You know I love you, Bro...

Can you unpack something for me, because I'd like to know what you know in your soul about sex...

My question is this: Do you have any ideas about what God intends for you - if He intends anything at all - regarding your sex life?

Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator

"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12

Pixler, Below is a blog I posted back in April on my site. This is a very important part of your recovery process.

Eric

I want to offer some things for your consideration concerning victory in the area of sexual integrity. One of the things I have observed is that people who visit our blog are usually at a place where they are broken. I remember the place when I was no longer satisfied to hide my problem and the consequences of other people knowing what was going on. I no longer let my fear of getting better trump my fear of staying the same. My will to “get better” at that point in my recovery was no way in question. I wanted to stop and I was willing to do whatever it took to quit viewing pornography. I prayed to God and I released it all to him and I bore down and I got an accountability partner and I messed up again.

Here is my point. Sexually compulsive behaviors are not the real problem. They are a solution to the real problem which is an intimacy disorder – a fear of being authentic in the presence of others. Even if it were a matter of spiritually enhanced behavior modification, it is much more complicated than “just stop it”. Why, after all, do people jeopardize their marriages and other important relationships for an affair or a fantasy life of pornography? There are many other important considerations besides behavior: spiritual, family of origin, trauma, emotional, and neurochemical. I would like to focus this post specifically on the neurochemical element.

An understanding of the neuroscience of your body as it relates to recovery can improve your relationships as well as prevent future acting out. It can also help when your spouse understands some of the mechanisms involved in this process as they work through forgiveness and reconciliation. So let’s talk about your brain.

When we fantasize a neurotransmitter called dopamine fires up the brain and triggers feelings of pleasure, motivation, and reward. Dopamine chemically activates your reward circuitry, whether it’s sex, eating, shopping, or taking risks. Dopamine is the “craving” or the “I’ve got to have it” neurotransmitter. The more dopamine you release the more the reward circuit is activated, the more “reward” you experience. If something really boosts your dopamine, then it can become potentially addictive for you. This is why fantasy alone is similar to cocaine addiction as seen on a functional magnetic resonating image (fMRI). Fantasy activates the same pleasure centers and reward circuitry.

Fantasy also decreases brain levels of serotonin, the neurotransmitter most responsible for mood and flexibility. By flexibility, I mean that your brain has the ability to move from thought to thought. People with low serotonin levels can get stuck on thoughts and become obsessed. You can’t get that sexual thought out of your head because your brain is locked in one position due to a low level of serotonin. This also can account for why you may have experienced obsessive thoughts about that new “love” interest you have or that one you just dumped and now you can’t stop thinking about why you hate them.

There are other important neurochemicals involved in fantasy and compulsive sexual behaviors. Epinephrine and norepinephrine are produced in your adrenal glands, spinal cord, and brain. They give you that “adrenaline rush” often associated with a new web image, person of interest, or video.

To make matters worse, while all of this activity is going on in the limbic area of your brain, the prefrontal cortex(the cop in your head) begins to check out. This is because the limbic system is the primary over-ride. It controls your drives and impulses and “acts in the moment” Now that it is flooded and active with neurotransmitters like dopamine, epinephrine, and norepinephrine, the prefrontal cortex doesn’t have a chance to put the breaks on. I’m not saying that this chemical cascade in your head makes you incapable of choice but it doesn’t always help you make good choices.

Retraining the chemistry of your brain is a process that is very important in sustained recovery. The important news is that it can be done. One of my favorite psychiatrists is Dr. Daniel Amen. He is a Christian and has been researching brain health through the use of SPECT (single photon emission computed tomography) scans. He has done extensive research in the areas I mention above. I believe a holistic approach to your recovery begins with addressing your physical health to include the health of your brain. Keep checking back to learn more.