"Abandon All Hope All Ye Who Enter Here"
Mon, 10/18/2010 - 06:55
It doesn't seem to matter what anyone says or does, I keep returning to the vomit! I can agree w/all that's said here about the dangers of porn, what it does to others and my own soul, none of that seems to matter when the urge hits. I promised my priest that I would attend an SA meeting this week, I first went there in 89. I was young then, my life could've been so much more had I the courage to forsake this sin/addiction back then, could've been better for my son who was just a baby at that time...but I chose the selfish path, is it any wonder I find myself in the Hell I created? This is not hard to do, it is IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!
Comments
I agree with what hoping2behelpful said. Listen, I thought I would NEVER get free from porn. I thought I
was going to keep doing it. Because, honestly I enjoyed a lot of it. I didn't cry out for freedom, I cried
out for a girlfriend and love. And you know what? God, didn't answer that prayer... He answer my
subconscious prayer for freedom from pornography.
You know everytime I looked at porn, or masturbated-- I felt dirty. And I know why, it is dirty. It's filth at it's best.
God used my strong belief in human rights to be delivered from porn. After what I know from this site,
how could I ever look at it the same way? The horror stories I have read from the girls, showed me what
I refused to see, This is ABUSE. See it as abuse... redirect your passions in different ways. It's not
wrong to acknowledge the beauty of women, but it is wrong to lust. And if you turn your heart to the Holy
Spirit he will change it.
Fragile,
Don't be so hard on yourself. The first step in dealing with a problem is realizing you have one. There are plenty of guys that don't think viewing porn is a problem. Try and take the focus off yourself and pray for those guys and the adult entertainers and see if that makes you feel better. Your a man so your going to have feelings of lust bombarding you all the time. But ask yourself. When it comes to lust, is lust just you wanting to have sex with somebody, or is it you treating that person as just a sex object and reducing them down to just prospect for sex or something to get off on. When you view a pornographic image try and imangine that there is an actual person associated with imagine. You might be able to step back and realise you are being disrepectful and viewing that person in a humilating act Think about their feelings. Think about having to say your sorry to those people viewing them in that way. The christians entertainers will forgive you. But your still probably going to have to apologize in heaven. When it comes to lust just try and thank God for the beautiful women he created and stop undressing them with your eyes. Whenever I want to view porn sometimes I ask myself if I want to be part of the problem or do I want to do something positive. You can do it. Once you are off porn women will sense you are safe to approach and you may find yourself really growing mentally maybe making some good friends. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Invest in yourself. It is a struggle but you are worth it.
Pretty sure I knew I had a problem even back in highschool, then in the marines. Certainly when I first got involved w/SA, just about everything in the "White Book" described me and my life, in uncanny detail! What good is knowing you have a problem if you keep making choices contrary to what you know is right and good? At the very least I've been going on like this for decades, knowing full well what I'm doing to myself and those close to me,
'suppressing the truth in unrighteousness." Yea, there have been times of victory, brief as they were it gave me a bit of hope, but I'm really getting weary of going back to it time and time again...!
(Is that Arnold on the voice verifyer?!)
Well, I'm going to an SA meeting today, nothing else seems to be working for me...