The way we feel comes from our thinking.
It's been a while since I've posted here. I've been busy with moving and finding a job. All that lovely stuff.
So anyway, I've been reading this book called "telling yourself the truth" It's a christian book. Basically, it teaches you that our thoughts, what we tell ourselves is very important because we believe what we tell ourselves. A lot of times what we tell ourselves are misbelifs, and half truths. So, they seem real in the right situations. For example, whenever I make a mistake or don't understand something I'll tell myself, "Oh my gosh, I'm always making mistakes! I'm so stupid!! I don't understand anything! I'll never learn anything!" You can see how that would ruin your life with that kind of thinking! The truth is, EVERYONE makes mistakes, but that has nothing to do with intelligence. We are supposed to make mistakes. If we don't, how do we learn how to make it right next time? So, mistakes are good for us :)I'm slowly learning how to tell myself the truth through what God says about me instead of repeating those poisoning words that people in the past have told me. I see how my thoughts create my feelings. I believed those words from people and finished where they left off. I was abusing myself. It's true that saying..."You are your worst enemy" If you choose to be that is.
We really have to be careful what we tell ourselves about other people AND our own selves. Just because someone told you your stupid X number of times, doesn't mean you are. Of course it hurts, but that is such a lie, straight from the pit of hell. What does God say about that? You can do anything through Christ who strengthens you. People need to know the truth about themselves. Not many do. It's so sad. I have a heart for hurting people because I know what it's like to constantly feel awful about yourself, to feel angry, depressed, and hurt all the time. To feel like your living in your past. It's just, depressing. So yea, I'm learning.
I'm trying to study for my GED and that is something I've avoided for a LONG time because I always thought I was too stupid for school. I dropped out of high school because of that misbelief! It's hard for me emotionally because of all the lies I've believed for so long. I can do it though because God knows I can. :) See, I'm trying to be positive!
Comments
I never thought of it like that before, faithfully. That's awesome. I thought my posts were annoying people. If some people are annoyed, then oh well.
About the submission thing, *sigh* it's going to take me a while to think positively about that word. When I think about "submission" My face scrunches up and it gives me a headache. So yeah.
I wont be getting married any time soon anyway. I'd be healed and whole by the time that happens (IF it does). I want to be married to the right person. It can't be just any body. After my last boyfriend, I promised myself I wouldn't date, EVER. UNLESS a really really good godly man comes into my life. I ain't looking right now though. No thank you, very much.
I'm still reading that book, "Telling yourself the truth". It's really good and very true. A lot of what the book says hits a sore spot then I get angry about it, but the whole point of the book is to get people to realize that WE create our feelings by how we think. No one or thing can make us feel anything. Only we can control how we feel and react to certain things. We make ourselves miserable, but we can also make ourselves happy.
I get it. It's just hard for me to STICK with it. It's hard to be positive everyday. Especially in bad situations. It's also hard to catch the misbliefs I tell myself. It would be nice to be whole and on fire for God so I can help people and have good relationships with others. I'm just really hoping and praying for it. I want wholeness so bad it hurts.
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
I had an interesting thought just now reading your posts that I wouldn't have thought of had I not read the questions you were asking. First of all we often equate breakthrough as if we are "fully transformed" and that is the end of the temptations or struggle until we die...but the truth is that everyday as we choose to run toward the Lord breakthrough happens. Temptations are still there, but there is greater understanding, and a resting in Him that happens when breakthrough has taken place-even in the midst of hard things. Believe me - being out of the woods doesn't mean the woods disappear. :) Everyday is a fight. I can say that with gusto hee hee. That is why God is so tender when He beckons us to rest with Him.
Did you know that I still have urges to do things I do not want to do? I still struggle at that moment of decision. Over time we fall less and less and begin running sooner to the Lord to see what He has for us instead. When relapses happen - It can be devastating later on and then the Lord begins to take action and renew us again. The power to go back to the darkness lessens. As we get to know the Lord more we begin to love Him and pretty soon we begin to love Him more than the dark cravings. I begin to understand more of who I am made to be. A runner though he runs-still often feels pain...in fact - towards the end of the race, he probably feels the worst. Yet the finish line is visible.
By God's grace, He will heal you....if you want it. In Matthew I was fascinated...He always asked those He was healing if they wanted to be healed - except, of course, the dead girl. :)
You know what? Just as you can mentally archive the good times you have had with friends and family, the Lord is eager to show you how He feels about you and what life is like in community with Him. The more that happens the more that you can archive and remember those times He has been faithful to you and present with you. As those one-to-one moments with the Lord build up, so does the strength of your heart to resist the temptations. He'll give you strength in those one-on-one times. He'll even show you how you can do it...sometimes we can be heard of hearing...or we can rush prematurely...or we can pine over what we long for and totally miss out on what He is doing in and through us right now. I believe that the same POWER that raised Jesus from the dead lives in you. That is a reality that makes all of hell shutter! ALL OF HELL! I mean it.....even those working in the covens across the country and demons manifesting in the sex industry are TERRIFIED of this reality. Currently if Jesus is Lord in your life....You legitimately have more POWER to overcome any type of bondage that comes your way. Just want to remind you how loved you are. Even in the mess - as you keep sharing and just living in the light the Lord will be faithful. He is Papa...that is His job!
Boy is this getting to be along response-I don't even know if this answered your questions...but if you laughed awesome. :)
:) You people are too smart.
I did think about something as I was reading your response. I don't spend a lot of "one on one" time with God. Most of the time I'll complain to Him about how miserable I am and I beg Him to listen to me and heal me. I don't trust Him to answer my prayers because most of them have not been answered at all. I think my impatience and anger has formed a wall between God and I. See, you helped :D.
I finally set up an appointment with a christian therapist. I'm hoping and praying she is good. I'm serious about getting well. Being miserable is not fun!
