Encouragement along the way.
Hi everyone,
I've been dealing with porn addiction for quite some time. The last 11 years of my "believing" life have been quite an intense pruning process. God has asked for many things: network television, sports radio, movies, and certain entertainment outlets that "prick" and ignite a lust for porn. Giving up these things has not been easy as I've whined, pouted, thrown things, cussed and everything else associated with being weaned off your favorite "pacifier." And that's all porn has been to me, a pacifier. Something to run to and "play with" whenever I've been bored, hurt, or just feeling low. I've even used it as a "reward" for good Christian behavior! Talk about deception.
Actually, now that I think of it, porn has been more than just a pacifier. I've used it to play the role of comforter, nurturer, life giver, affirmer, and stand by...all the roles the Holy Spirit intends to play in my life (John 14:16, 17 Amplified). I've missed this for so long. I have to admit, as a porn addict who has just made his first real heart commitment (thank you Shelley and the team for the information and stories that helped me to do this), I am likely very uninformed about many of the deceptions for which I have fallen and the lies I have received as truth. I guess that's why I'm here...to be open and honest about where I'm at and be open to correction so my commitment endures. I'm very thankful for this site and the opportunity to be completely transparent and REAL.
Comments
Man, all I can say is "Amen!!!" Well put and to the point. I think Satan's great strategy is to substitute as many false things as possible for the REAL things God intends.
YES. Talk about DISTRACTION. I've been so hooked on instant gratification, it's hard for me to persevere and "see life" more than 15 minutes in front of my face. I have all this head knowledge about God, His life and His plan for me, but it seems my issue is plain old fashioned SURRENDER. I don't want to give it up (my life). As a result, every real commitment I make seems never to last beyond my next flesh rush. As a matter of fact, I'm thinking about looking at some kind of fleshy image as soon as I finish this...just to "take off the edge." I run from pain. I run from any prolonged exposure to pressure, so I often "give in" at the slightest hint of intense battle. God is trying to break me of this, to give me His power and courage, to show me how to rely on His strength, etc etc. But it all feels so shallow. It's like I know I'm going to fail before I even begin. How in the heck do you WANT to surrender? What is that like to cross over that line from "rubber band" convictions to putting STEEL in them...uncompromising, fully giving my life to God?
What does it take to finally move from me, to HE, and with ALL of my heart????
Thanks, Healing. Your words bless me.
My life preserver: May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. -1 Thess. 5:23, 24
Make sure you don't think of "surrender" in the wrong terms. Men don't like to give up. Surrender like a trained soldier submits to the orders of a trusted field commander. You surrender to your commander because by doing so, you know that you will never have to surrender to the enemy.
Have you read the book "Wild at Heart"? Even if you have, read it again with new eyes. The book is designed to awaken the inborn nature of a man to be a warrior, to fight, to pursue, and to conquer. When you read it, think about this battle and how God wants you to be a warrior. Not a "good church-going man", not a "nice guy" but a warrior!
Be an example to other men by showing them how you can be vulnerable, how you don't have it all together, but how you will rise each time you fall, and by the grace of God, you will live to fight another day.
I am also greatly encouraged by 2 Cor. 12:7-9 (Mess):
“…so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
'My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.'
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.”
You were given the GIFT of a weakness, a handicap, not to make life hard on you, but so that you would have to depend on God every day, every hour, sometimes every minute to get through. That's how he wants us to live.
Be that warrior. Be the guy in the movie that you want to be. Be the guy with the sword standing on the field of battle, alone if necessary, saying to the enemy, "Come and get me!"
I JUST finished the book Wild at Heart about two weeks ago. I've been meaning to go back to it to really soak it in. I'll be sure to do that right away. I'm challenged by how I should look at the term "surrender." I see what you mean and I'm going to spend some real time meditating on that as well. Thank you! Also, I just had a SUPER COOL experience highlighting what you JUST said about vulnerability.
I take part in a men's basketball fellowship at our church. It's about 15-25 guys that come regularly. The leader called me Tuesday because he wanted me to take up more of a leadership role. He mentioned that because of my openness and the way the guys respond to me. Part of leadership is bringing the guys together after the first game and sharing whatever is on my heart and allowing others to bring up needs and minister to one another. I didn't even feel real adequate to do it because of my own struggles, but I felt that the Lord just wanted me to open up and be transparent...just like you said.
It was AWESOME. It really opened up the door for the guys to share and minister to one another in a way I haven't seen since I've been there. We ALL got something from that experience. Sometimes guys get a little antsy to get back to playing basketball, but not this time. God was really working on our hearts! It really blessed me. Many of the guys came up to me and thanked me for being honest and open. I just felt God's love for them and I want so bad to be a good example and leader for them. I guess for many years I thought I had to "act perfect" in order to do that...
Healing, what does FREEDOM look like? I hear guys say they "struggle" in this area and I understand that, but is all I can expect is to STRUGGLE from time to time with porn? Will I ever get to the place where I know in my deepest "guts" that it's just no longer an option and I hate it? That's what I want for me, and for other men, to see that you CAN be made free by the grace of God and be pure in a sexually wrought world. We can't do it in our own strength, but God CAN. I believe that the Word says it's possible, but I'd just like to hear another MAN say it is too.
Thanks so much for your time and your words. This is helping me immensely.
That's in interesting question, "What does freedom look like?" I'm not sure I know. I have not looked at porn or masturbated since Jan. '09, so like 7 months. I've probably not gone more than a couple weeks previously, so I'm as close to being "free" now than I ever have been.
But that does not mean there's no struggle. There are times, where for no apparent reason I feel that rush, that urge, and whether that comes from Satan or from inside me I don't know. I think every day - every moment - is a battle. And with each small victory, your faith deepens. You start to see how God has provided those ways out. So with each temptation, it's not easier, per se, but you now have a track record of trusting God rather than giving in and that makes it easier to resist.
I think maybe freedom is not being free from struggle. I don't think this side of eternity we ever get to experience that. I think freedom is living free. Each day, at every opportunity we resubmit ourselves to God. Constantly seeking his will; constantly asking for that chance to be used and to be useful to God. It's also living without covers. No pretense, no masks. Just you. Just me, who we are. I believe that if the men of the church can be open and honest about their sin and their shortcomings but how they are more than conquerors in Christ, we can cause an explosion in the church that no of us has ever seen. I think the world is tired of Christians acting like they have it all together, cuz they know we don't and that just makes us fakes.
If we are real, and vulnerable, but within that, we never give up and never stop the fight to be more, to be better, to be more like Christ... That's freedom, I think.
This is great. What I like is that you're talking about an APPROACH to God and life and not giving me a bunch of "steps." You know, do this, do that, and hope for the best. It looks like a wonderful balance of receiving God's grace for our failures but yet having that fierce mentality about living for God and being godly. I read your responses to a brother in Christ and we were both really encouraged and we had a great conversation, so thank you. I'm going to reopen Wild at Heart today and start learning to live in that fierceness you speak of. Your description of what freedom looks like is life-changing, and again I thank you. I'll keep you posted!