Needing Help
For about a year and a half i have been struggling with porn, and its hard to even write this but i need help. The thing is i ve tried hundreds of times only to fall. Iv'e downloaded tons of programs to block porn on my computer but when the going gets tough and the temtation feels like its going to rip me to pieces i give in and as for computers i know way to much for my own good and land up hacking or finding a weak spot in the program where i can access porn. I'm so frustrated but i know God has called me to something greater and I just need help and iv'e been seeking christ to stregthen my relationship with him but it seems that in my own stupidity i fall pushing him farther away. I talked to one of my close friends whom was a christian about this situation and since then circumstances have changed adn he is now married and has his own issues to deal with so i cant bother him any more with my petty problems. I don't really know why im posting here but im just so tired fo the failure and want to be free from all this. It drives me insane and the longer iv'e been doing this the more desperate i become. I know I am in a position where Porn is totally contrary to my life yet it is this dirty secret that i can't get rid of. I NEED help and im here. I don't really have anyone who i can be accountable to that i trust and is sensitive to this issue so i guess thats why im here.
Comments
Today's day 2 of being the process in purifying my mind, and the devil has already tempted me in light measure several times. As I was thinking about how the devil has been tryign to destroy my life and gotten a foothold i am beginng to realize the damage he has done so far. Thankfully the Lord is the great healer. The prblems I have encountered durign this struggle outside of the lust of the flesh have spawned becasue of this lack of self control, and i am begining to realize the grip it has on so many people who live "ordinary" lives yet are tormented inside. The Lord didnt put this upon me but will use this struggle as a testimony to others in the future. I saw a statistic that approx. 46% of men in the church are struggling with sexual sin and that is astoundign in itself . Its sad but its reality and I think the Devil specifically targets Christians with this disease because it can become so powerful to bring down not only on christian but many others nto to mention cause discension amoung the bretheren. I have several friedns who I have come to realize have been going through this struggle, but unfortunately are not Christians and dont see the danger of this disease in plain view. I pray that I can be a witness to them, but I pray mroe than ever that the Lrod gives me the strenght and that my will to rely on him stays strong. Satan has deceived the world into thinking porn is a joke, somethign to be laughed at somethign everyone deos every once in a while the butt end of joke that cant be taken seriously in polotics or any area of reform or at all seriousness as a sickness or source of trouble. This in itself has enraged me becasue of its potentcy as a tool and although i cant see exactly how the Lord will use this exsperience in my life I have been goven a word of knowledge that i will be able to help someone or numberous someones in the fight against satans big lie about porn. -Ace
The past two days were some of the hardest i faced so far. And out of stupidity I gave in. It was not so much the need to see porn but to fulfill the jitters and aggitation and withdrawl like symtoms i guess. My body was screaming to do something and I prayed and althoguthh i wne to church today it was like a battle ground the past two days without relent. I have a problem and only recently have i been able to come to grips with it. But i guess like any other addiction my body is having troulb efilling its desires. I failed everyone but I am getting back up again. I feel my words are almost empty everytime i stand up and say i am going to quit, but apparently like last time not having a firewall on my computer doesnt seem to deter me as it should in moments of intense battlign and giving in to get rid of the struggle. Its pitifull and i come runnnign to Jesus everytime afeterwards becasue i know I am wrong, but I seem to fail whent eh going gets tough, i wish i had a pill or something that took away the jitters but that is not the key issue my heart is the issue. This time in my battle as you all are probably tired of hearing, but i am going to put a firewall and try covenant eyes if anyone is willing to accept the emails as a bro, since i have no one to send them to. Just pray guys, becasue althgouth i sound like an endless gong i do want to be free from this ridiculousness that has taken hold of my life. I need my computer for work and school so getting rid of it is out of the issue, althgouht that woudl prob. be the best solution. But I'm up for any suggestions because I NEED TO BE FREE!!!! Thanks bros. -Ace
Man, I keep thinking that the number one thing you need is a good friend. Your buddy that's married and has his own problems, ought to still be there for you. I'd give him a chance. Just ask him if he can help you again. Sometimes it's a lot easier to help a brother with his problems than deal with our own, so he might be very willing to help.