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
I've been meaning to say that I'm glad you posted in the first place. Aren't we are all just like waste and void and darkness (Gen 1:2) as God's spirit flutters over us, but then He raises us up out of the tumultuous sea and He shines His light [Jesus] on us? Then He goes to work on us, and thereafter we rest, in Him. I try to remember that when things appear as if they'll never get better or settle down, or they'll never change. He's not finished with us yet. God will give you experiences to remind you that He will not leave you.
OK, if submission doesn't mean being controlled or mean that men are smarter and better then women, then why does that word sound so bad? why does it make some women angry? Put it into a sentence. "Wives, submit to your husbands." Why should we? What do they mean by "submit"?
Does it mean, we should let the man make ALL the decsions? Bow down to them when they ask? Answer every question with, "Yes sir!"? Obey every command they give us? When your married, your husband and wife. Not husband and daughter (that's gross). We are not children for poops sake! Jeez!.
That is what submit sounds like to me. I'm probably wrong. I always am. I hate it when people correct me and tell me I'm wrong all the time. Guess that means I'm stupid huh? My mind is like a rotton apple. It's mushy and dumb, haha.
Seriously though, there ARE men out there that truely believe women are weaker then men and men are smarter then women and women should have no rights at all. We may not be stronger then men, but there ARE very smart women out there. Smarter then men!
I think most men like being smarter then women (that's so stupid), but yeah, it's true because I had a boyfriend that was like that. He beleived that men should be smarter then the woman. So, when I was correct about something and he was wrong, he became very upset. He would say, "Well, I'm not stupid!!"
He would do things for me all the time and it really ticked me off. He always HAD to be close to me and he HAD to know where I was going ALL the freaking time. I had to be wrong and he had to be correct. Ugh I'm glad I didn't stay in that relationship. Man, that would have turned into a very abusive one!
Anyway, I don't know why I said that, but oh well...I did anyway. So, what does submit mean then if it's not bad?
P.S. Tonya, check your email ;) :)
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
You're right. Submitting to a husband is just that. Submission. However, and this is a BIG however; women are NEVER, EVER, EVER to yield to abuse from their husband, okay? If the husband is mistreating his wife (smacking her around, bullying her, raping her, not providing for her physical welfare; i.e., causing her to go out and work so he can sit home and play games all day long and watch porn all night long), she can divorce him.
The best thing to do before getting into any serious relationship with a man is to get to know him very well. Get to know what they're like if it takes you six months to a year, and never, EVER sleep with them before marriage. They will never trust you. Not ever, if you do. They have a totally double standard that is hardwired into each and every last one of them when it comes to a woman sleeping with men before marriage. They automatically lose respect for any woman who sleeps with them before marriage. They might not admit that, or recognize it, but it shows up in the way that they treat you later on. They will not trust you if you sleep with them because they're getting the "milk" for free, and whenever ANYone gets something (or someone) for free they never value it. (The same cannot be said for prostitutes; men don't value prostitutes even though they might pay for them. If they did, they wouldn't patronize them. They would give them a way up and out, not contribute to their bondage, okay?)
It's your body, and your mind; you do not have to submit to any man who mistreats -- and I mean, really is abusive.
There are, however, a LOT of very kind men out there, Terra.
Problem is, I personally do not know of one who can remain faithful literally and/or spiritually to his own wife, and since that really worries me greatly, I have decided to heed Paul's admonition to remain single and focus on the matters of God. But not everyone can do that; it's much easier said than done. We have these desires (that come from hormones that we didn't ask to be born with) and we want to be fulfilled.
The fact of the matter is, no man is perfect; neither is any woman.
Jesus said, any man who looks on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery in his heart, but it goes both ways -- any woman who looks on a man to lust after him...
But then again, just because a person gets married and is having sex in the confines of a marriage, doesn't mean that they'll never desire another human being. And since I personally don't ever want to face that kind of rejection, I simply don't play the game.
But then again, look at Garrett Lubben's example of a fine husband.
Oh
My
Gawd...
That man is a wonderful person. I do not know him, personally, but I do believe Shelley's personal account of him and because of that, I wish I could hug him for the way he's taking such great care of Shelley and his children and remaining faithful. I am in awe. You know he loves the Lord and that's why he and Shelley have this great marriage. A strong man will see to it that he doesn't LORD IT OVER his wife. He loves her and protects and supports her!
Listen to Jesus' beautiful words:
Matthew 20
25 "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles LORD IT OVER them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.
26 NOT SO WITH YOU. ***Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your s-e-r-v-a-n-t,
In Genesis we see this:
Genesis 3:16
To the woman he said, ..."Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
But when a man loves the Lord, he will not LORD IT OVER her. He will guide her, gently, because Jesus as his Lord and Shepherd (guide) is One who is gentile and sets a perfect example of rulership or LEADERship.
And look at Garrett! He's just like that! Gosh, if all men were like GARRETT LUBBEN!
Okay?
I hope that helps a little.
Your friend,
Gina
Terra, what you are talking about in terms of submission is the world's way of defining it, of course, defined by the men who think they should force submission. It is the world's/satan's form of submission. Very forceful, coercive, manipulative, threatening, intimidating, spiteful.....What you are talking about is based on your personal experience, and the experience of tooo many women around the world.
That was never the way God wanted submission to be. God explained His form of submission in the bible, and Jesus lived it out. You never see Jesus being mean or hurtful or threatening or forceful or abusive, do you? He defends women, is tender and compassionate to them. Learn to see the difference between godly submission and satanic/worldly submission. They are as different as night and day.
