Softcore porn and rationalization.
The things Shelley wrote about the porn industry were horrifying. However, I'm unable to apply those things to the porn I watch for one simple reason. I don't watch the kind of porn where people have sex. Any man in the scene kills it for me, in fact the voice of a male cameraman can ruin the mood. I don't even watch full nudity, as I have a strong religious background and probably won't be attracted to a fully nude woman until i'm married and it's my wife.
So is there truth to be discovered about "softcore" porn? I understand that these women are daughters of our Heavenly Father, and not just objects to be viewed for my own desires. However it's so easy to just lust after them as people I don't know, will never meet, and are seemingly exempt from all the horrible things Shelley wrote about. I need help as I keep looking at it again and again, it's ruining my life, going against what I believe in, and stopping me from becoming a missionary.
A bit about me:
My name is Matthew Leblanc, and I am a lifetime member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I grew up as an only child in a pretty good home in Maryland.
Things went well until 13 when my mom died of a sudden brain aneurysm. I was very close to my mom and didn't stop hugging her like most boys my age did. My dad, although he loved me, worked all day to support us, and so I had a lot of alone time. I used some of this time to start looking at porn.
I believe subconsciously I was trying to replace my mom in any way I could, but consciously I was just a curious 13 year old boy. One website led to another and I was addicted before I knew what happened. I didn't even know it was a problem until I was 15, when Church President Gordon B. Hinckley gave a talk about porn. I told my Bishop about my problem, but it continued throughout the years.
Recently I moved from Maryland to Orem, Utah thinking I would instantly be cured since I would be living in "Zion". Sadly, the devil is just as powerful in Utah County as he was in Maryland. I want to serve as a missionary for the Church, and one day become a righteous husband and father, but am currently unable to do that because of my addictions. I am now 19 turning 20 in September.
Comments
I had some discussions over email with a friend of mine on this topic.
Back then I wasn't a christian yet, but already putting moral question marks behind porn.
When I look back on that conversation it's almost hilarious (cause I'm way above that now!) to see how easy it is to fool yourself.
It may go from "it's wrong to watch a couple have sex, 'cause it should be a private matter between two lovers, so watching women on their own is ok!" to "well, hentai doesn't technically have people in it right?" to the more biological "well, masturbation is like food, it wouldn't be healthy to ignore the call of your body!"
You will know in your heart that fighting lust and porn will mean putting an end to lust and porn period. You're probably going to have spontaneous philosophical insight in the definition of porn; "Yeah, porn is bad! But hey, what's porn anyway?" and "Nooo this is ART, no porn" etc.
But you'll get over that quickly enough.
Just be honest to yourself and know that you can't fool God. He knows it's not easy, but He doesn't need your lies about it
And to add to Vincent's post, porn is NOT an industry of pleasure. It's an industry of abuse and death and it's slowly killing those who engage in it. As for me being above what I used to do when I would engage in porn, I'm not taking ANY glory and credit for that, because I KNOW it was God Who delivered me from porn. Do I have the temptation from time to time to engage in porn again? Do men have facial hair? Is the sky blue? Is grass green? Did Jesus die for our sins? In other words, it's a no-brainer. I give ALL glory, honor and praise to God for what He has done in my life, because without Him, I would be a TOTAL WRECK. If anyone else on this site wants to say otherwise concerning your own personal victories over porn, then you SERIOUSLY need to look at your own battle with porn A LOT closer, because God was there when you were lusting after that woman when engaging in porn, and God was there when you masturbated and misused the Temple of the Holy Spirit, which your body is. Chew on that one awhile.
How exactly are porn viewers contributing to the downfall of these young women? The viewers who pay for it, I can understand, since they directly contribute to a site's income, but I imagine most of us, myself included, have developed our tricks for seeing what we wanted to see for free. Especially in this day and age of youtube like sites set up for porn. And I'm not looking for an excuse to fire up some updates again, I'm sick of being on this horrible escalator. I have heard though, that once we're all in the Spirit World, those women might come up to us, and ask if we were looking at their pictures or videos.
The most obvious way porn viewers contribute to the downfall of these young women is by paying for access to sites. Really, there is no moral or spiritual difference between doing this and paying money to a prostitute or her pimp.
There are also, as someone else noted, 'hidden' ways of paying, through the generation of advertising revenue, &ct. This also makes us morally culpable, although in a less direct way than the above.
But beyond that, simply by watching it AT ALL you are contributing to the immoral climate that makes porn seem to many to be a acceptable part of the entertainment industry, rather than what it is, a variation on the theme of prostitution, pimping, sexual exploitation, and abuse.
This is because those images stay in you head, influencing your thoughts, your words, and your actions, so that we continue to sin in 'thought, word, or deed' long after we have finished masturbating over porn.
Every sinful thought, every little joke or aside that trivializes or legitimizes porn, every carelessly expressed opinion along the lines of 'what harm' all contribute to the climate that makes porn possible.
As does the way porn leads us to treat women: every lustful look or gesture; every assumption about what a women might be up to if she's dressed a certain way; every dirty joke; all our objectifications and dehumanizations that lead us to think about, talk about and act as if women are sex objects.
All these things perpetuate a climate in which porn, prostitution, exploitation and abuse can thrive. This is how we contribute to the downfall of young women SIMPLY BY WATCHING THIS STUFF FOR FREE ON THE INTERNET!
Do you desire to be free from porn? If the answer is "Yes", then there cannot be ANY permissions made for porn in your life, no matter HOW "softcore" it is. Sin is sin is sin is sin is sin. It's that simple. You can justify it anyway you like, but it's still SIN, and God WILL NOT wink at it.
Even the sites/programs that allow you to access the information for free often get revenue generated by links and whatnot, which in turn filter back to the producers on some level.
Whether you're contributing financially or not is irrelevant. You're creating a demand. And when there's a demand, producers up the production to keep up with the demand. How many porn movies have you seen that are like part 8 or part 13. Obviously there had to have been moderate success with that line of product to keep churning them out like that.
However, the bottom line is YOU and YOUR relationship with God. I quit porn because it was affecting ME and the ones I loved. Though it's admirable to want to quit because of the girls and whatnot, most porn consumers are so selfish that they don't care about anyone or anything other than their next orgasm. You have to want to quit for yourself and for your heavenly father. If that's not enough motivation for you, you won't quit. Period.
Matthew, I agree with Tallguy. My history of involvement with this sort of material began with what I rationalized as 'harmless': 'softcore', centerfolds, &ct. This is particularly challenging nowadays when the borderline separating mainstream 'entertainment' and out-and-out porn is so blurred and confused.
I too was initially repelled by anything involving an man in it, but the 'slippery slope' argument has to be taken seriously. It's just the same as how a drugs user progresses from 'harmless' things like marijuana to hard drugs of addiction.
So one starts off looking at 'harmless' images of women (usually rationalizing it using the 'beauty of the human form' rationalization, or something similar), then fall rapidly into looking at the 'hard' stuff, becoming, in fact, a voyeur to an act of prostitution. I still occasionally fall in this way, please pray for me.
It's also important to realize that this is usually a slippery slope for the girls concerned. Few jump straight into doing full-on sex scenes, those who do usually have a background in other forms of prostitution and sexual abuse and exploitation.
Many young women get into this stuff through the 'modeling'/wanna be a star/instant celebrity route. A fashion shoot leads to a topless shoot, then to full nudity on evermore dubious websites and publications; then they might do a spot ol lapdancing, then go on to masturbation, girl-on-girl, and finally to hardcore and perverted porn.
Thus it is important to remember THAT IN WATCHING THIS STUFF YOU BECOME AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT IN A YOUNG WOMAN'S DOWNFALL.
This ought to be enough to make us all stop now, but Satan is wily.
Mike
no behind the scenes facts of my own but i am pretty sure apart from some movies were the plot is not completely focused on porn all that softcore stuff you know they are having sex and i you pay attention a hand is covering or hair or whatever.....and i suggest to get off the elevator...softcore stuff is lame compared to hardcore stuff and im not trying to justify or say one is better or worse i will say this softcore makes the fanastizing in the mind much more pleasant as opposed to the real deal then your fantisizing reaches another level
I think part of being supportive for people who are struggling is being direct and not sugar-coating anything. So here it is: You're kidding yourself. Denial is not a river in Egypt. Was that pretty blunt and to the point?
Porn is porn is porn is porn. Your struggle with porn is about you buying into the enemy's lie and it's keeping you distant from God. It doesn't matter it's classification. It serves the same purpose and it's just as addictive and harmful regardless. That lust in being conceived in your heart and it will give birth to sin, and sin when it is full grown will produce death (James 1:15).
Before I accepted my deliverance from porn over a year ago, I would rationalize everything. Your flesh can be such a legalist. I used to search for videos on a popular non-porn video hosting site just to watch woman and girls dance around in boy-shorts shaking their butts. It "technically" wasn't porn. There wasn't any nudity. No one was being abused or neglected, and the teenager girls who were being exploited were exploiting themselves with their own camera phones. Does that make it any less wrong? I was lusting after them and masturbating to the images. My flesh tried to argue it wasn't "porn", but all the while I was falling deeper and deeper into Satan's grasp.
And I won't get into my thoughts on the LDS church. I don't think this is the time or place, but I will say that I think there's so much added to God's word that it's not even God's word anymore. That could be problem number one.
When I started out it was sex/centerfold mags all the way. "Edited by Admin" But in my experience it doesn't stay that way. After years and finding hardcore porn disgusting after a time it really wasn't so bad anymore.Our consciences can become and often become scalded. You seem to be someone who's bothered by it even though you don't see it as that big of a deal. Think of it as an elevator you can get off any time you want you don't have to drop as far down as I did.
You can continue to test it if you want but I don't recommend it. It's very painful and heart wrenching if you do. I know from personal experience.