I deserve no better

I could also mention to you that the addiction to porn has caused me to perform self-harm, cutting my arms. No one knows about this reason for cutting, as the reasons are many.

Hi, Jaylee;

I am so glad that you decided to visit this site. It's good to have you here.
I won't preach to you, but I do want to let you know that you are loved and cared for. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Depression is an absolute nightmare.
I, too, used to cut myself, and it was for the exact same reason that you pointed out.....I thought that I didn't deserve any better. I just want to let you know, though, that is a lie from the pit of hell!!!! You deserve so much better than what you have been through.

I noticed in your profile that you threw away your porn, and that you quit going to those sites. That's smart. That stuff will only complicate things more, especially with everything you're going through right now.

It sounds like you have been using porn to punish yourself. That's good that you've thrown it away, but I'm just wondering what it is that you're going to do to heal? It doesn't sound like porn is the main problem. It sounds like it's just something you're using as an outlet. Are you going to any counseling? If not, I think you should.

I think it would be good to have someone to talk to. I was in the porn industry, and also cut myself, and both of them I did because I hated myself, and felt that I deserved to be punished. I didn't hate myself because I did porn...I did porn because I hated myself, then the more porn I did, the more I hated myself. I suspect that it might be the same for you, both the cutting and the porn.
When I got out of the industry, I still hated myself. That didn't go away until I started to heal, and I didn't start to heal until I found the lord....that's all I will say about that.

Anyhow, I just want to let you know, Jaylee, that you are not worthless. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. You are so brave coming here and opening up like that. That's something to be commended. You have been through so much, and I really hope and pray that you can heal.

Please don't sell yourself short like that. You deserve to be healthy, happy, and loved....and you will be. You have a lot to deal with, but I'm telling you, you can make it. A lot of us here have been through so much, but it's great to be able to come here and support one another. We will never judge you or condemn you....That is not what we're here for. We're here to help you and support you while you heal and find yourself.

I hope that you will continue to post here, and let us know how you are doing. We all care about you, and will be here for you no matter what.

- April -

Dear April,

well, what can I say...you got me! The porn is because I hate myself, and I hate myself for watching porn... I do go to a psychologist, but I have not mentioned this to her. I don't want to, as there's too much else going on at the moment.

I read your kind words, but after I got dumped by my boyfriend in September (we never went the whole way), I've lost all faith in myself and can't accept compliments no matter how hard I try. To me, kind words are lies. I don't believe them. I've been this way for as long as I can remember, by the way...perhaps it's a part of me being an autist, I don't know.

Hi, Jaylee;

I understand. It's hard to accept compliments when you feel so little love for yourself. Please know, though, that I am not just spewing empty compliments. I am being completely honest. There is no reason for me to lie to you.

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I know what it's like to feel trapped by your own emotions. I also know that even if you can't accept the words I am saying, that I will continue to speak the truth to you, which is that you are worth so much more than you think right now. I know you don't believe it, but it's true.

I don't know all of the reasons for what you are going through right now, but I do know what it's like to hate yourself. For so long, I hated myself, and I was convinced that I was inferior to everyone around me. I felt completely vacuous, and my emotions were so numb. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I barely knew my dad, lost my mom at an early age, and was despised by my peers.

I judged my own self-worth on what others thought of me. I had to re-structure my entire mode of thinking in order to break the pattern, and I still have problems accepting myself. It wasn't until I came to the realization that God loves me, and that He died for me, that I was able to come to love myself. I'm not trying to preach to you....I'm just letting you know what helped me.

I just want to say that I know how hard it is for you right now, and I read your words, and I hear the hurt behind them, and I am so sorry, because you should not have to feel that way. You are a human being, and you deserve so much better. I can't say that I completely understand your circumstances, but I do know some of what you are feeling.

If you are like me, those feelings of self-loathing are like defense mechanisms that you've built up, sort of like "No one can hurt me, or make me feel bad, because I already feel bad about myself." That's how it was for me. I had to break down all those walls and realize that the self-image that I built up for myself was completely false, and that I was actually worth something.

I just want to let you know that I am here for you if you ever need to talk. I know how hopeless things seem right now, but please, don't give up hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We are all here for you, and will support you in whatever way we can.

I know how loveless this world can be, but this board is a great place to be loved and comforted.

Just checking in to see how you're doing.

Please feel free to PM me if you would like to talk. I am here for you, and we all care about you.

Thank you. I would like to ask for prayers from everyone reading this, as I still visit porn sites on a daily basis. I'm a complete hypocrite when it comes to many things.

Hi, Jaylee;

I will definitely be praying for you.

Dearest Heavenly Father;

I lift up Jaylee to You right now. God, You know her struggle with pornography, and the pain that she's going through. I pray Lord that You would just reach down and pour Your love upon her. God, I pray that she would feel Your love and peace deep in her heart, and Your hand upon her life. Let her know how precious she is to You, and that things don't have to continue like this. Show her how beautiful she is to You.
God, I pray that You would deliver her from the bondage of pornography. Give her Your strength so that she can stop looking at it, and remove this temptation from her life. I pray that You would begin to heal her from all of her hurt and pain, and that she would feel nothing but Your infinite love.

I pray these things in Jesus' name

Jaylee....Hang in there!!! We all love you and are praying for you. Please continue to let us know how you're doing.

Hi Jaylee,
Thanks for the update. It's good to know that you are doing well.

Be well,

Sarah

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heav’nly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

...I did it again.

Don't let that discourage you, Jaylee!!
Just get up, brush yourself off, and keep going. You managed to go some time without watching porn, so I know you can do it again.

I will pray for continued strength for you.

Stay encouraged!!!! The Lord is on your side, and so are we.

Once again did I fall. Despite the fact that I continue to read the raw facts here at Pink Cross! I KNOW that it's a disgusting industry, but I did it again...watched porn and committed self-abuse. The page I ended up on was with an so-called "amateur"-girl...and the text said the following: "This girl dreamed of being a legitimate acress, I told her the way to Hollywood was through porn, and she agreed to try it..."

Gawd...such a hypocrite. Even now...at the Hour of Mercy...how could I do it?

If anyone wants to light a (tea-)candle for me, I would be happy.

Hi.

For many years, I felt undeserving of Love- from God, from others...

I did not "find Love" until I quit putting the focus on myself and began to understand and KNOW the Love that Jesus IS and offers. I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as sin in my life- of any kind- if I am grasping and embracing Who Jesus is. He is our "Fixed Point of Reference" and what a fixed point, indeed! If we truly want to find and know Love, we have to find and know the One Who IS Love personified.

Love is the cry of your heart, just as it was mine (and is the cry of every human just by virtue of having been born.) Jesus is the Love you are longing for. He invites you to know Him- He's very worth it and all else in your past will become nothing more than a distant memory and you will become the most amazed person on earth as to the amazing and supernatural transformation of body, mind and soul you have become. After all, that is His vision for you, just as it was for me.

God's best.

He's All I Need (I found Jesus)

Forced to leave my home, surviving on my own
I need someone to turn to, 'cause I have nowhere to go
My will to live is dying, as helplessly I'm trying
To escape this lonely nightmare
and be loved for who I am

But then I met someone who'd also lost his home
But a certain strength within him gives him peace and makes him smile
He said he, too, had felt forsaken
Misfortune left his spirit broken
And when he almost gave up hoping,
came a love that made him strong

When everything else passed me by,
then I found Jesus!
All others may forsake me, but He never goes away
When this world has nothing left for me,
I'll still have Jesus!
I'm never alone since I found Jesus,
and He's all I need
He's all I need

This friend spoke of love that never dies,
with compassion in his eyes, and said there's Someone I could turn to
Who'll be with me through it all
With God's loving arms around me
and everlasting joy within me
I've found happiness in living,
since I made these words my own:

When everything else passed me by,
then I found Jesus!
All others may forsake me, but He never goes away
When this world has nothing left for me,
I'll still have Jesus!
I'm never alone since I found Jesus,
and He's all I need

[When everything else passed me by]
Oh, I found Jesus! [Jesus]
All others may forsake me, but He never goes away
When this world has nothing left for me,
I'll still have Jesus!
I'm never alone since I found Jesus,
and He's all I need
You're all I need, Jesus, all I need

~Sunny Davina McNair

AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

Yes, you are okay now!! Hallelujah! Jesus IS The Answer to every problem!

Continued Blessings over you-

I went on a slight porn-binge today. I went through a couple of websites and committed self-abuse while watching it. Afterwards when I deleted the URLs from the computer log, a verse came to mind: 1 John 1:9: But if we confess our sins to God, He will keep His promise and do what is right: He will forgive us our sins and purify us from all our wrongdoings.

HAH!! The Devil's got NOTHING on me now! Yes, it was a mistake I made, I shouldn't have done it - but Jesus spoke to me and ensured me that I am still greatly loved! Even better, I am FORGIVEN!!!

Psalm 103,3: He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases

Jaylee...I am so happy that you have found the Lord, and you are absolutely right....You are precious to Him, and you are forgiven. I know that in the past, you mentioned not being able to forgive yourself. I struggled with the exact same thing for many years, and the only time I was able to forgive myself, and love myself, was knowing that I was forgiven and loved by God -- someone much greater than me.

His love and forgiveness gave me the ability to love and forgive myself, and now that you have found Him, I just know that He will do the same for you!!! That is so awesome!!! I will continue to pray for you, that you continue to accept His love and forgiveness.

The enemy might try to convince you that you are not worthy of God's love, but if he ever does that, just remember that is a lie from the pit of hell, and that God wants nothing more than to forgive you, love you, and make you whole. You are more than precious in His eyes, and He paid an incredible price for you.

I pray that God releases you from the bondage of porn and self-harm. God wants to liberate you from that prison, and He is more than capable of doing so. Just continue to embrace His promises, let Him love on you, and surrender all of your negative emotions to Him. He will give you the desires of your heart.

Love and blessings

April
Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums

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Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies

Dear Marchel & April,

thank you so much for your comments.

- Marchel: I know exactly what you mean. Too many Christians today have used the Scripture to make sinning easy. "But the Lord forgives me, it's no big deal..." But as you so wisely pointed out: If we truly love Him, we must do as He says! I can't remember the exact passage right now, but the Lord has said that His sheep will hear His voice and follow Him - why so many people decide to overlook that part is a mystery to me.
I am just a human being, weak and small. But "I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me!" - Phil 4:13.

- April, thank you for your kind words. Prayers are still appreciated, as always ;-) I pray daily for the requests on the "Prayer"-page of the site.

That's awesome, Jaylee. Thanks so much for your prayers!!!!

BTW, I love your new avatar.

Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums

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Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies

Just wondering if someone would want to hold me and pray for me, as I struggle again and need prayers. I fall for porn on a daily basis and I know why: I use it to substitute my longing for love, affection and accept.
Due to my diagnosis as an Asperger, I have great difficulty to be flexible in thoughts. Therefore I find it extrememly difficult to be a focused and good Christian at school and in my daily life.
Easter-break is from April 3 to April 13. Hopefully I will be able to get better during that time.

Thank you all.

Hi, Jaylee;

I had written a response to your thread, but when I tried to post it, the system booted me, and I lost it.

Know that I am praying for you, Jaylee, and that you do not have to continue struggling with this on your own. God is there to help you. What you need is a change from the inside-out. Don't concentrate so much on being a good Christian, but concentrate on drawing near to the Lord, and allowing His Holy Spirit to fill you, and work in your life. Rom. 12:2 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. This renewing can only be done by the Holy Spirit. You can't do it on your own. It's impossible.

You said that you are using porn to substitute for love and affection. That is understandable. God can give you that love and affection that you crave. The more you allow Him to fill you with His love and peace, the more it will alleviate your desire for porn, and He will fill the void that you are using porn to fill. Just draw closer and closer to the Lord, and you will be so filled with His love and affection, that you won't even want to look at porn -- at least, it won't overpower you.

I really want to encourage you to really seek the Lord, by praying and studying His word over Easter break. If you can, get some books on the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit In You by Derek Prince is an excellent book. I've read it, and it will give you a better understanding of how to tap into the power of the Holy Spirit.