Again, be transformed by the renewing of your mind, sweety. Know the ways of God, and His heart. Know the truth about Him and His word. Realize that He IS good. It is a process...it will take time. Let's take baby steps. :)
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine!...I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...You are precious and honored in my eyes, and I love you...do not be afraid, for I am with you." (Is.43:4-5)
I feel so bad. I read other peoples posts, but don't know how to answer or help. I don't answer "intelligently" (sorry if I spelled that wrong) Really wish I could. Yall are so smart! Yall should give me some of your smarts! I could use it! heh.
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
Your journey in asking questions brings insight and help in more ways than you know. I am grateful we get to learn together. God definitely gives us the blessing of community to sharpen each other. Sometimes even in painful mistakes or moments...as you freely share where you are, breakthrough can occur for others even if you do not have all the answers...
Sometimes we just need to be reminded that what we bring to the table is enough. Thanks for just being a presence on this forum. Bless you.
You are always so gentle and compassionate, and have such a unique perspective on things! It is hard to realize that asking such hard questions out of your pain and fear can bring insight and actually be helpful!
But I do agree that God does want us to be a blessing of a community, to sharpen each other, and to encourage each other, and be there for one another. That is oneness and unity that Jesus prayed we would have.
I know Terra and I both are looking to have a breakthrough! We both need it, and I'm sure others here are too. May the Lord open our eyes to see and bring us to the breakthrough and healing and wholeness we need! Give us grace, O Abba Father! Give us grace to COME to You.
Blessings
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine!...I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...You are precious and honored in my eyes, and I love you...do not be afraid, for I am with you." (Is.43:4-5)
Ok, no...I don't read my bible on a daily basis. I seriously don't understand how reading the bible strengthens you. I can't memorize everything I read. I've tried highlighting some verses and writing them down, but I don't know when to use them.
So, this is what is scary. A few days ago, I had a dream that I was being possessed. I had very little control of my body. I was totally aware of what was happening though. my mouth felt like someone was clamping it shut tight, and thru my tightly shut mouth, I was being forced to say Satan a whole bunch of times in a freaky male voice. I was fighting it...trying to say Jesus in hopes that would make whatever was possessing me to leave my body. It felt so real, I woke up at 3:50 AM and I had this eerie feeling that I was being watched very closely and I was so terrified that something was going to physically attack me very soon. So, I turned on the lights and eventually went back to sleep. So yeah, that freaked me out. I've had many spiritual dreams before, but never dreamed of being possessed. What does that mean? That I am not Gods child? That scares me.
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
Oh, Terra.....I'm so sorry about your dream. You're right. That does sound scary. Even so, even in your dream, you knew that Jesus was the One you needed to call on, and that's good. It really does sound like the enemy is trying to distract you and frighten you.
I cannot tell you how imperative it is that we, as Christians, read our Bibles on a regular basis. The reason we must read our Bibles regularly is so that we grow closer to God. That is how God speaks to us, and how we learn to discern His voice. One thing I try to do is, right before I start reading, just pray to God and ask Him to open up His word to me, and give me insight. Also, to help me apply it to my life.
Another thing to remember is that, in order for the Word to really plant itself in our hearts, it takes time. We cannot be impatient when to comes to the reading of God's word. Absorbing those truths takes time, but God will speak to you.
Do you remember what the last book of the Bible was that you read? Which Scriptures did you memorize that you are having trouble applying?
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
That really is a scary dream, alright! I can imagine how scary that would be. I do believe you are a child of God, cuz beloved branch is right, you knew Jesus was the One you needed to call on, and you did. That does sound like satan was attacking you spiritually, putting a spirit of fear in you and causing you to doubt your salvation. That is allll him! He is the accuser, and a liar!
You and I need to get back into the book, "On the Threshold of Hope" and I will make sure to have some scriptures in each one for us to focus on.
What I did with my kids, we would take a new verse, and take as long as we need to just memorize that one. Take an easy one and work on it for a week or even longer if necessary, until you can say it without having to look at it. Find one that really encourages you and speaks to you.
You can do like Carolmarie says, do a bible reading plan for a year or more, which does not appeal to me, but I may need to try something like that. Or, you can pick a topic, like study about God's love or some other characteristic of Him, and find all the verses about His love, and study about that in a way that ministers to you. Since you struggle with knowing God's love for you, you may want to focus on verses about that, so you can encourage yourself on that, and get rooted and grounded in His love for you.
Regardless of how you decide to try it, beloved branch is right, we do need to take time to ask God to reveal His word to us, and the Holy Spirit to teach us and remind us of God's word. I have a bad habit of just reading, and not taking time to pray first. Need to work on that.
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine!...I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...You are precious and honored in my eyes, and I love you...do not be afraid, for I am with you." (Is.43:4-5)
Hi, agrl;
You say that you find it hard to tell if what you feel, hear, or think is from God. You also say that you don't read your Bible all that much. It sounds to me like this is probably the reason why you are having such trouble being able to tell what is from God.
While sleep paralysis is real, and does exist, I can tell you from personal experience that what you have described is not always attributed to sleep paralysis. I have had real, concrete experience with this sort of thing, as have others. This kind of thing happens a lot in third-world countries, and believe me, it is not always psychological.
I am not trying to scare you. I do not know exactly what happened in your case, but agrl, I just really want to suggest that you make a concerted effort to get into the word of God so that, in the future, you may be able to rightly discern what is going on.
Reading the Bible is the only way you are going to be able to understand what is going on around you spiritually.
Love you and am praying for you. It also sounds like the Lord might be trying to give you a wake-up call that you need to start really seeking Him. Often the Lord will use extreme measures to draw us to Himself.
I know for a fact that God is working on your heart, and now it sounds like He's working in your circumstances. Use the discernment that God has already given you, and make it a point to become more finely tuned to the Lord's voice and direction.
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
Did someone delete a few posts?
I understand what your saying, Beloved. Every chrsitian needs to read their bible every day. It's really hard for some people though. Like me. Some of it is laziness. The rest is just fear of getting frustrated and overwhelmed, and I'm really busy lately. Being busy isn't really an excuse though because I COULD use my lunch break to read the bible, but I just don't feel like wasting my whole 30 mins reading.