See, I don't think we're designed to carry our own load. The Bible says to "bear one another's burdens." That's because it's easier to carry the other guy's burden. It's very possible that he needs your help as much as you need his, but just with different stuff. We all need someone to share with. Give him a chance.
If you really don't have anyone who can help, I'd be happy to. I'm not out of the woods yet myself, but if you PM me, I would be happy to try and help out - even if you just need to talk "offline" so to speak.
Hang in there buddy. God's got great plans for you. You were GIVEN this because God knew you could handle it. Prove the devil wrong. Show him that God is greater and you have the faith to prove it.
I am not going to lie to you all, since i know i can't lie to myself nor God, but i failed today, but i am determined to overcome. Eventhough i failed, I find that the Lord has and is currently acting as an advocate on my behalf. I am still determined to be free from this with the help of Jesus. I commit to all of you to be accountable for my actions and that in this process I will be reading the Word and seeking the Lord, because the word will keep me from sin, whearas sin has been keeping from the word in the past. God is much greater than the urges and temptations I am facing and in letting you guys know i know you will keep me accountable, as I wish to be, in helping me to overcome. It took me two months to become an addict and a year adn a half of attmpts to break the revolving door, but enough with words but I pray that with the Lord i may bear much fruit. Thanks Bros for hearing me out. (>@) -Ace
I'm still praying for you. But I want to say something that weighs on me to say. I tried to quit a hundred times. Every couple weeks during church I'd promise to stop. Of course it was a total secret so no one knew if I quit or not. That was the first problem. But I really didn't want to quit. I liked it too much. So I'd say, "well, I'll stop looking at porn, but I will continue to masturbate and use my memories and fantasies to get off, but it's better than porn." I'd wean myself off gradually.
I was watching the movie Uncle Buck this last night and there's this great line where he says, "I quit smoking cigarettes" and she says, "Great." He says, "Now I'm smoking cigars. I'm on a five year plan. There was cigarettes, now cigars, then a pipe, then chewing tobacco, then the nicotine gum." Man, is that us or what?! That was great. That was me twice a month. It will just fade away gradually. But you know that never works. But there's a real problem with that. You break your word to yourself and God enough times and you will stop taking yourself seriously. You'll try to quit and the devil will remind you that you've failed so many times this time will be no different. He's the father of lies, but he won't even have to lie because he can point to all your past attempts and you will believe him. Your resolve to stop will get weaker each time you "try".
I knew this was my last chance. If I blow this one, even once, I'm done for. I've made so many of these weak attempts at quitting that this was my last shot. So as a guy who's been all the way down that road and got a condo there (so to speak), make this real. Make this time real, and quit like a man, and stick with it. I know you can, whether you believe it or not. You gotta tell someone, maybe a couple someones and make it real. Do not do what you've done in the past.
Jesus said that if your eye offends you pluck it out. If you gotta, give that computer to the Salvation Army and check this site and email at the library. I mean, treat this like life and death, because this is your spiritual life. Not your salvation, but everything beyond that.
I encourage you to go here and read some of these quotes. I found this yesterday and I bookmarked it.
http://www.nathan.co.za/ct_studd.asp
This guy C.T. Studd, was a "stud" in the best sense of the word. He was no namby-pamby Christian, this dude was a man. Read his story and do what he did. I want to be like this guy, and I want to see the world this black and white and I want to stand for living a righteous and pure life, even at the expense of my physical life if necessary.
We believe in you and we are praying for you.
As I have thoguht about it i will try to post my struggles and success on a day to day basis if possible. In this way I will be able to keep myself accountable being real to you all as well as myself. I really didnt face much struggle today but I am assured it will come. But in saying this I am confident that the Lord has provided a way out, and the old man has died so that this does not happen anymore. I used to be man who was on fire for the Lord whose sole purpose was to bring others to Christ throguhout my walk as a Christian in daily life. In this the Lord blessed me and I was happy to be following the Lord with a real joy in my life, but temptation was a hook which drug me under the past two years or so. Eventhough i have not been dilligent to the Lord he has been faithfull to me as much as he had before if not more. And in this he has entrusted me with new found wisdom and gifts to be used for his glory, but in order to see what he has planned for me he has told me I must give up for good the fleshly desires. This is the struggle, and in doing so I am to present myself as as instrument of righteouness. Only through HIM can i be free, Amen.
