My story of my husband addiction
We met while I worked at McDonald's. I didn't relize any problems then. I believe in God. And my husband says he believes but when things go wrong, he starts saying there is no God. He doesn't completely believe what the Bible says. His words "man wrote it". have been married for almost 12 years. We have 2 daughters. Yes we had one before we were married. We used to watch porn together until that became more important than me, while in the middle of it. Then he would stay up all night to either watch on tv (free HBO/Climax for a couple months) or on the internet. Then he would sleep most the day leaving me getting up with the children. I quess he did it before I just didn't relize it. He even goes to the "bathroom" to watch it on his psp. He even got on mine 1 time without me knowing. I found it on my history. I told how I felt about it. So he just tries to hide it more. I keep finding things on the computer by mistake and confront him. But he lies to me and says it's pop ups or he has no clue how it got there. He even sent the girls outside on a chilly wet day, when I went shopping. I come home and they tell me when it started raining he told them to go back outside. I can't even go take a shower without him getting on it. Anytime I leave the house he gets on it. I had to work one sat. So I went, not feeling very well. So they sent me home. There he was on it. I wasn't even gone an hour. He can't get up for anything else. I had my sister's church pray on a prayer cloth and I put it under his pillow. They told me it is in God's hands now. Not to say anymore to him. I haven't but it's so hard when I find something and know he's lying to me about it.
So another words if I leave his sight, even if he's innocent, I will think he's guity.
Comments
I want to tell you that I will keep you in my prayers. I do know how you feel as I have been in this situation too. i will give you a short testimony that may help. i also got to point of not being able to trust my husband when I was not with him. When he was working , on the road, I knew many times he was not where he said he was. I have been involved in porn myself so I can see what happens on both sides. I gave up all involvement from Porn 4 years ago and thought my husband had too. We both recommitted our lives to Christ after years of falling away (due to the porn in the marriage and my husband was in a rock band) To my great surprise he actually progressed further with in the last 7 months. A began to see things like you have mentioned. I prayed for the Lord to reveal to me what I need to know to heal and save my marriage and to give me a calm and an understanding . When I was finally able to confront him with solid evidence of his involvement I remained calm. I did not mention divorce but made it clear where I stood on the issue. A lot has happened and it was a 4 month struggle to get to freedom again but now he is reading Shelley's book and knows I am getting involved in advocacy against Porn. we agreed Asa couple that we need to be on our knees daily in prayer, read the word daily and stay in fellowship. So maybe this will help, prayer, word and fellowship and if you can get him involved that would be a first step. I find that fighting over the addiction pushes them further away. It is an addiction and while we cannot condone it I find that we as wives have try to understand the addiction and do what we can to help them win this war. I finally realized that me being hurt was not as important as the issue that my husband was heading down a dead end road and needed help. it is not easy, in fact it is a painful process. But this is a war that can be won. There is healing from the hurttoo. pray and pray and I will pray for you. Warrior song.
Dear Sister in Christ.
The problem is in the faith of your husband, you said that he has a lot of doubt in God's presence, but that has a solution.
Look all you have to do, first, is to read the Bible with him, and answer all the questions he has, and open debates with him, he will believe as soon as all his questions are answered by the Holy Book of God. When he starts to believe, you shall go to the next step. But, to realize the first one, here's what you have to do: take 2 hours of each day to Bible reading with him.
Second, keep going to Church.
Third step, is to find work. Convince your husband to find work, to distract himself from pornography, that helps a lot in confronting his problem.
Fourth, let him visit www.thepinkcross.org , let him know the facts about porn, maybe that would help him leave his addiction.
Fifth, now if you can't go to the bathroom without him forcing himself to enter it with you, just lock the door and don't let him in. If he takes anti-nerve medicine (such as Prozac, Rivotril, Lexotanil, Alprox...) be very kind with him, because people who have diseases like that, just take decisions they can't control. If he said bad things to you, don't take it too seriously, he'll apologize afterwards.
Sixth, if the previous steps don't work, threaten him with divorce, don't worry about your children, he cannot take them away from you, because "the law doesn't protect sex, porn, alcohol... addicts" Verse 2 extract from the rule of law no. 1283/29 N section Christian divorces in the Lebanese Law (also applicable to every worldwide law, including American law). This way, he will think twice if he wants to watch porn.
If something doesn't work, just let me know, i have plenty more ideas to confront him!
GOOD LUCK, MAY GOD BE WITH HIM UNTIL TOTAL CONVERSION
God Bless You
Gabriel
He just had to get a iPod touch. He's not on the computer looking porn up anymore, he's now looking at porn on the iPod touch. So now I really don't know what to do. He already knows how I feel about it.
Kim;
I am so, so sorry my friend about your situation.
Can I ask you a question? What did your husband do when you confronted him with this? Would he be willing to get rid of his ipod touch? It sounds like he may have to in order to keep him from going there. Does he have any desire AT ALL to stop watching porn?
Hi, Kim;
My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry you are going through this, and my heart and prayers go out to you.
I guess my fist question would be, does your husband work? It sounds like he spends a lot of time at home.
One thing I would definitely recommend for you at this time is to surround yourself with good Godly women who can support and encourage you. This is so important. You need people who can pray for you and whom you can talk to when you are really struggling. Another thing you might consider is talking to one of the pastors about your husband's problem. Does your husband attend church with you?
The fact that your husband isn't walking with God more than likely explains the lack of conviction on his part. He can try and justify it all he wants, but the fact of the matter is, his behaviour is wrong, and he desperately needs the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Continue to pray for him, and try to get him to go to church services with you.
I understand how hard this is for you, but just remember that you are not alone. God is with you. His word tells us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. At this time, just concentrate on drawing close to Him and allowing Him to minister to you. Pray and read God's word, and just really grow deeper in your relationship with Him. Cling to Him and His promises with everything you have. I know that is not easy when you are hurting like this, but continue to pray for your husband. God wants to reach down and minister to your broken heart.
Just completely saturate yourself in His word, and perhaps do nightly devotions with your daughters. Just allow God's Spirit to fill your home and your heart, and pray for your husband's salvation and conviction.
Lam. 3:22-24Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him."
Isaiah 40:28-31Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings as eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
I put the Isaiah passage in there because I just want to encourage you, that even if you get tired and feel like giving up, that God is right there beside you to strengthen you and hold you up.
Ps. 3:3But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up me head
Continue on in the Lord, and pray for your husband. Please continue to let us know how you are doing. We love you and are praying for you.
Love and blessings
April
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
yes he does go to church. He mainly goes for me. He believes but has alot of doubt. The girls and I do read and pray. I also have my sister. I do have my sister church also. I did a couple months ago had a prayer cloth done. I didn't tell my pastor because I don't want it to him. He would only get mad and stop going to churcg and cause us to fight. He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. Thanks so much.
Yes...I can tell by your post that he doesn't think he's doing wrong. The truth is, he is in denial. Watching porn is wrong. I'm sure that deep down, he knows this, but is probably so engulfed in his addiction that he doesn't want to admit it. That is what addicts do...deny they have a problem.
I would just really encourage you to continue seeking God and ask for His guidance and His strength. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I went through the same thing with my husband. I know that it hurts, but I just really want to encourage you, because you are not alone. God is right there with you, and He wants your husband to stop this behaviour even more than you do.
Is there a women's Bible study at your church? If so, you might want to consider joining up. It's imperative that you have people you can confide in and glean strength from. Pray for conviction and a change of heart in your husband. Pray for wisdom for yourself, that God leads you and guides you.
Thre are plenty of resources on this site for ministries that reach out to women. Go to the resources tab, and click on links. You will find several sites for spouses of addicts.
I will pray for you, and please continue to let us know how you're doing. We love you, and are here for you.
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
You must be a very patient woman. Sounds to me like you have three children instead of two. My prayers will be with you.
Gina