I pray when I really feel like it, but we need to pray all the time for strength. Rawr, it's overwhelming! heh and you know, I have a hard time telling non believers about Jesus because I'm afriad of their reactions. It's like I'm embarrassed of Him or something.
I get so overwhelmed with all the problems I have that I stuff them all away and try to forget them, but they always come back. I quit smoking 4 years ago, I wont do drugs, I wont cut myself too deep because I'm afraid of dying, but I'll try any thing else to help me cope with allllll my problems. I've been drinking more since I've been here. I'm more myself when drinking. Makes me feel good because I'm all happy, like, I have no problems at all. Drinking can be bad though because I get addicted to things easily. I want to drink while working, but can't.
Why do we turn to things that will harm us to help us cope with stress, anger, bad memories, bad feelings, and LIFE? We could turn to God instead, but we just want to deal with things the way we want to because it makes us feel good (for a short time). Why is it soooo freakin hard to be close to God? It souldn't be, but it feels that way. Maybe we just make life harder then what it really is. I guess we just like to complicate things too much.
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
I've been thinking about your comment about drinking more too. You are talking about since you moved back home in May, right? Does your mom know? Are you hiding it, or is she just accepting and open about it? Beloved Branch is right, drinking is a temporary fix for your stress and anger, bad memories, bad feelings....etc. You know that. You know you get addicted to things easily, you already said it. You know you need to be seeking God and turning to Him, and yet, like me, you and I both are wrestling with that! Beloved branch and Faithfully loved were both encouraging me in the female porn addiction section under "Want to give up? A life-giving response". It has gotten rather long now. But I think you would get a lot out of it, too, since we do struggle with a lot of similar issues, especially with our relationship with God and reading the bible and praying. Just read a little at a time, and keep coming back and read some more.
www.thepinkcross.org/pinkcross-forums/help-female-porn-addiction/want-to...
Indeed, good questions:
"...Why do we turn to things that will harm us to help us cope with stress, anger, bad memories, bad feelings, and LIFE? We could turn to God instead, but we just want to deal with things the way we want to because it makes us feel good (for a short time). Why is it soooo freakin hard to be close to God? It souldn't be, but it feels that way. Maybe we just make life harder then what it really is. I guess we just like to complicate things too much."
I am thinking about my counselor's most recent question: what makes you feel safe, in terms of opening up to someone? What do you need /want in a "safe person"? Think about it in terms of God. Do you really, in your heart of hearts, think God is "safe"? Not what you know is true from what the preachers say and what the Bible says, but what you really believe in your heart, based on your own personal experience? Something in our minds and hearts has a resistance to coming to God. Do we feel safe with Him? Do we trust Him? Do we really believe He is good? Do we believe He really loves us and cares for us?
Pray for God to give you grace to COME to Him. Just say, "God, I know I should pray and read the Bible. I know I should seek You. I know You are supposed to be good and can heal me and all that. But I still can't/won't COME to You; I keep running from You, and turning to other things: food, alcohol, online games...anything but You! I am not sure why exactly, cuz I know in my head You are a good God. But You do know why I run from You, cuz You know all things. Give me grace to COME to You, wholeheartedly, so You can begin to heal me. In Jesus' name, Amen"
Pray this Terra. God will hear and honor the prayer of a child who humbles themselves and asks for His help. He knows how we just can't seem to do what we need, so He waits for us to ask Him for help. Speak it out and ask Him! :)
Hugs,
Tonya
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine!...I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...You are precious and honored in my eyes, and I love you...do not be afraid, for I am with you." (Is.43:4-5)
Hi, Terra;
First of all, when you say that you have been drinking more since you've been here, what do you mean? Do you mean since you've been coming to this site? Oh, gosh, I hope not. Please explain what you mean by "here."
Drinking is not good at all, for ANY reason. It takes your mind off of the problems temporarily, but it doesn't take them away, and when the buzz wears off, you are stuck with the same problems that you had before. I know it may feel good for a time, but it is no solution. The Bible tells us that we are to be sober-minded, and in Eph. 5:18, the apostle Paul says not to be drunk with wine, which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit.
In order for God to speak to us, and really work in us, we cannot be drunk. A person cannot expect to hear from God when they are always in a drunken stupor.
One of the reasons that you are lacking boldness in talking to your friends, more than likely, is because you are not feeding on God's word. God is not as concerned with you sharing with others right now as He is with you seeking Him and getting close to Him. Sharing with others will come in time, but right now, you need to concentrate on strengthening your relationship with Him.
When you are reading the Bible, what are you usually reading? Why is it that you think you are not getting much out of it? You say that you are afraid of getting frustrated and overwhelmed -- is it that you are having trouble understanding? I would be interested to know which books in the Bible you have read.
It really sounds to me like you might benefit from having a personal mentor, someone who is mature in the faith and can disciple you and sort of help you along and encourage you in your walk with Jesus. I can tell that you are truly desirous of getting close to God, but you are lacking in discipline.
Seeking God takes time and effort, and much patience. God doesn't just reveal Himself completely to you in an instant. He does so over time, as He molds you and shapes you into the person that He wants you to be. Getting to know God is just like getting to know any other person, and the more you get to know Him, the deeper your relationship with Him grows. We get to know Him through the study of His word. I just really want to encourage you to take at least some time every day and just read God's word.
The gospel of John is the best place to start. I will be praying for you. Pray and ask Him to reallyreveal Himself, and most of all, really open up your heart and mind to what He has to say. Be receptive to His voice, as you read His word and pray.
Love you, and am praying for you.
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
Hey there. I'm sorry. What I meant was, I have been drinking more since I moved [edited by admin].
I know drinking isn't good and I know it doesn't solve problems. That is with any addictive thing. You know what I mean though. When a feeling is too overwhelming and you don't know how to get rid of it, you'll try any thing to numb the pain. Even if it's only for a short time.
Once I get settled in to my own place, I'm going to start looking for christian councilors. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself all the time. Tired of having just a few good days then going back to feeling bad again. I just want to find out why I feel the way I do and learn how to fix it because I sure don't know what else to do.
I want my head to be freed from all the CRAP. All this CRAP is affecting me and every one around me. Even my relationship with God. Grr...I hate myself.
OK, the bible thing. I don't read the whole chapter. The reason is because I get confused, overwhelmed, and frustrated. I don't understand what certain things mean and it makes me mad. I think the bible is sexiest. Women can't do this, women can't do that, women are below men, men rule over women, women must submit to their husbands. Why can't men submit to their wives? It just sounds abusive to me. So, I get mad and say, "Well, I''ll NEVER submit to a man...screw that crap!!!!!! I wont let a man abuse me again...I'm so sorry, but no thank you!!!!!!!."
So, I go to the back of the bible and search in the index for things that I struggle with. It has verses for certain issues. Or, I find scriptures in christian books and from people. I highlight my favorite scriptures, but I don't remember them word for word, so I gotta flip threw my bible to find the highlighted ones. That's how I do it.
I don't wanna read about how we women are weak and men are better then us. That isn't true. I'm glad I'm not married, I couldn't handle being controlled and crap for the rest of my life. I wanna be free thank you very much. Ugh.
Thank you for your prayers hun and thank you for not getting annoyed by my negativity. At least I hope you don't get annoyed. Anyway, I hope you doing well.
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
It seems to me, Terra, like you are sort of being controlled already -- by the bitterness that you hold in your heart because of whatever happened in your past. If you truly want to be free, then you need to let Jesus really work in your heart so that you can let go of that bitterness. You may not be controlled by man, but a lot of time, bitternss controls us and keeps us from giving ourselves over to someone. Jesus wants you to be free, and you can't be truly free with such bitterness in your heart.
Submission doesn't mean that we are "controlled," and honestly, according to the Bible, it's the man that has the bigger responsibility, not the woman. A husband is told to love his wife -- the word for love here is agape, which is self-sacrificial love. That means that he is to put all of his needs and desires second to those of his wife. She is to submit to him, but he is to put her first.
In Bible times, this was revolutionary, because in that culture, the woman was seen as the man's property. The Bible is basically telling men that ain't how it works, that the wife is supposed to come first, which was actually very liberating for women.
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
Let's keep the conversations going, Terra. We've moved it to the female section that forbids men to respond, so you can share with us ladies and let us encourage you.
What's going on in your mind now?
And I'm still waiting for your email! :)
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine!...I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...You are precious and honored in my eyes, and I love you...do not be afraid, for I am with you." (Is.43:4-5)
women are less than men or that we cant hold offices in the church, like pastor.
in fact the curse was that men would rule over women as a rrsult of the fall. however. jesus came to do away with the curse. so women are free from that,
now both men and women are to submit to EACH OTHER.we are to be one like the Father,Spirit and Son are one, God doesn't boss Jesus around and the Holy Spirit doesn't boss God around, and we are to be in unity as the Godhead is
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
I asked you if you feel safe with God? Do you feel God is safe? Is He good? etc etc. You've basically answered that, whether you realize it or not.
You said stuff like: "I think the bible is sexist..Women can't do this, women can't do that...women must submit to their husbands...it sounds abusive to me...I couldn't handle being controlled and crap..."
There it is. You've shared your deepest belief in your heart. You do not feel God is safe. You saw the words "wife submit to her husband" and it just touches your absolute fears of being abused and hurt and controlled by a hurtful, angry, abusive, mean-spirited husband/man. So therefore, God does not feel safe, because His word commands women to submit to her husband. But realize that thinking is because of your own personal experience with men. God Himself absolutely never wanted that to happen (men to abuse and control and hurt women).
Let's look at the verses again...
First, Ephesians 5: 21, 23, 25, 28-30, 33
"...BE SUBJECT TO ONE ANOTHER in the fear of Christ...For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the head of the Church, He Himself being the Savior of the Body...Husbands, love your wives, JUST AS CHRIST ALSO LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER... So husbands ought also to LOVE THEIR OWN WIVES AS THEIR OWN BODIES. HE WHO LOVES HIS OWN WIFE LOVES HIMSELF. FOR NO ONE EVER HATED HIS OWN FLESH, BUT NOURISHES AND CHERISHES IT, JUST AS CHRIST ALSO DOES THE CHURCH..."
First, it does say be subject to one another, talking to all believers.
1 Peter 5:5 supports this: "...Yea, all of you be subject to one another, and be clothed with humility: for God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble."
Yes, Ephesians 5: 22 does say, "wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord...". But, put it in context of the other verses...it also says for husbands to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Husbands should love their wives so much that they would be willing to die for her. That is love! And it says the husbands should love their wives as the love their own bodies...(this is where I get a little messed up, cuz I'm thinking there are probably a good percentage of guys who do hate their bodies)...but anyhow, we need wisdom from God about that. But then it also says, he who loves his body, (and his wife) will cherish and nourish it. Wow, cherish?! A husband is supposed to cherish his wife?! Jesus cherishes us. Jesus set the example for men to follow. Men are supposed to love their wives the same way Jesus loves us. So there!! :)
1 Peter 3: 5-7 "For in this way in former times, the holy women, also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands...
...You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives according to knowledge (what knowledge?), giving honor (value, high esteem, dignity, precious) unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and being heirs together of the grace of life; (so) that you prayers may not be hindered (frustrated, cut down)."
