has helped him overcome these issues and although we are still a work in progress, Gods grace remains evident in our everyday lives. Our lives combined, even before we met is nothing short of a CBS special lol, but God is truly greater than all of these things and will help you in your time of need and in feelings of loss and desperation, these things in fat are not of God and HE doesn't wish for any of us to linger in these false emotions. It is hard, it is painful, but you can and I have complete faith that you will overcome!

In order to marry a soldier you have to be one at heart.

Hi, Vivian;

Welcome to the forums. I know what you are talking about, because my husband was also addicted to pornography. It's great that your husband has come here seeking help for his addiction, and that's one thing that you can praise God for.

I agree with Sarah's comments about forgiveness. I understand how hard it is to forgive, but it's something that you must do, not only for the sake of your marriage, but for your own sake. Forgiveness is not easy, but God has promised to help us in all areas of our spiritual lives, including forgiveness. If you are having trouble forgiving, go to the Lord and ask Him to help you. Forgiveness isn't something that we are naturally prone to do, and most of the time, we need supernatural help to do it. Don't beat yourself up or feel guilty because you think you aren't forgiving the way you are supposed to. If you are having trouble, than ask the Lord to help you forgive your husband. He will help you, but it will take time, but just be patient, and make a conscious effort to love your husband despite your feelings.

Trust will probably take some time to build back up, and I'm sure your husband understands this. Just pray to the Lord to give you a real inner peace, and not to harbor so much suspicion. In other words, pray that God gives you discernment when something might be going on with your husband, but that He would give you perfect peace when there is nothing to be concerned about....that way, when suspicion arises, then you know that it's from the Lord.

Above all, just put the situation in God's hands. You are so right when you say that it's best to be kind. I am sure that if your husband does stumble again, for whatever reason, you would want him to come to you rather than trying to hide it. If he understands that you are being supportive of him, he will be more likely to come to you, then you won't have to be suspicious of him going behind your back. By all means, do not justify his behaviour, but just let him know that he doesn't have to be afraid to come to you.

Also know that not all men look at porn because they feel that women are beneath them. Some men look at porn because that's what they have been conditioned to do. There are various reasons why men look at porn, but only God knows a man's heart, and the real reason men look at porn. It differs from man to man. Just trust that the Lord knows exactly why your husband has been looking at it, and that He will deal with his heart appropriately. The thing to remember, Vivien, is that your husband's porn addiction has nothing to do with you, and that you shouldn't take it personally. Don't let Satan tell you that you are less of a woman because your husband looks at porn, because that is absolutely not true. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him.

I just really want to encourage you to take this time to really seek the Lord and allow Him to minister to you, and draw you close to Him. The Bible says that if we draw near to God, that He will draw near to us. It also says that He will never leave us nor forsake us, and He will be right by your side as you learn to deal with this.

I really hope that this helped in some way. Please contact me if you want to talk...I am here for you.

In Christ
April

Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies

I understand fully what you are talking about and even understand what the enemy is trying to do. The enemy does not want you to forgive, because those sins you retain, will not be forgiven, EVER. It is an awsome power that we have been given, which is why Satan wants us to judge others, so we will be judged also. The object of the enemy is to destroy you both.

You asked "I really want to understand why men think it's ok to mistreat women and why people get addicted to porn in the first place."

Many men do not believe that women are equal. When one is over the other, the one under is a slave and can be treated anyway the one over wants to. It happens in many churchs where scripture tells us that Jesus is the head of the body and the husband is head of the house and it is where many in Christianity believe they are over others. what they do not stop to take in consideration is that by God's plan He is an example to to by where even God is the servant to the servant. We women are weaker for the most part, so in God's ways of doing things if one belongs to God is for the strong to serve and care for the weak. Jesus is responsible to God for the bride, which means Jesus has to lead out of love and not a bunch of stupid rules so the bride will follow.

Many churches still teach that God and Jesus are there to squish us into submission. The reason Jesus submitted to God was out of love that He had for the Father, not because of rule. People when motivated by fear and rules will obey for a short period of time, but then they rebel.

As far as being a lone. In the body you are supposed to have real brothers and sisters that are to care for you, but not all in the body have been shown love and as a result do not pass love along. There are some who care and do love you and it is partically because of you, but mostly because of God as He shows us to reach out to you even as I am doing, You will see how when people post around here that many reach out in love and really do care about people. [edited by moderator Is there a problem with me saying that some here try to intimidate and even tell people they are wrong? Honestly it works like this, I am doing the best I can to seek God what to write in here and now if that is true and you deleting it, when where are we with how to get at the trut? Its almost like people don't like to here that it is about equality. ]

Last point about trusting. I understand how you feel and why about trust issues. I can only exhort you both to be trusting God to move on your behalf and how that happnes is you lay as many blessings on him that you can. There is a lot of power in laying blessings on another and asking God to move heaven and earth so that he be blessed.

How you will win is through love. I know hard to do, but love does conquer all. Where the love comes from is by you seeking God and Jesus for direction and help to give you what you need in order to deal with what you are dealing with and the Holy Spirit will give you the love and grace you need.

[edited by moderator What was deleted from here which is the five fold gift ministry laid out in Ephesians. By they way no where is scripture does it say that Jesus no longer had need of the five fold gift mininistry but there was this teaching brought in by De Haan that only the original discples where prophets. The problem with that is Paul did not come till way later and never met Jesus except the way we meet him. I will say it again, if the five fold gift mininstry is designed by God to bring maturity to the body, then getting rid of the five fold gift ministry is not of God but a working of the enemy. The five fold gift ministry is part of the Good News, because in the five fold gift mininstry there is a messenger from God and that is badly needed today in the church. One may wonder if I speak the oracles of God but if an Apostles speaks and your not listening it is just like not listening to God. PS I have no promblem with someone asking me why i put something in and I assure you I am seeking God for wat to advise people. If you come to me or leave a note and ask why I put it in then i will have an oppportunity to fix it, but if you take it on yourself to delete things and they are from God, then you should really consider what you are doing. Everything I do offer is scriptural.]

I hope this has been some help, please let me know if you want to chat,

Sarah

God does have a plan for everyone and everyone is called to be a part of ministry somewhere. All jobs in ministry are important as it is designed by God to be a servant and save lives. God gave us so much, but how much do we give Him in return?