I became addicted on and off for a little over ten years. It was mainly a curiosity issue that turned into an addiction where I would "binge" by watching the same stuff over and over again in order to be fulfilled.

The addiction would alternate between complete abstinence (guilt) from looking to a full blown binge (triple guilt and attitudes of rebellion against the other Christians who I didn't want to look or act like). I was so hell bent on going against the grain of a "typical Christian woman", I thought that I could justify my addiction to adult videos and internet sites as a way to remain "cool" Although I had been a believer for awhile, I justified my addiction with the following reasoning: Well, I am not hurting anybody. Besides, I may be a single woman and a Christian - but I'm not an nun! "Edited by Moderator" It is sad to see that my reasoning has been incredibly immature and stemming from insecurity. I am almost 30 years old and I think that it is really refreshing to know that left to my own devices, I will continue to follow my childish ways, but when I allow God to speak to me, I can put my childish ways aside. But, I would like to transition to the "turning point" in my addiction.

One day, I eventually paid for a site and I just sat there and sat there looking at the same scenes for eight hours straight. I had planned to go to Target and to enjoy window shopping that night and I wasted my time. Eventually, I landed on The Pink Cross Foundation website and read the stories and tuned into what is really going on. For the first time, I also tuned into the way the actors/actresses were being addressed during those scenes. They were being spoken to and handled like barn animals, and not humans.

I do not feel disgusted with people who are addicted to pornography or the people who are in the industry. I am saddened when I think about the practices of the industry and the many people who are sitting captive behind their computers. I pray that people who are still held captive will pay attention to the way that the actresses/actors are being spoken to by the producer/director during a shoot.

I know that the possibility of relapsing is very high, but I believe that God desires victory for all of his children. If you want to, please pray that I will continue to be open with my computer activities with friends and family and that I will continue to be reminded that abstinence from pornography and sex doesn't make me less attractive.

Thank you for listening. Hope you had an enjoyable and relaxing holiday with family and friends. I did and I am thankful. If Christmas has been rough for you (I have been THERE!), I pray that you will find some much needed mental and emotional rest and healing from now and into the New Year.