Here, while it does also say that wives submit to their husbands, again, it also tells the husbands their part: to give their wives honor...and that both the husband and wife are heirs together of the grace of life. God gives grace, both husbands and wives are heirs through Jesus to receive it. If a husband does not uphold his part of the bargain, his prayers are hindered/frustrated. God will not hear from men who do not honor their wives and treat them with high esteem and value.
It is not a bad thing that we are the weaker vessel. I think the reason so many of us women hate being considered weak, is because it makes us feel so vulnerable. To be weak is to be easily hurt, victimized, controlled, abused. And that frightens and angers us. But when we know God's heart, and the love He has for us, and understand His requirement of a husband's/man's love for a woman is to treat her with honor and high value, then we will feel safe, instead of frightened and vulnerable. :)
Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, regard one another as more important than yourselves..."
Husbands (and wives) should not be selfish or conceited, but humble and willing to regard their spouse even more than themselves...think about it, when a person is abusive, they are being selfish, more worried about themselves than they are about others.
Romans 13: 8, 10 "Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another. He who loves his neighbor (or wife/spouse) has fulfilled the Law...Love does no wrong to a neighbor, therefore, love is the fulfillment of the Law."
Love does no harm....That is God's heart. His agape love is not abusive. His love does no harm. Husbands are told to agape love their wives this way.
This should be enough for now! "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind...". But we got to get the truth from our heads to our hearts now.... Lord, help us out here!
Hugs,
Tonya
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine!...I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...You are precious and honored in my eyes, and I love you...do not be afraid, for I am with you." (Is.43:4-5)
Even though you explained it to me, it still makes me cringe to think about "submitting" to a man. I refuse to do it. [edited by admin]
I'm not going to be controlled, abused, or taken advantage of any more! So, I'm gonna just stay single. It would be nice to be with someone and have a family, but I'd be an angry witch being married to a guy. [edited by admin]
The bible does say men should love their wifes like God loves the church, but that kind of love does not exsist any more.[edited by admin]
Eh, I know that sounds pretty mean and judgmental. Men here will probably be angry that I said that, but I'm just telling you what I see.
Do I feel God is safe? Ummm, I guess so. He is supossed to be right? I don't know any more.
I'm sorry I haven't emailed you back Tonya. I read it, just wasn't sure how to reply back. Hope your not mad at me for not replying. I'll see if I have time to do that tomorrow. :)
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
Which is why you don't need to get in a relationship with a man (or a woman for that matter), cuz underneath all that anger and hostility and distrust of men, is fear, and deep, deep wounding. You need healing and wholeness from God. But He cannot heal you until you COME to Him.
You said, "Do I feel God is safe? Ummm, I guess so. He is supposed to be right? I don't know anymore."
In my opinion, based on the things you've said, the answer to the question, "Is God safe?" is no, Terra. "Umm, I guess so" shows your uncertainty. Either He is or isn't. And that is ok, Terra. God doesn't feel safe right now; that is ok. It is not wrong or bad or evil to admit that. That is how you feel right now, because of your personal experiences. You see God (and men) thru the dark colored lens of abuse and fear and other negative emotions, based on your experiences for the last 20 something years. When you and I will take the time to sit down and read the bible, and wrestle with God about what we read, and what our reality is, and how they don't match up, God will begin to work in each of us to teach us the truth about Him, and thru the work of the Holy Spirit, He will bring about the healing we need, and the freedom from fear and anger and shame and whatever else. He is patiently, lovingly, compassionately waiting for us to COME.
We both also need to be free of fear and anger and resentment and distrust and judgment of all men. Not all men are evil. [edited by admin]. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. There are quite a few good men out there who do have a heart after God. They are not perfect, but God has already done a work in many. I do see it in some men around me here. God needs to open your eyes to see it too.
Worry about the whole submission thing later. Right now focus on your healing and wholeness, and seeking to COME to God to let Him begin that healing process.
I have been wondering why you haven't responded to my email. I had to think a minute what it was about. No I'm not mad. I do feel frustrated in general with the fact that we have not been able to keep working thru the book since you moved. Maybe I need to pray God will remove the barriers and make a way! If you don't know how to answer the questions, then don't worry about it. We can go back to it later, and just move on. :)
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine!...I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...You are precious and honored in my eyes, and I love you...do not be afraid, for I am with you." (Is.43:4-5)
"Eh, I know that sounds pretty mean and judgmental."
It does and I don't think it has to be like that.
I don't know your history obviously and I'm not asking for it, but I think you've been around bad people a lot. Your critique of men is simply not realistic. Maybe it's like that for a lot of non-christian people, but among christians it's not that bad at all. It is really showing that you've been seriously damaged in your trust. I don't think it's decent for me to discuss any of this, but let me say one last thing;
At least open yourself up to be restored by God. You are very judgmental of men and very plainly said you are sinning in doing that. I guess you have all the reasons to hate men, but it is not ok at all to not want to change it or pray about it, for the same reasons it is not ok at all for anyone else to hold a grudge against anyone. Please go to God and ask Him to restore your trust and ask Him to love your neighbor, even if he is a man.
And btw, if you don't understand what certain things mean; by all means, go searching for answers!
Take it verse by verse, don't read an entire chapter and be frustrated by all the little things. Get all the little things out of the way when you face them. There are answers for everything you ever wanted to know (I love answers). God's Word isn't something you should use to be frustrated by or anything. Use it in a way that's comfortable and personal to you. Don't let anyone tell you the "right way" to use it, because God speaks to us all in different ways. If you don't like to read you can listen to/watch sermons online or any other thing that makes you see/hear/feel/whatever God's truth. The truth isn't limited to words I think. Even though all we need to know is contained in words, there are other and, in my opinion, often better ways to be personally spoken to by the truth. Don't bash yourself over your head too much by this.
I hardly get close to the real meaning of texts by sitting down and reading a chapter of the Bible. When there is something that comes up in life in some other way than dry reading it will bring the Word to life and add depth and give you insight.
