Forgiving your spouse.
I know this may seem a hard thing to say to any spouse in which the other one is known to be viewing porn. I politely say that I make no excuse for what I am about to say because God's word is greater than how we might feel and it is our instruction manual for life.
But please consider when you are feeling betrayed because your spouse is viewing porn, did they ask for forgiveness? As hard as this may seem Jesus said that if someone comes to you seven times a day repenting you are suppose to forgive them. Unfortunately the church world acts as if someone repents seven times of the same sin in their entire life there is no more forgiveness.
The church has tried to accuse any person who sins seven times in a week that their repentance is not genuine but rather the person is only trying to escape the feeling of guilt. That implication is saying that someone can't keep repeatedly sinning and be genuinely sorry for their sin but rather is looking for an escape of any consequences. But this is contradictory to Jesus' teachings. If such was true, than Jesus would not have posed the idea if someone comes to you seven times in a day, but would have said seven times in a week or month or year or even in a lifetime. But this was not the word of God.
In order for us to understand what exactly is the definition of forgiveness we must look at the author - God. Forgiveness is not remembering what they did wrong the next time the do it. Forgiveness is putting the wrong into a sea of forgetfullness. This can seem very hard when you feel betrayed, abused and violated; whether it be literal or mental. I understand these things as I have suffered intensely through life.
But since our desire is to find healing in the hard things we suffer, we need to follow the instruction manual, the Bible, if we are to find the healing we desire.
There may be an arguement for what if they don't ask for forgiveness do I forgive. That would be a good question, one in which I have not found a fully satisfactory answer too. But I can point to scriptures that would talk about not harboring bitterness in your heart. In order for anyone to do that you would have to forgive to some level.
This is not to say that you have to be someone's punching bag for any particular abuse. There is such a thing as betraying trust and you may need to leave the abuse you find yourself in, but not as an act of unforgiveness but rather as an act of protecting your self, whether it be physical or even mental abuse.
For example, if a spouse is being sexually unfaithful over and over but keeps asking for forgiveness, you should forgive them but that does not mean that you have to keep subjecting yourself to that abuse. If you desire to leave, do so because you can not trust that spouses word and you choose not to subject yourself to that betrayal.
But don't leave in unforgivenss full of bitterness because such things will carry you into a world of bitterness and hatred. Each negative emotion building on another driving you to do things that you may later regret. You may even find yourself thinking thoughts that you know are so wrong and never imagined that such things could enter your mind. But they did because you followed a negative path as apposed to the path of forgiveness.
Healing begins with forgiveness or at the least letting go of the bitterness.
Be Blessed.
Healing begins with forgiveness or at the least letting go of the bitterness. this is so right. God is not going to fix something if you aren't willing to let go of it so he can take it and deal with it properly. and once you let the past go, then you don't have that death lock grip on it, then your hands are open to receive the blessings God has for you. There is no pain God cannot and will not heal. but you do have to release it to Him so He can fix it.
Love you all in Jesus name
God Bless,
LJ Phoenix
WOW!!! That was awesome to read, and SO TRUE!!!
Regarding forgiveness towards people who do not ask for our forgiveness...I am reminded of Jesus as He hung on the cross. As the people were mocking Him, He asked the Father to forgive them. These people did not ask for forgiveness; even so, Jesus forgave them.
I believe that we are to forgive as Jesus forgave. The fact He asked the Father to forgive, even while they were mocking and scorning Him, seems to indicate that we ARE to forgive those who offend us and do not ask to be forgiven.
The longer we hold on to resentment, the more bitter we become, which is not healthy spiritually OR emotionally. The freedom that we experience when we forgive someone is HUGE...unforgiveness just keeps us in bondage to past hurts.
Have you ever watched any of those cowboys and indian movies or movies that take place before the the invention of gun powder? If you have, do you remember what some of them showed when an arrow hit someone? Well in some of the movies when someone was hit, they broke off the arrow and bushed it through. Supposedly then the wound could be healed.
Well I think Beloved_Branch just showed me I still had an arrow in me and pushed it through with the comment on how Jesus forgave those who didn't ask and while they where still mocking Him.
Ouch! :o
That hurts :mad:
Hmmm :/
Sometimes admitting your was wrong isn't easy :rolleyes:
I stand correct :)
:lol: Thanks for showing me that awesome truth :lol:
You are so welcome, danyl.
Forgiveness is a hard thing, but if we are at least [b]willing[/b] to forgive, then I do believe that the Lord will help us with the rest. Sometimes, we need that supernatural strength of Jesus to do so.
This is awesome! Thanks so much for sharing. I agree with everything you said!
As my signature says....Thank you for sharing Danyl. :)
---------------------------------
I forgive everything and everyone
who could possibly need
forgiveness in my past and in
my future. I am free and
they are free too. Things are
cleared up between us now and forever.
And we do have to forgive when asked, it isn't optional....thanks for sharing that with everyone!
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
This is hard to say but I have been the one who has forgiven when asked but the person "asking" was using the words "please forgive" with no intention of changing or had any sorrow. And you guessed it, only to repeat it again and again. I guess that falls under the category of "using God's word craftily" and for the gain of one's self. I had been deceived and wound up partaking in the sins of another, all because of the misuse of the words "please forgive."
I know a woman who did that for over 20 years. Her husband threw the verses, "you must forgive me because I asked" during the course of their Christian marriage. She eventually did not accept his phoney "forgiveness" because it was not forgiveness as the Lord (and Webster's dictionary) defines it. During those years, he was able to get pastors and other Christians to rebuke her by telling them, "I asked her forgiveness but she won't forgive me." And of course, they came down on her and he was afforded the privilege to have affairs and stay in his sexual sins. He was successful at taking the focus off of his sins of lust and womanizing and put the blame on her! (Needless to say, she wishes she hadn't of let him manipulate her and to the point where he was able to always "look godly" to their children. He is still in his sins today. Very sad.)
God teaches that we are not to allow people to manipulate and deceive us. We partake in their sins when we let them. The Lord has much to say about that in His teachings. Too many Christians use the forgiving spirit of others to keep doing what they are doing and are masters at making another feel guilty if they don't accept their "forgiveness". Sadly, I know of three Christian marriages right off the top of my head where the spouse used the grace of the other and God's teaching wrongly to continue to emotionally abuse them and stay in their sexual sins. Eventually, those marriages died and every one of the spouses who used the other like that went on to commit further adultery.
If someone is not genuine in their repentance by changing, one does not have to accept mere meaningless words even if asked. To ask forgiveness is an action word- proven through deeds- not just a mere word spoken by forming sounds of the lips and tongue.
It is possible to have a forgiving spirit towards someone without letting them repeat their detrimental behavior towards you. Amen! Even if they perceive it as "unforgiveness" on our parts, which is often the case. I guess you can call it, "forgiving from afar."
Even Jesus does not accept mere words because He knows that forgiveness without change is not truly forgiveness. Like Him, we should always have hearts ready and willing to forgive. Forgiving (in regards to the "forgiver" and not the "forgivee"- lol)- and accountability can look the same but they are very different.
I am not advocating staying in an abusive relationship where you are at danger, or with someone who isn't trying....
But with a porn addiction it takes time to heal and quit looking, you may fall...but that doesn't mean you want to look at it...
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
I am not advocating staying in an abusive relationship where you are at danger, or with someone who isn't trying....
But with a porn addiction it takes time be cured, you may fall...but that doesn't mean you want to look at it...addicitons are rarely solved overnight...so it that context in which we need to offer forgiveness....
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
There is a difference between immature love and rebellion. When you stated that the church has had this attitude towards Christians that sin alot to mean that they're not repentant in their attitude towards God means they somehow know the person's heart that continues to sin, without actually finding out WHY they keep sinning. Immature love is when we sin, but we still maintain a repentant heart towards God concerning our sin, and we turn from it, and if we sin again, we keep repenting and keep turning from it, BUT rebellion is when we WILLFULLY choose to sin, and we WILLFULLY choose to not repent to God concerning our sin.
I agree that there may be many reasons why a person repeats something that is a sin. I do believe that every person knows truly in there hearts if they are sinning with a willful intent or if they have a struggle with something but they truly are trying to turn from that sin or they are confused. Above all, God knows that person and God will handle that person according to where they are at. I do feel though that a person must be carful though not to take God's mercy to lightly either. As long as a person is truly trying to turn from sin then God will give them the strengh to do that and be patient with them.
If however a person continues to rebel though against the will of God even after they have been convicted of that sin then they begin walking into dangerious territory. God will forgive and wants us to fogive eachother because it sets us free from resentment or holding onto bitter feelings.
Here is the very dangerous area for the non believer in Christ. If a person has been given the truth though and they willenly choose to walk down a path of sin without guilt because they make the choice to embrace that sin rather then call upon Christ for forgivness and strengh then the scripture comes to mind.
Romans: 1:28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient.