There Was A Death Today
As of this morning, I was forced to accept the fact that my husband has remarried and the feelings are no less than of a death to have occured. He was someone of value in my life just by virtue of having been the one that I chose after ten long years of singlehood and two marriage proposals in between.
I had purposed before God that I would go beyond our divorce in praying, watching and waiting because I have to believe that God utterly heals people from sexual pasts and bondages. To have believed differently would have been to deny the utter healing the Lord brought to me from the same sins, bondages and sexual abuse as a child and to deny that He truly is a God of second chances.
I do not regret marrying him for one moment. In the end, I was led to do what wound up being the hardest thing I have ever been asked to do by the Lord. I knew that when I contacted his first wife to ask her forgiveness for interfering in their marriage, and even though I did not know it at the time of our dating and marriage, it would probably be the thing that caused the loss of our marriage. It took me three months of wrestling with the Lord to finally surrender to the fear of losing him and our marriage. But, I learned that to put God first is paramount- above self and even a husband whom I married because I Loved him and even if it meant that my course would forever change. I don't regret seeking truth, and what I uncovered was unthinkable, but all of it was necessary. To live in truth is what the Lord requires and at all costs to self. I made sure to let him know that I still loved him and wanted our marriage as we made eye contact just before he walked out of the door. I believe in resolve because God is all about that. Unfortunately, sometimes a husband doesn't believe the same things. I let him go out the door of my life reluctantly but I knew he had to have the freedom to choose his own course- even if it meant going into greater sins by freeing himself to seek out other women and perhaps even remarry. Everything in me wanted to hold him back but even God allows all of us freedom to choose and can even appear unloving to do so. And, even if it is different than what He wants.
The truth of all of that came to light today. My vision for him still stands though... the vision that the Lord gave me for my husband while he was still my husband. The Lord is going to allow all the circumstances of his life to bring him to the place of ultimate and utter healing, just as He did so beautifully for me because God Loves him not one iota less than He does me or anyone. For tonight, that is my only joy along with the fact that my name is written in The Lamb's Book of Life.
As has been said, "I would much rather my husband be found walking the streets of gold than to try to hang on to a marriage for myself and a marriage I did not want to end."
There was a death today as I learned the truth and somehow, must accept the fact that he never truly loved me even though I Loved him and would have devoted the rest of my life to him. I must also somehow accept the fact that the image and memory of a man I was drawn to, because of his passion for spiritual things, was false. I know that the Lord has not forgotten me as one who laid her husband on the altar for the Lord to do as He pleased. My husband was the desire of my heart but I have to admit that my greatest desire above that is for him to be whole someday- body, mind and spirit. The Lord has promised to do this in the vision He gave me. I just wish it could have been with me.
My husband was and is worth the grief and heaviness of heart I've had for the past three years because I know that my prayers have been heard for his spiritual well-being. I also find comfort in the fact that my sweet Lord is praying that same prayer for him.
Life, for the Christian, is not about finding a spouse. It is about being utterly married to The Spouse. No one, no thing- not even the reality of death of my marriage- can remove the Love relationship I have found in the Person of Jesus Christ.
I am thankful for all of this excruitating emotional pain because I have come to appreciate my Saviour all the more for going through this on my behalf and yet, He didn't have to. What Love is this that would do that for another? All the more reason to say, "Thank You Lord for everything- pain and all. You are worth it and Your ways have an expected end." Amen. The expected end is a once husband of mine who will know what true healing and freedom, from sexual bondage that has enslaved him all of his life, is. That will be a glorious day and will make ALL of "this" worth it.
Thank you for those who have cared for my husband. Our prayers are yet to be answered because there is a beautiful LIFE waiting up ahead for him even though it does not include me.
Comments
"...Christ died for us."
Why? We matter because He matters.
The dictionary defines matter:
a.) Reason, cause., b.) The substance of which a physical object is composed., c.) Material substance that occupies space, has mass, and is composed predominantly of atoms consisting of protons, neutrons and electrons that constitutes the observable universe, and that is interconvertible with energy material substance of a particular kind or for a particular purpose., d.) The indeterminate subject of reality., e.) The element in the universe that undergoes formation and alteration., f.) The formless substratum of all things which exists only potentially and upon which form acts to produce realities.
Seems to me that we are pretty important to God The Creator. Now to Live as if the Holy Spirit of God matters within our beings of matter.
If you are not intimately acquainted with this Creator God, I pray that you will consider your worth as one who matters. His Love for you is a right of birth. We can take it as our own and incorporate into our existence but we must die to self and our sins to receive it. That's the hard part, the rest is easy.
Jesus has the right to proclaim, "I am The Way, The Truth and The Life. No one can approach the Father except through Me." Jesus is The Christ, The Son of the Living God.
I like this saying... "We are made of matter. That's why the only things that matter matter."
Let's Live as individuals who are blessed and Loved because we are. It's right in front of our face if we choose to see it.
Oswald Chambers- "My Utmost For His Highest"
The "Go" of Reconciliation
"If you remember that your brother has something against you..." (Matthew 5: 23)
The day was September 24th, the day of our divorce trial. I decided to read out of a favorite devotional book that had a huge impact in my life several years before. My heart was heavy no doubt.
"Oh Lord, not THIS verse for today! Why do I have to be convicted of reconciliation when I wasn't the one who filed, who lied, who has an adulterous heart!? Why do You demand these things of ME and not HIM???!!"
As I sat on the witness stand, all I could think of was this teaching from God's very heart as his lawyer bombarded me with questions.
About a month earlier, I had written him a letter explaining why I couldn't accept his divorce and of my Love for him. I sent it to each of his kids as to "why I won't divorce your father". He sent that letter to his lawyer because I had stated that I wouldn't sign my name to this divorce I disagreed with. She forwarded it to my lawyer.
My lawyer called me. "Marchel, do you realize that if you don't sign a Judge ordered document, I can't represent you? And do you realize that you are going to have to pay me another $1,500 for a Trial you are going to lose all because you won't sign your Divorce Decree when you could just sign them and be done with this without anymore cost of which you don't have?" I said, "Yes but I will not let money usurp God's conviction to me. God will have to figure out a way to pay you." She said, "Look, I understand your convictions- well... not really, but I respect your spiritual and religious convictions but the State says you have to..." I said, "The Lord has made it specifically clear to me that I am not to sign anything that is against Him." She said, "Then I can't represent you." I said, "Fine. I've gone to court before and represented myself. I'll do it again. The Lord Jesus will be my Lawyer. His court is higher than the States and this is a marriage and divorce between Christians. It should be kept in the spiritual realm."
A couple of days later, I received a Motion to Withdraw letter from her. I was about to sign it and send it back when I received a call from her. "I read your letter again to your husband. I have never cried so hard in all my life and now that I am newly married, I have never considered that marriage is a spiritual thing. I respect your convictions and I will represent you. You don't have to sign any papers unless the Judge demands it. We'll take our chances. By the way, your husband's lawyer called me after reading your letter to him and said, 'Is your client NUTS!?? What part of 'her husband is divorcing her' doesn't she understand?!!!" Jo stuck to her guns and said, "See you in court."
I could tell his lawyer hated my guts. I could FEEL it. She being a woman who had never married but was living with a guy for several years. A woman who was a sister of a man who went to the church my husband and I attended and whom WE had prayed about in regards to her brother's concern for her lost condition. I let her anger roll right off me. The Lord had given me a Love for her soul. How could I fire back to disgrace the Lord especially after some very hurtful questions I have never heard asked in a divorce case... "Mr. Kelley, do you Love her?" He said, "No".
Why did she have to ask THAT question in front of all these people? My heart sank as I remembered such sweet words coming from his smiling mouth of sharing how he had PRAYED about me and for me months before he called me that first time to go out with him, how God had confirmed to him and the pastor that I was the Lord's choice and was the "Love of his life" to our lost friends and other Christians.
Then... the Lord's voice came into my heart so beautifully and said, "Marchel, he does not Love Me. Don't take it personally, don't feel rejected and cast aside. It is Me he is rejecting and casting aside."
While on the stand, I was able to say why I believed that as Christians God didn't want our divorce while looking him in the eyes (when he dared to look at me.) His lawyer stood up and angrily said, "Your Honor, the Court does not recognize biblical or unbiblical divorce!!!!" I said, "Marriage is a spiritual institution designed by God and there is a court higher than mans."
The outcome was as I knew it would be before going in to it. The State grants divorce for ANY reason. It takes two to marry and one to divorce.
But, God had placed a conviction in my heart that I would have always regreted if I had not followed it. Afterwards, my lawyer told me how she had never had a case that "moved her" so greatly and caused her to consider God and spiritual things. As we met afterwards, I was able to share my testimony with her. God used all of this in her life, and mine, for the good. To this day, she has never sent me a bill.
The Judge also "found favor" with me. He awarded him and his lawyer nothing and yet they were wanting half the sale of our home that I had bought several years before our marriage... and even more money. He is "in the hole" because he still owed his first wife from their marital settlement and owed his first lawyer who was forced to withdraw because of a fatal technicality my wise lawyer found a few months earlier.
My lawyer was very pleased with the outcome. Somehow, I had hoped the Judge would CARE that this was a one-sided divorce and not grant it but she told me he was "obligated by the State to follow it's guidelines".........
I've learned several things through all of this... #1: God is awesome whether things turn out the way we want them to or not, #2. Lost souls are watching Christians. We are either scatterers or gatherers of the Lord's Gospel, #3. Sin is costly, #4. "Those who cover their sins will NOT prosper." #5. Having a heart of reconciliation is all God requires whether received or not, #6. God is capable of messing things up...
You see, my lawyer is amazed that our case "slipped through the cracks" of the State system and the Judge...
Our "court ordered" divorce papers were never signed by me- JUST AS THE LORD HAD SAID. It is a "God Thing". My former husband was given a copy of those unsigned-by-me papers. You can't tell me he didn't notice that.
I sure wouldn't want to go through life with such a HEAVY conscience and knowing that anything I acquire that appears to be "blessings from God" from then on, is actually gotten in such an ill-gotten way.
I learned that God's principle of "wound washing/reconciliation" should never be overlooked. Even when we are not the ones to fully blame and have been hurt by others, His heart is for us to take full responsibility for ourselves and have a willingness and humbleness to make right on the damage inflicted. That is the language He speaks and understands and God goes up to bat for those who will listen. That's just Who God is.
What an amazing God we've got at our fingertips....... And what is even more amazing is that He INVITES us into "His realm" for HIS glory, not mine or ours. We get the privilege of being the "benefactors" of The King. Amen. What a precious, priceless God.
I want to say "Peace and Big Blessings to One and All" on The Pink Cross forum.
My hope is that someone may have gleaned something that God can use in your life. My intent has always been to provoke thought and perhaps a different view as it relates to spiritual application and principle. God has been misrepresented to me in the past but He has graciously allowed me to go through whatever necessary in order to show me that on a personal level. I truly appreciate it. He is Sovereign and has the right to allow anything in my life to continue to mold and shape me into His image as One Who owns me. Lessons are never just for one. I love it that God is able to "kill a thousand birds with one stone."
I know I can be a blunt person and "shoot from the hip" to my detriment at times but I also appreciate it when people challenge me to "think deeper", "go higher".... I respect people more who can tell it like it is and not "play pattycake". I love it that God is blunt with me and doesn't toy with my life.
If I have offended any one of you, I'm sorry.
We are all LOVED equally, whether we love God equally or not. Doesn't matter. Because of that, no one is better or less than another. I'm just so thankful that "The Artist" Who created us left a void in ALL our hearts that truly ONLY HE can fill as we have sought to fill it with everything but Him.
The Lord wants to Love us. He wants to show us things we've never seen or imagined. He wants to satisfy our souls. He wants to become a part of our being for the purpose of communing with us as a friend who is closer than a brother and for us to LIVE as blessed and Loved people. He can only do that if we will allow Him to.
Thank you for reading my story. Even if no one did, it has been important for me to write it down because God has used it to continue the process of transforming me and since that is a healing thing...
I look forward to the Lord showing me any and everything that needs to continue to change in me througout the rest of my life so "that the name of the LORD JESUS CHRIST MAY BE GLORIFIED in me, and me in Him, according to the grace of my God and Lord Jesus Christ." (I Thess. 1: 12)
Peace and God's very best to you all-
AMK
It's all Good!
As Christians, we are to exhort and edify one another in the Love of God, according to God's Word, so what you have posted here is VERY much appreciated and received! It's ALWAYS refreshing to see a person that has allowed God to grow them up and out of the sins in their lives! You are more whole than you realize, because if you weren't whole in Christ, then you wouldn't have the clarity of thought that you possess, as well as the wisdom and understanding, and I KNOW that all of what you know has come from God working through your painful experiences. That's what God does: He takes our pain and works it around in such a way that when He's done, we look at it and realize that if we hadn't gone through the pain, we wouldn't know NEAR as much as we know now.
So... we spend all our lives learning, acquiring wisdom and knowledge only to get old and can't remember it!
What's up with that? LOL
Personally, I think God has an awesome sense of human. LOL
Is how schools will teach kids about all kinds of things that kids are not going to use in their lives. I'm not talking about the basics, like reading, writing, and math. I'm talking about advanced calculus, by the time they're in junior high. Or about some other college-level advanced studies before they're even ready for it. It's pathetic how out of balance the educational system is in America, but then again, that's what happens when God is taken out of the classrooms.
On the subject of acquiring wisdom and knowledge, anything that God teaches you, whether by experience or through His Word, you're not going to forget it. You may not remember small details, but you'll retain the important parts of it, which is the wisdom and knowledge that God wanted you to glean from what He taught you. Speaking from my own experience, ever since I asked God for wisdom when I was 16 years old, the devil has come against my mind in ways that most people have NO idea about, but I believe God allowed that to happen to me because He wanted my mind to be so tuned in to His wisdom and knowledge, and not the world's. Whether the devil knows this or not, everything he does to us is first allowed by God, and all of the terrible things the devil has planned against our lives ALWAYS work out for our good in one way or another, because God is the One Who sits above the devil and his schemes and He is the One Who works out all things for our good, according to His lovingkindness!
You said, "Whether the devil knows this or not, everything he does to us is first allowed by God..."
AMEN!!!! It is a really profound revelation to know that anything "bad" that happens to us is allowed by God as you said.
Satan cannot afflict us without God's permission, as in the case of Job and God gives him permission because He knows the outcome is to be for His glory.
Jesus said the same thing to Peter when He said, "Peter, Satan desired to have you so he can sift you like wheat." (Luke 22: 31- 32)
Jesus gave Satan permission to have Peter and He KNEW Peter would betray Him before he actually did. He knew that Peter would go through some real testing ahead.
He also knew that Peter would overcome so that, "...WHEN you are converted you WILL strengthen the brethren."
All of our lessons are for us as individuals. Peter was already saved and knew that Jesus was The Christ, The Son of God but he had never come to the realization of what the price of denying himself to take up the cross would cost him. Also, he had yet to find out just how great and precious a salvation he had.
Repentance is a gift just like salvation is. Just as God knows what it will take to bring us to salvation, He also knows what it will take to bring us to full repentance and this is WHY He allows all of the "bad." This is exactly the reason WHY I am not angry with my former husband... it was not his time to receive the gift of true repentance from God. That is God's business to know.
Just as Peter was yet to be "converted" in the full meaning of the word, the Lord is wanting to convert our bad into GOOD.
Truly, who else but the Lord can do this? And to think that He is PRAYING for us NOT to fail??? Wow!
Do Jesus' prayers get answered and if so, how often? Yes, ALL things do work together for GOOD for those who Love God.
Thanks for the reminder graphicartist, I needed that today. These thoughts have helped me get back on track and not be discouraged.
I'm glad to have been of help to you, because I know that there was a time when I needed help, and I know there are times I still need help. That's how Christians need to see things: Whatever we desire from others, we need to first give to them, and not just think of what they can give to us. Remember this: The sum total of your life isn't meant to be according to what satan wants to bring into your life, but that will be your choice as to whether or not it is. This is why Jesus said, "Choose you this day, whom will you serve?" This tells me that serving Jesus is a DAILY choice that we ALL have to make, and the same thing goes for praying in the Holy Spirit. It is OUR responsibility to keep our spirit built up in our most holy faith, and the way we do that is by of course reading God's Word, but also by praying in the Holy Spirit every day. The more we do it, the more we won't realize we're doing it, and it will be such a part of our daily lives that we'll continue to do it.
Oswald Chambers says it best...
"If we are aware that we are serving God, we're not. In other words, Loving God and serving Him should be as natural as breathing, not giving any thought of who is watching or the outcome."
Love is a choice we can make at any given moment in time. Reading God's Word and praying isn't enough. Like breathing, inhaling isn't enough. One must exhale to complete the process.
This is interesting... the final act that killed Jesus on the cross was suffocation. He was not able to breathe out.
In spiritual analogy, if we don't appropriate what we have learned and received in God's Word, we will die spiritually.
God's physical realm proves His spiritual realm and vice versa. Our bodies and the way it functions is proof. This is why our own conscience can condemn us when we try to disconnect the two.
What a cool God to be so consistent in everything, huh?
I've had to ask myself lately, "What is wrong with you? Why are you discouraged?"
It dawned on me today. Porn is everywhere. I hate the intrusion of it in my life. I never really paid too much attention but now it's like blaring signs every way I turn... At my job where a few guys- single and married- are oogling it on their cell phones, the kid next to me at the library on the computer (yes, I said something), my neighbor's boyfriend's photo of a buxom woman without a head dangling from his rear view mirror, a teenager's car with a masking tape image of a penis pointed at a vagina on the side of it...
Why aren't these public displays shameful anymore? Are we getting that desensitized as a society? What about the kids, the future generation? Is porn teaching them about sex and sexuality? What are they witnessing with their parents?
Then it hit me. I HATE being another divorced Christian statistic. What kind of example was that to the young, impressionable generation that is already bombarded with porn images everywhere?
As of late, I am heavy-heartened for my former stepkids whom I Loved as if they were my own and for all of the young people who are coming of age.
But, I must remember that God has promised that porn and sexual sin will never be a part of my life again, even if it is all around me.
Numb to the world, sensitive to God.
Yes, I agree graphicartist... We must always pray for direction. How sweet of the Lord to leave us with His Holy Spirit since we can't walk side by side with Him in person.
Porn IS everywhere. Porn has been infused into ALL kinds of media, no matter WHAT kind we're talking about. THAT is why there's so many people, young and old alike, who are doing what they do, acting the way they act, and think the way they think about porn. THAT is what is wrong with America, because porn is something that is not being taken as seriously as it NEEDS to be taken, and it is literally eating away at the very fabric of this nation. It's the same as when moths eat away at a garment of clothing, and all we're left with is a garment full of holes, and falling apart. THAT is precisely how so many people are, spiritually speaking, because of their attitudes towards pornography. Porn is treated with such a cavalier attitude that it's SICKENING, and then we wonder why there's so many young people having sex, why there are so many marriages breaking up in divorce, why there are so many people that have AIDs, and the list goes on and on. All I have to say is, "IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE IT?" I'll tell you why: Because so many people don't WANT to see porn for what it really is, because if they did, then the truth would expose their sin and shame, and they would be seen as "weak".
Amen. Hardcore sin needs some hardcore truth applied to overcome it.
This is why I feel so grieved in my spirit for the young people. A couple of days ago, I remembered the kids' real mother telling me that she found over 1,000 porn images on their computer a few years before their divorce. It was blamed on their young 12 year old son. He confessed to it.
With the example he's had, why wouldn't he look at porn? His father has taught him how to lust and go from woman to woman. Isn't that what porn teaches? He was really into computers and spent hours on it. I found certain sex acts listed in the Google search bar when my computer went defunct and they got their previous one out of storage to use in replace of mine.
At that time, I didn't suspect my husband was looking at just because I perceived him as being a godly man. But now, as I think back on all of it... the signs were right there in front of me. I honestly didn't think porn would be a part of my life.
Christians divorcing is such a reinforcement of the mindset behind porn. I see what's up ahead for all of my former stepkids- the same life of porn, affairs and divorce is in their futures too because they have not had a godly example of one who is very influential in their lives. That's just fact, a dynamic behind the scenario. I guess this is what is referred to as "generational sins of the father". I had prayed my husband would allow God to break these chains from his father before him. Perhaps it will happen with my former step son someday. That is my prayer.
Unless that happens, these sins of the father will go on and on and on and on... God is the only thing that can stop it. This is just one broken family I'm talking about here- there are thousands like them. 1 out of 2 Christian marriages is ending in divorce. Those are heartbreaking statistics.
There's no getting around it... porn is a killer whether in secret or in open.
Somehow, more pastors and churches need to take this seriously. I know from firsthand experience that there are some pastors who have the same mindset as the men behind porn in regards to their view of women's roles, sexually speaking, and that is part of the reason they can't help other men. Lamb-baste me if you want for making that statement but it is true nonetheless.
Yes, porn is out there and all around but as Healing reminded us in a recent post... we've got to focus on the Lord, His beauty and light because darkness flees when He shows up. AMEN.
A hypothetical question was asked while among the women with whom I am ministered by, and on occasion, have opportunity to minister to.
"If your ex-husband were to ask your forgiveness and want back in your life, would you let him?" I asked, "Even if he had remarried and divorced?"
"Yes, for whatever reason."
Hhmmm... I actually had to think about this because the issue was never a question of loving him.
Some of them said, "Absolutely not." Others said, "Well, maybe, depends." One even said, "Only if he were to walk on broken glass for me."
I finally came up with my answer. I said, "No. I would accept his apology but I would encourage him to reconcile with his latest wife because according to God's way, he only has two choices- either reconcile and Love his wife or remain unmarried. If he stayed unmarried, that would be proof of true repentance and that sex and coveting women is no longer his motivation."
I generally dislike hypothetical questions but they can be good for provoking deep thought and revealing fears and other emotions. At least he was of value enough to have some hesitation. Dang, I wish I had never Loved him. Everything would have been so much easier because he really doesn't deserve the Love and gift of a wife. But, I can't bring myself to believe the way some people do- people are like disposable diapers, you crap on them then throw them away.
I am reminded that none of us deserve the Love of God and His gift of salvation but He's okay with knowing that because "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Praying in the Holy Spirit is SO important, because it is ONLY by the Holy Spirit that we can appropriate what God is saying to us in His Word. We need the Holy Spirit's guidance to help us to understand more and more what God is wanting us SO much to understand in His love letter to us, and we should desire SO much to want to know for ourselves what God wants us to know! After all, God's desire for us is for us to KNOW His Love, and to GROW in His Love EVERY SINGLE DAY!
"Continue to allow God's healing in your life. Continue to cling to Him, and He will complete the work that he has begun in you."
Amen. I Love the account of the disciples with Jesus in John 6: 66-68.
"From that time on, many of His disciples went back and walked with Jesus no more.
"Then said Jesus to the twelve remaining, 'Will you also go away?'"
"Then Simon Peter answered Him, 'Lord, to whom will we go? You have the words of eternal Life and we believe and ARE SURE that You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God."
Amen. Full steam ahead April. God has not done all of this work in us and brought us UP and OUT of Egypt for nothing!! The pain and loss is still fresh at times and I allow myself a good cry from time to time. I made the mistake of looking for some friends on Facebook yesterday and his photo was in their profile- complete with a smile and wedding ring on his finger. Man, I broke down again. This must be what the Lord feels when we reject Him. May we never stray again!
God is well-acquainted with these exact hurts. He hasn't forgotten a thing. Like the disciples who stayed- where would we go April? We have found the One Who holds eternal Life in His hands. Besides, we have already run and experienced all of the hell we will ever have to experience. Amen. Our Lord is such a treasure.
No turning back.
God bless you. I am always blessed at the things you share.
The past is only the past when it no longer controls our present and future.
A new Life awaits. Grab tight April... our Lord is of the "adventurous sort." :^)
Sidenote: Without knowing for sure, nor do I have reason to know... I made a prediction long time ago that my former husband would marry someone alot younger than himself this time around. Not that there is anything wrong with that in itself but...
I say this because since he is ALLLLL about sex, with his history of being with minors and because he went on and on about his first wife's engagement to a much younger man- he would do the same thing if given the opportunity. AND, because he divorced twice for the purpose of future sex partners...... Well... it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.
All of this is of no consequence or importance to me other than it would be more proof that God's Word is TRUE. We will all remain the same throughout our whole lives unless there is some kind of "divine intervention" and appointment with God Himself. Thank God He never lets us stay the same no matter how hard we may try to.
There is a chance I could be wrong but... I doubt it. Yes, time reveals all- good, bad and ugly.
The good news is that even terrible experiences can be very GOOD teachers and God can be found, waiting, on the other end.
Nahum 1: 7-9 reminds me, "The Lord is good. He is a stronghold in the day of trouble. He knows those who trust Him. With an overrunning flood, He will make an utter end of the place and darkness will pursue those who hate Him. What can you imagine against the Lord? He will make an utter end. Affliction against God will not rise up a second time."
I'm thankful for this hard lesson these past few years. God knew what it would take to rid me of the Christian superiority attitude- over unbelievers and other Christians- that has existed in my family and church family all of my life. I have asked other Christians around town to forgive me for distancing myself from them all because they did not go to church where I went.
The disciples were constantly at each other with their religious superiority attitudes, their "one-upsmanship", all because they "hung out with Jesus" as if He Loved one more than another. Yet, all the while, they did not really know HIM. Was Judas Loved any less than the others even though Jesus knew he would betray Him? No- Jesus called him "friend" and the disciples had to ask who would betray Him. If Jesus had treated Judas any differently, the disciples would not have had to ask. This is proof that the Lord Loves all equally- saved or lost, whether in sin or not.
The problem of this superiority is still alive and well in our churches today. I'm glad the Lord has taught me how to recognize it because until this past marriage, I did not know it existed in me. Now I see it everywhere.
No soul is more precious or Loved more than another in God's eyes. "For God so Loved THE WHOLE WORLD that He gave..." I am not Loved by God one millimeter than another and this is why He reserves the right to bring ALL of us to "an utter end"- in His time and in His way to teach us this most paramount lesson.
How different our churches, our homes and marriages would be if we could grasp the importance of this. Husbands would Love their wives as ones of equal importance to God and stop seeing them as lesser and only for the purpose of fulfilling their every sexual whim and fantasy. They would feel a responsibility to nuture her by example in the same way Jesus treated Judas.
No matter... To God be ALL Glory given. Amen.
A good friend and I were talking today about dating.
I said, "There's no way. I don't trust men anymore. Why should I? If you can't trust a man who led and taught bible study, led youth group, was endorsed by a pastor and who wants to be in ministry full-time, who can you trust? I was taken by the best of the best. I wasn't put on this earth to be used for some man's lusts."
She said, "I hear you. I don't blame you at all. Where are the real men who Love God more than their penises? I have yet to find one myself."
After experiencing what I've experienced in the realm of Christianity with two men I have given my heart, devotion, life, Love and body to and after reading of so many single and married Christian men who secretly still struggle with porn and the staggering statistics of online lookers, it is very disheartening. Praise God for those few who are rising above, confessing to their wives and sharing their testimonies publicly so that Satan can no longer have a stronghold. Now, with every man who shows any interest in me, I automatically think, "I wonder if he's a porn perv too........" (Yes, I'm sick of porn and it's perversion of what God designed to be beautiful, sacred and reserved for Love.)
Awhile back, I was in the office of a man I've done business with (and knew he was interested in me). I was looking for something on his computer and many porn videos previously watched popped up on the search bar. I pretended like I didn't know even though I felt nauseous and had to get out of his office.
I will not tolerate porn in my life for another day. I was created to know Love, not to be used for friction while some man has other women on his mind.
I learned a long time ago that no one is trust worthy until they are worthy of trust. Nowhere does it say we are to trust anyone just for the sake of trusting. Trust is to be earned and won, not demanded. Anyone who ever said to me, "You can trust me" is exactly the person who turned out to be the most untrustworthy.
I have been a gullible person all my life in regards to men. I have a tendency to trust men in Christian leadership especially even without them proving they are worthy of trust, much to my chagrin.
Yes, I am very gun shy now and rightfully so. I know God is happy about that and is saying, "It's about time. You will never have to suffer with womanizing and porn ever again." If that means I have to be single for the rest of my life, then so be it.
Porn and lust has taken WAY too much of my life from me- 21 years of marriage total. It seems as though some wives are damned either way... if you won't partake, you are left behind for other women. If you do, then they are with other women while they are with you.
I'd much rather be left behind so that I don't have to live in mockery of a Christian marriage and lies. My heart simply can't endure it again and thankfully, the Lord never gives us the same as or worse once we know the difference. In all of that, I don't regret marrying because I know I Loved my husband in the right ways and would still be with him today. There is great satisfaction and peace in that. Besides, I learned some awesome things about the Lord that I wouldn't trade for anything and He revealed sin in me that needed changing. I don't think I would have learned it any other way so I'm thankful He allowed it all.
---- By the way, the man in the office I mentioned... I still do business with him. I treat him like a human being even though I told him about the porn I saw on his computer and why I am not interested in dating him. I told him that just as it is his perogative and right to "like porn", it is my perogative and right not to date him or anyone who does. I've also told him that he is Loved by God in the same degree I am- no more, no less. This is why I condemn/sentence no one and just because one knows the truth and seeks to live in it does not mean they need to be bitter.
Truly, there are times I wish I could be bitter and could have had a hardened heart towards my husband while we were still married because it would have made it alot easier to walk away and not look like a fool to him, his kids and others who have made fun of me for "hanging on". Bring on the ridicule- someday, they will all understand why and why they were worth it to me.
After yesterday's post of frustration and being disheartened because the past few men who have been interested in me, even though I have let them know I am not interested in anyone, are the "womanizer type" (yes- I can recognize it easily now... better yet, the Lord Jesus within me recognizes it), the Lord's sweet voice whispers to my spirit and says, "Don't be discouraged. I've not forgotten you and I have someone in mind, just for you and one who will Love YOU as a person, not an object. Continue to wait. LIVE as one who is Loved because you are... and have been all along."
No time for being disheartened. I've learned that disappointment and expectation are companions. "Hope for nothing" and yet, have "hope in all things" the Lord says.
The first is referring to human expectation. The second is referring to expentancy from God.
Every soul longs to know they are Loved by God, and by a mate. It is up to God to bring that person into my life. My attitude is that even if He didn't, I still win because I am Loved by the greatest Husband of all- for ME- not my sexual body parts. What a Husband indeed!
When these "womanizing" men are drawn to you, PRAY FOR THEM. I know you don't like it when you are confronted by little boys trying to be men, nor do I like to see little girls trying to be women wearing clothing that is PATHETIC, but it does no good whatsoever to bash them for their childish behavior. Whether you know this or not, they're doing what they do because that is all they know to do. And the sad part is, it has obviously worked for them in the past, which is why they keep doing it. I suggest speaking the Word of God over these men, and ONLY speak the Word of God over them, and if you are approached by any of these sort of men, speak to the spirits in them and tell them right away that they have NO right approaching you, and see if these men don't want to approach you any more. You have to let the devil know who's in charge, otherwise he'll keep coming at you, thinking he has the right to, and if you're not telling him "NO!", then he DOES have the right to. You're the one with the authority and power given to you by Jesus Christ, and you DO have the Holy Spirit, am I right? THEN WALK LIKE YOU DO, and do not allow this world to get you all frustrated.
Lost people act like lost people so that is no surprise. I felt the need to tell the one guy why porn will not be a part of my life anymore. It opened about dialogue about the Lord and he was receptive. We are still "friends" since we have to do business together. I know that treating him as one whom Jesus died is what the Lord requires of me.
What I have said is, "I'm not interested in dating. I am still in Love with my former husband and I don't apologize for that." That's it. And of course, that was before I found out he was remarried.
I don't explain why I'm not interested in them personally so that they won't try to figure out how to impress me. I had that happen a few times before.
I confronted himbecause he was sending me emails that were "sexual" in nature and told him that was highly inappropriate. I suspected he was into porn before I actually saw it on his computer because he "fit the profile." Lo and behold... I was right.
I have found the less I say, the better. One guy started going to church where I went and tried to impress me with that. Shheeesh.
I already tried the "missionary dating" thing years ago. It doesn't work AT ALL. They pretended to be all interested in God but in truth, they weren't. I fell for it for awhile then God spoke to my spirit.
Anyway, I don't do anything with men on purpose. Not that I don't like men... I just don't want to lead them on in any way.
I have plenty of good Christian girlfriends... a few are married. I also have two terrific dogs to jog, hike and bike with. The Lord taught me how to be comfortable alone when I was single for ten years before so that's not a problem anymore.
It is disheartening to hear a few of my good Christian women friends tell me how many Christian men want to go to bed with them before marriage. Makes me not want to date ever again and now I truly know why the Lord teaches that sex is for commitment in marriage and for LOVE only, Period. In the meantime, my heart is God's. He's free to do whatever He wants and I'm okay with that.
In a previous post I said, in regards to missionary dating...
"I fell for it for awhile then God spoke to my spirit."
I worded that wrongly... God was speaking to my spirit all along- I just didn't want to listen. I really liked the guy I was dating but for some reason, my spiritual pride convinced me that I could "help him find God".
When I finally listened to the Lord's voice, He made it clear that I was leaving Him out of the equation and was actually in the way of God. What I wanted was good in itself but God wanted what was best. It was hard to let go of my boyfriend but it became easy to say goodbye once I knew what God wanted for sure. I released him with a prayer of blessing and that the Lord would become his most prized treasure someday.
Why is that if a woman or wife doesn't "like" porn, she is labeled a "sexual prude" in some circles? I let them think whatever they want to think.
In Mike Mason's beautiful book called, "The Mystery of Marriage", he speaks of prayer and sex as forms of worship- both as a way to honor God and show appreciation for God's desire to have communion with us. It is "so God" to want to be included in every aspect of our lives, and rightfully so.
With that said, and without going into much detail, I am thoroughly convinced that if a husband can't pray to the Lord before he and his wife's intimate times together- his motive is lust instead of Love for her.
During the times when I was questioning some things in my spirit, I would ask the Lord to show me why I was feeling that way. I had some reasons to doubt but I blamed myself and overlooked the angst of spirit I was feeling. You see, I Loved my husband. He was the desire of my heart. I wanted no one else.
Because of certain reasons, and on two occasions I asked the Lord quietly in my heart while we were together, "Lord, if he is lying to me and doesn't truly Love me as he says- will you show me?" Immediately, he went impotent and said, "I don't know what's wrong with me" and reaffirmed his love for me... or so it seemed.
I never told him I prayed those prayers. But it became clear that it was the Lord's way of wanting me to begin to seek the truth and contact his first wife as to why she left him so we could begin to deal and live in the truth in our marriage. When I did that, it was the beginning of the end as I had feared.
God was watching out for me as His precious daughter and as one who had the courage to ask Him what He thought. He knew that I wanted to include HIM in everything and in every way in our lives. That is a good thing. I thought my husband felt the same or at least he said he did.
Call me a sexual prude by the world's standards. Call me whatever but I KNOW my Father God Loves me and He protects us even when we don't know we need it.
I expect flack and ridicule but no matter. If we can't include the Lord in everything, who wants anything that is not of Him, by Him, with Him and for Him? He is LIFE. He is LOVE. Anything else is as "dung" as Paul says.
Women who do not agree with their husband/boyfriend engaging in porn are called "prudes" because they're not willing to justify that sinful behavior as "He's just being a man". And some people will even go as far to say that women who do not engage in porn with the man they love are out of touch sexually speaking with the man they love, which is a HUGE lie, as if porn somehow makes those who engage in it more sexually "advanced".
Aren't you glad that God's judgment isn't to destroy our relationship with Him but for the purpose of restoring our broken fellowship with Him? His judgment is His Love and mercy displayed. How else would we come to know God in such an intimate way? What a GOOD God to find us worthy to suffer "whatever it takes" to teach us that His grace is greater than all our/my sins combined. This is why we can accept no sympathy, want it or need it.
Jesus didn't go to the cross and raise again so He can just hand out Kleenexes even though He is a kind Saviour Who does that. He'd be a puny Saviour if that is all He is capable of.
God doesn't relent one of His characteristics when He manifests another. What I mean is that just because God displays His love for us doesn't mean that He retracts His character of also being the God of wrath, the God of judgment, and so on. The way I see it is that we have thought of the wrath of God all wrong. We think of wrath in the terms of things being destroyed and wiped off the face of the earth, but God's wrath is LOVING, because God is love, and as I've already stated, He doesn't take away one characteristic of His nature when manifesting a different characteristic, so that means that His wrath is REALLY His zeal towards us, and God will do ANYTHING to have us as His own, even if that means allowing us to lose all the other things we think are important so we will see Him as the ONLY important One in our lives. THAT is God's wrath towards us.
So true graphicartist...
As a young girl growing up in the church, I used to think that God was so cruel- like He enjoyed mowing people over. But what I did not see and understand is that He PLEADED with people to heed His words and follow Him so they could live peacefully and in His power and LOVE, offered so freely, before He was ever forced to hold them accountable for their independence and rebellion. Even then, He was gracious to warn them. His heart was broken at their rejection to the point He even asked, "What have I done to you to deserve your anger towards Me?"
God's heart is to have intimate fellowship with His creation. Period. We choose our sin then we suffer the natural consequences of it and blame God! It was and never is His fault! He allows all our self-inflicted (and sometimes others-inflicted) tragedies because sin entered the world. He could have left us in all our tragedies for punishment and revenge. But... in His graciousness and LOVE, He gave us a Redeemer- born in filthy conditions and from a lineage of prostitutes and murderers so He can relate to our fallen state and in order to be able to bring us UP and OUT of it.
Yes, His wrath is nothing more than allowing our own self-imposed sentences so that we will be brought to a place of our own Death of Self so that we can become Alive unto God.
In all my years of hearing testimonies, I have NEVER heard of anyone coming to know the Saviour Jesus when they were "on top of the world" and life was going great. We simply cannot see ourselves as sinners unless we have been at the bottom and have died to self.
"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord"... Isaiah 6 records. It is only when "that thing" that is KING in our life dies will we acknowledge God as Lord. For some, it is sex. For others, it is money or recognition, or attention, or sympathy, or another person or a spouse, or ANYTHING that gets our energy over and above God. It's not that God wants to be first only... He wants to be in everything we do. We were created to know Him intimately in everything we do so that we can have a RELATION-ship with Him.
Yes, God's wrath is allowed only for the purpose of causing us to return to His original intent of creating us in the first place... To KNOW His Love.
One of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed was a cowboy riding his horse without a bridle or anything to guide his horse, while running at a full gallop across the wide open summer pasture to gather cattle, then turn and stop on command- just by feeling his master's shifting of weight. The communication and intimacy between horse and rider was absolutely incredible. It was so inspiring, I made a conscious decision at that moment to begin to know what it was like to allow God to have control of my life in the same way that horse allowed his master to control him. It made me think of the verse, "He guides me with His eye"...
I would rather be guided by God's eye than by His hand. I've had a few "holy spankings" and I've had enough of that. I'm ready to LIVE God's way as I learn to die to Self. Thankfully, He never gives up on teaching because He is a committed Father to His problem children. Truth is, I don't want to break my Father's heart anymore. I've done that enough too and even though I know I will... I want to be very quick to repent and be back in His Loving embrace and company. Husbands may come and go to seek their false dreams and continue to live in their secret lives with all of their images of porn women, but my Father and Lover of my soul, will always be there to woo and invite me into HIS reality of goodness and Love- so freely offered to ALL. What a God and Saviour!
TRUE intimacy with God is what He wants from us, because He SO desires to be with us, every single day. Not just on Sunday mornings and every now and then during the week at church. What is so terrible and insidious about the spirit of religion is that people have been duped into thinking that God, the Creator of EVERYTHING, doesn't want to have anything to do with us, His people He created in His image. We need to get out of our minds the whole concept that in order for us to come to Jesus that we have to first be "on top of the world", as if that's a good thing to be in the first place. Think about what that means: When we say that, we're saying that we are taking pride in us being on top of a world full of sin and corruption, as if that's a "good" thing to be on top of. What I think most people don't see is that whole attitude about being "on top of the world" is really nothing more than pride, because when we say things like that, we're saying that we're the ones in control and in charge of our destiny, which is a TOTAL lie.
The only thing God can't control is to force us to Love Him. It wouldn't be Love if He did.
True Love goes beyond Self and there is a great risk to not be Loved in return. Jesus took that risk for humankind.
Graphicartist, you mentioned that I should write a book about what I've learned through all of this tragedy and how it relates to the church...
There is a book I just finished that challenges our conventional thinking and is what I have learned through this experience. It's called "The Shack" by William P. Young.
It's excellent in it's message as he uses allegorical characters to convey God's heart for His creation of humankind.
Once again, it is the mainstream attitude of superiority that immobilizes and hinders the Christian community from experiencing all that God has to offer. It is too prevelant in our churches as if we have dismembered Christ's own body. And it is this attitude that keeps Christians from seeing the real needs of those who need ministered to.
We can hide behind our religiosity and churchiosity all we want but one thing is being terribly overlooked... Saved or unsaved, God Loves all humans equally just by virtue of having been born. No one is more precious than another. No one is more of a sinner than another. No one is unworthy of God's salvation through the work of Jesus Christ.
That is a given. The variable is whether or not we will willingly choose to Love Him. And for those who choose not to accept His sacrifice for their sin, they will have to spend eternity apart from His presence. The gift of free will is a wonderful thing... or it is a terrible thing. God cannot force us to Love Him and others.
"The Shack" is for anyone who would dare to think beyond themselves and who have the courage to form their own opinions.....
I pray that my former husband stumbles across it someday because he has been taught wrongly all of his life. The author knows what he is talking about because he has come from a history of sexual abuse (among other things) all the while hiding in the churches and ministry.
There is great hope in Jesus. In fact, He is our only hope. And what a glorious one!
Pray for your ex-husband to be apprehended by the Holy Spirit, and every time you think about him, declare and decree that God is hunting him down with His love. Whether or not your ex-husband knows this, God IS after him, to shower him with His love, grace and mercy. My wife read that book, and she said it was really good. She read it out loud, and I listened while she read. It definitely sounded like a good book. Another good book is The Penny by Joyce Meyer. My wife and I had that book, but we gave it away to someone awhile ago.
Yes, God has already promised to fulfill my prayer for him in November 2006 in the vision He gave me and confirmed. A promise to take a shattered life and use it for His glory. That is the joy and hope I have out of all of this and is what made all of this worth it. It's also the reason why I have no regrets.
Jesus is the Hound of Heaven. :^)
Thanks for the suggestion and another good book. To add to the list... "The Mystery of Marriage" by Mike Mason. It's more about our marriage relationship with a God Who is committed and devoted to us as His bride. It parallels our earthly marriages with our spiritual marriage with God by a man who truly Loves God and his wife. It's one of the most beautiful books I've ever read. I am amazed at how much the Lord is devoted to His much-soiled and unfaithful brides and is committed to teaching her how to Love by His example as the bridegroom.
I have a friend from Europe who has complained to me about our language and confirmed what I'd heard from others from foreign countries, "Americans don't say what they mean."
To be straight to the point- God's definition of words are different than humans.
When I say, "I Love God" and continue in my known sins, whether secretly or publically, I don't really Love God by His definition. I may want to Love God but I am not Loving God.
Love is action, doing- as proof of my Love. For so many years, I was "satisfied" with going to Sunday School and talking about God. Then, as soon as I left the building and the week began- or shall I say REAL LIFE began- I wanted to LIVE OUT what I had been taught but didn't. After all, I had talked about it so therefore it must be true in my life, right? I thought that was enough.
My prayers "felt" unheard because they were! The bottom line is- God cannot hear and answer any prayer that does not represent His heart, character and attributes. He allows us to continue in our sin by our own choice. To sin against him or to Love Him is a conscious choice.
That is why we can go for years with unanswered prayer when we pray prayers like, "Lord, please take my porn addiction away! PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE!" all the while knowing ahead of time that they are just words without conviction.
The truth is- He already did and we are not living in the victory of the work He already did when He nailed all of our sins to the cross and left them there when He rose from death- the punishment for sin- to LIVE again.
It is more truthful to say, "Lord, I do not Love You. I Love this or that sin more than I Love You." It is wonderful to want to Love God but it is much more wonderful to actually LOVE God by doing what He has said pleases His heart. He didn't leave us to try and guess what pleases Him!
He's not obligated to answer one prayer of ours that doesn't match up with His definition of the words we use. In fact, HE CAN'T.
Only when we live in the pure light of truth about ourselves will we be able to LIVE in the pure light of Jesus and are promised all of the benefits He offers.
I am so glad His definition of Love is different from mine. I threw the "love" word around so easily but yet what I was really saying and meaning was, "I love so and so because of what I GET from them." In other words, I didn't truly love them. I loved the sympathy I got from them. Or the approval. Or the flattery. Or "the stuff". Or whatever.
When we truly Love someone, we are more than happy to assure them of that Love. Peter was perturbed at Jesus' probing question of "Do you Love Me?" because he was having to do some soul searching on the spot- only to reveal that he didn't really Love the Lord like he had earlier claimed he "would die for".
And of course, crisis revealed Peter's true heart in regards to his "love" for Jesus.
I am in agreement with my European friends- we need to say what we mean and mean what we say when we are talking with God (notice I didn't say "talking TO God") because otherwise, He is just left standing there trying to comprehend what we are saying and can't. I envision the Lord standing there, shrugging His shoulders, and saying, "No comprehende."
If our prayers are amiss, there is a reason for that and just because we mouth the words "in Jesus' name" at the end of it doesn't mean our prayers will be answered. Only when the request we have asked correlates to Jesus' character and attributes will those words have any power whatsoever for answered prayer.
Jesus said, "If you Love Me, you will DO as I say." Not because He is a dictator (at least of the evil kind), it's because He is confident of the work He finished on the cross and He already knows that true LIVING and blessings can only come to those who truly LOVE Him. And, in addition- it is when we come to the place of Loving Him just by virtue of Who He is and what He did and not for what we GET from Him can we truly know what it is to LOVE Him by HIS definition.
No wonder His POWER is reserved for those who want to tap into the sheer glory and beauty of Him.
Yes, my definitions of alot of words has changed over these past few years. It is no longer enough to "love God" by going to church or talking about God. I told a good friend recently, "The next man I marry will have Jesus' name carved into his heart with a dull plastic knife before I will have anything to do with him." We laughed. I went on to say, "I don't have time for anyone who says they love God but is just a bunch of fluff words." I know the difference now.
What is marriage without living in the truth of one's self and in the truth of God anyway? I am married to the Lover of my soul. He's crazy mad in Love with me and the more I learn about Him, the more I long to be a bride to please His heart and thank Him for His never-faltering Love to show me again when I fail.
"I am your maker and your husband. The Lord of hosts is My name and I am Redeemer the Holy One of Israel. The God of the whole earth I will be called. For I called you as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when you were refused", says the Lord my God.
What a precious God, Lord and Saviour... and Friend.
I've had a book recommended to me on several occasions and was given a copy recently. It's called "Boundaries" by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend.
I'm reading it somewhat late but no matter, it is great how the Lord has confirmed things He had asked of me in this book by counselors who deal with these most important and often neglected issues of setting boundaries of which the Lord teaches us. Little did I know I would be exercising these boundaries these past few years and even into the present with my family.
There is a scenario of a "people pleaser kind of wife" who can no longer participate in her husband's sinful way of thinking and lifestyle. Her fear is that by "going against the flow", it will create more chaos in their home and marriage and her husband will threaten to leave or may even decide to leave her. Or... he may change.
I have never really given the term "help meet" too much thought until recently. Just what is expected from God of a wife "helping" her husband? Are we to help him stay in his sins by partaking in them or help him towards God and godliness by withstaining from them? These questions are answered and there is no more confusion.
As Christians, we are either gatherers of souls towards the Lord or we are scatterers of souls away from the Lord. No in-between.
I had to learn that by saying "no" to my husband was what God wanted from me just as God has to set boundaries with us. He says "no" to our sins all the while reminding us of His Love for us in whatever decision we make.
A husband with an unfaithful heart and mind most often expects his wife to cater to his sin of other women by continuing to have a sexual relationship with him or he will threaten to leave. And oftentimes, she will comply under angst of spirit, mind and body under the guise of "submission".
Jesus said, "No man takes my life from Me." What was Jesus' life but to please His Father by living righteously and godly? Jesus teaches us that submission is to be given freely, without coercion or manipulation otherwise it is not submission.
If anyone- be it husband, wife, family- attempts to take your life away by expecting you to do things that would displease the heart of the One Who saved you individually and personally, they are out of God's order and do not have the Lord's permission to do so.
Jesus set boundaries. He never crossed the line of asking people to do anything that took away their dignity.
A husband who participates in porn is taking his wives' dignity from her and especially when he expects her to have sex with him. As the book states, if a husband leaves his wife because she says, "I love you but I can't sleep with you and all of your other women in our bed", then it is best he does because he does not really love HER- the individual person. His true colors are revealed and no marriage deserves to live a lie. (The same is true for wives.)
After reading this book, with all of it's excellent teachings supported by God's Word, I can see now why the churches and pastors we have been a part of all mine and my husbands' lives are ineffective in teaching husbands how to LOVE God. Loving their wives towards God and godliness would be automatic, a given, if that were the case.
Even though Jesus was a servant to all, He never sought to please people or get their approval as His motive. Christians oftentimes define being a servant as one who is a people pleaser.
The problem with being a people pleaser in order to "get love and approval", which in reality is for SELF, is that everyone wants something different from them and they are left empty and with no individual identity. Even the Lord's spirit within them takes a backseat because their lives are not faith-led, they are emotion-led. And, in other words, they allow others to take away their dignity. No human being has the right to do that to another human being.
Jesus NEVER did that and this is why husbands who expect wives to "submit" to their sinful thinking and way of living, including their bedroom, do not have the Lord's permission to do so.
Isn't the whole purpose of being a blood-bought-and-paid-for believer of Jesus as Saviour and Lord to be made in His likeness? How are wives helping their husbands towards God when they comply to sex-sick demands? According to God's teachings by Jesus' statement, "No man takes my LIFE from Me", they are not helping their husbands at all.
I can see why this Boundaries book is controversial in some Christian circles. They are circles in which I never want to be a part of again because I have lost two Christian husbands in these circles and they have gone on to find other churches like this all the while seeking other women to marry. They live with no boundaries to "guard their hearts"... hearts of which they claim the Holy Spirit of God resides.
Jesus said, "Whoever frees themselves for the purpose to find another commits adultery." That's called "disposable people." We make a mess and rather than clean it up, we dispose of it only to use another. Jesus also said, "Do not harden your hearts."
Divorce is rampant in churches with that mindset. Now more than ever, I am understanding why. The sad part is our society is becoming more and more disposable and failed marriages are just a natural consequence of that way of thinking. 50% of Christian marriages fail. It is one thing to rightly divorce because of adultery/unfaithfulness, it is another to wrongly divorce to free ones self for future sexual partners.
Where is our individual commitment to Love God in the same way He Loves us by guarding and protecting our relationship with Him by fencing out those things that destroy that?
Oh, we want His salvation to keep out of hinnies out of hell but we don't want Him. The bottom line is, we love our sin more than we Love God and then we EXPECT Him to put His blessing on our lives.
Continuing to lust in pornography is proof of that. Yes, we truly do become what we focus on. We are what we think.
Now more than ever, we need to focus on Jesus- WHO He is- and quit using and abusing His Love. Too many Christians live like He is puny because they think puny. Then they have the audacity to blame and be angry at Him when things don't turn out the way they think they should. Shame on us for being such spiritual brats. How can He overlook our lovelessness when He is COMMITTED to Loving us?
I'm so grateful He is not like us/me and invites us/me to come up to HIS level of thinking.
Think BIG. He is a BIG God with a BIG Love to match. What a precious treasure He is.
I recently took up jogging again. Living in an apartment can cause one to get cabin fever and my dogs remind me of that quite frequently. So, to take advantage of these beautiful cool and quiet early mornings, I headed out with intent to stay with it. Besides, they love it and are great incentive.
It dawned on me that the day I started was my former husband's birthday. In a weird kind of way, it was like I wanted to have some sort of a connection with him.
I had never been a jogger before we met except on those few attempts when I tried to run 12 blocks and killed myself off by the second one. "Jogging ain't for me. After all, that's why I ride horses," I would tell myself.
The deal was- I taught him to ride horses, he taught me to jog.
As I ran, I remembered all the things he taught me about how to relax my arms and hands, how to lengthen my stride, how to pace myself, etc. My memory was also jogged about a story he told me about his track days in high school. He had the potential to be the State Champion- he knew it, his coach knew it. On the day of that imporant race, he stayed in the lead by a good length but as he neared the finish line, he started to slow down little by little even though he knew he could win it. He purposefully let the other guy win. His coach was so upset with him after all of the personalized training with his star runner.
After seeing the look on his face as he told me the story, I said, "Honey, why did you do that?" He said, "Because I was afraid to win."
I know his story is true because it was my story.
As I think back on this, I realize that we are our worst enemy. Some of us have done such horrible secret things that we feel as though we don't deserve anything good in our lives. And all the while, our hearts are crying out for some kind of intervention to help us get off our rollercoasters of shame. I also remember him telling me, "I am a runaway train."
Because I KNOW him, I know that he WILL sabotage his new marriage. The Lord tells us, "He who covers his sins will not prosper." Either the Lord is telling the truth or He is lying to us.
Our consciences cannot bear the shame and anything good that we TAKE for ourselves rather than allow God's hand to give to us. So, naturally, we sabotage it. As the old cartoon Pogo said, "The enemy is US."
My former husband could have been a State Champion. I have no doubt about that. He is a running machine and loves it. I caught on to that passion and decided to partake in it as a way to expand myself with someone I enjoyed being with.
I'm glad I experienced that with him. He was a great coach as he ran backwards, encouraging me not to quit. I remember his huge hug after going a full two miles without stopping and how he bragged about me to the kids- and everyone else.
As I thought of all these things this morning, I also realized that I had jogged twice the distance as I had intended. I felt strong and could have kept going but I needed to head back home to get ready for work.
On the way back, it dawned on me that the feelings and memories I had this morning is how the Lord thinks of us! I started crying inside because I remember those days when I felt so distant from the Lord because I didn't feel I deserved to know God and the blessed life He speaks of in His Love letter to us- as if it is for everyone else and not me. I KNOW that my former husband instinctively knows there is another train wreck up ahead and is daring God to stop him. He is empowered by his secret shame, guilt, pride, approval and acceptance from his kids and certain pastors of his past who helped him stay on the track he is on. He may have convinced everyone he is on the right track but HE knows otherwise.
All the while, God is following behind to pick up the pieces of a wrecked life- just like He has done since He made humankind and the way He did for me.
What is it about our conscience that won't let us succeed in our sin even if we say God is approving of it? Our conscience is a gift from God. It can be clean or it can be dirty. It can be free or it can be in bondage.
Having a clear, pure and clean conscience is an act of the will.
Our Lord longs for those He Loves to set aside the weights of a heavy condemning conscience so He can give us all the benefits of knowing Him. One of those is just being His FRIEND.
It hurts knowing that I truly Loved someone who did not truly Love me. I can't imagine how the Lord must feel and long for us to want to Love and know Him. I told the Lord this morning that I am thankful to feel a little bit of His pain in this... it makes me want to do all I can to get rid of any sin and hindrance from having a real, living relationship with Him- moment by moment.
I'm going to keep jogging. I was taught by the best.
I was in an excellent bible study awhile back. The word "dignity" was mentioned. Just what is dignity?
The dictionary defines it: "the quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed".
Here is a scenario that explained it well...
A father is standing at the open door to leave. His young son is wanting to stay and continue playing with friends. He says, "Son, we have to go." The son says, "But I want to stay and play." The father then places his hand on top of his son's head and turns it towards outside and says again, "Let's go." The son willingly complies and takes a step out the door but the father's hand remains on his head, guiding him out the door. The son slaps at his hand and says, "I'm going!" The father mumbles, "Rebellious child."
At what point was the child's dignity taken away?, we all wondered.
The answer was: The moment the father kept his hand on his head and continued guiding him AFTER the son willingly made the step in the desired direction.
As a father, he had a right to tell his son they needed to go. He also had the right to place his hand on his head to encourage him to move out the door. The son was okay with that because he knew his father was the authority as his parent. When the father kept guiding his son after he already made the right choice is when he no longer felt worthy, honored and esteemed. The son's natural negative reaction to his father's now negative action took away his dignity- his ability to make the right decision for himself. By calling the child rebellious, the father violated the son's dignity.
Some said, "Well the father can do whatever he wants because he's the father." Others said, "Yes, but the child was doing what his father wanted."
We all eventually agreed... the father crossed the line when he continued to force the son after he already showed a willingness to comply and was doing what the father wanted.
I could relate to that example with various situations throughout my life and marriages. Perhaps all of us can.
Our Father God and Creator of mankind and Love never forces us. In His kindness, He always gives us the directions about the right way to go even if we don't want to hear it, then gives us the privilege and ability to choose. As a Loving Father, He must always seek to teach us as ones who need to be taught.
Once we've made our choice after knowing the facts- right or wrong- He does not force us by keeping His hand on us into making decisions against our will. The Lord is all about free will.
The Lord gives everyone dignity as a right of birth. And it is given, whether a believer or unbeliever. If He offers that to all, then we are to offer that to all as well. That is the reason no one has the right to cross the line in the life of another and why we must give people the freedom to choose whether we like their choice or not.
The Lord only accepts and receives actions done without coercion and without angst of mind and heart. His marriage with us is not out of obligation in any way but out of Love. That's why He CAN'T accept anything from us that is done in any way other than Love. That's why He says that He Loves a cheerful heart. That's why He said we are to give thanks in ALL things. What? Thanks for pain? Thanks for rejection? Thanks for betrayal? Thanks????
Yes, thanks. By learning to be grateful and give thanks in all things that He Loved us from before we were born, during all our experiences good and bad without any faltering or fail, our lives immediately become in subjection to a God Who allows our tragedies so that they can become HIS triumphs.
Who else but God can do this miraculous thing?
Like the boy in the story, so many wives have been falsely called "rebellious" and "unsubmissive" when all they wanted was to be shown dignity by their husbands like God Himself gives them. And like the boy in the story, those ones couldn't see that their wives' hearts were willing.
Are we taking for ourselves or are we letting God give back what we have risked to let go? The former does not satisfy, the latter one does more than we can imagine.
To the God Who promised, "I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten... you will eat in plenty and be satisfied. Praise the name of the Lord your God Who has dealt wondrously with you. My people will never be ashamed. You will know I am in the midst of My people, that I am the Lord their God and none else. My people will never be ashamed"... All praise, all glory and all honor.
What is dignity? Knowing, a.k.a "being intimately acquainted with", God.
Can we even grasp the beauty of God?
I Love the way God's quiet voice speaks and confirms things in our hearts.
It came while I was dusting and cleaning in my bedroom. On the night stand sits a huge, white family bible. The bible my husband had bought just for the purpose of filling out our Marriage Certificate in the very front on our wedding day, complete with our names, signatures of the pastor officiating and witnesses- just like people did in the old days before the state began issuing marriage licenses. I remember how great he thought the whole idea was.
I opened it for the first time in many months. In the front was the photo of us. I took it out to look at it one last time. I thought, "Man, look at our big smiles." Then I said, "Oh how I wish I could be bitter at you. Sometimes I think that would be easier."
I kissed his face then opened up the bible to Genesis 32 and with the photo face down, I placed it on the verses that God had promised to do in his life someday in the Lord's perfect timing.
He is in a most fitting place- safe and secure in God's care just as he has been all along. I could hear the Lord's soothing voice to my spirit saying, "You can fully let go now. I have a very blessed life planned for you. Let me be your Husband and fill your void."
With all deaths, a formal burial follows. My tucking away his image in God's blessed Word is my way of burying him once and for all. I now understand why the Native American Indian culture, which is very alive and well in my part of the country, practice a time of mourning for the dead. Even though I don't embrace it as my religion, I do appreciate the spiritual principle of it.
I can now move on into the blessed life God has for me. I have so much to be thankful for and thrilled about. My summer has been a blast- the Lord literally surprised me with the funnest job I've ever had while getting paid to hike along the creek all day. The trails run all the way through town up to the mountain just a few miles away. It's not work even though it is physically demanding... I call it "functional exercising". My summer has also been filled with new friends and LOTS of music as we get together with our mandolins, guitars, fiddles and banjos to sing and play our hearts out.
Life is GOOD. But no wonder... a GOOD God lives in it! Go figure.
Marchel;
I tried to write a comment in your guestbook, but for some reason, I can't access it.
Continue to allow God's healing in your life. Continue to cling to Him, and He will complete the work that he has begun in you.
God bless you, my sister. God's work is so beautiful in your life, and His glory and grace is shining through you.
Much love
April
Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums
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Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
Here's some thoughts I wrote down during a sermon that are worth pondering and to help us/me discern between false "repentance" and true repentance in ourselves/myself and in others.
The Philippian jailor in Acts 16: 25-34 is the definition for True Repentance.
True repentance, or true turning away from one's sins, is: Asking and seeking forgiveness for the betterment of the one wronged at the expense of one's self.
Every true act of repentance has a "wound washing" ceremony following the seeking of forgiveness, based on humility from the wrong-doer. In other words, a seeking to make right at all costs.
True repentance never demands forgiveness from the one wronged. It acknowledges the wronged one's free will to forgive or not to forgive. If the wrong-doer becomes angry at not being accepted, that is a sure-fire indication that they are not truly repentant. Or if they seek to defend their wrong-doing in any way by saying, "Well God forgave me. You have to forgive me too." A truly repentant says, "Yes, I did do that but God mercifully forgave me even though I didn't deserve to be forgiven."
True repentance's foundation is Humility.
False "repentance" is not truly repentance at all: One "asks forgiveness" for one's personal gain at the expense of another. No change is brought about because there was no intention of a change on the wrong-doer's part. In other words, it is just mere words with no action to substaniate it.
False "repentance's" foundation is Pride.
There is a vast difference between the two.
The Philippian's repentance was so obvious and REAL that his whole household came to know the true God he came to know!
Hosea 4: 6-13 records that the household of the father who follows after his own righteousness and form of godliness will fall away from God into sexual sin. Serious stuff.
The pastor who taught these truths said, "Men and husbands have that much power to bring change in the lives of others if they themselves will truly repent/turn away from their sins." The opposite is also true.
For these reasons, I fear for my former stepkids. I am already seeing them following in their father's footsteps. It causes me great sadness and this is all being done while in the churches and "in the name of God." It got back to me that their father explained away his marriage to me as "Your stepmother was Hagar. I thought she was 'the promised one' but God had someone else in mind for me." They accepted that and were very glad their father found another Christian wife. Maybe she's "the promised one". Maybe not. How many "Hagar's" will there be? One can only wonder.
Hhmm... So... if I was Hagar, that would make him "Abraham" in his explanation to his kids. (In addition, I have not heard where he has ever encouraged them to contact their mother and ask her forgiveness for hating her for leaving their father. To date, they still hate her with a passion and have no intention of ever having her in their lives. All encouraged by their father of course.)
Abraham was so repentant of his relationship with Hagar, he sent her away with blessings and in great sadness for the sin he committed against God and her. He did not belittle her by calling her "crazy" and "unsaved" to win favor and sympathy from others, or try to lessen his sin by blaming her. Abraham took full responsibility for her AND himself.
Bottom line- much is being done in the churches that have nothing to do with God and He is being terribly misrepresented.
The Lord said, "Without true repentance, there is no forgiveness of sins." In other words, the Lord cannot pardon us for anything that is done with insincerity or in deceit.
We truly do reap what we sow and we can't fool God.
Very few pastors Love God (and their wives) enough to be able to say from the pulpit, "Husbands, we have no authorization from God to treat our wives in any way other than in His Love. Otherwise, we are on your own and will suffer the consequences of the negativity we have sown." (I have actually heard a pastor say that.) He went on to say, "If your pastor can't say that, his counsel and teachings are not of God."
Very sobering and powerful truths to say the least. How necessary it is for the pastors to begin to teach and lead with the heart of God. "There would be far fewer divorces because the ultimate success or failure of a marriage depends on the husband. Yes, he has that much power for GOOD in the lives of his wife and family."
Many men might disagree with that pastor but Hosea is living proof that that is true.
THAT is precisely how pastors/preachers/bishops are SUPPOSED to lead God's people: WITH THE HEART OF GOD! (begin sarcasm) Gee, what a concept! Do you mean that if I am called by God to be a pastor that I should actually LEAD His people with His heart? Talk about a revelation! (end sarcasm) I know from my own experiences of being married to my wonderful and Godly wife that I NEED to lead her as the husband that God has called me to be according to the way God wants me to lead her, and she in turn leads me the way God has called her to lead me. I think what happens is that when people get married, the man thinks that the woman has NO place in leading him anywhere, but he's the one who is supposed to do ALL the leading. But there's one HUGE problem with that: There comes a point in time when the husband NEEDS his wife to take the lead simply because he doesn't know WHAT to do, and he needs to humble himself before her and let her do what God has revealed to her that He wants done. This is not to shirk the responsibility off onto the wife. It is simply to say that the husband needs to learn to be HUMBLE and accept that he isn't always the "tough guy", and that's an OK thing. The bottom line is that we are ALL a lot weaker than we realize, and we ALL need to know the heart of God, ESPECIALLY before embarking on the marriage that God has for us.
You are so right graphicartist... Somehow this barrier of superiority must be broken down, even within marriage. When the Lord referred to a wife as a "weaker vessel", He wasn't saying she is LESSER in any way in the eyes of God and to her husband. He is referring to NUTURING and MINISTERING to her as one who is weaker, like a child for instance, who needs that to grow and flourish into maturity.
Now that it is thrown up in my face that our divorce is my fault- let's go from that premise...
If I was so "rebellious", "unsubmissive", "crazy" and "unsaved" and all of the above- then why didn't my husband who was STRONGER in his faith and knowledge of God (by virtue of having taught bible studies and who led in different ministries, even counseling married couples!!!) LEAD ME, as the weaker vessel, by EXAMPLE of God's Love?
Where was that leadership in our home and marriage? Come to find out, it wasn't there in his first marriage (and she was just as much of an "apostate", "heathen", "unbeliever" as I supposedly was/am.) Why?
This great man of God, as he and his children have declared him to be, had two wives who would have followed him to the ends of the earth, who longed for nothing more than just to be Loved for their person/soul, not their sexual body parts, and did not divorce him even though they both had VIABLE reasons but yet, he could not be an example of God's Love to them.
There is a simple explanation for that... he does not KNOW God's Love for himself. The Lord said, "A husband who Loves himself Loves his wife." The Lord is NOT endorsing narcissism and selfish "love". He is talking about the ONLY definition He knows- His Love. God IS Love.
My former husband cannot offer ANY wife true and lasting Love. He offers sympathy and this is why he seeks out women who have been sexually abused and misused, just as I was.
The problem is- I had been healed and delivered from a debilitating past and knew God's Love for my-Self... so much so, I was able to see his need for utter healing and deliverance. Since he does not know what loving one's self as God Loves them is, he can't live/reproduce/duplicate that Love into the life of his wife. His new wife has no prize whatsoever and I truly prayed that God would keep another woman from falling victim to his definition of love to spare her the great grief up ahead for her.
I know one thing, if a wife had done what he did right under the pastors' noses- those pastors would have called a posse together and beaten down her door to "set her straight". I know this for fact because that has been done on several occasions and I'm to the point that if I hear of one more woman and/or wife in this town who has endured this kind of emotional bludgeoning- I will take out an ad in the newspaper and start a support group.
Wives are not "lesser vessels" as so many husbands think and live but they are treated as such in too many cases. Since husbands have the power and authority of God to LOVE their wives with His Love, they are to be Loving them as if they are weaker. I have NEVER met a woman who does not long to be Loved for their person. Never. Let's face it, we women follow garbage- (women in porn are proof of that)- how much more we would follow Love? Even my dogs and horses respond to a Loving and confident hand, a soothing and wooing voice and attitude of Love shown through respect and dignity. How much more would we wives respond if treated in this same way? I'll just come out and say it- most husbands don't deserve the gift of a wife.
There has never been a person come to know the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ without having been wooed and drawn to Him by His Love. "We Love Him because He first Loved us." "His Love constrains/holds me." "To know, be intimately acquainted with, the Love of Christ..."
If God is not the standard of which we measure and can know Love, then we are most pathetic creatures indeed. Destruction of self and others is the very best we can hope for and destruction of marriage. Go figure.
Right when I'm feeling a little down about the loss of my marriage, I am reminded that it wasn't truly a marriage by God's definition. It wasn't me who was rejected and thrown aside- it was God. Immediately my chin and spirit is lifted and I walk forward in all assurance that I am Loved, utterly Loved. Amen.
Your ex-husband acted the way he did because he wanted to justify his wrong, sinful behavior. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too, to put it bluntly, and that's not how life works. At least that's not how it works in regards to when we try to cover up our sins. That's just sad that he was given the green light to lead bible studies and to minister to married couples, but yet his own marriage was a MESS. It's sad that NOONE around him had the discernment to see that he was involved in some wrong stuff, and that he needed to be ministered to. Women are called "lesser vessels" ONLY because men are PHYSICALLY stronger than women. Meaning, men can lift more weight PHYSICALLY than women can, and can do more physically laborious work. This is most certain NOT to say that women are weak, and they are incapable of doing anything, because that is just plain stupid and wrong. What I believe that EVERY man needs to do is allow themselves to be weak before God, because they already ARE, and to humble themselves before God, because if they don't, then God WILL humble them. In other words, in order for God to work in the lives of men the way He wants to, their pride HAS to be gotten rid of so they can see themselves the way that God sees them.
Your story is heart breaking but amazing at the same time. Your dedication to God and the way you talk about this man is beautiful and very inspiring.
