To be cautious
I had stacks of DVD's CDR etc mostly games and or gavesaves. However to be cautious (because I had saved porn on discs years ago) I made a big stack of ones 'I didn't know what was on it'
D and I had to go into town (the 45 min trek) and I was going to dumpster them there. But then I thought, "what if there is porn on it and some teen finds it" so though not environmentally friendly I put them in the fire. D was like "what is on those? more porn?" I was honest, I told her I didn't know but I wasn't going to look to see, and if I hadn't used the discs all this time I simply didn't need whatever it was.
I'm glad I got rid of whatever it is, just in case.
My wife says she aspires to be a virtuous woman.
'her worth is far above rubies' 1. that's my d's birthstone and 2. do you know how expensive a real ruby is?
odd how sex is for sale so cheap. You can get "24 hours of unlimited nonsense for 1.99" (no, i havent done that, I haven't ever paid for porn) yOU can get a hooker in nevada (we're from there) for 50-300 at a "ranch")
a "bad" ruby is still over $1000....That was written for a reason.
The other thing d pointed out, I will spend money on computer stuff, I will spend money on gardening stuff and I will even shell out some money for silly things (like kung fu shoes) but I haven't ever put money towards 'porn' Im not sure what that means but it must mean something.
I don't know if this post even made sense but to me after reading that I get
I was giving up something that is sooooooo valuable for something that is worth nothing or '1.99 for unlimited access' (I don't mean to be a dick, but does that make sense?)
I wish I could turn back time I am praying somehow I can take back those words or help heal the hurt those words caused.
Comments
I've had a similar past experience. I use to be HUGE porn addict before I even got into porn ( excuse the sarcasm but if that wasn't obvious).
In a past relationship of almost 4 years ago while I lived in South O.C., a bad relationship might I add, led me to watch porn to fill the emptiness and depression I experienced while I was in that relationship. I never paid for it and would spend hours while my ex was at work looking at porn. I would end up saving it on little diskettes with gold star stickers on them so I could remember that porn was on it.
Regardless of what the meaning of the stars stood for, my relationship ended because of porn leading me to fall into dishonesty, damage from drug abuse, alcoholism, porn addiction, cheating, and verbal abuse. When the relationship ended and while I was moving out, I took the diskettes and stomped on them, threw them away, and promised I would never let porn affect my future relationships ever again.
Of course, it led me to worse by becoming a part of the lie but, its obviously apparent where it led me from there... and after all the damage it had caused in my life... I honestly could never look at porn the same or even have the desire to become a part of it in any way EVER again.
"Fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me."
That explains it all.
So I understand what you're trying to say, I think. I believe the REAL thing, REAL love with a person, is priceless compared to any gem and much more worthy of your attention and love than some liar on a smut film with STDs.
You did a wonderful thing, my friend and I can't begin to express how proud I am of you!
Your Friend,
Tamra <3
I'm proud of you, man. I know that this process is like scraping open a fresh wound every day. It hurts and your emotions are just raw, and so are your wife's, but keep it up. I know it'll be worth it.
I find myself having kinda fits of rage and I just become a real jerk and overreact at the stupidest things, and say really mean things. Then later, I'm ok. Today my wife said she thinks it's the old me, the one that needed the porn and the fixation and the release trying to come back out. I've been really starving that other me, and I think he's coming out less and less often. You're doing the same thing, and though it's hard, you're on the right track.
I really am praying for strength and guidance for you both. Jesus loves you.
Me too, I got rid of all the porn I had, burned my discs, erased the files in my computer, etc. I hope, someday I'll have a valuable ruby as you have, instead off all the cheap crap that porn is...
thank you for your reponses. I dont know how to say this but Tamra Im sorry for what youve been through it took me a while to read your story i read slow but im sorry. your video showed me how much of a lie it all is. what a terrible stupid organization porn is that it ruins everyone it touches.
thank you for speaking simple and no extra nonsense Tamra I think you are a great witness for God what a testimony you have to share maybe you should be a womens minister or something.
I am sorry for not caring about you as a person when I watched stuff you did it didnt occur to me that things werent what they seemed on the film.
to others that have stuff dvd's books films or an addiction to doing watching or jerking off beat the addiction now NOW not tomorrow. I've been fighting this for a long time and my "Ruby" has slipped between my fingers and I've lost her because of this all so please learn from me and get rid of porn NOW.
I thank God I have been dreaming of two of the actresses in the movies and I don't want to because I know it's not true etc and not only that I know some of the things they go through so last night I prayed to God to not dream of these things (sex mostly) and I didn't.
I wish I could turn back time.