Does anyone know about this problem? I mean besides those of us here on this forum, is there anyone with "skin on" that you've told?
Yeah about a year and a half ago i told a good friend about it and he has been there to support me and i was fightin the fight for a couple of months and seemingly doing good, but then failed miserably from then on. Other than him no. Since then we are still friends but shrotly thereafter he became engaged and that kind of changed the situation between us, and understandably so. Now they are currently married and I havnt had much talk with him in a while, he may think ive already conquered the battle, but am still fighting, other than that no. I havnt wanted to bother him althgouth im sure he woudlnt mind, but he is under some financial hardships and works long hours and such and is just starting his marriage so I havnt talked to him abou this issue in a while. (He struggled with porn for 3-4 months. But you know althoguh it would be nice to have someone to talk to about "in skin" the Lord hasnt provided anyone else i could entrust with this struggle, well there is one really good friend whom encourages me spiritually and knows that i struggle with issues but it woudlnt be appropriate to share the deatail with them. So Thats why i think he lead me here and i think when i really started to look for help in the beginings this site had not been created, so i am thankfull it has been for the glory of the kingdom. Healing Im tired of diggin up the old man and i really do feel like this a do or die situation for me and althought its been a few days since my last failure Im done for good. I want purity of mind and the Lords working on cleaning out the closet. Prior to my addiction i could never undestand how anyone could fall into porn. I had no idea, i was simple about evil in that sense. And that was fro the better because curiosity almost took my soul and I am so glad i have not slipped so far as to never have come back. The Lord has been faithful even in my time of sin and I long to be poured out as a drink offereing for him. In purifying my mind and through his sanctification I know the direction will become clearer as it always has, Its just cleaning the winsheild of all the gunk that is left to do. Gracias a Dios Abba Father.
Hi Captain America. So good to have you join us here. I've read your post and all responses. Concerning computer filters, some do work. They work best when you have someone else carry the password and set up the filters so you cannot access the sites.
Pray for deliverance daily. Give Jesus room to come into your heart. We actually shut the door on Him when we are doing things that do not glorify His name.
I've always said, it is best to replace the 'need to view' with something more productive and beneficial in YOUR life and possibly in someone elses. Jesus wants us to not only help ourselves but others around us. It is hard to do, when we are sitting in front of a computer doing one-armed exercises.
When or if you slip, do not condemn yourself. Make yourself accountable for your own actions. You slip, then go do something for beneficial for another. Ask Jesus for forgiveness. Ask for strength.
The computer can be a productive tool. It actually started out with that concept, but now for many it has drawn us into be reclusive. When we cast Satan out of our lives, we should ask God to kick up out of the house and do something that will glorify his Almight Name.
We do not have the time to sit around and condemn or feel sorry for ourselves when we fall. We need to pick ourselves up, dush ourselves off and make Jesus proud.
He's proud of you now for taking the step forward. Here at Pink Cross we are hear to help you achieve moving ahead.
God Bless and Happy that YOU are here!
dbond911
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Pink Cross Team Member
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It's been almost a week now since i have last viewed porn, and prayerfully the last time. I still get the temptations as they have coem several times today. But I pray that i can withstand them with Christ. The Lord has showed me lately that in following hima nd not giving into these tmeptaions that he has better and better thigns for me and that he reveals more and more about himself to me and his plan for me. Thanks guys for the prayers, but please keep them coming, as u all know this is not an easy thing to do. God i awsome and I am so glad that he has brought me to this site as i think it is sucha great furtherance to the kingdom and al those in need of help, and all of us are desperately in need of help and what beter place than a place which glorifies the Lrod and seeks to stregthen our relationships with him. Thanks bros.
Hey Captain, praise God! He is truly faithful and He will continue. Thought for the day...
When Job had his life fall apart around him, he basically spends the entire book asking God "why." His friends debate why and he defends himself, but the book of Job can really be summed up in two phrases, a question and an answer. "Why" and "Because I Am God." God reminds Job that He alone is God, and He alone knows and controls all. When you feel those temptations, remember that God is God. That may seem silly, but when you ponder the greatness of God, the all powerful creator of the universe who condescends to be your daddy, you will be reminded that, "My dear children, you come from God and belong to God. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world." (1 John 4:4 Mess)
Final thought: "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (Phil 1:6 (NLT)
I'm sorry to dissapoint u all, my Lord and myself, but i failed today. I hate it... i feel like i have a dependancy like and got the shakes and tried to brush it off and all I could think about was trying to overcome, yet it was bad, i gave in. Gosh i felt terrible the whole time but i was compelled to stop after about 5 min yet nevertheless i still failed. I need some advice because this is the first time that iv'e encountered the battle and not had a filter on my computer so it was so easy to do. Healing thanks for the support, but man, i just don't know what to do, this would have been my one week mark and i was doing so good. I know when my walk with the Spirit my desire to do these things is much less, but i live a very demanding life like most i guess, and Althoguht i wish i coudl just go to Bible College all the time or be full time int the ministry this is not where the Lro dhas called me for the moment so life is hectic. I just didn't want to fail and since iw as trying so hard, apparently it wasnt hard enough. I'm at a loss as to what to do i thought... that this was it and it was no more, but ifailed.
Get up. Ok, look at me. Brush yourself off. Here, wipe your eyes. Look at me. You're ok. You're not alone. I'm here. We're all here with you.
See that over there? See that light? That's where we're headed. You want to stay here, just because this is where you fell? Trust me, this will be worth the journey. We're going that way, and I'm going with you. We're all going with you.
You ok? Alright, we're walking. One foot in front of the other. Here we go....
Never stop walking. You're not alone. We need you as much as you need us, and you are too important to us to let you stay where you fell.
Get up. Let's go.
Thanks for the support. Will you all please just pray that God gives me the self-control that i may not stumble. I have been off porn for a few days and usually around this time temptation seems to ocme omy way, so please... Another thing Iv'e been debating whther or not to put another filter on my computer or whether or not It woudl be another temptaion to try to overcome the filter. As of now i don;t have one on my computer. I have had many in the past but they seem to act as a challenge to me to see if they are porn proof, when in reality nothig is really porn proof, its just my heart that needs dealing with. Becasue i long to be free, yet when temptation has come in the past I could only withstand so much of it before faultering. At times I have had a really strong relationship withthe Lord, but this sickness is so great it really shows me how small my faith is. It really upsets me, but I pray I can withsand temptation when it comes full force. Please pray.
We're with you!!! Just tell Jesus that you are helpless to do this alone. Look at it as just one day. Can you hold out for one day? Jesus said, "o don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today."
The Bible says, "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure."
Believe that you are not alone, and that you have many people praying for you.
God, I pray that you will show this dear brother that though all of us face temptation, that you are always ready to provide us a way out. Please demonstrate your power and love to this man by showing him that you are greater than his temptation, and that you are always good for your word. We know that we are men of little faith, but we know that just a tiny bit of faith is all you need from us in order to demonstrate what you can do. Amen.
You are better than this. God has great plans for you!
I am so glad to see you on here. I know that you have come to the right place. The first step is to get help from god, the second is this web site! I cant tell you enough how helpful this is, blog how you feel, pray to god, and others praying for you as well. You hang in there!
Love you brother! You know, even though we all have a unique story, it's amazing how many things we all seem to share are so similar. Just know that this is a place where you are free to talk. You can freely let your private sin out into the light, where you can begin to overcome.
Actually, you can't overcome - you know that. But through Christ, all things are possible. I'm pretty new here myself. I noticed that your join date is the last day I saw porn. Just over one month now! On that day, I saw where it mentioned that Crissy Moran had become a Christian and left the business about 2 years ago. Man, I couldn't believe it. So I found her myspace page, read her story, and I thought, "Man, if she can do it, so can I." For her to leave the business cost her a lot of money, her livelihood, and for me to leave only cost me giving God back control of my life, and living for Him again.
Jesus can kick this thing if you'll let Him. But no matter what, you need to make a promise to all of us here. Don't leave. Don't show up only when things are going well. Use this place and these people to talk about your successes and your failures, because no one here thinks you're a pervert when you mess up. God has a wonderful plan for all of us, and I guarantee that if you give this over to Him, he will use your weakness and turn it into your greatest strength.
There is a reason for everything. If you believe that, it will give you hope and a reason to stay with it. Prepare to be amazed at what God will do in your life starting the minute you give this over to Him!
I promise to pray for you.