Help me im falling

Grant,

You have made an important discovery. When you run things the way you want them to go it doesn't end well. Imagine what it must have been like for the prodigal son. He didn't think he desereved anything at this point of discovery. However, his father rushed to meet him and prepared a feast for him and that is what God wants for you.

Everyone on this forum has been where you are. We can understand your pain and we want to listen and encourage you. I would encourage you to begin the process of really getting serious about your needs. The best thing you can do for your girlfriend and anyone else you care about is surrender your needs to God.

It sounds like your problem has progressed quite a bit and you will need some help along the way. You cannot do this alone. There are people near who can help. Maybe a pastor, a counselor with a Godly heart, a trusted friend. You need some people in your life and use places like this forum to keep moving forward.

Confess to your girlfriend your error and tell her you are going to get help. Encourage her to do the same. Ultimately you cannot make her do anything and anything you say she isn't going to believe anyway. She will only see what you do. Surrender. Surrender you, surrender her.

LORD I pray for Grant right now and pray for his girlfriend as he begins this journey anew with you. Give him the heart to move forward and surround him with an army of light - your angels and your people. Most of all give him a heart to walk with integrity and to be honest about his needs before you and others. In Jesus.

I really have no idea who to contact here where I am. it’s hard to explain what happened in my life. I was addicted to drugs sex alcohol smokes ug basically everything since I was 18.porn and sex before 18.my parents where alcoholics and swingers i saw alot of bad thigns as i grew up and grew up in a garage most of my life.they left me alone most of the time so I realised myself they were always out party9ing or just disappeared for months. when they where home they thought all the time I thought sometimes they where gone kill me cause my dad started waving a gun around in the house.i got myself through high school barley and I always prayed to Jesus back then asking him to protect me from my parents and to give me someone to love in my life and vice versa. in my end school year I had to live with a friend cause my parents just vanished I finished school and moved to my granperants.they kicked me out of the house for disturbing the peace with my going out late nights and coming home late at night. So then I had to go live in a small beach town with not work and basically nothing and there was no work there all there was endless parties so my problems got worse. Then 4 years ago I started getting sick I thought I had HIV cause I never used a condom and I slept with allot of girls and guys. one night I almost overdosed on drugs and then I really thought that was the end of my life I started praying to God as I lied paralysed I promised him I’d never drink or use drugs again or sleep with people till im married .well I managed to keep the promise about not using drugs or alchahol but yah still went on sleeping with people not caring. After 2 years I was really sick then I prayed to God to heal me and the sickness went away for a year I felt great I eventually grew in that year to give my heart to the lord but still had the porn addiction stopped sex and everything else. I grew and grew met the girl of my dreams online she’s in the states .(bet u think that’s weird getting a girl online to do all these things for me but she’s convinced imp the one for her she would do anything for me the thing is she fought me on this for months till I got relay mean with her then she gave in,i feel horible.she gave up on her past life of bad things and I got her to do those bad things I hate myself for it.anny way back to the story I met her and everything was ok we made plans to get married and everything and just did bible studies everyday and grew closer and closer to each other and the Lord. then everything started falling apart again I started developing a lung condition which gives me really bad asthma and basically drowns me in my own fluids but I went for every test known to man and the doctors don’t know whets casing it. it started depressing me after almost a year of not being able to work because of this then I decided to start working in another city my grandparents who kicked me out the first time knew I was sick and jobless they said they would help me so I have to go back to them I thought it was great they said they will give me time to get back on my feet again ...witch never happened they bought a new car and started squeezing every cent out of me I have no prob with paying they just attacked me and threatened me to get money out of me even after I gave them the mount they wanted they wanted more .imp still working its hell not being able to breathe I got depressed and then I donor what happened but yah I fell back to my old self and slept with a girl I just didn’t care. and from there things have been snowballing downhill I have no friends here where I live and the churches here are very narrow minded old school and I went to a Christian psychologist to help me he charged me 200 dollars a month bear in mind I only get 500 half of which goes for my medicine for my lungs the rest I have to give for rent for my family I live at now so I went into debt because of all the psychological help and medical help I needed it’s all very depressing it’s like no one wants to help. either they want money or just to give a prayer im kind of tired of it hearing how people buy new cars or bikes but they can’t help financially or when I do want help I have to pay.i don’t know many people here and the people I do know treat me like a outcast for some od reason I dono why I just don’t feel welcome maybe the prob is with me. but I know that no one ever made the effort to come talk with me or try to help me I have to go to them and then I don’t get much help back and I know people say maybe its just that church but it’s not its like everywhere I go here im sick of it. it’s all making me more depro cause I have nowhere to go. even my family is against me and wants to kick me out if I don’t get more money from my job or stop coughing(my family I live with also is Christian im having doubts about that they don’t treat me nice at all imagine being sick and some one tells u ure caugh is annoying u or they know how much ure making month and then they want everything from u so u can live there I cant even afford to -pay transport I have to walk even though im sick).besides that problem my gf is in the states and I really want to marry her all these things leaded up to my breaking point and its still not over.i feel like I dono what to do anymore sometimes I feel its better to die and this is why im self-destructing I relay can’t take it anymore relay feel my life is worthless I cant afford a education I cant move to a dry area so my lungs can heal and I cant marry the girl I love most of all my addictions are taking over again and I feel that God hates me. only thing im holding onto now is my gf wants to study in Texas online after hours cause she works as a cashier she wants to study social work then get a job and get me there and help me study but now we have to hear if they will approve her loan .so far nother has worked out for her to .I donor what to do imp sick of people telling us they will pray for us I know it sounds horrible but no one is willing to help us make phone calls give us advice stuff like that its so easy to say ill pray for u but thats all ive been hearing and I dotn mind it I like it but people have ot do more u can’t break these addictions with just prayer u can’t do allot of these things with just prayer we need help form other Christians just point us in the right direction give advice share be friends with us walk a road with us people are selfish and im starting to dislike Christians allot I feel its just me and Jesus now and im even losing him please help.i want to break my adictiosn i want to study i want to be healed i want to marry i want to work for the lord i want to meet real Christians i want to have a family wich i never had i cant find this and –people will say yes its only a small group there there must be other but there isn’t there is something wrong i don’t c the love of Christ please help someone please be my friend or something .its so easy to point a finger nad say how a person should be and live and what to do if ure not in their position.im dyeing in a situation that can be avoided if some one would jsut hold my hand and help

im 26 years old living in south africa btw i was born here .my name is Grant Groenestein its like dutch german u can look me up on facebook

I want to thank everyone and this website for the help love all u guys I feel so bad I really got a dislike in Christians cause no one will ever help when u ask them but yah if it wasn’t for some of u guys and my girlfriend I wouldn’t have changed God used all of u to help me and put me straight I realise its gona be al long battle and I hope I never hurt anyone else again and fall back on my sin. but I know im saved and there is always hope. Please pray for my health now and help me through this time. My health probs cause me to get depressed and the devil is using bad health in my life to fight god away but I have hope I’ll get better or ill get help some where thanks for everything