Tomorrow is the day I start again.

Good news, I made it to this morning, and I'm still good. Alright for now. I'll catch y'all later.

Might as well be today! I am glad you are confident and looking at it "one day at a time". Yes we can always start fresh but how many losses can we take before defeat is the only out come we can visualize.

You need to see yourself as a warrior heading to battle, defeat not being a word in your vocabulary. It might sound silly but you need to see this as war if you want to win.

Its great to have a plan. Also you need to understnd that the urges pop up for so many reasons. How we handle them is habit and muscle memory. For instance, you sit at the computer your hand goes in your pants weather you are surfing for porn or printing a project for the kids.

I used to say a prayer every time I had an urge, I would reapeatedly say it until the urge passed. It helped a lot and after a few weeks the habits will sort of let go, the urges will come but the habits easier to deal with.

Think about it bro, you have beed doing this for half your life. Thats longer than you have been kissing your kids and wife good night.

You need to be tough and I MEAN IT! If you are not, you will not beat this, I know you can do it so go crush the enemy. God Bless!

____________________________________________________

"A fight is not won by one punch, either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard" Bruce Lee

How you doing man? I hope you're doing well.

Here is the Bible verse (added the earlier verse to it too):

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

Keep the faith, walk with Jesus and trust in God, no matter how many times we fall. When we've fallen enough, I'm sure there's a point called "at the end of the rope".

That's the point where we can only surrender completely to God and He will deliver and heal us from this addiction.

God bless you!

Ok, last I posted was 6 days ago on Friday. Later that same day I fell again, and really haven't event tried to do anything about it until today. It's like I want to battle this, but then again I don't want to.

I've been thinking a lot about my problem, trying to piece things together. Today I sort of figured out that I use porn as a crutch to avoid doing other things. For example I need to get myself to work on some investments right now, actually it's more than that, I need to get a business that invests in real estate up and running, but whenever I have free time to do this I'm always looking at porn. Really it is pretty much true that if I have free time to myself, there is about an 80% chance I'm looking at porn. I've also found some triggers that I may fall to (or use as an excuse) when I'm trying to quit. Here are some of them:

- Boredom
- Using porn as an excuse not to do things that are work, but
will also better myself.
- Stress

There are probably more, and as I progress I'm sure I need to keep a tally to see what is making me tempted, and then learn how to deal with each of those temptations in a positive way.

For now, though, I really need to work an my game plan as far as putting up guards to keep me from doing the porn thing. Today was a good day because I deleted everything bad from my computer, as well as all the programs that have helped me to download and view porn. Then I ran a program that cleans all the free space on my hard drive so I can't every pull any of these files up again by running a hard drive restore program. At least this way I'll have to think about what I'm doing before I do it again, and if I start to fall, maybe setting everything up again will be enough of a distraction for me to get strong again. I mean if I'm going to fall I might as well make it hard to do.

I still have a couple of web sites which I'm a member of that won't expire until February 10 and March 1. I think I need to send e-mail to these sites asking them to now allow me to buy back in anymore. That will at least slow my down if I'm starting to slip.

I also need an accountability partner. Somebody that can kick my butt if I start to become weak.

I have more to write, but it will have to wait until later as I have to go to lunch now. I'm going to try to continue all my thought yet today, as time permits. Thank you all for listening.

OK back from lunch. Last I was ranting about needing an accountability partner. Yes I do need that. An internet scrubber would be helpful as well. Hopefully I can find something that works for my situation. Looks like Safe Eyes is a good one.

I did take the time to e-mail the two web sites for which I still hold accounts and asked if they would close my account immediately and prevent me from ever becoming a member again. We will see how that goes.

For now, thought, I have a lot to look at here on TPC so I'm going to do that.

Just one more comment. Here is some verse I found useful today:

Matthew 16:24-27 (Darby Translation)

24Then Jesus said to his disciples, If any one desires to come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

25For whosoever shall desire to save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it.

26For what does a man profit, if he should gain the whole world and suffer the loss of his soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

Another day. I've made it a day now clean so cool. Last I posted I was talking about how I had two website accounts (I paid money to these web sites). I e-mailed both and asked to have my membership canceled and further asked if they would ban me from ever being able to purchase their services again. Only one e-mailed me back and actually send me instructions on how to re-up my account after it expired. The other one simply did not respond.

That's OK though. I just read a great e-mail (God bless you who have been where I am now and have taken the time to send e-mail and prayers my way, I'll respond when I have more time to address all you've said). This e-mail talked about temptation and how avoiding temptation is great, but how learning to stare temptation right in the face and beat is actually mandatory for our recovery.

So with these two web sites, yeah they won't help me, but it doesn't matter anyway, I MUST learn to kick temptations butt when it stares me in the face. For now, though, I deleted the file which had my login name and password for these two websites, actually I shredded these files so that I can't restore them ever again. So yeah, I'd actually have to pay money to get back on those sites. Just another road block.

