my Journal
Ima try to post daily.
ok, I just slipped a while ago, I was supposed to be asleep but I wasn't tired. My body kept urging me to look at porn. I was praying and it went away but after a while it came back. My mind going crazy, with thoughts of lust and fantasy. Eventually I got into it and I ended up going on my laptop and viewing porn and masturbated twice.
Ugh, who knew just one view of porn can turn into a lifetime of bondage? I've been at this for about 10 yrs. I didn't find porn on my on. My idiot friends showed it to me during middle school. Sadly, the urge grew to pics, clips, and now it's been films and masturbating. I am a virgin, and I'm single, I'm glad I am bc I know porn will damage my relationship.
I love God, I have been experiencing his love daily, it's sad that I fall short but I am only human. right now, I am learning how to be positive, bc I know the devil wants me to feel like a failure. But I won't tolerate those lies anymore, I am glad to have discovered this site and I will be posting more soon.
Comments
Hey man, I just finished Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller, and he threw this in at the end:
"Rejoice and repentance must go together. Repentance without rejoicing will lead to despair. Rejoicing without repentance is shallow and will only provide passing inspiration instead of deep change...But when we rejoice over God's sacrificial, suffering love for us--seeing what it cost him to save us from sin--we learn to hate the sin for what it is. We see what the sin cost God."
I know I've been recommending Wired for Intimacy (and I still do), but I would also recommend this book. It's got some really good stuff about what we turn to for our feelings of affirmation, acceptance, power, worth, and desire. It's a good read, and there is a section talking about lust.
Praying for you man!