My Accountability Thread (will try my best to post daily here)
Greetings, brothers (and sisters reading this) in Christ!
It's been a while since I've posted on this forum (over a year already). Anyways, I'm back now and will be posting on this thread to keep myself accountable.
I'll tell you some of the details of my past year and try not to use inappropriate words to describe my situation.
So here it comes. This year I've grown in Christ quite a lot, even though I've been addicted to pornography and masturbation the whole time. There hasn't been longer periods than a week or less of freedom.
It hurts me to tell you this, but I've also fallen to practice some abominable works, such as erotic hypnosis and what-not.
On the bright side, I think, lately I've started to hate porn and all this stuff more than before.
Well, that's it. I just felt like sharing my burden. I feel lighter already. Our God is an awesome God!
God bless you!
Comments
I'm back to share what God has been doing in my life lately, especially tonight! Firstly, I was 7, almost 8 days free from this, but I fell about 3 or 4 hours ago. Before my fall, in these 7 days I was really seeking God.
However, I think I was trying to earn His love by good works, even though I didn't recognize this myself. I had heard a lot lately about that "faith without works is dead", so I started doing works. But that's the wrong order! First the faith, then the works will follow it!
A few days ago I finished a book by John Bevere called "A Heart Ablaze". God spoke to me a lot through that book. He also used a few people to speak about the very same things the book talks about. My brother even prayed about the very same things for me even I didn't talk to him about the book! God clearly told him about it.
Okay, so, I don't know what happened, but today I doubted my salvation and was restless and confused for hours. I sobbed and cried to God to save me. Btw, I've never actually been suicidal, but now I felt so bad I took a knife from my kitchen and continued to cry and pray to God. I was like:
"It doesn't matter what I gain this world to satisfy my lusts, or if I become a better drummer(I'm a drummer btw) than *insert your favorite best-drummer here*, no matter what I get in this world, IT BENEFITS NOTHING IF I WILL GO TO HELL".
I cried: "I don't want to go to hell, but this hurts so much I want to kill myself." I don't know how close I was to killing myself, but man, I must have been pretty close, because you can't fool God. He sees right in to your heart. (Though, if I would've been 100% serious, God would've intervened for sure.) Anyways, I felt no change or got no answer from God. Reason was most likely my unbelief.
Then, this is the part I gone back to porn(after the 7 days). My excuse was: "because I felt so much pain". It gave me the same old feeling of false peace. After that I didn't really go to God, because I was so ashamed and frustrated. Then I gone to porn again. After "I was done", I continued to cry out to God, but wasn't really suicidal anymore.
Finally, a comment on a Youtube video just hit me, like: BANG! Here's the comment: "I wish there was a way that a person could know without a doubt that they are really saved. " - There is, and it is by looking to Christ, trusting in Him. My friend are you doing a works based salvation? Are you relying upon yourself? Are you born-again? Are you a new creature? If Christ is not beautiful to you, then your lost. Yes there may be a dull period, but the reality is true Christians will habitually see Christ is altogether lovely and precious. He is all we have.
My eyes were opened right at that moment and I became SO happy. It's crazy how awesome is the love of God. Christ has done it all for us. We just have to believe and receive. My prayer is that I won't go back to the world, and that my family won't either and that my friends won't either, and that you guys here in The Pink Cross won't either!
Brothers, STAY STRONG IN CHRIST! It is time for us to stand. It's time to break the bondage of sin. NOTHING ON THIS EARTH WILL SATISFY YOU! If you feel not forgiven or loved: Seek God with all your heart and strength! True, by faith and by faith alone we are saved, but without works the faith is dead. We need to humble ourselves before God like children: "And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3
God bless you guys! Jesus is all we have!
@ QuietRhythms
Thank you for the encouraging post! ^^
@ xGuardyourstepSx
Yes, it's important to remember women are people like men, not sexual objects. :)
@ MrX
Keep fighting brother, Jesus Christ loves you very much. Never ever forget that you can always go back to Jesus. He will restore our broken souls!
Today's update: From last post I've fallen to porn a few times. I knew deep in myself it would happen, because I haven't been living for God 100%.
However, today's a new day and will continue to run my race with Jesus!
"This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
God bless you everyone!
'Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.' Job 8:7
God is always wanting to do something new in your life, as well as toss out the old stuff. When you fall into the sin of porn, don't dwell there... you will be reminded about all of the other times you fell after some victory... don't dwell there.
I always had to ask myself:
Am I willing to move on the my life believing that God has a future for me that isn't stuck in the mire of pornography?
Yes... Yes... and Yes...
You are right... it is a new day.
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
@QuietRhythms
Thanks for your post. Yes, I'm sure there's no way out of this if I don't fully surrender to God.
Pray for me that I will find "the end of my rope" so I can fully surrender to God. I want to leave all this behind me.
As the days have passed, I've already become closer to "the end of my rope", but it will probably take some more time.
I am only 18 years old and even though I'm not in a relationship right now, I want to become married one day, probably in a few years.
However I don't want it to happen if I'm still addicted to porn. I have to get rid of it first.
Jesus, set me free.