But what this guy said to me about HAVING to stare temptation in the face and win, I'm still thinking about it. He is right.

Now for some kinda weird stuff. Since I could masturbate I was. I had been exposed to porn even before that, so I really don't remember much of a time since puberty that I didn't have porn available. As best I can calculate I've had a problem with porn for 21 years. I actually sort of wonder what life is like without porn.

The mind is a funny organ. It plays tricks on us sometimes I guess. As I have been thinking about my problem in the past and part of me thinks, "hey, I'm a man! As a man I'm a sexual being and pretty women should be my thing!" It is like my brain is trying to tell me that it is almost my right as a man to view porn. Now I know this is wrong, but my mind is the way it (currently) is. It's just the addiction talking and trying to justify itself.

The other thought I have what is sort of strange is this: I've never had a porn free life as an adult. I don't really know what a porn free life as an adult is like because I've never had it. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I'm actually a little worried about having a porn free life. Silly, yes, but it is a thought that is in my head. Everybody that has beaten the addiction, though, has said how wonderful it is, not one has said "It's ok,now what I thought" NO, they all say it is great, so really my worry shouldn't be because there is too much evidence to tell me that getting porn free is worth it in every sense.

To those sending me E-mail, THANK YOU
To those praying for me, THANK YOU

I can't tell you how amazing it is to me that strangers will take the time out of their lives to try to help and pray for me. I am blessed, and they are saintly.

As I read your post... Mr. X... I can't help but get a glimpse of a vision that God has placed in your heart about what life might look like porn-free. I hope that you are able to identify it as that... a higher calling for your life that God has birthed inside of you.

How you will get there... I don't know. You are going to hear the word 'process' a lot around here. Simply put... God will allow you to be tested and tempted only when He knows you can handle it. Remember that God does not do the tempting... only allows it (spend some time in James)...
So... here is what I see... and this is good for all of us:

God births a vision of how life can be for you... a liberated life.
God allows testing and temptation to move you closer to that vision... you can withstand the test, or God wouldn't allow it to enter into your life...
and then trust... that God is for you, and is working all things to work for your good...

Yes, yes and yes.

You've encouraged me.

Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator

"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12

Ok I've made it to the 4 day mark, actually I've passed the 100 hour mark. Still moving along here.

Lord, there is one guaranteed way for us all to live free of sexual impuirty and the temptation of pornographic sin. Paul told us how to avoid sin when he said, 'All I want is to know Christ and the power that raised him to life... Mr X has not yet reached that goal... and he is not perfect... But Christ has taken hold of him... he doesn't feel that he has already arrived... but with celebration of the 100 hour mark... we forget what is behind, and we struggle for what is ahead...' amen

Mr X... run toward the goal so that you can with the prize!!! It's because of what Jesus has done!!! Keep going in the direction you are now headed!

Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator

"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12

If you can make 100 hrs. you can make 100 days...... The fights are all the same, with the same opponent and you are now undefeated. I'd say you have the advantage! Bravo!

I am sure at even at 100 hrs you can start to feel the blessings pouring in a little at a time. Count them and watch them multiply!

You are well on your way Brother...enjoy the ride!
____________________________________________________

"A fight is not won by one punch, either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard" Bruce Lee

Thanks I appreciate the encouragement. Yeah, I know it can be done, I just have to "man up" and do it. Day 5 complete (my start time is noon, so lunch every day is a little celebration of a new day of freedom).

If history is a lesson, the real withdraw pains will not start until about day 6 to 10 for me. With the exception of when I was 17 I have not given this stuff up for a 10 day period. More like 8 max, unless I was on vacation and porn was totally unavailable. I hope I do better this time, but for now it is one day at a time, and I think the rest of today is going to be just fine.

You have a hell of a lot more going for you now and a hell of a lot more to lose and they are one in the same. Big difference!

___________________________________________________

"A fight is not won by one punch, either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard" Bruce Lee

Worth of repeating for all of us fellas who know its time to MAN-UP!!!

"You have a hell of a lot more going for you now and a hell of a lot more to lose and they are one in the same."

Thanks wastintimenomore!

Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator

"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12

Day six is in the bag. Tonight the 'urge' has been strong. If I can make it until Friday morning I'll be fine for the weekend as I will be out of town, and availability to the naughty stuff will be close to null.

One of the sites I had paid money to sent me an e-mail reminder that my account expired today. They were even nice enough to send me my login and password so I could re-up. To the shred bin that went.

I was hoping that this time would be easier, but today was harder. I really need to get to day 10 here. I'm 60% of the way there, and like I said, starting about day 6 (today) forward it gets tough for me. The next 29 hours are fairly crucial for me. That will take me to Friday morning and from their it is to work (no porn there, work is a safe place) then to the road to my destination for the weekend.

I know I need to learn to face this demon face to face, but for this weekend I think I'll leave my computer at home. This will put me in new territory when I come back, assuming still clean, I'll be at 11 days.

I know it will be hard for a while. I wish I knew how long before it gets easier. In the past when I've reached this point it has always been a situation where the urge gets worse and worse until I just break down.

Must stand tall, Must battle to the death. Looks like I'll be praying a lot more in the next couple days.

we will be praying right along with you brother.

Be like King David when he stood up against Goliath...

Who is this uncircumsised Philistine that would dare take on God's army? (paraphrasing, but you get it)

So who/what is this ungodly thing that would take on God's army (full of a band of brothers) where two or more are gathered Jesus promises He is THERE.

You're praying, I am praying, that's two, I know there's more. (just read your posts) You've got all of those minute by minute victories, run with Jesus to that finish line, you're in God's army; you cannot lose!

A verse that has helped me is Col 3:2 "Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things." Its a simple verse but a very hard one to do.I'm going to my mens meeting tonight and I will ask them to pray for you too.

In Christ's Love

Doug

Wow, you guys are all awesome! Thanks for all the prayers, I think it's helping. Tonight hasn't been too bad. After this message I'm getting off the computer, getting groceries, and then going to bed. Day 7 and still good. If it make it to tomorrow morning I should be good until Sunday since I leave town tomorrow after work and won't have access to the naughty stuff.

Last night and this morning I did have to pray as images were coming into my head. It is pretty cool that the images soon disappeared after I prayed and asked God to take away that temptation which I could not handle. Maybe, with God's help, I'll actually do good this round of quitting.

Really, though, you guys are awesome with the e-mail support and articles and prayers. I'm so glad I found Pink Cross. Moreso I'm blessed that God sent me here and gave me the good sense to realize that I really need to get right with this problem.

There was a saying in the movie "Facing the Giants" If you pray for rain, make sure you've got your umbrella (something like that)

you said "If it make it to tomorrow morning I should be good until Sunday"

Brother it's "When God brings me/us through tomorrow...." (give God the glory in all things! and it will be HIM that brings US through it, we don't do it on our own)

Not IF my brother, WHEN, you've got GOD on your side=you win (and we're praying)

Victory is yours for the taste, savor it as Gods way is SWEEEEEEET!

So far so good. I'm just ready to leave town, so I won't be back on the forums until Monday.

God Bless All.

X

I'm back and still good. 11 days, which is new territory for me. Thoughts still persist in my head at times, though.

May Jesus continue to be the foundation that you stand on... every new day. God's glory is being demonstrated through you Mr. X.

Continue to press on... continue to turn to Jesus... one day... after the next... He will meet you where you are at.

You are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses who can see the man of God that you are...

Go!

Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator

"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12

Mr. X,

Way to go on your eleven days! I'm in a similar situation myself. Its been about two weeks without porn for me and I, too, have "thoughts" and urges that enter my head from time to time. I've found my urges have weakened over time and become less frequent. I still have a long way to go and can use all the support I can get. I also know that without God I would still be watching porn and masturbating every day.

Reading the testimonies of all the forum members has also helped me. The girl/woman in the video is someone's daughter, sister, mother. Just like the ladies of the Pink Cross. I kind of feel like watching porn will hurt them again.

Keep the faith, Brother, and never give up. I will pray for you.

READ THE BIBLE. PRAY AND MEDITATE ON HIS WORD. PRAISE GOD. THANK GOD.

God Bless You, Kevin

Romans 3:23-24

That's awesome! How great is our God!

Sorry I've been so quiet for awhile. The reason it because I fell after completion of my 12th day. I haven't really tried to do anything about it until now, thus the delay.

So tomorrow will start a new day.

Also tomorrow, or whenever I have time to type more, I'm going to talk a little bit about what I noticed when I fell, and what was better for those 12 days I was pure. This habit really does take a toll on people.

I look forward to reading about the lessons you learned.

Praise God that you are getting back up again.

Phil. 3:14
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator

"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12

OK since I fell after a 12 day sober stretch I have literally gone on a binge. I'm also an idiot for doing so.

For the 12 days I was sober things were getting better for the most part. One major upper was that I was getting more sleep instead of spending that time watching porn. I actually felt better because I wasn't so tired all the time.

Second great thing about those 12 days was that I was spending more, and better time with my wife, which is what she deserves.

Tomorrow is March 4. I really need to end my binge for that day. I hope I can last at least 13 days, but really if I can last tomorrow I'll be happy. I'll let March 5 worry about March 5, just so long as I give myself at least 1 day of sobriety.

OK, I'm out for new. I've seen the glimpse of dawn last time I stopped (for 12 days, which for me is an 18 year record).

X