What roger posted was so true:Look at Ps 16:11 - not only does God tell us He'll lead us, but He promises joy and pleasure! The Devil blinds our eyes to the fact that God knows all about pleasure - He created it! The Devil can't create - he can only distort and pervert until the result is a mere shell of the real thing. Porn's pleasure is ONLY temporary - when God promises us Eternal Pleasures with Him.
I hope what roger said encouraged you just as much as it encourages me. this issue is real deep! and its so sad the average 'church' is not as open to talk about it as shelley is. I have to keep reminding myself aside from the temporary pleasure that its all one big illusion. All of us who struggle against masturbation know that when you are in the fantasy world you are 'God'. That is everyone thing submits to you...you set up the scene, music, candles,etc and whoever the person is..(be it a movie star,person youve always wanted,or some made up image)..they bow down to you and are at your every wish and command. We are not God but temptation can make us feel as if we are. But once the pleasure passes...Poof! Gone are the images and lala land...its just you and God sitting in the dark and youre filled with depression.
'Though thou exalt thyself as the eagle, and though thou set thy nest among the stars, thence will I bring thee down, saith the LORD. obadiah 1:4'
God wants to take us TRULY high..'far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion..ephesians 1:21'
The 'high' we experience in orgasm is really a DOWNWARD spiral. But thanks be to God that first and foremost we have Jesus and we have each other!!

hello forum
I am a single male struggling with internet porn. I know these issues come from childhood pains and issues. I really want to be free. Shelley lubben ministries is helping me. I was looking at internet porn and I saw shelley's face and an ex porn star on this web page. My soul got so convicted that I burst into tears. Please pray for me. I need to come out of my shell. I'm a loner but it gets real lonely, no man is an island.

Thanks for sharing. When I am walking closer with God, I find myself able to think clearly - that is with less fog and dark clouds in my head. When I delve into porn, I find that the after effects are depressive feelings. I think negatively, have a heavy countenance, and drag physically for obvious reasons. This is a weak state for me and it's when the devil has successfully broken me down. I've noticed that when my quite times are solid and my mind is focused on God, my desire to look at adult material is diminished to the point where it is almost a non-issue. If I'm just floating without Godly focus, the devil takes advantage of my "idol hands" and leads me down his path. It's really that simple for me. My prayer is to always be filled with the spirit because you can't be filled with the spirit and do sinful things at the same time.

Tom,

Thank you for sharing.

I can share that I have learned over the years that the events of my upbringing effected me in a way of survival instincts.

In other words, I cope with situations this way or that way, and for the most part it is what I learned to do in order to survive as a child.

The issue, is that for many years as an adult, although my home environment changed, my coping mechanisms did not and thus they became ingrained as habits, vices, addictions or something to that effect.

The biggest for me is Porn/Masturbation.

Essentially I respond to various emotions with the "Magic Pill"

Those emotions range from Stress, Depression, Unmet wants/expectations, Inadequacy...those are the ones that roll off the mind as of this writing.

I have been working on Changing my coping mechanism/habits when faced with these feelings.

The challenge is to allow myself as a guy, to process these emotions...to feel the pain if you will, but to not let the pain overwhelm me while I process.

Many of these things trigger old wounds that I was not mature enough to handle and process, which ofter triggers my coping mechanism response.

Now there are some positive things, situations, places that facilitate me experiencing joy and hapiness. One of which is serving with others in ministry, or coaching some kids in sports, as well as cooking/grilling out. These are times that I am furthest away from my temptations and for that matter from my emotions that are uncomfortable.

What I am in the process of learning is how to handle and manage those uncomfortable emotions.

As a note, we are all created unique and we all have ways that we respond to our emotions, so hopefully my sharing my story will help others, if only to get in touch with this thing that I know I didn't want to do..."Feelings"

I am a stereotypical guy and that thing about "Feelings" - not a place I wanted to go...but not going there only enabled me to dive deeper into my addiction. Again, MY choice.

Now the "Church" answers, which are valid and true...but can cause controversy if I am not real with the moment, is to take on the Spiritial Disciplines. Praying, Meditation, Fasting, etc...

These are all vital and important. However, I have found that in my life, it is easy to put on the mask of Christianity, while not deaing with the pain of addiction.

I hope that I can be honest and real on these boards and again with the people I come in contact with who I can have an open conversation.

My other struggle is 'Perfectionism' - being a sinner does not fit will as a perfectionist...I tend to wear a ton of different masks.

Being vulnerable, however is a positive challenge to me. Often times, I am more willing to admit my poor choices as I view myself in the 3rd person...I then see more options for recovery than when I am stuck on myself.

Of course I do find that relating to others who are going through similar issues is an encrouragement...not because someone else is hurting, but rather because I can learn through the experience of another.

It's a way for Iron to sharpen Iron.

Well, I am looking forward to reading more replies and to connecting with some of you as we continue on in this journey of recovery.

Until next time,
take care,
JP

Thanks so much for the replies. I really appreciate the encouragement. My hope would be that I use the internet for things like this and not porn. I am confident that someday I will. I don't know how to view my whole life in the big picture of this addiction, but let me try to share a bit as I know it has an impact on who I am today.

Without question I grew up in an extremely intense, suffocating home where there was a great deal of violence and betrayal towards my mother from my father. My father mistreated my mother in every way possible and resorted to beatings to resolve arguments with her. He became a Christian in his 40s and after years of alcoholism, cheating and harsh beatings told my mother that because he was a Christian the responsibility of all those actions was on her to forgive and if she didn't it was no longer his problem because he is now forgiven in God's eyes. Religiously right, but so relationally wrong - but that's how it played out. It was a huge catch 22 because on one hand that all occurred, on the other it was because of my father's rigid church regimen that my brother's and I found out about faith and the Church. My entire adolescent life was filled with non-stop, blood curdling arguments b/w my parents and beatings that followed. There was also an unyielding pressure on my bros and I to excel in every facet of life. My mother is korean and father is ex-military turned businessman so it was a great mix for hardcore regimen and high expectations. Failure would be heavy guilt and beatings as well (particularly against my oldest brother for some reason). No sexual abuse whatsoever though (just want to be clear on that). When we were old enough we beat feet out of the house. They divorced a few years ago as a final act of infidelity by my father was the last straw for us all. I feel that the cycle has ended though there has been division within the family in more ways than one. No more contact with my biological father or middle brother. Oldest brother and I have been close since my memory served me and we are trying to help my mother get back on her feet. She is still not a Christian though.

Now I KNOW these events and conditions have had an effect on me, both positive and negative, but how it plays into the whole seclusion and porn addiction I am unsure. It has often come to my mind, but I usually brush it off and keep the onus on myself. Mainly because there is nothing I can do to change the past, but can only be concerned with how I deal with the now and the future. I mean, I am the only one choosing to view porn and live a secluded home life.

Though I mention that I live a secluded life at home, I am very social and spend time doing many social events, ministry outreaches, and physical training. However, I do feel the effects of this addiction and seclusion as I mentioned above - that is odd anxiety attacks and trouble with eye contact and communication at times.

All this gets me back to where I am now - struggling to get over this and break the chains and have a free countenance. Maybe this helps some of you see more about me.

Thanks! God bless.

Welcome to this board.

Quick scoop on me:

I am 40 years of age, Married going on 18 years this coming November, I have two teenage sons (16&17 with birthdays in the next two months)

I accepted Christ in the 3rd grade...although I had no idea what I was doing, my family was not a church going family, rather raised in a very Euro culture...or at least Euro as it was taught to me.

My career is going fairly well and I probably fit some steretype of that White Picket Fence Middle Class family that has no problems.

But beneath the mask is my struggle with Pornography and Masturbation.

Now we are a loyal Church going family and I like to believe that we are Christ followers, each with our own thorn in our side.

Mine happens to be the reason I am on this board.

I have moments of great success and sobriety, other moments of down right disobedience in sinning with this addiction out of choice. I choose to go here, no matter how much I try to put the blame on someone or some circumstance makes me do the things I do, ultimately, I choose to go to Porn and Masturbation.

Now I can and in time will be able to go into more detail, as well as share some things that I have done, when I am succesfully sober.

My goal, is seeing you Tom at 35...you and I share some similarities as it revolves around this addiction.

Now this is a safe place with some pretty cool folks. Folks who are doing their best to be soldiers for God and who do the soldiering by Praying and Loving us in the midst of our sickness.

You mentioned the darkness of this existence...I say the folks in here are the rescure workers and they are shining lights that we can see and move towards.

At the end of the day, it will be up to us to make new choices that are honoring to ourselves, that are healthy for us...basically the things that God created us to be.

I have been fighting this since I was young...my earliest memory is when I was 5 years old...I said and did something that no 5 year old should do, which has lead me to uncover some other truths about my younger days...things that I have dealt with through counseling and support groups.

Again, this is not to cast blame but to be real...I acknowledge that what happened in the past effected the choices I made, however I also know that I have the ability today to make better choices.

Thus the road to recovery.

I am getting long-winded again...

Bottom Line, Welcome Brother.

Thank you for sharing and joining the community.

Welcome to the Pink Cross Forums Tom!! I am glad you are here.

for me, when I am the most succesful in this fight , it's the promise that God has my very best interest at heart, He wants the absolute best for you. not just the "it's good enough" type. Hang onto God and let Him carry you through the withdrawal periods. it's difficult to do. I admit it that I have not been doing good at all lately but I am not giving up.

We will be praying for you Brother. Please make yourself at home, get comfy, let us know how we can help you better.

We love you Mr. Tom. God has huge plans for you. Hang in there brother!!! it's going to be all right.

Welcome Tom!

Here are some awesome promises from God to you...

[quote]Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself also in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.[/quote]
[quote]Psalm 16:11
You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.[/quote]
I used to wonder why porn's appeal was so strong for me. Why did I love this junk? God answered, 'Love Me' (confirming Ps. 37:4). Porn never satisfies. Only God can. I believe our hearts are craving love, intimacy, and acceptance. The desires/cravings of our heart are things that only God knows and can fulfill.

Look at Ps 16:11 - not only does God tell us He'll lead us, but He promises joy and pleasure! The Devil blinds our eyes to the fact that God knows all about pleasure - He created it! The Devil can't create - he can only distort and pervert until the result is a mere shell of the real thing. Porn's pleasure is ONLY temporary - when God promises us Eternal Pleasures with Him.

Take it one day at a time - and stay close to God in prayer - whenever/wherever. Like my pastor says, "When I wake up in the morning, before my feet hit the floor, I pray and ask God to help get me through this day - there's no way I can do this on my own."

Same here. ;)

I got this advice once regarding internet porn, when the temptation to surf for porn hits:
[quote]stop...turn to GOD...pray when you want to surf[/quote]
Praying for you...