Needing help and healing..
OK...I'm finally on here and asking for help...I'm 50 years old (That's my pic..I know I don't look 50. I don't act it either) and I've struggled with porn since I found my dad's stash when I was about 7 or 8 yrs old. I always felt so dirty and that something was wrong with me because I had this addiction and I was a girl. But, I'm seeing so many woman coming forward and sharing the same struggle. I have to go to work, so I really can't get into my story right now. However, I needed to get the ball rolling even if it is just to admit to this community that I need help!! I will post again soon.. Please add me to the prayer list. Thanks!!....It's been a couple of days, but I'm back...OK...I've struggled with addiction to just about everything at one time in my life...except for gambling. Right now, I'm still addicted to alcohol. I never really thought of myself as being addicted to porn because I'd have long periods of time where I wouldn't look at it only to find myself back in front of the computer. The porn I'm drawn to the most is lesbian porn, but I'm not a lesbian. I have had a few female experiences, but I never wanted to be part of the lesbian community. I had my first lesbian sexual experience when I was 8 or 9 with my cousin. Acutally, it was my first experience with a male or female. Well, fast forward to today. I started looking online for help for this stuff and eventually came across this website. I've listened to all the audios and watched the videos and can admit that I need help. Usually, my porn surfing is alcohol and hormone induced (that time of the month when we women feel a bit more sexy). But it seems to happen at all kinds of random times lately and things are getting worse. It's not enough to just view porn. Now, I'm looking for chat rooms and getting onto Craigslist to find other women to chat with and yes, I have met with a couple of these women for sex. The last time was a phone sex chat and the next morning I felt horrible...it's like I'm out of control with this stuff. By the way, I'm separated from my husband and I'm working toward a new life on my own. I really want to be free from all this stuff...porn and alcohol. Shelley has been so inspiring to me and she had mentioned how she had been healed by The Word. How did she do that exactly? I believe that it can happen for me too. I'm just not sure where to look in the bible. Well, this is a lot of info for an online site, so I may have to use another pic. I'm not ready for everyone in the world to know all this stuff about me. I do have a couple of very strong Christian friends who know all this about me, but I feel like a loser going to them with every fall that happens. I just want to be free!! Thanks for being there and having a place where those of us who are having an issue with this stuff can vent...
Comments
you are tempted. I have found that praising God (worship music) is the best way to stop temptations. Putting scripture up in your house to remind you who you are (a precious child of God) and staying in the Word,
you have to replace the porn watching with something else, so replace it with praise and worship....
That helped me alot.
I am so glad you are posting here! It is time to let God set you free!
Love and Blessings!
Carolemarie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
Hi, there;
Welcome to the forums. I am so glad that this site has helped you so far. I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply back to you.
You shouldn't feel like a loser when going to your friends. All of us have struggles and fall from time to time. That's why we are all here on this site -- to love and support each other. No one's going to judge you for your weaknesses. We are all dependent on God's strength.
When Shelley talks about being healed by the word of God, what she literally means is being transformed at the deepest level, and allowing God to heal you spiritually and emotionally of all of your hurt and pain. God has done that for many of us.
There is a Scripture in Rom. 12:2 that says Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. What this is basically telling us to do is to allow God's word to renew us and transform our thinking and actions. This happens as we meditate on the Word of God, and allow it to saturate our minds. Heb. 4:12 tells us that the Word of God is living and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of our hearts. That's how it is able to transform us....by revealing to us our deepest needs, and who we are.
The more we meditate on God's word, the closer we grow to Him. We can't help it. Our love for God grows as we learn more about Him. That's basically what Shelley was talking about when she said that God's word heals us. He comforts us and soothes us through it. It's a spiritual healing at the deepest level.
Does this make sense? A good place to start reading in the Bible is the book of John. This will lay out who Jesus was and what His mission was -- why He came to earth, and His deep and abiding love for us. The Psalms are also very comforting. Psalm 23 is a great one to read.
As far as the other stuff you have laid out, I think a good start would be to completely avoid Craigslist and the whole chatroom scene. Not only is it risky physically, but all it's doing is causing you to feed more into your lust. That is one way you can stop indulging it. Most people use this kind of thing as a substitute for something else that is lacking in their lives. Do you suffer from loneliness? I know that a lot of times, this happens when we are looking for some sort of emotional connection.
Are you involved in a church at all? It might help if you could get involved in some sort of Bible study, or at least just go to Sunday services and meet some people. I think that is awesome that you have some good Christian friends. Maybe you can join them for Bible study?
Anyhow, I'm glad that you are here. Please continue to post, and let us know how you are doing, or if you need anything.
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
Thanks for replying to my post. I actually belong to a church and go on most Sundays. I am a believer...I call myself a bible-believing Christian. You wanna hear something cool...well, I think it's cool. On my iphone, I have an app that sends a daily bible verse. Two days before you replied, the verse was the one you used about The Word being a two-edged sword. I feel like God is on my side. Shelley mentioned a couple of times about using alcohol and that it took a long time for her to get free from it. That's where I'm at also. When I'm sober, I have the fight in me to stay away from porn. I guess what I'd like to know is HOW did Shelley use The Word for healing (which I believe it does heal). Did she study every day...were there certain verses that she used...did she read verses about healing?? I'm very encouraged by all that you wrote..again, I have to get to work, so I need to cut this short.
Love!!
Hi, there;
I'm so glad that this site has been encouraging you.
As far as how Shelley used the Word for healing, I know that she spent several years in intensive recovery, and during that time, literally saturated herself in the Word, and occupied herself with really drawing close to God. I also know that there are certain Scriptures that she holds very dear, which helped her in her recovery. It's pretty much like that with everyone. Once you start meditating on God's Word, the Lord brings out certain Scriptures which apply to your own situation, which really speak to you. Everyone has certain Scriptures which have really spoken to their needs, and are dear to them. Once you find those Scriptures that speak the most to ou, do your best to commit them to memory...or, you can just write them down in a notebook and read them throughout the day. It really helps!!!!
You are so right when you say that God's word can heal. The Bible says that God's Word has the power to literally transform us (Rom. 12:2). John 15:3 tells us that His word cleanses us. It's a complete inner and spirital healing that the Lord does through His Word. That's how He speaks to us, and brings us to that place of wholeness. Throughout the Psalms, King David talks about meditating on the Word of God, day and night. That is what we must do -- not just read it, but really allow it to penetrate our consciousness. When we not only read it, but meditate on it, that's when God really speaks to us. You meditate on it by just thinking about it.
One thing that really helps is to pray before reading God's word. Pray that God will open your understading, and give you wisdom. James 1:5 says: If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. Ask God for wisdom, and open your mind to be receptive to His Word.
One thing you might want to consider is, if you do not already have one, purchasing a study Bible, one with a commentary and cross-references. I have a Nelson's Study Bible, and it has really helped me. This will allow you to gain a better understanding.
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
I really loved your questions about asking how Shelley used the word - that would also be really insightful to find out. For each person, it really varies! God definitely knows how you respond the strongest. He knows your love language and is often eager to connect with you that way.
Here are some really interesting questions to ask the Lord in the process of looking into the scripture...and to allow God and community to help you discover the answers to some of these questions. Record it after you find the Bible references or however God answers those questions for you. Know that it won't all come at the same time. These are just SOME questions that may get to the root of heart things you have struggled with.
1. What do you really think of me God?
2. What are some of the unique ways you defend me?
3. Who am I in YOU Lord?
4. How does the Holy Spirit help me in my weakness?
5. What are your promises for me?
6. Can you show me places where people were able to overcome?
7. What are the rewards for people who have overcome?
8. How have you rejoiced over me God?
9. What are things that I do that grieve you and your Spirit God?
10. Will your love run out?
11. How are things transformed by the sound of your voice God?
12. Can you give me glimpses of what you are like in heaven?
13. Can you show me examples of people in the Bible who were physically transformed when they saw you or encountered you?
14.God I need to know you are near - can you show me places in the Bible where you drew near to people who were lonely or in despair?
15 How do you satisfy our hearts God?
I find this also transforming...One day I was asked to open my journal and begin writing out this question:
God what are your words of love for me today? I want to receive all you have for me.
Then begin writing as if the Lord is writing to you....be prepared to be surprised, but allow yourself time for to really just sit and be with the Lord and hear from Him.
Not everyone is a writer, nor even a reader. You can also find audio books of the Bible.
Sometimes the Lord will lead you to a passage to sing to out loud.
Other times He may have you just read a single passage throughout the day to let it wash over you.....
Sometimes you may read a verse and all of the sudden substitute your name in that verse.....:)
There is no one way to do it....but as the Holy Spirit leads to open your heart to how the scripture is alive, you will discover all kinds of ways He directs you to study, meditate, sing, pray into, shout, whatever it maybe.
Hope this is helps. With love and hope -
Faithfully loved