Yeah about the submission thing;
The Bible doesn't say men should make their wife submit to them or force anything upon them or anything. I just guess (guess!) that women can become damaging to a marriage/ their partner when they try to take the lead. That's why I think the Bible tells women to be submissive. So that they can understand that it is actually a good thing to humble yourself and to be willing to let your husband have his way. Laying yourself down for the other is of course a reciprocal thing, but as far as I can see men are often a bunch of guys who just do what they do "because the wife says so", which doesn't seem to be a godly way to be. Probably women are more prone to take initiative, so they are the ones to be told to be submissive. To kind of even it all out. I don't think it's the husband and wife being initially equal and then the wife being made less. I think it's more like the husband and wife being unequal and then made equal.
Whatever, just some thoughts
The submission thing is something that upsets and confuses a lot of women. I've studied it in church a few weeks back, however, and it makes more sense now. Women are mainly under submission to men because of what Adam and Eve did in the Garden. However, God did not mean for the men to force their wives to submit to them; but rather to love God and their wives so much that the wife willingly submits to the husband. God has a special place for women. Our role is just different from men's. Let God lead you in reading the Bible. It will make a world of difference. All through the Bible there were women that were strong and served God, especially in mental and spiritual strentgh (Deborah, Mary (it must have taken a lot of courage to say yes), and all the women followers of Christ in the New Testament (to name a few)).
I did this read through the bible in a year. And I would be MONTHS behind, so I would read all these chapters to catch up and then be faithful for a feww weeks and slack off. I use to feel so guilty because I know we are suppose to WANT to read our bibles, but I didn't. Anyways, with a crappy attitude, I got through the year.....
I was so suprised that when I was in a tough situtation that those verses would come into my head and would help me resist temptation. Verses I didn't know I knew that were perfect for the trouble I was in. God is faithful to put His Word into action on your behalf, if you simply read it.
Now, I find that it is not only interesting but I learn new things, God SHOWS me things that I never saw and they make such a difference in my life...
So I would encourage you to find a read through the bible in a year plan and just do it the best you can. You will be amazed at what you learn even when you think you didn't learn anything. The bible isn't like any other book, God says His world will not return to Him void and that He watches over His words to perform them....
So some of the work He will do in you will be those words being spoken/read by your inner man. It will make the reading of the bible more interesting after you do that.
God has deep work to do in our spirits, and He sometimes needs to put that Word down deep and let it work its way out into our heart.
Blessings
Carolemarie
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
It's good that you're becoming aware of these things. Some people, especially protestants, will probably not be too enthusiastic about things like this, but it's very important for christians to be positive. Some christians like to bash themselves, because they somehow think it gives God honor when they recognize their sin. But I think (on biblical grounds "love your neighbor as yourself") it's far more important to love yourself. I've been practicing telling good things about myself on area's where I'm a bit insecure or just negative. I'm noticing that it's not helping too much now, but I guess it's something you have to do a lot for a long time to actually really start to internalize it. What I also notice is that it would help a whole lot more if you are told these positive things by other people than yourself, so I would use that as motivation to always be positive towards others, because you know how grateful you'd be and how much it would help you. If you do that I think you will get a lot of love in return. So my advice is to treat others the way you would like to be treated. Throw some love out there and it will surely return to you in due time.
It's also quite a challenge not to be ungrateful towards God in your moments of negativity. Just be aware that God is working out all things for good. If you knew what He's doing for you at this very moment you'd know you would only want to give Him thanks. God works in ways we can't see. You might be trying to reach one person with the message of the gospel, but it doesn't seem to do anything. You could get discouraged and all, but if you knew that someone overheard the conversation who is now being drawn to God, it would surely change the perspective. Just try to be faithful and try to always follow God. It's very much a struggle, I know, but the trying is what makes the difference
You think if I stopped caring like most people and was mean then people would like me better you think?
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
Hmm.....no, I don't think so. Even so, so what if they liked you better? Do you think such behaviour would be pleasing to God? His opinion is really the only one that matters :)
Terra...how often do you read your Bible? I really want to encourage you to do so on a daily basis. We all need to feed regularly on God's word. We become weak, and prone to Satan's lies, when we don't.
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
Unfortunately, I struggle with that too. I spend more time online at nite, than I do reading my bible and praying/seeking God. I told myself to just set a time once or twice a week to get online to check things, then the rest of the time, stay off and focus on reading and praying, etc. Ugh, still struggle with that. But we do need to do it! Beloved Branch is right, if we aren't reading and praying and developing our relationship with God, we are more vulnerable to attacks from satan.
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine!...I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...You are precious and honored in my eyes, and I love you...do not be afraid, for I am with you." (Is.43:4-5)
"You think if I stopped caring like most people and was mean then people would like me better you think?"
haha ! That's not possible because that's not who you are. And I'm glad of that. :)
Gina
"You think if I stopped caring like most people and was mean then people would like me better you think?"
No, that would be the safe and wrong thing to do. If you care you will be disappointed and hurt, but people will see that you're willing to sacrifice your own comfort for the sake of others. Which is a very Christ-like thing to do. Would you stop caring and be mean you'd attract a bunch of friends who are the same and you can get in a downward spiral where everyone is being a bad influence on the other. You will probably be in your comfort zone, but one that is very damaging on the long term.
I personally experience God very near when I'm being hurt, but still care for people. Who do you think that love comes from? When there's no personal benefit and even loss, but you still care, it's clear to me that you're channelling the love of God. Which is pretty much our privilege on this earth
Yeah see, I told ya!!!!
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
Well, I am glad your not mad at me, but I'm sure others are annoyed by me. Yeah, that is how I am. I am very sensitive about others thoughts about me. I don't want anyone to think bad things about me because I'm not a bad person. I just got issues man! So, people should chill out and not judge people. How bout them apples?
Yeah so, I'm like trying to be positive and stuff like that :-p It's been hard since Sunday. RAWR! When I think about my relationship with God, it's a little bumpy. I have these "holy" weeks where I'm extremely loving and kind and I pray everyday and ask for help and am positive. Then I go back to being angry/upset, depressed, confused, negative, and hard on myself. I don't understand it. I think it's because I try and try to change and be a blessing to others, then something happens and I don't feel I am making a difference in my life and other peoples lives, so I get angry and give up for a while. Then I think it's because there is something wrong with me like I'm just stupid and won't ever amount to anything. Maybe I'll just be a single cat lady hermit woman who has no special purpose on this earth or something like that. I probably don't make any sense. I'm so sorry...I just don't know how to talk. Whatever, I don't know. I get really angry at myself for going back and forth. Why can't I just choose one? sheesh. It's like I have no control over it. The feelings just come and happen.
Eh, anyway...I'm going to bed. Got to get up early for work. No big purpose for going there...just gotta make money....whatever.
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
Well ok, whatever.
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
Do you think God is mad at you? The Bible says He loves you. Jesus died for you, so He's certainly not out to punish you or anything.
When it comes to being close to God, a lot of it has to do with reaching out to others. When we love others and we express Jesus to them, is how we get closer to God because that is when we are obeying His commandments, which all have to do with love and being there for other people and being good to them. Our relationship with God isn't designed to just be about us. If we know Jesus already, then our focus should be on the ones who don't know Him yet.
Usually in my personal life, as I go about helping others, God will help me. Because we reap what we sow. What we put in other people's lives, we will get back in our own.
The times I'm most miserable, is when I make it about me. Because I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to let God worry about meeting my needs and share what He's given me with others, even if it's just a little bit, whatever I can, however I can.
You may not think that you have a lot to give, but if you have Jesus, then you have everything to give. Not only that, but you're worth everything to God, so anything you give that comes from you, matters, because He made you. You matter and what you give to others matters. Everything, every day. You don't have to wait until you feel perfect or everything around you is perfect to do what God tells you to do. Just go do it regardless of how you feel. Give what you can, how you can. In so doing, you will automatically feel better because it's more blessed to give than it is to receive.
How awesome, agrl!! I'm so glad that you're learning to think about yourself the way God thinks about you.
One thing you must remember is that anything we tell ourselves, and that others tell us, that we must filter it through the truth of God's word. It's not about how we feel about ourselves, or what others say about us...It's about what God say about us.
God does not believe that we are stupid or useless. Rather, in His eyes, you are beloved, and precious, and worth dying for. His love for you is the same today as it has always been, and He adores you.
That is why it's so important to keep our fixed eyes on Jesus constantly. Jer. 17:9 tells us that the heart is deceitful, and wicked above all things. The lies that we tell ourselves, Satan will use those to trap us and send us down a shame spiral, which does not lead to truth, but only to more deception.
Agrl...I want to encourage you to keep your eyes fixed on the Lord and continue seeking Him with your whole heart. Get the word of God so implanted in your heart and mind that Satan cannot get a hold on you. Believing that you are anything less than beloved and precious is actually putting the word of Satan above God's precious word.
You know that God is not a liar, and He would tell you right now that you are neither stupid nor worthless.
That is so awesome that you are getting your GED. That is something to be so proud if...and I'm proud of you, too. Press on, and don't listen to anymore of Satan's crap.
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
Yea, I'm trying.I'm having a weird day today though haha. I had a good day at work. Felt so good. Full of love. Then before I went to church, I started feeling bad like I usually did. Not sure what triggered the anger and frustration. So, church wasn't as enjoyable because of how I was feeling. It was weird. So, I drank a large class of margarita when I got home to get my mind off of the bad feelings.I felt like crying, but didn't want to. I still feel a little funny. I feel like everyone is mad at me too...feel alone. Is any one here mad at me? Not sure why I feel this way. I'm trying to stay positive. No one likes a negative person right? So yeah. This is confusing. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough to get closer to God. I don't know. Whatever. I just want to go back to feeling good and happy and positive. How do you stay so positive and focused on God Beloved? I'm jealous.
http://www.myspace.com/terralovesgod
I totally agree with DHanen's post. I especially want to re-iterate what she says here:
I am not mad at you, and I'm pretty sure that no one else here is mad at you, either. I remember a time in my life where I was constantly questioning how others felt about me. I'd get all nervous because I thought that other people were mad at me, for whatever reason. It really just had less to do with reality and more to do with my own paranoia. I would misinterpret situations and people.
Whatever you do, you cannot continue to allow your emotions or this kind of thinking interfere with your Chritian walk. God will love us, no matter what we are feeling or the thoughts that come into our minds, but the Bible also tells us that we are to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). I'm sorry that you were not able to enjoy church. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to filter all of our thoughts and emotions through God's word. It is imperative that you be grounded in it.
Any emotions or thoughts that are driving you away from God, or keeping you from enjoying your relationship with Him, are not of God, and must be dealt with. Next time that happens, I really want to encourage you to just pray and ask God to help you deal with them.
One practical thing you can do is find Scriptures, or Biblical passages, that address specifically the feelings you find yourself dealing with, and write them down. Then, when those feelings start to take hold of your thinking, read those Scriptures and really meditate on them. Even when you are not in that emotional state, really meditate on those Scriptures, and hide them in your heart.
I know that it is very difficult to break the pattern of negative thinking, but that is why it is so imperative that you allow God to do it, through His word. That is often the only thing that will break the strongholds in your mind.
Keep seeking the Lord, and keep your eyes constantly fixed on Him. Remember, the devil is a liar, and he will stop at nothing to steal your peace and joy. The Bible says that he walks about like a roaring lion.
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies