Scary dreams of backsilding.
So it's been over 3 weeks since I last looked at porn, as shown in my thread in Prayer Requests and Praises. However, from time to time, I will have an incredibly scary dream where I relapse, complete with a fake website, and usually a nocturnal emission as the dream me climaxes, and normally I will have very real guilt that lasts until I wake up and realize I did not relapse.
In this last dream I had, the guilt just ate me up, I pretty much quit the church, left Utah hating it(which is weird considering I absolutely love Utah), and cursed out my Dad back in Maryland(again weird, since not cursing is one of my strong points).
I have confidence that such dreams will disappear eventually. But when? And I'm guessing dreams aren't 100% pure unchecked thoughts like I thought, because the guilt felt is very real.
Comments
I'm not married, and hopefully by the time I am, I will have been off porn for years. You're very right about the porn being close enough that I can draw images from them. I can come up with a layout and the clips for these fake websites. Luckily I can't come up with a fake URL.
haha...
It's been said that 'a man won't change what he won't acknowledge'... the potential for victory in your situation, man... is that you have acknowledged the problem. So like the old GI Joe cartoons.. 'knowing is have the battle...'
this is your SQUARE 1... you beginning point... the place you will want to return to over and over again... the place where you are free to acknowledge...
'God and everybody... I have a porn addiction, and I hate it....'
'I want the dreams to stop.'
'I want to have years between the pornography and my wedding day.'
Do you hear me? Dude... don't forget this place... you will need to return to it often.
The Bible says that this is the place where God is most likely going to be able to make an impact in our lives, because we are receptive to the healing touch of the Holy Spirit.
Do you have any stories about a time you know that God brought healing to your life?
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
I am no dream expert, but just by looking at the elements of your dream... there seems to be an element of retreat from the battle taking shape in your mind and soul... you left things that you love, and became a person that you are not. Perhaps these could be some signs for you to look out for, as they seem to be evidence of retreat from the battle.
And then the nocturnal emissions... and pieces of your dreams that lead to them...
That is a tough one my friend... you could be happily married and intentional and satisfied with the woman that God has gifted you with, and still have those dreams... the body will need to do something with what you've got... and right now, the porn is still close enough to you that the images that lead to those dreams have the porn to draw from... but you are right... the porn related dreams will eventually go away. There are times when I intentionally 'fast' from sexual intimacy with my wife as to go into a time of prayer for her. By the end of the fast, I am 'burning' for her... and I would say that the 3 week mark is just about right ;-)... so friend... try to shake the shame off of this one... and lets keep moving through today.
Even after years of one battle at a time... I am doing very well... but still humble enough to admit that the war isn't over. My guard can't be let down... Jesus is still clung too... in my weakness, He is my strength... and the war goes on.
One day at a time...
There are a lot of us who are encouraged by your story so far... God is smiling on you, brother.
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator