The Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn
by Shelley Lubben, Former Porn Actress
Sex-packed porn films featuring freshly-dyed blondes whose evocative eyes say "I want you" is quite possibly one of the greatest deceptions of all time. Trust me, I know. I did it all the time and I did it for the lust of power and the love of money. I never liked sex. I never wanted sex, and in fact I was more apt to spend time with Jack Daniels than some of the studs I was paid to "fake it" with. That's right, none of us freshly-dyed blondes like doing porn. In fact, we hate it. We hate being touched by strangers who care nothing about us. We hate being degraded with their foul smells and sweaty bodies. Some women hate it so much they can be heard vomiting in the bathroom between scenes. Others can be found outside smoking an endless chain of Marlboro lights…
But the porn industry wants YOU to think we porn actresses love sex. They want you to think we enjoy being degraded by all kinds of repulsive acts. The truth, porn actresses have showed up on the set not knowing about certain requirements and were told by porn producers to do it or leave without being paid. Work or never work again. Yes, we made the choice. Some of us needed the money. But we were manipulated and coerced and even threatened. Some of us caught HIV as a result of that coercion. I personally caught Herpes, a non-curable sexually transmitted disease. Another porn actress went home after a long night of numbing her pain and put a pistol to her head and pulled the trigger. Now she's dead.
It's safe to say most women who turn to porn acting as a money-making enterprise, probably didn't grow up in healthy childhoods either. Indeed, many actresses admit they've experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse and neglect by parents. Some were raped by relatives and molested by neighbors. When we were little girls we wanted to play with dollies and be mommies, not have big scary men get on top of us. So we were taught at a young age that sex made us valuable. The same horrible violations we experienced then, we relive as we perform our tricks in front of the camera. And we hate every minute of it. We're traumatized little girls living on anti-depressants, drugs and alcohol acting out our pain in front of you who continue to abuse us.
As we continue to traumatize ourselves by making more adult films, we use more and more drugs and alcohol. We live in constant fear of catching AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases. Every time there's an HIV scare we race to the nearest clinic for an emergency checkup. Pornographers insist on giving viewers the fantasy sex they demand all the while sacrificing the very ones who make it happen. In other words, no condoms allowed. Herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and other diseases are the normal anxieties we walk around with daily. We get tested monthly but we know testing isn't prevention. Besides worrying about catching diseases from porn sex, there are other harmful activities we engage in that are also very dangerous. Some of us have had physical tearing and damage to internal body parts.
When porn actresses call it a day and head home we attempt to have normal healthy relationships, but some of our boyfriends get jealous and physically abuse us. So instead we marry our porn directors, while others prefer lesbian relationships. It's a real memory making moment when our daughter accidentally walks out and sees mommy kissing another girl. My daughter will vouch for that one.
On our days off we walk around like zombies with a beer in one hand and a shot of whiskey in the other. We aren't up to cleaning so we live in filth most of the time, or we hire a sweet foreign lady to come in and clean up our mess. Porn actresses aren't the best cooks either. Ordering in is normal for us and most of the time we throw up after we eat because we're bulimic.
For porn actresses who have children, we are the world's worst mothers. We yell and scream and hit our kids for no reason. Most of the time we are intoxicated or high, and our four year olds are the ones picking us up off the floor. When clients come over for sex, we lock our children in their rooms and tell them to be quiet. I used to give my daughter a beeper and tell her to wait at the park until I was finished.
The truth is there is no fantasy in porn. It's all a lie. A closer look into the scenes of a porn star's life will show you a movie that the porn industry doesn't want you to see. The real truth is we porn actresses want to end the shame and trauma of our lives but we can't do it alone. We need you men to fight for our freedom and give us back our honor. We need you to hold us in your strong arms while we sob tears over our deep wounds and begin to heal. We want you throw out our movies and help piece together the shattered fragments of our lives. We need you to pray for us so God will hear and repair our ruined lives.
So don't believe the lie anymore. Porn is nothing more than fake sex and lies on videotape. Trust me, I know.
Porn is not glamorous. Get the facts. Get help.
Dedicated to all porn actors who died from HIV, suicide, homocide and drug related deaths. Their voices will be heard now.
You gave a voice to what I was and to what I think parts of me still are... I would even yell at a cat for no particular reason
My name is cody and i am a 19 year old male who has recently decided to quit using porn.
My first experience with porn was seeing it in my uncles bathroom when i was around 12. My cousin found it and showed me. some time after that i began looking for pictures of woman in bikinis on the internet along with watching softcore cable porn like "Red Shoe Diaries" and "Latin Lover" and those stupid sex chat line infomercials. that went on for quite while until around the age of 15/16. that was when i started to search the internet for pictures of nude woman, and that shortly became videos of nude woman having sex. that has gone off and on until now, with an increasingly vile type of imagery. stuff that leaves me feeling discusted.
shortly after i turned 18, i became able to buy pron. i have probably spent 150-200 dollers on porn(half of which was thrown out in a failed attempt to quit), but i keep coming back to the computer. i have always been emberassed of my "habbit" and have decided that this is the end.
i began this evening by planning to look at some pornography on a free site. when i sat at the computer however, i googled "porn addiction". shortly after looking at the wiki defenition, i started looking at helpful hints an steps. one yahoo forum comment suggested i read some ex porn actor testimonials. that is what lead me here. after reading a few of these testimonials i was certain that this was the end to my use.
it is about time i beleive. especially concidering the fact that i have 2 darling nephews who look up to me and who i love so much, nephews who i would never want to see any of the things i have seen in my searches, who i would hope dont fall in to the habbit like i did.
i see now that its not only myself and my family who i have hurt. i have helped fund a whole industry that condones violence towards its actors, and to woman in general, along with having a less than reputable system of caring for sexual illnesses.
i will make a concious effort in my life to care for the woman i meet, know, and love.
sincearly yours
Thank you so much for telling the truth, however awful it may be. I need to read such stories because it keeps me from visiting porn sites. God didn't place me on this earth to waste it by watching porn, and He has used you to make that clear.
I started off in porn addiction just like you. I am now 35 and have just decided to quit. Do not waste all those evenings, have missed appointments, missed dates, have times with loved ones when you are thinking about your porn fix, have regret, guilt and more.