Our Lord is so precious in that He chose to partake in our sufferings as humans on His earth. When we come to realize that these kinds of offences are against God and our worth, value does not come from any fallible human, we can live in the joy that God offers us because of His work on the cross.
"He set His face like a flint towards Jerusalem", knowing full well, not only of the physical pain but the emotional pain of being abandoned by those He Loved and ALL of the anguish waiting there, because He knew the victory beyond the cross. There is not one of us who has ever endured what the Lord willingly endured- the rejection and abandonment, the abuse and pain... Not one- no matter how heartbreaking and sad our stories are. We can LIVE as Victors and not victims, no matter how dire and dark the circumstances, because of what He did. He is our hope and LIFE. Our Saviour is precious beyond description and mere words. He is worthy of our all- mind, body and spirit. He's the "Full Meal Deal" (and He won't make us fat either!) :^)
Blessings to our God.
Seriously. You should make a book out of all the wisdom and knowledge you have concerning what you've gone through. It's obvious by your long posts that you do know quite a bit about going through the loss of someone you loved.
I already did write a book... you just read it. LOL
I didn't intend to write such a long "book" originally... but I know there are others who have faced "one-sided divorces" or have lost a husband to the bondage of sexual sin. The pain of that is excruiating to say the least.
My original intent was just to share some of my thoughts about my husband's remarriage since I had already shared them on the forum and had even asked people to pray for him- to be healed and delivered from sexual sin- and to spare another woman from going through what I and his first wife had already experienced with him. Little did I know, he was already remarried as of last summer when I made those requests but, no matter. God had His timing for me to know and taught me more things about Him (and myself) that I needed to know in the meantime.
I have shared some of the "ugly details", not to bad-mouth or belittle him because he is what he is and God Loves him in spite of it, but to share the importance of Loving God first and foremost and taking Him SERIOUSLY because He is not to be messed with. A healthy fear, respect and reverence for God is very needed in our modern day society and in our marriages, etc.
Anyway, I am just a woman who made a decision a few years ago to quit talking about God's Love, forgiveness, grace, etc. and LIVE as if it is true because IT IS. And to be quite honest, it was a lost friend who challenged me by mockingly saying, "Why are you telling me this stuff about God, and faith, and how powerful and great He is? Why don't you LIVE it yourself and quit being a hypocrite."
Bulls-eye. (Ouch... that one dropped me dead.)
God is real. He can be trusted even when we can't see a blooming thing in front of our noses and when He says, "Seek, pursue those things which pertain to eternity FIRST" and then says, "then I will ADD to your life"... that is EXACTLY what He means. (Which one of us doesn't yearn to have our lives added to by God's very own hand? Why are we settling for the women and men in porn who are behind a glass, who will NEVER CARE about us as people- whose motive is to take our money, our time, our marriages, because they are broken people themselves who feel ruined and destroyed and want us to "relate" to them by becoming one of them? How many of us would actually stand in the corner of a room in real life and watch people have sex without feeling like a perverted soul and yet we justify our cravings as "everyone does it", "normal" and "there is nothing wrong with it because I'm not actually touching anyone"? Really... who are we kidding? The sex in porn is absolutely gross. It doesn't get any more LOVE-less than that and we truly need to begin to see ourselves as Loved by God, admit our vile, sick sin natures and ask God's forgivness for perverting His design for us and putting the Saviour on the cross for the purpose of delivering us OUT of this garbage world of porn. So, why are we Christians "still stuck" in this garbage, all the while claiming to know the Saviour Who "unstuck" us from our sins? Not to mention the fact that by doing so, we inherit ETERNAL Life because we now have a real, viable connection with the God Who master-minded and created this whole universe and... WANTS a relationship with us! Let's trade our sin for God's joy, peace and blessings. Seems like a good trade to me... unfair on the Lord's part since He already eradicated the sin problem the day He saved our sorry butts... but a good trade nonetheless. And, since He's okay with that, then we should take Him up on it.
I'm at a point in my life where I want God to ADD to it because I certainly have done alot to subtract from it. I know there are others like me out there and I want to spur them on for greater things and challenge those who just sit around on the assurance of their salvation to get serious, take God at His word and teachings and DO THEM, instead of sitting around talking about them and to DO THEM out of sheer Love and gratitude for a Saviour Who literally saved our butts from hell. He is either worth that to us or He is not.
For some of us, our lives are not our own. We belong to someone else. His name is Jesus and He will allow whatever devastations, etc. He has to to bring us to that ultimate truth. That's His business. For those of us who know this Saviour, our job is just to do all we can to "know the Love of Christ", personally and apart from any human being on this earth FIRST, then He will add blessings to our lives and souls to His kingdom as we do that. True LIFE awaits for those who do... even before eternity. That's our God!
I am truly inspired by your outlook and way of handling the devestation in your life. I want to thank you for inspiring me to push forward and not fall into the trap of giving up on my marriage and doing things the "world's" way because it looks so much easier. I have been guilty of this kind of thinking recently. Your determination to live a life that is glorifying to God is what I want in my own life. Thank you for showing me what it looks like to serve God at all costs while dealing with a man engrossed in sexual sin. How difficult it must have been for you to not be swayed by Christian's who are telling you to "move on." God has firmly planted his truth in your mind. I think I would have been easily confused. Thank you for reminding me that I am not free from sin myself. All sin is sin and just because my husbands addiction to pornography makes me want to vomit doesn't make the sin in my life acceptable, no matter how small I may perceive it to be. God has recently revealed to me that I never asked His will in wether or not I should have even gotten married and here I am suffering the consequences. Thank you for talking so candidly about the struggles you have faced. Although my heart breaks for what you have suffered, I am glad to know that I am not alone in standing up to the evil that persists to be let in to my home through my husband's weaknesses. Your intimacy with the father is awe inspiring. Your stories have given me hope for a peace filled life and a renewed vision of God's love. He has truly blessed you with reaching out to others. Again, thank you and thanks be to God for those who serve him.
Amberv, big blessings to you as you seek the Lord in all areas of your life.
After my first painful divorce, I truly didn't think I would have to go through this again- and especially with another Christian husband!! Life can seem so unfair. But, one thing is sure, God allows all these things in our lives to teach us about Him and we would never learn these things if we didn't go through certain things. Even though I am sorry for your circumstances, I am glad that you can see "the bigger picture" beyond them and know that God can be trusted to lead and follow. He is an adventure like we've never known and for those who "stick like glueth" to you-know-Whoeth (lol) we will see things that we never would have seen before. In fact, I already am and it spurs me on to keep following...... God bless you as you seek Him. Like He said, He can be found. He cannot lie and He certainly doesn't clown around with our lives.
Again, Seriously. I would make this into a book, because there are ALOT of people out there that would LOVE to have the wisdom you have. This is something that too many people struggle with, because they don't know where to turn, or who to turn to with their pain.
To be honest, I have found there are very few people in the churches who are willing to deal with sexual sins. They get real squimish and change the subject. It is an embarrasing topic yes, but it affects us all. I've found this to be true, especially in my family. My mom told me how "deeply hurt" she was that I shared the hatred I once held for my dad but what they fail to recognize is WHY it was very necessary for me to go to him and ask him to forgive me in order to come OUT of almost 30 years of secret shame and share it with others. I am beginning to understand that my own family would rather I not "go public" with my story. (By the way, the guy who told my parents must not have read the rest of my post and he failed to tell them why.) It was also to come clean before God and have no secret sins/attitudes that would hinder my relationship with Him. My parents want me to keep all of this to myself.)
What do some people have to hide, namely Christians? Why they so unwilling to address sexual sins? Especially in the churches? Are the pastors guilty of unrepentant sexual sins of their pasts and this is what immobilizes them from addressing it within their churches? Are they still blaming the women of their pasts, as my former husband did for "seducing him", and not taking FULL responsibility for their own erections?
Instead, I am an outcast. A "prodigal daughter". But then, I choose not to associate with my family and their church any longer (the two cannot be separated) because I can no longer tolerate this religious superiority attitude that presently exists. My former pastor has told people in his church that I have "erred from the faith", "can't endure sound doctrine" and am "following demonic spirits". LOL Rather than defend myself, I let them think what they want to think. Stands to reason... they have to because he played a MAJOR, KEY role in my former husband divorcing his first wife for no reason only to do the same thing to me. To put it quite bluntly, my former pastor literally aided and abetted a husband to commit adultery against his first wife and HELPED split up a Christian home and family by agreeing. And to agree is to have THE SAME ATTITUDE and to partake in someone's wrong doing. Don't tell me we sin to ourselves.
Sin is a domino effect and the only way to stop a domino chain from knocking down the rest of the dominoes is to REMOVE one. My former pastor could EASILY REMOVE the damage he helped create by going back and asking my former husband's first wife for forgiveness for not listening to her when she tried to tell him about her husband's unrepentant, unremorseful sexual affairs and all of the other sorid details I have shared in other posts. But, once again- prejudice and religious superiority is to blame for his lack of caring to listen to her. Now, the proof is out on the table (and was when my former husband decided to divorce a second wife without cause) and yet, I am to blame for my husbands' adulterous, sex-sick heart and mind that he had LONG BEFORE he came into my life of which he left the exact same.......
Oh, how one person can bring such cursing to so many lives just as one can bring blessings to so many. Don't tell me that we sin alone and to ourselves. Even nature disproves that statement.
Anyway, if I had been a professional soap opera writer, I would not have been able to come up with a story this "good".
The saddest thing of all to me is that the pastors and churches are asleep at the wheel and much is being done "in the name of God" that have NOTHING to do with God. I truly don't think people care to dive into this topic of sexual sins and bondage. I am ashamed to say that for most of my Christian life, I was more about "talking about God" than DOING and LIVING it and the Christian life is more about self-promotion and self-aggrandizement than it is about the Lord.
I've shared my story here for anyone interested. I don't expect people to care one iota. I wrote what I wrote in the hopes that perhaps one heart would be pricked to think outside the box they have made for ourselves and offer a different perspective as a challenge. My writing is done. I'm going on with God and long to live the rest of my days learning all I can about Him because He is so exciting and yes, He's ALOT of fun too!
Thanks for seeing some worth in my story. The Lord is not only worth of sharing- He is worthy of believing and following. That's a personal decision we all have to make. No one can do it for us. Not even the Lord.