My story of my husband addiction
We met while I worked at McDonald's. I didn't relize any problems then. I believe in God. And my husband says he believes but when things go wrong, he starts saying there is no God. He doesn't completely believe what the Bible says. His words "man wrote it". have been married for almost 12 years. We have 2 daughters. Yes we had one before we were married. We used to watch porn together until that became more important than me, while in the middle of it. Then he would stay up all night to either watch on tv (free HBO/Climax for a couple months) or on the internet. Then he would sleep most the day leaving me getting up with the children. I quess he did it before I just didn't relize it. He even goes to the "bathroom" to watch it on his psp. He even got on mine 1 time without me knowing. I found it on my history. I told how I felt about it. So he just tries to hide it more. I keep finding things on the computer by mistake and confront him. But he lies to me and says it's pop ups or he has no clue how it got there. He even sent the girls outside on a chilly wet day, when I went shopping. I come home and they tell me when it started raining he told them to go back outside. I can't even go take a shower without him getting on it. Anytime I leave the house he gets on it. I had to work one sat. So I went, not feeling very well. So they sent me home. There he was on it. I wasn't even gone an hour. He can't get up for anything else. I had my sister's church pray on a prayer cloth and I put it under his pillow. They told me it is in God's hands now. Not to say anymore to him. I haven't but it's so hard when I find something and know he's lying to me about it.
So another words if I leave his sight, even if he's innocent, I will think he's guity.
You must be a very patient woman. Sounds to me like you have three children instead of two. My prayers will be with you.
Gina
Hi, Kim;
My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry you are going through this, and my heart and prayers go out to you.
I guess my fist question would be, does your husband work? It sounds like he spends a lot of time at home.
One thing I would definitely recommend for you at this time is to surround yourself with good Godly women who can support and encourage you. This is so important. You need people who can pray for you and whom you can talk to when you are really struggling. Another thing you might consider is talking to one of the pastors about your husband's problem. Does your husband attend church with you?
The fact that your husband isn't walking with God more than likely explains the lack of conviction on his part. He can try and justify it all he wants, but the fact of the matter is, his behaviour is wrong, and he desperately needs the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Continue to pray for him, and try to get him to go to church services with you.
I understand how hard this is for you, but just remember that you are not alone. God is with you. His word tells us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. At this time, just concentrate on drawing close to Him and allowing Him to minister to you. Pray and read God's word, and just really grow deeper in your relationship with Him. Cling to Him and His promises with everything you have. I know that is not easy when you are hurting like this, but continue to pray for your husband. God wants to reach down and minister to your broken heart.
Just completely saturate yourself in His word, and perhaps do nightly devotions with your daughters. Just allow God's Spirit to fill your home and your heart, and pray for your husband's salvation and conviction.
Lam. 3:22-24Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him."
Isaiah 40:28-31Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings as eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
I put the Isaiah passage in there because I just want to encourage you, that even if you get tired and feel like giving up, that God is right there beside you to strengthen you and hold you up.
Ps. 3:3But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up me head
Continue on in the Lord, and pray for your husband. Please continue to let us know how you are doing. We love you and are praying for you.
Love and blessings
April
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
yes he does go to church. He mainly goes for me. He believes but has alot of doubt. The girls and I do read and pray. I also have my sister. I do have my sister church also. I did a couple months ago had a prayer cloth done. I didn't tell my pastor because I don't want it to him. He would only get mad and stop going to churcg and cause us to fight. He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. Thanks so much.
Yes...I can tell by your post that he doesn't think he's doing wrong. The truth is, he is in denial. Watching porn is wrong. I'm sure that deep down, he knows this, but is probably so engulfed in his addiction that he doesn't want to admit it. That is what addicts do...deny they have a problem.
I would just really encourage you to continue seeking God and ask for His guidance and His strength. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I went through the same thing with my husband. I know that it hurts, but I just really want to encourage you, because you are not alone. God is right there with you, and He wants your husband to stop this behaviour even more than you do.
Is there a women's Bible study at your church? If so, you might want to consider joining up. It's imperative that you have people you can confide in and glean strength from. Pray for conviction and a change of heart in your husband. Pray for wisdom for yourself, that God leads you and guides you.
Thre are plenty of resources on this site for ministries that reach out to women. Go to the resources tab, and click on links. You will find several sites for spouses of addicts.
I will pray for you, and please continue to let us know how you're doing. We love you, and are here for you.
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies