I NEED PRAYER DESPERATELY I WANT TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friends, I have battleed with pornagraphy for the past 3 and a half years, about three years into it, i knew that it was worng, but since then the devil has twisted it in so many ways that I have fallen, I know that I fall inmy own strength, i guess it shows the lack of trust I have in my God, where I know in my heart freedom can be near, but I am kept in bondage by the adrenaline rush that porn produces, nothign is like it. I have tried substituting it, forgetting about it, seeking the Lrod with all I am, yet still I have failed, I have had freedom twice in this whole period each which lasted for about a month, the last time I watched porn was this morning, I hate myself for it. I had been sober for one week. But liek I said I am a wretch, and hypocrite. I know the Lord sees me, and has told me he has great things ahead for me, but each time i fight, It seems teh devil fights back twice as strong. I hate my sin. It has lead me to hate myself, for everythign I am, and I know Christ can free me from this, I need prayer desperately. I have a few accoutnability partners and I still am a failure. I am tired, of this, very tired. "Edited by Admin" I wish i never had even started, but too late for that now. Please guys pray. Thanks.
Comments
'You're blessed when when you're at the end of your rope, with less of you, there's more of God and His rule.' (Matthew 5:3)
When we are at the end of our ropes, we have three choices:
1. In your own strength, CLIMB BACK UP. Even if you hate the rope (porn) that you are hanging on to, at least for a time it gives you a sense of purpose in control. Problem is, you never intended on sliding down it in the first place... and this rope is slippery... so it will happen again. You'll end up at the end of it, frustrated and discusted that 'it happened again.'
2. In your own strength, hang on at the end by the threads that are there and pretend like nothing is wrong and that you are in total control. Hint: you know that something is wrong, and usually everyone around you can tell that something is wrong... and the energy that you are putting into 'hanging on by a thread' will eventually give way.
3. LET GO OF THE ROPE. Which it sounds like you are ready to do. Letting go is painful, because of this truth: we only hold on to things that are important to us. Porn is/was important to you, otherwise it wouldn't be there. It might not be a good thing to hold on to... but it was important for a while. So, it's not going to be easy to let go if it... not to mention, porn eventually gets a hold on us (but I don't have to tell you that...)
Here is what I know from experience...
When we are able to let go... and become absorbed in the pain of it all... and the fear of failure again... the potential for failure again... the shame and disgust... and the dirtyness...(and a few more adjectives that you could come up with...), GOD WILL ALWAYS BE FAITHFUL TO CATCH YOU.
Always...
Praying.
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
I sent you a PM, but I'll add this...
I've come to realize something very important about temptation and giving in to it. It's always a matter of obedience. That sounds very basic and boring and predictable, but it's absolutely true. When I am tempted, and I give in, even in some very small way, it's because I say, "I want to do this more than I want to be obedient." I try to shut God and his voice out for a moment and I do what I want.
But God gives me the strength to be obedient every time. When I blow it it is not because I lack his strength, it is because I don't want to do what's right. Obedience is not easy because it brings every aspect of our lives under the will of God, and we say to God, "Not my will but yours."
Nothing reaches out and saves us in those situations, and no prayer magically removes the lust completely, and that's what I was waiting for all those years. But when I gave it totally to him, I realized it was time to just do like the old Sunday school song said,
"Trust and obey,
for there's no other way
to be happy in Jesus,
but to trust and obey."
I pray that you reach the end of that rope and fall back on your face and tell God to take it all.
Love ya brother.