I know that right now, staying away from porn just seems impossible, but it's not impossible. It won't be easy, but then again, not much in this life is.

1 Cor. 10:13 tells us that there is no temptation that has overtaken us that is not common to man. This means that, no matter how alone you may feel in your situation, plenty of other people have struggled with the same thing, and God has helped them to overcome.

If you really want to overcome, you must completely refrain from viewing porn (even if you desperately want to watch it), and draw near to God, through prayer and His word. Whenever you feel tempted to watch porn, immediately pray to God. Try reading a passage of Scripture, or do something to take your mind off of it. The less we give into our temptations, the stronger we will become.

Romans 13:14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh.

I know that it may seem so hard right now, Jaylee, but God is right there with you, and He is on your side totally. Whatever you do, don't let the enemy bring you into condemnation. Rom. 8:1 says that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ, who walk according to the Spirit.

The thing is, Satan will try and tempt you, then after he has, he will try to make you feel guilty, so that you have a defeatist attitude. Don't let him do that to you!! Memorizing Scripture is also a good idea, because when he comes at you with his flaming arrows, you can use God's word to keep him at bay.

Read Eph. 6:10-20. It talks about putting on the whole armour of God. It's really good, because we all are involved in spiritual warfare.

Anyhow, I hope this helped, and I just want to encourage you to really draw close to God, and allow Him to empower you, and change you from the inside-out.

You are in my prayers

Love and blessings
April

Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums

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Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies

Dear Jaylee,

Hi there. I am new to this forum. Nevertheless, I hope you are doing okay this evening. Thank you for sharing all that you have.

As I was reading these posts I noticed a great section that stood out to me that (Beloved Branch - April) had written to you.

"Don't concentrate so much on being a good Christian, but concentrate on drawing near to the Lord, and allowing His Holy Spirit to fill you, and work in your life."

I remember asking the Lord what in the world that meant....FOR YEARS-very angrily. I had this "skewed view" of what I thought it meant. I tried for years to clean the outside of my life and try to do it all on my own, but my inside was full of dead things that couldn't be hidden forever.

I began to realize that the outward things wouldn't ever be addressed, until the inside of me was changed...exactly what April stated. We often manifest outwardly what we are feeling inwardly even though we don't intend to.

One thing I notice is that when we CHOOSE to come near to God in close friendship, He helps us examine the original brokenness that feeds the need to look at porn. We experience His "father heart." as He walks us out of that feeling of hopelessness. We can ask Him to bring healing and intervention into those specific areas of our life. At times it comes through the people God gently introduces, other times it comes with a direct encounter from Him and His Holy Spirit, and often times that transformation comes from truly "hearing" what He recorded for us in His Word and having the freedom to speak out His word.

God states that He is the word. If He spoke His word and LIFE began, (1 John) His word must be pretty powerful to resurrect what has died inside of us.

His word must be powerful if it separated light from darkness, and changed the environment of a stormy sea when He said, "Peace Be Still." His word is key, and the enemy does not want us to believe or understand the authority we have in Him when we speak out His words.

Jaylee, I am not saying this without having to depend on Him day to day myself. Though I am not always steady, He has been. I am so thankful that the scriptures literally states that His faithfulness is as high as the heavens. If His faithfulness to us is bigger than we can comprehend, then He surely will be faithful to continously rescue and strengthen us as WE RUN to Him in times of compromise and sadness.

We will never have the full capicity to restore our own selves....

The point is that it is really about Him and what He is excited to do in your life. Jaylee, He is FOR you...He was long before you were born, and He still is today.

Hi all,

on Sunday 19 April I went to Church for the first time in 9 months. But consider the fact that I have been a non-practicing Christian for the past 9 months....well, I blew it.

I went on a porn binge and found pleasure in it. Please pray for me that I will experience a true conversion and stay away from porn, and that I will get a roommate who can keep me from sin just by his/her mere presence

Thank you..

Yes, Jaylee -- I will be praying for you, that the Lord gives you strength, and sends people into your life.

I am so proud of you for going back to church. You need to be in the fellowship of other believers.

Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums

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Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies

Thank you...however I am still in great need of prayers. Despite being in the middle of a novena (a prayer that goes for 9 days) I went on a porn binge today.

Yep, I did it again.

You're in my prayers, Jaylee.

1 John 4:4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world

Rom. 7:15-21 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate to do, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do....it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find.For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, I do not practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

What this verse is saying is that, even though we are children of God, we still have a fallen nature that desires to sin. Because of this, we struggle with sin in our lives. Sins become strongholds the more we give into them.

Jayle -- the only way you are going to overcome this stronghold in your life is through the power of the Holy Spirit. That means going in prayer to Him whenever the temptation to look at porn arises. He wants to deliver you, and I can see that you want to be delivered, but the more you give into the temptation, the harder it will become, and God will not be able to deliver you unless you bite the bullet stop looking at porn. Don't give it ANY ANY ANY room in your life.

Once you stop, it will get easier over time...but you have to begin somewhere.

Can I ask you a question? What exactly is it that drives you to look at porn? There are different reasons why people struggle with this. Is it boredom? Loneliness? Sexual desire? If you are really truly serious about conquering this stronghold, then I would suggest really getting into the word, and start praying vehemently.

1 Cor. 10:13No temptation has overtaken you except that which is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry

God has promised to help you. Many people share your struggle, and God has helped many to overcome. It really sounds like you need to take a stand against this in your life. It has become a serious stronghold. Anything that you give into, even though you don;t want to, is something that is controlling you. It's only going to get worse unless you take a stand against it.

Don't let Satan control you any longer through porn. God can help you overcome.....but you really need to take a stand. God is greater and stronger than porn or anything else that may consume you.

Phil. 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

1 John 3:19 For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things

Ps. 139:1-3 O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways

Ps. 139:13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb

Jer. 32:17 Ah. Lord God! Behold You have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for you

Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums

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Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies

Woah...

..that is the only word I can use right now. How come so many people in here are so intelligent?? To answer you question - What exactly is it that drives you to look at porn? There are different reasons why people struggle with this. Is it boredom? Loneliness? Sexual desire?- then it's the last two.

A priest once taught me a method: Whenever the desire to do anything like this arose, I should stop and do the HALT-method: Am I:
Hungry?
Angry?
Lonely?
Tired?

Unfortunately, I keep failing in using that method.

There's tons more I wish to say but I'm too tired right now. *yawns*

Yep, I did it again. I don't even want to bother analyzing why I did it: I did it because I wanted to. (I'm an addict, remember?)

For a short moment I forget about other things that are on my mind

I know I should pray instead of doing this, but face it: I am horrible at keeping relationships. That's typical for us Aspiers: having great difficulty in keeping friends. I know that God is faithful and is just waiting for me, but I have too much of a great difficulty in staying close to Him.

I deserve no better.

I graduated high school on June 22

Instead of praising God for being able to complete it, I went home, dived into candy and went on a porn-binge. No less than 4 times in the same day did I watch porn and....well, the m-word...

Why? A strong need for physical affection, over which I've been weeping and praying for. I don't want that need, but it's still there. If I don't get physical affection and words of affirmation, I get apathic and cold. Which I'm about to get big time, by the way...

Since New Year's Eve, I've had friends in my apartment a total of 4 times. From Dec 30 2008 to today, June 29 2009. I have invited people but they are "too busy" to quote themselves.

Obviously I'm not a good person to hang around with.

Since that day I've been on a regular porn-binge daily. I have not prayed nor gone to Mass, and I know I should go to Confession, but I hesitate. (any Catholic reading this can PM me)

I joked with a friend via SMS that I was close to pay people for cuddling with me, she laughed at it. Though it's partly a joke...if it hadn't been for Shelley's stories in here, I would seriously have done it. No sex, just closeness and cuddling.

On top of it all, the one guy whose hugs I really appreciate and are happy for, has been the boyfriend of my friend for 2 years now....Leave it to me to get into trouble! I've started eating a lot too, to compensate...

Jaylee,

One thing I want to tell you is to not give up! I was addicted to pornography and the 'm' word all throughout high school. It honestly started to feel like I was no longer in control of my body. I would just go home and my body would walk into the computer room, put in the ear buds and type in the name of my 'reliable' website.

I tried for years to stop. I had accepted Christ right out of high school and thought that would end it, but honestly it just made it worse, because the devil is working that much harder to make you fall. He is not your friend. He does not want you to have victory.

But God! God wants you to have victory. In fact, He has already won your victory. You don't have to work for it! That sin no longer has a hold on you at all. None. Nadda. Still, it is a habit. A habit that has to be broken because it is how our bodies find fulfillment for a desire that is very real. Instead of looking to a computer for affection, read Psalm 139. When you are riddled with guilt and the feeling, "I should just give up" remember that hopelessness is from the devil, not from God. God doesn't give up on you. Read Romans 6-8, read Psalm 139. Soak up the love God has for you. It is beyond anything even a Christian man could give you.

I would also encourage you to tell someone near you. Is it embarrassing? Yeah. It took me a lot of courage to write the word "Pornography" on a sheet of paper and hand it to the dean staff at college, but that was the beginning of me breaking the habit. We, here, can offer you so much advice, but we are not there with you. We are not able to keep you as accountable as someone in real life could.

Prayers your Way,

Jessica
http://www.beggarsdaughter.com

Hi all,

despite the fact that I have Jesus in my heart and do my very best to follow Him and His Word, I still view porn and masturbate.

Luke 10,19: "Behold, I have given you power to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and upon all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall hurt you." And: "resist the devil, and he will fly from you" James 4,7. I do that, but still... yeah. Just wanted to humble myself and confess this.

Anyone got any practical advice as to how to stop viewing porn and masturbating? What to do when the urge comes?

Hi, Jaylee

I know that you have been struggling with this for a long time, and I am so sorry.

As far as practical advice goes, the best kind of practical advice that I can give you is to really get into the Word of God. I notice a few posts ago, you mentioned that you had stopped going to church. Is that still the case? If so, I REALLY want to encourage you to start going again....this will be vital. Without the Lord, you are never going to be able to conquer this.

I know that you mentioned that a lot of it has to do with your feelings of loneliness....I can relate. I get lonely, too. Loneliness can create a deep void within you, and a lot of times, in our efforts to fill that void, we go to the wrong things. Rather than filling it with Jesus or His word, we fill it with food or sex or whatever else we can grasp onto.

The problem is, the satisfaction we get from those things is short-lived, and no matter how many times we fill it, the void just returns. We need something that will fill it long-term, and completely, and that something is Jesus Christ.

Jayle -- I notice that it's been almost a year since you first posted this thread. That is a long time. It seems to me like you have been using porn to fill that void of loneliness, and that you've been doing it for so long that it's become a matter of habit. I'm not going to say that you are addicted at this point, but if you continue, you might just become addicted. I just SERIOUSLY want to encourage you to confront this head-on, and REALLY start to fight this thing. You and me both know that you cannot continue like this.

God loves you so much, and He wants to give you victory -- and there IS victory. The Bible says that we are more than conquerers in Christ Jesus. The most practical adivice I can give you is, when temptation arises, [FLEE. Get out of the house, or wherever it is you are. Take a walk. Do something, but just don't hang around and allow yourself to get sucked in.

REALLY seek the Lord on this. I really want to send you a book that I am sure will help you with this. Can I do that? I hope you say yes, because I know it will really help you. The best book that you can go to for help, though, is God's word. Allow Him to speak to you through it.

Also, one thing you might seriously want to consider is getting involved in some sort of women's group, or finding a lady that you can talk with one-on-one, who can mentor you and encourage you. Right now, you NEED this.

Anyhow, that is about the best advice I can give you. I pray that you will earnestly seek the Lord, and allow Him to be your strength. Remember, there is no temptation that has overcome us that is not common to man. Many people have overcome, and you can, too, but you really need the Lord, and He SO wants to help you!!!

Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums

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Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies

Dear Beloved Branch,

To answer your post passage by passage:

I do not attend Catholic church anymore, as I don't consider myself Catholic. However, I am a Christian and have Jesus in my heart. So..there's the answer to that.

There were times when I would suddenly feel an urge to view porn, and instead of watching porn I would run to the bathroom and cool my wrists with freezing cold water to get my mind over onto something else.

Philippians 4:13 says: "I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me". (or "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me", if you have another translation than my Good News Bible). How many times have I prayed before I went to buy milk, bread and eggs: "Lord, help me so that I will not buy any candy. I just need milk, bread and eggs, help me to stick to it." and then ending with with those three items and a lot of candy as well?

I feel the Spirit of God inspires me to write this passage
We can surrender to Christ and say "please help me, Your Word says I can do all things because of the strength You give me!", but come on: do you really expect lighting to hit you over the head at that moment? We have our own part to play! We must do something. The Lord reminded me of Shelley's battle after she left the porn industry, how she for 8 years kept kicking the Devil in the butt with God's Word. "I drove Him nuts!" Shelley said in an interview (she and Jan were sitting on a stage in a church, I think the video is here or on Shelley's other website). She also proclaims that God has unlimited patience. Well, if He could help someone who was addicted to I-don't-know-how-much-crap, had an STD and was all in all a mess, He can definately help me too! But Shelley played her part, and I must play my part. It takes two to tango, so Lord, come on! It's time to dance!

So, in other words: I have faced the problem, but I am sometimes simply too lazy to do anything about it. I am working on it, but since I live alone and have no real friends but Jesus and do not have any school, group or work to go to, it's in my mind understandable that I sometimes "loose it" and watch porn.

PM me about the book, please.

Hi, Jaylee;

It definitely sounds like you have an understanding of things. Everything you said is so spot-on.

I like that Phillippians verse that you quoted. It's the truth, but the thing is, when we are in the heat of temptation, it is so easy to forget that. You must remember that we are in a continual spiritual battle, and temptation is a huge part of that battle. You can;t allow yourself to get lazy, because that is how the enemy will take advantage of you.

2 Tim. 2:3,4 You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one entangled in warfar entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please Him who enlisted him as a soldier

As a soldier, you are not your own. You are the Lord's, and this includes everything -- even your body.

Here are some key verses that might help you.

Eph. 6:12 For we do not war against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places

BUT

1 John 4:4You are of God, little children, and have overcome, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world

SO

Rom. 12:21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good

BECAUSE

1 Cor. 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it

James 1:14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires, and enticed

I really think that the more we understand temptation, the more we are able to deal with it when it comes along. The Bible says that temptation happens when we are drawn away from our own desires....drawn away from what? Drawn away from GOD.

That is why what you pointed out in your last post is so important....that you must be filled with God's word, because the more of God's word you have in you, the less likely you will be drawn away.

You really sound like you have a really mature understanding, and that is awesome!! What you need to do now is to act on that understanding. You sound like you are beginning to understand what your triggers are.

Jaylee -- I am going to say something, and I am saying this to help you...not to judge you at all. 1 Cor. 10:13 says that God does not tempt you beyond what you are able to endure. This means that God knows how strong you really are, and that you have the presence of mind to understand what temptation is, and to flee from it. He won't give you anything bigger than you can handle....that is a promise from God. Whenever you act on the impulse of temptation, what you are doing is saying that you don't believe the promise of God. You are saying that you were unable to resist the temptation, and that goes contrary to what God's word says.

You are right in what you say about surrendering to God, but surrendering to God isn't just about giving your temptations to Him...It's about crucifying the flesh. It is active on your part rather than passive, because when you surrender to God, you are saying "Okay, God, I trust in Your strength to get me through this," then you do whatever is necessary to not give in.

I hope this helped. I will definitely PM you about that book.

Stay encouraged, Jaylee, and don't give up. I can tell by your words that the Lord is working in you. That is awesome!! Just be patient. The Lord is teaching you through all of this, and He's making you the strong woman of God that He destined you to be.

Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums

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Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies

I am humbled after this message. Everytime I have been praying I feel I know the Bible well. Oops! I don't :P I need to be more humble. Thank you for the great mix of verses!!