Lies we tell ourselves "after" acting out #1
Since most of the people on this forum have a Christian worldview, I think it is appropriate to examine some of the things that we might do in response to our acting out. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm bashing Christians because I am one. But I have noticed that Christian people can sometimes bear a double burden. Not only are they people struggling with depression, anxiety, eating compulsively, sexual acting out, or having trouble dealing with authorit, but some can have the additional handicap by certain teachings that sound "Christian" but aren't. So think on these things for a little bit. I would enjoy hearing your responses on the following: "LIES we tell ourselves 'after' acting out". I will start with one and add others.
1. "Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about others". - How come this sounds so right but could be so wrong. Well, I beleive that God made us with needs. Look at the creation account in Genesis. After making man, God has him name all of the animals. I imagine this was very interesting to observe.
Here's Adam, "Umm OK, boy monkey, girl monkey....boy giraffe, girl giraffe....boy pig, girl pig....boy horse, girl horse...boy swan, girl swan...HEY...Wait a minute...WHERE's mine???"
Notice that before God has Adam do any of this that God already knew it wasn't good for him to be alone (Genesis 2:18). But God puts Adam through this exercise to help him discover this need for himself.
Adam had a need and it was before the fall ever occured. I'm not talking about a need for sex though that is an expression of his need. I am saying Adam was created with a need for relationship.
When we act out (masturbate, exibit our bodies for sexual gratification of strangers, engage in sexual contact with strangers, hide in fantasy worlds of our own creation for our own gratification) we are seeking to meet a need. That need is a created need for, among other things, relationship.
So, my point is that it is simplistic to call myself selfish and shame myself for acting out. Instead, run to grace. Run to healthy relationship. God created me with that need and there are healthy ways in which I can express it and have it met.
There is much more I could say about this lie but I would love to hear the thoughts of others.
Eric
Comments
It's interesting how two Christians can interpret the same passage from different angles.
My take on the creation account (Adam was made first, then Eve sometime later) was that God wanted to give Adam time to commune with God one-on-one, to establish an intimate personal relationship, undistracted, before creating woman. He wanted to give Adam time to really get to know Him. I know that the Bible doesn't specifically say that, but that's how I always looked at it.
Adam's relationship to God comes first, then his relationship with Eve.
Beloved Branch
Moderator/Admin
Pink Cross Forums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ps. 108:13 Through God we shall do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies
That's a good point that you make Beloved. It doesn't negate the suggestion that God made Adam with needs though. It actually reinforces it. That communion with God is incredibly special and it was ultimately that relationship that enhanced the one Adam would have with Eve.
I believe that one of the core issues with sexual acting out is fought on the battlefield of "self". When a person is dealing with addictive or compulsive behaviors they tend toward extremes. Either we are "all in" or we run far away from our behaviors - usually out of shame - and take the path of self-annihilation. By this I mean moving toward a place where we may be abstinent from all sorts of behaviors. (Spending, for example, could remind you of a time when you had no money and acted out to make some cash. So a person avoids any spending fearing it would activate this behavior again.)
That's just one example but my point is that we can sometimes take good Bible teaching and run to extremes while ignoring equally important truths. Phil. 2:7 reminds us of Jesus' servant nature and his self-denial. But the Bible also teaches us about God's triune nature - Father, Son & Spirit (Mt. 28:18; 2 Cor. 13:14). God's triune nature provides for him constant relationship and connectedness. Jesus experienced and expressed relational needs. He needed his Father (Lk 5:16; Mk 1:35). He needed his friends (Mk 14:34). So its true that we should deny ourselves and its true that we should meet relational needs. The Bible teaches both /and.
I agree with both points and don't think there is a contradiction with having both views.
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine!...I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;...You are precious and honored in my eyes, and I love you...do not be afraid, for I am with you." (Is.43:4-5)