"Edited by Admin"
Here I am again to share how I've been doing. I want to be honest and keep nothing in secret from you.
I gone over 48 hours without porn and masturbation, a few hours ago though, I gone watch porn and masturbated.
I was caught off-guard on YouTube and accidentally saw something inappropriate, then the urge made me do it. I guess it's better I don't randomly browse YouTube or similar sites.
However, it's again a new, fresh start with the Lord Jesus Christ, and I'm certain I will be free from this sooner or later.
Whether it be days, weeks, months or even years; I will not give up.
God bless you brothers!
May I suggest you get a porn filter. You can add youtube to the blocked list if it tempts you.
Get rid of your access and you'll notice a difference. Temptation isn't as dangerous when you know you can't randomly browse for porn. Seriously, get a filter, now!
I've been thinking about getting a filter for a long time, but have never taken action.
However, I got myself a filter on Sunday. It's the OpenDNS filter, which is free, but still effective.
And it's fully customizable, you can select categories you want to block and specific sites to unblock/block.
God bless!
I can tell that you are moving ahead, even through the failure. I'm reminded as I read your posts about Paul's call for us to 'press on'... 'run the race'...
You're going into the wind... but you'll get stronger... you'll discover that His strength perfects your weakness.
Proud of you.
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12
It's embarassing after a post like that "Proud of you" to admit that I've fallen again. Still I want to be honest at all times.
Anyways thank you, encouragement is more than needed! Gonna go to read the Word, it's food for the Spirit! Later and God bless!
You wanna know what though... it's not back to the drawing board... you've already been to the drawing board and set your sights on the goal...
Repent.
Turn back to Jesus.
Move forward.
Again... and again... and again.
Still proud of you, bro.
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12
It's 6 weeks since the last post. I just wanted to inform you guys how I'm doing. I've been still falling to porn every few days. Last time was yesterday night. (Time's different here, it's now 9PM here btw)
I'm praying and trying to hate all this crap. Reading articles on how to start hating sin really helps see behind the lies. I feel the need to study the truth about sin.
There's nothing good in sin. The temporary "relief" is just a mask that hides truth about it, it's there just to make us "do it just once more".
Well, I don't know really what else should I say. Jesus is the best thing ever happened to me and always will be. No matter what, even if I don't always feel that way, it's the truth.
God bless you.
First of all I'd like to tell you that I'm proud of your everyday attempt at freeing yourself from sin. It's admirable and I just wish I knew a good way to encourage it better.
I have a question.
You mentioned the word TRYing to hate porn. It seems to indicate that you still love part of it!
This is something you should answer only to yourself honestly, I'm not demanding an answer.
My question is: What part(s) of porn do you love?
Because if you're into it, there's something you're getting from it! What?
I'm asking this because you have to eventually come face to face with what you like. In order to hate it, you must first become aware of exactly what you like. Only then can you turn the perceived gain around.
Keep seeking Jesus' help my friend. He is the source of all healing and can do what you can't.
-
Mark
Yeah it looks like a part of me still loves it. Even when my beliefs and morals tell me it's wrong, my sinful nature loves it.
I think the thing I love in it is the escape from reality and a temporary pleasure. That's how sin works. Sin is delusional. We wouldn't sin if we didn't enjoy it at all.
It seems "sweet" to us, but eventually we'll face the reality: Even if it seem so, sin brings nothing good. It never benefits us. All it does is harm. There's nothing good in it. NOTHING.
If we - and especially myself - would only remember that at the time of temptation, we'd see through the lies of sin.
"Keep seeking Jesus' help my friend. He is the source of all healing and can do what you can't."
That's words of truth you're speaking, Jesus is all I need. I just can't see that very clearly at all times. That's because I fail to continually live for God.
Things I need: a real fear of God, a hatred towards sin, passion for God, love towards other people and grief for sinners and people who aren't saved yet. That's what everyone needs.
I hope that some of you will pray for me so that I can fully surrender to God. I'm sure that only when I fully surrender to God, I can truly live.
My life is every day a battle to surrender or not to. I've written more about it on an another thread of mine.
Anyways, Jesus is the greatest-fellow-ever, no matter how much I suck.
God bless you!
======================================================
EDIT: Today is the Day 1 for me. Icky Thumped's thread encouraged me a lot. Praise God for what He's doing!
I've taken some serious action (at least in my case) and set some boundaries for my internet browsing. I will be using internet only for checking news, e-mail, school things and of course The Pink Cross & other sites that help me with my walk.
Normally I'd just browse internet for fun, because I've kind of gotten used to being on internet a few hours a day. God has shown me now that it's a problem to me. Especially when I'm alone, which is the case most often.
Brothers, I encourage everyone of you to take a serious action, whether it's the internet, TV or something else. I can't tell you to get rid of the internet completely, because I'm not even doing that myself, but at least set some time boundaries, if you think you're spending too much time online.
As for the TV, I watch it myself like once in a month max, or more rarely. I can't really have advices on that, except that it's completely possible to live without it.
God bless you Brothers, stay strong in Christ!
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13 KJVEDIT2: Sorry for "BUMP"-ing this thread, that's really not my intent, but when I edit this post, it just seems to go up.
It's not just that Jesus is all you (we) need.
JESUS IS ALL THERE IS!
The pressure you feel for those short burst of pleasure, is nothing but a void that nothing will fill.
But it is not enough to nod your head and say yes. You need to get this truth. Understanding that you're not filling the void is the most grave emergency!
I have good news though, you can be porn free! Jesus alone can save from it and fill the void.
I know, because by God's Grace, I AM porn free. I know exactly what you love about porn because I used to love it, I can describe it in minute detail.
Yet I know I am free from it, and that means TOTALLY. I just don't want to see it or imitate it!
Anyone reading this may want to know how. It's not only about how, but also about why.
I want a good, holy relationship with God, with women and with myself. Period.
Aren't you tired of Christians telling you they are weak but God is willing to help? Like it is nice to be a sinner if you're humble about it! Isn't there suppose to be someone who demonstrates success in the Lord.
Jesus can succeed where you always failed. Let me tell you about it...
Here is the HOW:
Pray Pray Pray. Admit to God that you are helpless and that you have no hope unless He does a miracle. Beg, pray and fast for a miracle so that your soul may be saved.
Ask for the repentance you don't have! Cry desperately for God to start the works of salvation while you're still a sinner.
A REALLY SAVED person is a new creature. Pray daily to be renewed and continuously renewed. Ask God to start the work of regeneration and finish it. Tell Him you do not want to be like the seed that got choked, but that you want to grow and bear fruit.
Drown yourself in the Bible, let God talk through it and talk back to God. This is the fertile ground where the seed can grow to bear fruit. Anything else, is the bad land where there is no hope.
What will happen next? I don't know! But God will not turn away a prayer from someone who wants to please Him. Ever!
GOD IS FAITHFUL, and He likes to show you that you're worthless without him.
At first He freed me from the temptation but as it gradually came back He started teaching me how to carry it as a cross. Every day He would let me carry a slightly heavier weight while HE carried the rest.
He did more than free me from the enemy. He is teaching me how to be strong against it and training me daily.
What else happens next?...
Porn really has nothing in it for me now.
I like women to feel loved, and I never saw a woman feeling loved in porn.
I like women enjoying themselves, so I am tired of woman faking every smile. I'm irritated by the idea of trying to convince myself that they are actually having fun when it is clearly transpiring that they are not.
I like beautiful women, and that excludes most porn. It looks like many of them are drained from the essence of life. They're just not attractive.
The few beautiful women there are, are just being abused. I do not want to see innocence being defiled for the pleasure of sick minds.
What REALLY Fills me, and what would really fill you guys who are struggling is genuine love towards women. You need to start admiring Godly women, in modest clothing, surrounded by good relationships and genuine happiness.
You need to start desiring a clean life and genuine love for every woman. You need to start seeking female faces that smiles and rejoice out of innocence, gentle spirit and a sense of true love surrounding them.
The beauty of Godly women, and Godly men relating to them properly can release the pressure you are attempting to release with porn.
You don't love those women. No one who loves women would want to see them in miserable states. Go look for women in their most beautiful state and let that fill you up with joy and sooth you.
You will realize that porn just a waste of time. You are wasting your time finding something fun, when the real joy and fulfillment is elsewhere.
What about masturbation? Did that go away as well?
Yes it did!
When I resolved that porn was worthless, my imagination could deliver what porn never did and without wasting time browsing for the right picture and video. how convenient!
Did I want a woman with gentle spirit? In my mind I could have it.
Yet I prayed the same prayer leaving it to God to change me. This is my 9th day without masturbation.
It is just my 9th day and I KNOW that I'm cured from this already.
I can see myself fully appreciating the beauty of women without seeking short bursts of pleasure that is derived from fantasies.
My focus is more "External". I don't live in fantasy worlds. I live here and now.
I still experience that sensation of pressure, but when it comes I just pause and observe it, instead of it controlling me. To my amazement I quickly discover that very often, there is nothing sexual within that emotion.
There are all sorts of junk emotions coming up with the pressure, sometimes anger, sometimes sense of hopelessness and many emotions without a name. The actual sexual pressure s bearable and it is a cross I gladly bear.
It is the cross that I carry around as my precious reminder that God has freed me, and that HE is faithful to me and always will be.
While I learn to carry it, I'd like to hang around this forum :)
Praise be to God! There are no words good enough to praise HIM.
Now will you let God be faithful to you?
Sincerely-
Mark
EDIT:
PS: I also write this as a "psychologist". I am well trained in NLP and hypnosis and know many trick to change people's behavior.
When it comes to sin, only Jesus can save. HE alone is worthy of glory.
Don't attempt to overcome it by your own power. You would only be seeking glory for yourself in vain.
EDIT 2:
PPS: I will be praying for you, the same prayer I prayed on me. God hears me, count on it.
It's Day 2 now, still free. I've been experiencing a lot of resistance and at times I have really dirty thoughts which I do my best to bring into obedience to Jesus, like the Bible commands us to.
Thank you for your post. That was encouraging. A long post like you said, hehe. :P
One thing disturbs me, however, you said you're well-trained in NLP and hypnosis..?
I have myself listened to some hypnosis recordings, but praise God, I haven't fallen to practice that for a long time.
I don't recommend hypnosis to Christians at all, even if it's supposed to be "Christian hypnosis" or something crazy like that.
Here's something I recommend you to take a look at, I quoted it from wwwDOTgotquestionsDOTorg/ :
Question: "Should a Christian ever get involved with hypnosis/hypnotism?"
Answer: Hypnosis is problematic for a Christian for several reasons:
1) The fruit of the Spirit is self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). As we follow the Spirit’s lead, He will give us the power to better control our own selves. Hypnosis involves the transfer of control away from ourselves to another person.
2) We are to yield ourselves—body, soul, and spirit—to God. Romans 6:12-13 gives us the formula for overcoming sin: “Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.” It’s about control—as Christians, we can let sin control us, or we can let God control us. (See also Romans 6:16-23; 1 Corinthians 6:9-12; and James 4:6-7.) The scriptural formula leaves no room for hypnosis (yielding ourselves to a fellow human being).
3) Hypnosis leads to an altered state of consciousness in which the mind is very susceptible to outside suggestion. That susceptibility is what the hypnotist needs in order to modify the behavior of his subject. However, the word “susceptible” should concern us. Scripture says to be watchful and “… self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). The hypnotist is not the only one who wants to modify our behavior; Satan also wants to do some modifying, and we should be wary of giving him any opportunity to make his suggestions.
4) Hypnotism is often promoted as a simple way of “refocusing” ourselves and finding the answer within us. As believers in Christ, our focus is to be on our Savior, not on ourselves or anything else (Hebrews 12:2). We know that the answers do not lie within us (Romans 7:18); the solution we need is found in Christ (Romans 8:2).
5) Many of the techniques used in hypnosis are shared by mystical, philosophical, and religious systems, including the occult. The “father of hypnotism,” Franz Anton Mesmer—from whose name we get the word “mesmerize”—was himself a practitioner of the occult. His method of inducing a trance was very similar to the way a medium conducts a séance. Hypnotism, along with yoga and transcendental meditation, has always been linked to spiritual darkness. The newfound respectability of these practices has not changed their underlying nature.
Recommended Resource: The Truth Behind Ghosts, Mediums, and Psychic Phenomena by Ron Rhodes.
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Sadly, there isn't an informed piece of researched truth in what you quoted there. The author got his information from movies and urban legends instead of up to date research and historical facts.
I will save you the counter arguments as it is not the scope of this forum, and I'm sure you don't want another long post unless it's equally helpful. :) lol
There is part of point 4 we should all agree upon though. Our focus should be on Jesus. One should not go to a hypnotist as a replacement for Jesus, it is a dangerous misplacement of saving faith.
There's no healing like Jesus' own healing. I would recommend it over anything.
---
Remember to ask God to renew you.
Check out Psalm 51 here's part of it:
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
13 Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
-
Mark
Day 3, still porn-free, but I fell to masturbation yesterday.
Good news: I had courage to ask prayer help from a brother in my church. It's a long time since I've had courage to ask for help face-to-face. God is awesome.
Okay. I don't want either that this thread becomes an argument on whether or not hypnosis good for Christians. But, when you said:
"One should not go to a hypnotist as a replacement for Jesus, it is a dangerous misplacement of saving faith."
When you agree that, how can you then accept that hypnosis is OK?
It is playing with fire, even if it's not used as a replacement for faith. Jesus said: "Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41
Well, I don't know exactly how you're involved in hypnosis. If I got it right, you're a psychiatrist. Correct me if I am wrong.
But I'll leave it here.
God bless you Mark and let's keep focus on Jesus, like you said! :)
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16First of all well done on the step you took. Praise the Lord.
"When you agree that, how can you then accept that hypnosis is OK?"
Good question!
I can say that hypnosis is ok because I know what hypnosis actually is and what it is not, and I know that it can be applied in a Godly manner.
I don't know who you were quoting in the previous post but that person, while undoubtedly well meaning, is misguided on many points.
He (or she) has no knowledge of what hypnosis really is beyond speculation and urban legends. The passages quoted are unrelated to hypnosis itself and inaccurately (read illogically) applied to prove his argument. (Which is what I found most disturbing - you don't use the Bible to prove a point when you don't have a valid one)
Hypnotic practice is a victim of many misconceptions that fiction, Hollywood and stage artists help to fuel. It is just a natural state which we all go through at various times of the day. Forbidding hypnotic states is as absurd as forbidding waking up in the morning.
In hypnosis you DO NOT submit your control to someone else, it's impossible. Mind control has been attempted by many, including the CIA, through hypnosis and it was always a failure.
In hypnosis you are not unconscious but very much awake, very much in control and highly aware. One is so in control in fact, that one could take a decision to stop smoking and actually follow through.
In hypnosis you DO NOT focus inside for answers. Although there is a variation in the focus of a person, this is totally unrelated to focusing on something that is not Jesus.
If you're driving, should you not focus on what's going on in the road? Of course you should, but that does not mean your life's focus is not to be as perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect.
It is your responsibility as a follower of Jesus to focus on the road.
