Trying To Do More
Wed, 02/10/2010 - 16:26
I've been clean since Monday, after that fall I set the filter to block all possibility to porn. Including sites that offer "pseudo porn" if you will. I also ordered a bunch of porn tracts from "Catholic Answers" and plan to go to a few adult book stores I have frequented and stand outside to hand them out. I figure it will be harder for me to sin there if I'm sharing the truth about porn and pointing to Christ. Who knows, perhaps they'll throw me off their property w/a restraining order, Lord willing!
These things are good. I hope you can harden yourself to do what in needed. I'm having trouble tonight with my inner desire for porn, and I know the 'pseudo porn' is just a gateway so I'm not even considering that. I hope we both last for at least a bit longer, hopefully this is the last time we have to quit.
Take care, and good luck, God willing.
First... praise God for the recent victory... may He receive all the glory for the strength that has been demonstrate.
This is going to be a bit pointed my friend... but I am curious: Why do you feel the need to stand outside of the adult book stores so soon after a fall?
I completely understand the fire in your heart to reach out to other people... and contribute to the crippling of the industry.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't do it... I am just wondering if you can explain to us a little more how the 'narrow path' that we must all walk is leading you in the direction of an adult book store so soon.
Pax Christi...
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12
I've fallen again recently, but not w/porn, self abuse fueled by memory. The reason I am thinking of doing this is to cut off the possibility, or at least make it more difficult for me to enter that place to sin. I reason if I'm sharing Christ there it's going to be a lot harder for me to go in and use after being there to shed light on it's darkness. There's also the possibility that they may throw me off their property under the pain of arrest if I should return, wouldn't that be terrible?!
Now, could this be a bad idea? Possibly, wich is why I posted my idea here and elsewhere to get feedback.
The goal for all of us is a deeper conversion, a change of heart. To get to the place where we truly hate this sinful appitite and love the Lord more deeply, as well as to love people aright. However at the begining of recovery, or after a relapse, we need to cut off the source of sin as best we can. The filter setting now in place on my pc is so tight there is no possibility for porn to come through. It also blocks a lot of other things I'd like to have access to, but so be it, some of us need to be more militant than others. Most adult book stores I've been to you have to buy something and take it home, these have not been that much of a temptation for me to go to. However there is one that has an arcade w/hundreds of movies playing, and for a rather small fee you can stay in there as long as you like! Over the years I've spent a good portion of my life there, and as recent as two weeks ago. So I'd like to cut off the possibility of going there again to use, put a firehose on that temptation if you will.
Many
Christians protest/minister at abortion clinics, and rightly so. However it might prove to me more effective to get at the source; porn. I believe there is a direct link to porn and abortion, the inordinate desire for sexual gratification apart from life and true union. Porn/lust is the catalyst that leads to abortion/death.
... the deeper understanding.
In all of this... you are the best judge of what the Spirit is speaking into your life. I appreciate that you mentioned 'cutting off' the sin at the source.
I think that if you read or watch videos of those who have entered a period of time where they have been able to recover from the damage and devastation that the porn industry has plagued their life with, you will see a similar theme. Time away from the industry... then a call back to it on mission for God.
That is my concern friend... not just for you... but for all of us. The devil is crafty... and knows how to boost our ego enough to feel some strength that we don't really have.
However... If the Spirit is moving in your life... then we are empowered with a mission and a call.
Joseph was tempted by his bosses wife... and we all know that he ran. (Genesis 39:7-18)
Continue to draw close to God... not only as a Savior, but as your Lord. You will know what to do.
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12
Well Chad, my motives are not all that noble. I just want to try and eliminate the possibility of returning to the place to watch porn. If God can use those tracts to help someone there that would be great, but if your asking me if my motive is because I love these people, the answer is no. Porn has and continues to destroy my life, my ability to love anyone in the way God would have me to, including all of you here. I must ask all of your forgiveness for wasting the time, effort, encouragement and love many of you have shown me. Perhaps it would be best not to bother w/me anymore 'till I prove that I've repented.
This lenten season would be a perfect time for deeper repentance! :)
You are loved, Bro... I lift you up in prayer daily.
As long as Jesus is the center and foundation of what you do... the love will follow you into whatever calling God puts upon your life.
Peace...
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12
I read through this thread and thought I would offer an opinion to consider. When we slip and find ourself in a time of despair this seems to just activate our shame all the more. While your motives seem admirable it is possible that in a time of remorse you may be acting out of a fantasy instead of a clear vision. What I mean is that there may be a part of you, a part that goes through a set of rituals before acting out, that is drawing you to this unhealthy place. It may not be on your radar as you plan this adventure to hand out tracts but it could end with unforseen problems.
Compare it to a time when you found yourself "just driving around" or "getting on the internet to do some research". These rituals are part of the whole acting out cycle that can occur without our conscious awareness. It takes some time to begin picking up on these.
I found myself driving by a place where I acted out to pray over my old life and thank God for my deliverance once. As I got closer I realized I was really toying with going back in. It had been some time since I went to this place and I was fortunate to find it closed.
Be careful about rituals and get to know yours. Maybe this isn't what is going on with you but it's worth keeping in mind.
I went to the bookstore Monday, unfortunately it was not to hand out tracts!
I'll tell you why I came up w/this idea. I know the guy who started Setting Captives Free, we met around 01. He was trying to help me out of the addiction one on one at the time. One of the things he had me do was to go to every place I bought porn and tell the person at the counter that I could no longer be a customer there and why. It was humiliating and that is exactly what he wanted from me, I hated doing it at the time, but I think I understand why. At that time he actually drove to my house, picked me up and drove me to all those places, and went inside w/me to make sure I did it right! Though I think it was for support as well. Like I said in another thread, I am no longer a part of SCF, nor do I wish to be again. That does not mean I think everything they teach is wrong, quite the contrary, much of it is good/strong medicine!
I really appreciate how this ended up. Glad you had someone there with you. I hope this closes the door on some ares of your life where the demons used to have free reign. In Jesus name.
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12
The post you just responded to was deleted, why was that?
I have yet to go do what I said I would, what happened w/Mike Cleveland from SCF was back in 2001.
That was 9 years ago! I wasn't talking about the present, and why was that post of mine you responded to deleted?
I asked around, and it looks like the post that was deleted was done so by mistake. If there is any blame for the mistake, it probably falls on me. I jogged my memory, and when I responded to your post, I was doing so via my iPhone, and with the touch screen and the small 'buttons' to push... quite simply... the wrong one got pushed.
I personally thought it was a great post, and was responded by affirming it.
Peace.
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12