I went to the counceler with my husband, and we were both surprised at where we stand in our marriage currently. I am standing with one last attempt that it will work,and my husband feels that pretty much everything is ok but a little rattled due to his addictions. The counciler made it very clear that we should not live what is in the past and just live in the present. How can I do this when our marriagae is in shambles due to the past up to the present? I got alot out on the table to the counciler as did my husband. I think it was really hard for him to realize it is not ok to fantasize and ect.. because he is still doing it. He may know it is wrong to do, but my husband is still doing it. We are still going to attend the marriage counciling, My concern is the counciler asked me if I withold sex out of anger and such, No I do not, I rarely get the chance as it is to be with him because he never wants it because he is always taking care of himself. Yesterday my husband said he is really wanting this to work out and he will go to all lengths to make it work, however he did it again. He lives off of his years worth of porn, for fantasies and gives me no option. I dont understand why he chooses to do this over me, there supposedly no porn involved. How long should I have to go and be with out any affection? Sure he will tell me what I want to hear, but with a double sword, yesterday he even mentioned again "WE" need to loose some wheight, I am just fine, I have had 3 kids and My body is considered average size, as far as my doctor is concerned so what is his problem? He is so wrapped up in fantasy that he feels I need to be a stick? I dont want to even go any farther, my feelings are hurt from that. It is amazing how a womans self esteem can really get low from this. I want it to work,but even after our first counciling session he still pulls this crud and wants to still fantasize and MB. It hurts. Where am I in all of this? I feel like an outsider to my own marriage. I have been so ruined at this point I dont even know if there is help for him. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He still lies to me, so I dont even bother to bring it up anymore. He wants to smooth things over with a nice attitude, and have me just accept it when he wont change. Mabye through more sessions he will change his thinking and acting pattern. he feels i am too convicting and judgemental is what he told the counciler, well I am not, give me a chance too! It has been months since intamancy for us by his choice and I feel I need love too, so I am being neglected of that because of his selfishness, wow and I am convicting? How can anyone stay in a marriage when you are actively healthy, young and wanting love, but recieveing nothing but deicite anger, and hummiliation? I feel My self esteem is so low right now, and the counciler basically told me to let go of his past, he just doesnt get that my husband wont stop!