Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I can tell you why I left the porn industry. I suppose that, in a sense, it was an issue of morality.....below the twisted and dark surface, you know what you're doing is wrong. For me, the whole porn industry was a very shameful experience. I knew that what I was doing was extremely immoral, but at the time, I just didn't think about that. There's only so long you can go without thinking about it, though.

I also felt like I had no control over my own body, and I was selling my own soul. This was also immorality, IMO.

Not only that, but I could feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into depression and mental illness, and I know that it was because I was on a completely downward spiral of shame.

Even when I was in the industry, deep down, I had a moral sense of what was right and wrong, and I knew that what I was doing was completely wrong. Oh, at the time, I would try and justify it by whatever lame means that I could, but trying to do that just made me hate myself more, and frustrated me to no end, because I knew in my heart of hearts that there was absolutely no way to justify it -- not only morally, but socially, culturally, psychologically, or any other way.

I would also see the way some of the other girls were treated on the sets, and I knew full well that I was contributing to a very evil industry by my participation in it. On the surface, I just didn't care, because I was so pre-occupied with pleasing my husband and trying to be what I thought was a "good wife," but deep down, I hated myself, and I hated what I had become.

So, then, I guess you could say that ultimately it was an issue of morality. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I knew that I couldn't continue in my behaviour for much longer without going absolutely insane. That's what happens when you go against everything that you know is moral and decent....You tend to lose sight of who you are, and it drives you crazy.

If the moral depravity isn't enough to kill the spirit, then the disease, drug abuse, physical abuse, and general psychological exhaustion certainly will.

Beloved Branch
Moderator
Pink Cross Forums

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Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies