I don't know what to do anymore

Hi, Nicola;

First off, I want to welcome you to the forums. I am truly so sorry for what you're going through. I am so glad that you have come here. You are not alone. So many women are going through, and have gone through, what you are. I've been there, too. I understand how much it hurts, and I am so sorry.

If I may ask...are you a Christian? If you are, I will tell you what I tell the other Christian women who come here -- pray and seek the Lord. This is the most important thing!!! He loves you so much, and wants to be your comfort during this time. He is so much bigger than pornography or anything else, and He can (and wants to) deliver your husband.

You are absolutely right -- it IS a big deal that your husband is watching porn. Not only is he hurting you, but he's also hurting himself in that he is messing around with something that could very well bring him into addiction. He needs to understand this. Does he even know what is behind the porn that he's watching? Does he understand what the girls whom he is watching even go through?

Right now, he is being deceived by the fantasy of it all. It is not as glamorous as he's thinking it is, and he needs to know that is IS a HUGE deal. There are numerous testimonies from girls who have gotten out, and what they were put through in the porn industry. Most of it is horrific. Your husband needs to be exposed to these facts, so he's not taken in by the fantasy.

All that aside, he's also hurting you, which is also a huge deal. The first thing I would do, Nicola, is check out some of the testimonies of the girls who have gotten out, and show them to him. Let him know that porn is not what he's thinking it is. I can tell that you really love and care about your husband, which is why I am sure that you would want him to know the truth.

I will pray for you and your husband. Just know that your husband is not doing this to intentionally hurt you. He is being deceived by something that he thinks is harmless. I know it's hard, but just try not to take his behaviour personally, like he is intentionally trying to hurt you. Chances are, he doesn't know what he's doing, or what he's getting into. A lot of guys watch porn because they are deceived by the fantasy, like it doesn't hurt anyone.

Let your husband know how much you love him, and how much you miss intimacy with him, and that you don't want him to get sucked into the lie. My husband was the same way. Once he started watching porn, his desire for intimacy became less and less. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Be upfront with your husband, and let him know that what he is doing is hurtful, and that you love him too much to just sit back and say nothing.

Please continue to come here and let us know how you're doing. You are not alone in this.

Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies

I am so sorry you are going through this. I was with a porn addict for 5 years that refused to get help. It destroyed my self esteem, worth, and value as a women. It was so bad at the end we were not intamate for over two years. I had to walk away. Your husband has to admit this is a "Big Deal" and must be firm in what you ask for as a wife. Faithfulness and honesty in everyway. It is possilbe for him to be a wonderful husband, but not without admitting what he does is wrong. Hope I helped somewhat. I will be praying for you, stay strong.

I hear you when it comes to him not initiating any sexual activities. My husband has been like that ever since I met him (I didn't think much of it before I knew about the addiction, I thought it was because he was shy). It bothers me here and there. It hurts when they (the husbands) turn to porn for stress relief (what my husband does) instead of turning to us (the wives). I too am new to this website and I hope to learn much!!

__________________________________________
1 Cor 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It

Just checking in. Know you are not alone, I have been through everything you are going through. This is not your fault. God is with you and loves you!

I just want to send alot of love out to you. "Edited by Admin" I am praying for you and your husband.

Angela

I also want to welcome you here and let you know that you aren't alone. I also want to offer a bit of hope in the midst of your darkness.

I, too, am married to a pornography addict. I've been married 7 years and have struggled with my husband's addiction for 5 of those 7 years. HOWEVER, this last year we experienced a miracle and this month marks the year of the last time he backslid! I am so proud of him and our marriage is better than ever. I am not saying this to make you feel bad or horrible about YOUR situation. The exact opposite actually. YOU CAN MAKE IT THOUGH this...and I promise, the other side of this addiction is better than your wildest dreams! My husband is better to me now that I could have ever dreamed possible. God has worked in his addiction but also in the way he relates with me on a daily basis, and not just in the bedroom. He helps with chores now! HA! Who would have guessed!

Anyway, one day at a time! You'll get there and we are here to support you in this journey. Please know that this is HIS addiction, and it has NOTHING to do with you! You are, unfortunately, one who is getting hurt by it. There is HOPE though!

Sincerely,

Andrea
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member

Thank you all so much for your encouragement. Things are hard right now but I am hopeful that they will be better.

...is what's going to get you through this (and faith in the restoring power of God!). Keep your eyes on the prize. If you need prayer or just need to vent we're here for you.

Andrea
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member