Thank you for allowing me to share some of my story. Getting into the porn industry has been one of the blackest and deepest issues that I have had in my life. I am an only child, Jewish, and come from a very strict upbringing. My mother and father raised me both between Israel and the United States. I was spoiled and I got a lot of attention. I became rebellious. My mom and dad were good people, but very much into looks. My mother was a teacher at my high school, so there was even more pressure. I went to college to pursue my degree and after about 2 years, I decided to move out of the house, as I wanted to make my own money and not be under their wing anymore.

My name is Lee – formerly known as "April Diamond/April Lee". In 1994, I moved to Balboa Island, as my ex-boyfriend wanted to make another attempt at our relationship. I accepted because my mother was diagnosed with cancer at age 55 and I simply didn't know how to deal with it. So I basically ran away from reality. After about 3 months of this trial relationship with the "ex", I left him and ended up not knowing where to go. I networked with a group of "speed freak" people and was introduced to a wheelin' dealer who told me that I was exotic and would be good in the porn industry. So he gave me his card and I made the call.

I remember my initial interview, as I had to perform sex with this guy on camera. He was so gross, but he was so enthralled with my look claiming that I was going to be the next new “porn queen!” And this is where my porn "career" began. Immediately, I started getting calls from him. Jobs right and left. Not knowing that my career would be in vain because this "agent" had a bad reputation. I made movies with stars such as Jill Kelly, Ron Jeremy and Missy--and many other amateur performers. I got small jobs with Hustler doing a few clips for them. I had a few dates with Peter North, became friends with Ed Powers. I was really getting to know the people that were prominent within the industry. I would say that I have performed as many as 70-80 movies in Los Angeles.

What I found remarkably unusual, is many of the camera-men were Israeli and me being part of this culture, they tried to steer me OUT of the industry. They said that I was smart and not the "norm" and that I had a good head on my shoulders. I NEVER performed under the influence, however, my drug addiction became more apparent AFTER my career and the guilt and shame that carried me through to where I almost died!

I never performed anal scenes and claimed that I NEVER would. Many producers tried to convince me to because that was "where the money was." At any rate, I was dating an older man living in Bel Air at the time, and he had known that I was doing porn before we met. He warned me that he didn't want me doing it as we dated. Even though I had a beautiful mansion that I lived in on the top of Mulholland, I had no money and felt the pressure to continue to perform. After all, he wasn't giving me money, just a home and food. I drove a fancy convertible with $400 per month car payments and no other means to make money. Easy and fast money was what was necessary for me to continue. It was an addiction, just like a drug and I couldn't pull out.

Every time that I was in front of the camera shooting, I felt shame and guilt! I acted out everything even though I was sober. So I didn't "escape" into another world like many of these girls did. I guess I was treated respectably, as I did what I was supposed to do and I began getting a name for myself.

But in 1996, my boyfriend and I had decided to break it up. He found out that I was still doing porn and I simply couldn't stop to find myself a REAL job. I ended up on my parents' doorstep and I was turned away. I had no place to go and no car. I had dumped my car in the slums of LA. I returned to my home state to my grandmother. She and I had a tight relationship. Out of the kindness of her heart, she took me in, bought me a brand new car (I believe that was the 4th one that she had bought me) and helped get me on my feet. I got a job in commercial real estate and things were looking promising.

For months, I felt so much shame because I was so afraid of my reputation, but at any rate things were slowly progressing. Many of my friends from Balboa had known that I had gotten into the "industry". They found some of my movies, the word got out and rumors spread fast. This is where I started using meth/speed in the closet. I finally had to deal with the issues straight-on with my mom. I was so sick and started hanging out with dealers. I had an exuberant amount of guilt that I held inside for the bad choices that I had made.

One day, I was introduced to a gentleman who again, "took me in" and I then started using meth hanging out with local dealers. I didn't know how to cope with my mom being so sick and in 1998, a month or so before my mother passed away, I came to terms with her as she knew that I was doing drugs. I had broken down and told her how sorry that I was and I had promised her that I would change my life! And shortly thereafter, she passed away!

My father and I took her body to the Holy Land, where she was laid to rest and I returned finding a new job in a new real estate agency. I married the gentleman and a year later, I decided to check myself into a rehab facility because I was 84 pounds and still using speed. If I didn't stop, I was going to die. I had a great job and great rapport with my boss. We had a heart-to-heart one day. I cried and told her about my drug addiction and she promised me that she would hold my job so that I could go get well. And that is what I did. I left for 3 weeks and came back clean. Granted, I had a few slips along the way, here it is years later and I am still clean! I didn't do the 12-Step Program, but I did manage to get a one-on-one counselor...spending thousands of my hard-earned money to get well.

A year later, I decided that I was in my mid-30's and I wanted to be a mom! And guess what? I couldn't. I ruined my ability to conceive because of my anorexia and drug use. I took this REALLY hard, which even promoted more guilt and shame. I got into bodybuilding and fitness and realized that I married my husband for the wrong reasons under the influence and I left him. To this day, we are still very close friends.

Then, two years ago, my father was ill! NOT AGAIN! But in this case, I brought him back from Israel, caught the rare brain disorder that he had early enough and fought for him to get the surgery that he needed to survive. Now he lives at home semi-independently. I am gradually getting back into the work-force again back in real estate. And here's the best part! I DON'T DO PORNOGRAPHY!!!!

I am doing the right things in life now. Sometimes I get a feeling of shame, guilt or embarrassment wondering if people in my local gym or community know my porn past. This to me is the most shame that I carry. But by the same token, I am proud! Proud that I have gotten out. Not only of that, but drugs too!

I found this site because I had decided to get bold and see if some of my movies are out there. They are. I had noticed that a few performers had died. Missy being one of them. I then started looking at sites to see how many other Porn Stars had passed. Too many!!! I am so glad that I was not one of them! DO YOURSELF THE FAVOR.....GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!!!!! Do your research and look at the lives of other current or ex-porn stars. Most of them end up in pretty bad shape! You have a choice of LIFE OR DEATH!!!