Time to change a habit
Hello all, I recently came across this website while researching into the porn industry. I, like many men, have been looking at pornography since adolescence. For the greater part of this time, I had always assumed that the women had chosen to do this, it was something they enjoyed and that in the First worls at least, the women would always be treated well. But like many men, I didn't neccesarily think about it too much. The material was avaliable, it always had been and that was that. While surfing for porn, I came across images of a young woman of about 20 years old. I thought to myself, is this really what this girl should be doing? Shouldn't she be walking in the sun somewhere, in the prime of her life? Has she made the best decision for herself? It left a bad taste in the mouth. This led me to try and find out more about the women who choose this line of work and led me to this website. The stories I've read have shocked me, to say the least. I feel its time for me to move away from porn for a few reasons. First and foremost, the way that the women are treated. At worst, there's the nasty stuff I've read about here. At best, the exploitation of young women barely out of high school, by older men who don't give a damn about them. Secondly, the rising and disturbing trend of portraying models as younger than they are. Thirdly, the amount of time that I have wasted looking at internet porn. Having thought about it alot recently, I beleive internet pornography has become a problem and a blockage to having a rewarding personal life. After over 20 years, I'm looking to get porn out of my life.
Comments
Fantastic! It's so often we hear people say they are out of control and can't break away, but really, the choice is our own and we do have the power to stop negative behavior patterns. Seeking guidance through the Lord and some sort of counseling can bring us to the door, yet we must ultimately walk through by ourselves of our own free will. Please post more here, since it's so good to hear about positive changes. If you feel strongly enough about fighting porn and its impact on both women and men, you can support Pink Cross via donations, Twitter, Facebook, or even take the fight directly to members of your community. Join forces with your church and other leaders to bring the demons down. Keep in mind, though, bringing porn down also means lifting up the souls damaged and trapped by the industry. This is a bold action that is scorned by those who lack compassion and the understanding that the porn industry preys on women and men who are hurting and may not be capable of making the best choices. When you cut through all the lies the industry builds us up with, you find many who have been abused and never really had a chance to heal and were easily exploited. Bless your heart, Phil2. Peace
Thank you.
At the moment I am going to stop the habit for 1 month, as another poster on this forum suggested. It's amazing to think that porn can indeed be so addictive, its like drug use!
Another thing i'm going to be honest and add, porn was a contributing reason to the ending of my previous marriage. It's taken me a long time to admit that.
With retrospect, it's something I greatly regret, why would I or anyone want to look at images when you have a living, breathing lover?! Being in an amazing relationship can be a very rare thing, To those who might be in that situation now, I say quit this habit and dedicate your sexual energy to the woman/man you love and want to be with, don't do anything to jepordize your present and future with that person.
Again, Phil2, fantastic. One month is a reasonable goal for breaking the porn habit. It may also help you to take smaller steps. A frequent acronym among recovering addicts is ODAAT, "one day at a time." Take note of the day you resolved to stop, and celebrate every day you remain free of porn. Other tools for your recovery can be keeping a gratitude journal of daily entries that emphasize how precious your life is, making lists of behaviors to watch out for (bottom lines) and those that contribute to your sobriety (top lines), reading addiction recovery materials such as the A.A. Big Book or Patrick Carnes' A Gentle Path Through The Twelve Steps...and if you feel the need for added support, join a sex/love addiction recovery group either near you or online. These groups are anonymous, so if keeping your situation extra private is a concern, it may be a great way to go.
You are right on target with the damage porn can have on relationships. Many couples may start out using porn as a sex enhancer, but sooner or later the lines between fantasy and reality become blurred and one half of a formerly dynamic duo ends up hooked on the fantasy. Regardless of how a person is introduced to porn, it will always break down the ability to experience true intimacy in an otherwise loving relationship. The Golden Rule is and always will be that it's not what you get, it's what you give. Viewing porn takes away the giving and allows getting to blind a person to what life is really about.
God bless you on your healing journey.
Truly, how often have we all said, "One Day At A Time?" How often have we said that today is the first day of the rest of our lives, the first day we can claim freedom from the addictions that bind us, and then we see something that triggers us right back into that bondage.
Today was no exception. Reading through today's online headlines, I came across a story about New England Patriots player Rob Gronkowski and his friendship with porn star Bibi Jones, of whom I had never heard until tonight. Researching "Bibi Jones" on the internet while attempting to deliberately avoid the myriad lying, demeaning porn sites featuring her, Wikipedia revealed that she is only 20 years of age but has worked under at least three different names.
One thing that is pulling me away from pornography addiction is not necessarily the brutalization of male and female sex workers, but the blatant lies pornographers tell us. They lie about the performers' names, dates of birth, ages, personal preferences, tattoos and body art, hair color, and money. They lie TO the performers themselves, promising them the sun and the stars but delivering a platter full of horse manure.
Religion aside, the mere fact that pornographers are the chiefest liars on the face of Planet Earth should be enough to compel a porn user or a sex worker to get out of that business. Please, make their lies, and the lying liars who tell them, the reason you make this your first day of the rest of your life, the first day of your freedom from porn addiction. Make that the cause for your taking like "one day at a time."
God bless,
Richard