Hypnosis is NOT directly related to mysticism or occult traditions. Mesmer was the first con artist that used to susceptibility of his audience. Today's hypnosis practice, at least in therapy, is totally unrelated to Mesmer and there is absolutely no line of heritage.
Mystics and shamans may use techniques to alter the state of minds but that is not related to modern day hypnosis at all. Even if it was, it wouldn't make hypnosis bad, because mystics use it.
(as any philosophy student will tell you, there is a logical fallacy in an argument like that)
Terrorist use knives. That does not make knives bad in any way. You can use knives in Godly manners too, just like hypnosis.
Besides, I have yet to find a clear banning of hypnosis in the Bible. The closest thing there is to a banning is in Deuteronomy 18: 10-12, where enchanters and charmers are described as abominations.
However, when one takes these in the Canaanite, pagan context of the time, it can easily be understood that these are referring to workers of potions and spiritism practitioners so that modern day hypnosis practice is ruled out.
It would be more accurate to say that psychiatric drugs are biblically banned, since these can be defined as potions that ruin sobriety.
I am a psychologist not psychiatrist. I don't prescribe useless drugs but use my understanding of the mind to provide support to people.
Other reasons. I researched the Bible and prayed about the matter to see if it is right or wrong.
I also overcame a caffeine addiction with hypnosis myself, and helped others with it too. I'd reason that it is good to help people with what is essentially a natural state.
Blessings!
Mark
Day 6, still porn-free. I masturbated twice since last post, but my primary goal is now to get porn-free at any cost.
I had last night some weird dreams, but also saw a nice demonstration of how much Jesus has done for us. I know this sounds weird, but I was some white animal, maybe a sheep.
Then these two or three (not sure how many) black wolves ripped me in pieces. Anyways, right after that I was alive and a human again, and I was near that same spot where I died.
In that moment I just rejoiced how much Jesus has done for us. Like I had felt a little piece of that pain He had to experience. I think that God influenced that dream. It was awesome.
Mark:
Your post opened my eyes a bit, but I'm still not convinced.
I don't really know what to say, because after all I don't seem to know a whole lot about hypnosis.
Let's not take this argument any further, if there's something you want to reply, use PM. :)
God bless you bro.
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16First of all congratulations for the Day 6, I'm glad to see you adding +1 on and on.
I don't know how it feels for you but for me it got fun now :~)
Strange dream there.
Maybe it's my psychology background but I'm reminded of Joseph and have a desire to get you to interpret that.
Keep adding +1 :)
-
Mark
Thanks bro. Freedom feels great. However, I feel sometimes a bit depressed and stressed.
I'm sure the abstinence causes it, because it only appears when I have a strong urge and don't give up. The Adversary tries everything to make us fall.
Hopefully those feelings will fade after a few weeks/months, because they make resisting even harder sometimes.
God bless!
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Notice that masturbation and porn are actually a means to numb those very feelings of depression, unease and "nameless anxiety".
Instead of numbing them with sin, there's an alternative. Go in prayer and surrender them to the Lord.
The first few day that is something I would notice when temptation arose. That pressure was NOT really caused but a strong sexual desire but by some other frustration that I was "sexualizing".
For example, I would notice that underneath the tension I had a desire to feel trusted by a woman. Or a desire to posses control of women, or a feeling that I'm not worthy of being loved. Sometimes I wouldn't identify the meaning of a feeling at all.
Against these, my masturbation was only a naive defense mechanism. The wrong one of course.
As you surrender those feelings and their underlying issues to God , He heals them and your need to self-medicate disappears too.
Surrendering them at times, is like opening your hand and letting them go.
At other times it even feels like you are hanging to an emotion and you have to let yourself go and drop into the void. Where God will catch you.
Praise the Lord for your 7th day! :)
-
Mark
Freedom from porn continues. However, I masturbated twice since last post. Today I haven't though.
Thanks for the post Mark, really motivating. I guess I gotta spend more time with Lord. Without Him I'll just wind up doing those same things sooner or later.
I really have to set a good amount of time aside alone for the Lord.
How's your progress?
Keep it up bro.
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16You're welcome bro!
I'm doing great, thanks for asking. :~) It's time to sleep and conclude my 16th day of freedom.
Today I did feel a good amount of tension and temptations, which is not bad actually since it has to happen at some point and it's the best time to see God's faithfulness.
I followed the above advice and got good help from The Almighty One.
I also discovered that abstinence can be easy if I just keep my thoughts clean. Easy is not an understatement here, but there is still the IF.
In fact here is something I'd recommend to anyone!
I'm measuring success, not only in terms of days, but by the amount of lustful thoughts I surrender to God.
You actually deal with the root of the issue that way and numbers go up quite rapidly. :-D
I surrendered 4 lustful thoughts just today. They were few, but intense.
Thank you again, Lord. You rock!
-
Mark
Progress status: Good. It's 9th day off porn and no masturbation yesterday or today so far. But still I fall looking at women lustfully in many situations. There are just too many women who you look at and you'll be like *woah*.
Pollution from porn still is there in my mind, but it's getting better. I don't get as bad thoughts as before, but still have those "perfectly normal" thoughts for women. I really need to learn to look away when I happen to look at a woman lustfully.
That's some great progress. Man, you're right. It's almost impossible to stay free, if thoughts aren't clean. And when they're clean, it's like the opposite. It's quite easy.
The Bible says:
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV
We just need to focus on God, not the problem, BUT at the same time keep our thoughts clean. It's easier said than done sometimes, though.
God bless!
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16That's exactly what it is.
"We just need to focus on God, not the problem, BUT at the same time keep our thoughts clean. It's easier said than done sometimes, though."
It's hard if you attempt to to keep the thoughts clean yourself. There is a way in which God does it, and He gradually trains you to carry the cross.
The cross in this case is the chastised flesh, that wants to posses, control and get approval.
I know exactly what you mean as this night I had a fantasy that my flesh really desired, yet God is faithful and He helped me through the valley of shadows.
It is a cross, but it gives me more joy and energy than what it takes from me. Truly his yoke is easy, and his burden is light.
There's a catch though, you have to grab it and carry it to find out, not drag it. Actually, you should run with it! :-)
_
Mark
Well, I failed. I know the reason more than well enough.
I was vulnerable to the enemy and even worse, my flesh, because I wasn't walking in the Spirit. If I would've walked, I wouldn't have fulfilled the lust of the flesh, as said in a verse below:
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16
Since I reached the Day 9 earlier, I can reach now Day 90, or Day 900, or 9000. ;) Or...!
God is awesome.
"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2 NIV
"Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded." James 4:8 KJV
Getting back up again. I've been having rough time lately, falling a lot and stuff. I'm sure God is preparing me for something, it's been so tough lately. He has cut a lot of pride from me, there's still some work to be done.
Please remember me in your prayers.
Long time no post. I just wanted to drop by and tell how I'm doing.
This week God allowed some serious stuff to happen. Something I didn't like, but I know He is in control and knows what's best for me.
Praise be to God, He helped me through those battles!
About my porn-freedom, it's Day 2 now, like the title says. It's been really hard for me, but He will run me through, like He has always done.
God bless you brothers in Christ!
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Doing good, except that I masturbated last night. Gonna keep you guys posted.
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16You are back in the cycle again!!!! Please Read it again, over and over again!!
THE FLESH AND BLOOD fron an earlier post of mine:
"Jesus is my only one and I can't do this alone. Today is the new day in Him" This is a true statement and yes you will be forgiven and today is a new day for sure.
Sorry for my boldness but if you kill and ask for forgiveness you will be forgiven right? Start a new day in Him. But it dosent bring the dead back to life does it? Thats because what was killed was flesh and blood.
You just cant keep on trying, failing, confessing it just dosent work.
How many times can we go into this pattern before we are again complacent and comfortable with the routine surrendering to the thought that "I will be forgiven".
You are doing damage to flesh and blood, yours, your familys and innocent woman that are caught up in this CRAP because WE create DEMAND for it. How may time can the FLESH take hits like this before the damage can not be undone? Do we want to find out? Jesus already died for these sins and this site is riddled with examples of others that have died because of these sins. There are also so many examples of rebirth. What else do you need. TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU YOU CAN LIVE WITH OUT THIS GARBAGE!!!!!
Step up Brothers Use what God gave you to MAN UP, FOR GODS SAKE!!!
YOU HAVE TO BREAK THE CYCLE.....PERIOD your faith is strong but your flesh is week and much of this addiction lays in the flesh. You cant put it all on GOD!
PM Me if I can help you at all, I have been through a lot also, I am here for you!
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"A fight is not won by one punch, either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard" Bruce Lee
@zKonz
Thanks, gotta check that one out sometime. Keep it up bro.
@wastintimenomore
Thanks for your post. That's words of truth you're speaking. I know that, but somehow I just never have been able to live in the freedom permanently.
I always end up in the cycle again, and don't have a clue how to stop it. I know only Jesus can do it, but I don't get it why I can't receive that freedom.
Or actually sometimes I "do" receive the freedom, but it only lasts for a few days. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just deceiving myself.
I hate it, because it's like the best thing ever to walk with God with a passion for Him. Somehow I just lose that passion in a day, a few days or so. Why's that?
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Yeah, brother. I've been feeling the same way. Remember the Gospel. Remember the Good News that you are forgiven and validated. You are clean! I know you've been talking about some shame, maybe to the break the cycle we need to have more serious involvement with brothers from church. Just a thought.
"I hate it, because it's like the best thing ever to walk with God with a passion for Him. Somehow I just lose that passion in a day, a few days or so. Why's that?"
I think too many people put it ALL in his hands and that is not the way it works.
You can walk with God, yourself or the little old lady down the block you just got to keep walking forward toward a goal and never look back.
Look, I know you guys are very faithfull brothers and that is where you have and advantage and edge to beat this, because God is our ultimate accountability partner , yes.
I had a Preist from my church that I became friends with, I was having issues with my son in school, he was doing poorly and I was the start of some developmental issues. He came over our house one night because he know we were stressed over it. I began to cry at one point, he shook me and said "stop crying, God wants you to be a man, you cant help your son if you are crying" He didn't say, lets hold hands and pray or lets open the Bible and look for scripture that fits the issue. The way I look at this is simple GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES.
Brothers, when these urges, temptation come calling you need to fight them. You need to have a huge list of things to do that will take you mind off of the urge. If one thing doesn't do it go to the next thing until the urge passes. It is really important to understand how the triggers work in your bodies, if you haven't you need to do this research. Put down the Bibles for a short while and find out what is going on inside you, it will be ok ,God will be there when you go back.
The only way you will be able to feel the freedom is change what gives you pleasure and that is not an easy thing to do. It is simple yet complex so you need to have a plan. I worked out, walked, got in to bike riding, worked on some hobbies, did work at my church and I prayed a lot during the urges until they passed.
We have been slow at work lately and my temptation has been greater since then, I just force my self to get up from my desk and do anything. I think being lazy is what got me into this mess many years ago.
Sit down, make a plan, educate yourself on the illness, write down your plan. Do what you need to do but you have to STOP VIEWING PORN!!! There are so many more pleasures to be had in this world, FIND THEM!!! Remember one day, one urge, one fight at a time.
BREAK THE CYCLE
PM me if you need anything!
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"A fight is not won by one punch, either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard" Bruce Lee
Day 2, praise God, I've spent more time with the Lord than usually. I even had a day off the computer (I never do that when I'm home) and spent more time praying and reading the Word.
Gotta do that more often, I know it does lots of good.
Thanks for the post, you're right. We need to make effort to walk with God.
Reading testimonies from being taken into Hell & Heaven has also helped with my struggles. It reminds how it's a waste to pursue worldly things. Nothing else is as important as to have a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Eternity is what matters. Brothers, let us pursue righteousness! "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." 1 Timothy 4:8
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Greetings!
Just wanted to drop by and tell what's going on. I've been still falling all over again to porn, getting back up and falling again.
By God's great mercy, I've been out of all that garbage for 2 days now. There's no room to take this lightly anymore.
I hope that the Lord will really give me a Godly hatred and disgust towards sins of lust(and other less enticing sins as well).
I want to take a new step forward, and ask if there's possibly someone who wants be an accountability partner via e-mail?
I know, I need to tell someone at my local church or something too, but I can't do that yet. Please pray that I dare to take that step. It's so important, yet so hard to spit it out.
It would be a lot easier if God would lead me to a situation where people talk about these things and stuff. It's not God's fault, but my prayer is that God will forgive my cowardliness and lead me to a right person.
Jesus is best, no matter how I feel. God bless you brothers.
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Hey dude, I'm glad that you are still trying to battle this and haven't gone completely rogue, saying, "F*** this, I'm gonna look at porn and not look back." That could happen, so be encouraged that you are hurting over the situation. I know there's nothing I can say that will get you out of the cycle, but try to remind yourself that DESPAIR is a tool of the ENEMY. Christ didn't die for you to live in despair. You have hope.
So the question I have is: why do you want someone to be an email accountability partner? I know you're struggling with reaching out to people at church (and I'm grateful that I have a community where it wasn't swept under the rug). But why do you want an email accountability partner?
Keep fighting with all of you've got, and know that you are worth dying for.
Hi zKonz!
I fell 5 days ago, but guess what, I got up and am doing better than before. The reason is simple: I've let go and let God do His part. Praise Him for what he's been doing in my life!
Lately I've been spending much more time with Him. Earlier I had hard time wanting to read bible, prayed only when it was hard for me etc. God has shown me His love more than before, now even if I don't emotionally feel like serving Him, I still have the passion for Him.
I'm ashamed of to say this, but earlier I used to follow emotions, and even condemned people like that in my mind sometimes. Praise Jesus, he has changed me!
We can't have a passion for Him until we understand His love. I learned it through His Word, I had to pay more attention to His promises and believe them, not just read them.
The great and first commandment, in Matthew 22:37: And He said to him, "'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'
When I read that, when you read that, I think no honest person can say he can follow that commandment on his own. BUT, when we pay attention to Him, how much He loves us, we'll begin to love Him back. No human that understands the price that Jesus Christ paid on the cross can resist loving Him.
About the e-mail accountability partner thing: Well, maybe it's the same if I post on this thread or mail with someone.
What I'm after is, that someone would ask me "tough questions" every few days, so that I can't hide my falling to sin without lying.
Sometimes in the past when I fell I couldn't come to tell it on this forum, because I thought that no one cares anyways etc.
That's great to hear, that your church accepted you as you are. I'm sure my pastors will too, I just haven't been able to tell them. I guess it's the pride that God needs to tear off from me.
God bless you brothers in Jesus' name!
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Well, I fell again at night after the last post and yesterday night. The results: despair, shame and feeling of unworthiness.
Thanks to God and our Lord Jesus Christ, who sets me free from those things. Like this verse says, I've done again:
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2
Brothers, seek the Lord, seek His face. There's nothing physical in this world that will satisfy us, nor anything spiritual that will satisfy us, except the Lord Jesus Christ who LAID DOWN HIS LIFE ON HIS OWN ACCORD, SO THAT EVERYONE WHO BELIEVES SHALL BE SAVED.
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith." Philippians 3:7-9
God bless you!
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Hi.
Just dropping by and saying I fell again yesterday. Today starts a new war, which I'll keep up no matter what. I can't do that without Christ Jesus, but in Him all things are possible.
This is serious business, it's ridiculous how easy it is to fall when we can't see through the enemy's lies or if we let our desires go unbridled.
I have come to conclusion that there's no place for compromises at all. One little spark of compromise can set ablaze a roaring fire.
God bless you.
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Hey brother,
Keep it up man. We don't always get things immediately. The Spirit has power to transform, but even God created us so that change takes time. DO NOT LET THAT BE A REASON TO BE COMFORTABLE. But don't despair if things take time.
I HIGHLY recommend that you read a couple of books. Tim Keller has got some great stuff about how hearts want to worship everything but God in Counterfeit Gods and the Prodigal God. But with the porn stuff specifically, read Wired for Intimacy: How Porn Hijacks the Male Brain. Seriously. Read. Read. Read. You will be surprised about what is going on inside ourselves, neurologically in this battle. Because if you have been in porn for any length of time, you are basically battling your own body. It will not be easy.
I am grateful I have a good community, but I don't think I'm alone or unique. You might be surprised at your brothers in Christ if you were to share your own weakness and struggle. I imagine that if the Gospel has really sunk into their hearts, then they will be honest about their own struggle and grateful that they aren't alone. One of Satan's greatest tools is shame. Not only to separate us from God, but also from each other.
Keep, keep fighting, brother! You are a free man. Remember you are fully accepted in God's eyes not based on your merit or good works, but solely on the Cross. Remember your sin cannot separate you from God. He died so that you could live. He will not be kept from His children. He will not be kept from His bride. He died for her, and no one will keep Him away. Even if you are unfaithful. He is faithful.
Thanks for the encouragement, brother. Too bad I couldn't find the books in my language, so I gotta purchase the English versions via Amazon or something.
zKonz, may the Lord bless you abundantly with purity, humility, love, long-suffering and perseverance.
I've fallen two times to porn and a few times for masturbation since the last post. Again, that doesn't happen when I'm passionate about God. I just somehow lost my passion. I prayed to God that he'll give back my passion for Him. It's now just up to me whether or not I'll fully submit myself to Him.
Oh, where would I be without Christ? He's absolutely amazing.
"The LORD [is] gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy." Psalm 145:8 KJV
Also, like you said "Even if you're unfaithful, He is faithful". Those are words of truth.
Brothers, fight the good fight of the faith, don't give up.
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16End of the Day 6. So far so good. Our God is an Awesome God. No masturbation, either.
God bless you!
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16End of the Day 7. It's actually the 8th already, but I haven't slept yet. :P
I've had erotic dreams every single night now, my body's crazy because of this. Since last post I once masturbated, but no matter what, I won't go back to porn.
Lustful thoughts appear like before, but maybe not as much sometimes. I think I'm learning a habit to not feed them, but still it's quite hard at times.
The Lord will guide me through this.
Oh, and by the way. I had a cornea surgery for the keratoconus in my right eye like 6 months ago, and it had some kind of set back two weeks ago. The sight got really bad in the right eye.
However, I've been on medication since and the eye has got so much better now. I can almost read with it. God's amazing. WOOHOO!
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16End of the Day 9. Lord is Great. Still porn-free. Haven't even had any erotic dreams, maybe it's getting a bit easier. I've masturbated twice since last post, could be the reason too.
God bless you!
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Hi. So, here I am again. I managed to stay porn-free for 20 days, but then I just gone back to same old garbage.
I think everyone of you know this, but the reason I fell is simple: Part of me still loves porn. And will do so as long as I live in this mortal body.
I know the only solution is to walk in the Spirit and stay close to God. I hate it, because I always run from God sooner or later.
The cycle of repenting and falling back and all over again just goes on and on. Sometimes I wonder am I even repenting. Maybe I'm just deceiving myself?
This whole life, especially this year has been a constant battle between God and sin for me. I'm so sick and tired of all this garbage.
Any couragement is more than welcome. Lord, don't let me go. I'm willing to be made willing to serve you.
God bless you brothers.
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Back to Day 1, but I won't give up. You hear that, Enemy? I will NOT give up!
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16Praise God, brother. I feel like I've been in your shoes so many times. In fact, I am in the same place basically.
Something that I have been reading that has been pretty rough, but also very helpful has been "Wired for Intimacy: How pornography hijacks the make brain". I'm not done with it, and it has been really painful to read so far. It might be worth checking out.
Thank you for your honesty, Bro. I am sure that that empty feeling you get when the masturbation is finished could have been a big enough hole for you to hide this sin in.
But you confessed it... you got back up... and you are moving forward.
Don't give up!
Nothing separates you from His love... so you can stand under His Lordship again... and walk!
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
Thanks for the encouragement. ^^ Yes, it could have made me hide it, but I'm tired of trying to hide my sin.
It feels a lot better to confess it to brothers rather than keep it in secret. Also makes it easier to fight this addiction.
Will be posting again tomorrow or so. Have a nice day!