Archives

Porn Stars Speak Out: STDs, Drugs and Abuse

 Porn Star Mary Carey says in an interview with Luke Ford:

Mary says that both she and Tawny, another porn star, have xanax prescriptions "because we're both crazy. I can't sleep unless I take medication."

"When I'm sober, I get more anxious. When you are sober, you are forced to deal with reality. I get anxious about all the things I have to get done. When I was with Tawny all the time and we were drunk every day, I didn't do much. I'd wake up hung over and get ready to drink more. It's a great way to escape reality. When I'm drunk, I blow more money. When I'm sober, I don't want to spend my money."

"Being sober reminds me of when I was in high school and when I had a big test coming up, I always got nervous. When I'm sober, I have that nervous knot in my stomach all day long because I'm thinking about all the stuff I need to do. I get overwhelmed in my mind. When I'm drunk, I don't worry about anything.

 

 Luke Ford asks Porn Star Jenna Presley: "What percentage of people in the industry do you think have a drug or alcohol problem?"

Jenna: "Huge. I think that 90% of the business does drugs or alcohol but maybe 70% have a problem. I include pot as a drug. I know people who come on set stoned and they can't perform. A drug problem to me is when it affects your work life.

 

 Porn Star Erin Moore says to Shelley Lubben:

"There are always drugs and we would binge on Ecstasy, Cocaine, Marijuana, Valium, Vicodin, and alcohol. Thank God I am even still here!"

 

 Porn Star Belladonna states on Luke Ford website:

"99.9% of the porn industry has Herpes. I have had Herpes for five years."

 

 Male Porn Star states on his blog "Christian Sings the Blues" January 28, 2008:

Drugs are a major, major problem in my business.  Anyone who says otherwise is lying to you.  I can't tell you the number of girls who have disappeared and dropped out of the business because of their drug problems (I could list them, but that's not really important).  It is unbelievably sad to think about, and seeing some of them fall into a downward spiral hurts me more than others.  But I think we all can agree that a huge majority of drug users will never change unless they get professional help.  I have seen all manner of drugs on set, at parties, in cars, everywhere. If I had to guess, I would put marijuana use at 90 percent of ALL people involved in the industry (performers, directors, crew, agents, drivers, owners, office workers, etc.).  I have been on a set where a girl has passed out DURING a sex scene with me (she was abusing oxycontin). Just recently a girl overdosed on GHB (a party drug that is the scourge of Texas, a clear odorless drug that doesn't mix well with alcohol) on set.  I have seen a girl win a prestigious (lol) AVN Award, not show up to accept the award, and then fall into the throes of drug use that caused her to lose at least 50 pounds and drop off the face of the earth.

Why is drug use so prevalent in our business?  Well, let's figure that out.  First of all, remember that the business is populated largely with girls aged 18-21.  And the majority of those girls are uneducated (many haven't graduated high school). Add to that the fact that many come into the business because they have no money, and are working at menial jobs like fast food places. So you have young girls who are uneducated with very little money entering the business.

Once they are in the business, they are now making ten thousand dollars a month and working maybe 5 hours a day 10-15 days a month. There are predators out there that can smell these girls and prey on them like sharks. Young, uneducated girls with lots of money, lots of free time, and very little supervision. This is a really bad equation (unless you are a drug dealer of course).

But I am just a performer.  I get paid to have sex with these girls, not psycho-analyze them, or give them advice.  It's a struggle sometimes to not get involved, but you have to keep out of their personal life.  I learned this the hard way with Katie Gold.  I can only hope Velicity finds the strength to overcome her demons.

 

 Porn Star Becca Brat who did over 200 movies says:

"I hung out with a lot of people in the Adult industry, everybody from contract girls to gonzo actresses. Everybody has the same problems. Everybody is on drugs. It's an empty lifestyle trying to fill up a void."

"I became horribly addicted to heroin and crack. I overdosed at least 3 times, had tricks pull knives on me, have been beaten half to death- the only reason I am still here is God.

Looking back on it, I was so miserable. How could I have let anybody talk me into saying what a good thing it was? Once you get into the industry and you're working to make a living and you don't see any way out, you put on this big show. You become Becca Brat. It's a different person. The hardest part of leaving the industry was finding Karly again, remembering who Karly was because I was Becca for so long."

 

  Porn Star Jesse Summers writes on her myspace blog:

I turned to drugs and alcohol to try and numb it and the money from porn supported my habit.

 

  Porn Star Regan Star describes in an interview with Talk magazine in February 2001:

While filming Rough Sex 2 in horrific terms,. She said that, while sex acts were performed on her, she was hit and choked until she couldn't breathe. Other "actresses," she said, wept because they were hurting so badly. In the same article, a sex-film star notes how threatening the work is to performers' health. "Nearly everyone has STDs [sexually transmitted diseases]," said Chloe. "If you're a porno performer," she continued, "your latest HIV test is your work permit. ... The tests we take test only for AIDS.

We've contained AIDS in the industry, but what about all the others? You know we're now up to hepatitis G?"

 

 Porn Star Rebecca Bardoux states:

"I'm a typical porn star," Rebecca Bardoux says with a smile, at the June 1997 Erotica LA Convention. "I come from a dysfunctional family. We don't relate... When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a call girl."

 

 Crissy Moran writes on her myspace:

"I went through more heartbreaks and became suicidal. I was taken to the hospital for panic attacks. I tried to overdose on xanax, strangle myself, and cut my wrists but not nearly deep enough. I was too scared of the pain. I prayed God would just take me away! I felt helpless. I even went to church for a few months but the guilt I felt was overwhelming that I would feel as if I were choking when I was at church. I had to choose and once again I chose to continue sinning. It was easier and I needed the money."

 

 In April 2004, Lara Roxx caught HIV from Darren James on a T.T. Boy set. In an interview with Luke Ford she states:

Luke: "What do you think of the job AIM (Adult Industry Medicine) did for you?"

Lara: "I don't think they are trained to deal with a person who just had the news that they are HIV-positive. She [Sharon Mitchell] was trying to rush me to medication without me knowing anything about it. She promising me all kinds of stuff that she found out she couldn't get me."

Luke: "Was that the first time you had done double anal?"

Lara: "Yeah. First and last."

Luke: "You were in a financially desperate position at the time?"

Lara: "Yeah. I wasn't desperate."

 

 Porn Star Elizabeth Rollings remembers a 25 guy movie:

"I did about 40 movies, 20+ web sites, including my own web site. I got requests for fetish films and finally did a 25 guy movies after getting pressured by porn producers. I never thought I would have done something like that. I felt disgusted and violated, but what was I going to do? I had three children and I desperately needed the money.

For two days I fasted and I drank heavily one day prior before I did the movie. I wanted to turn and run when I saw all the male porn stars and crew standing there. I kept saying to myself, 'this is going to be over in an hour'. I wanted to break down and cry but I hid behind my fake smile.

During the movie I mentally and emotionally checked out and felt like I died. After it ended everyone wanted to take pictures with me and get my autograph. Here I am standing there with bodily fluids all over me and people wanted to take pictures.

My body was sore the next couple days and I wasn't right mentally for two weeks after that. I wasn't able to use the bathroom right either. My internal system was totally messed up."

 

 Alex Devine posts March 6, 2006 on Extremegirlforum.com:

 "Donkey Punch was the most brutal, depressing, scary scene that I have ever done. I have tried to block it out from my memory due to the severe abuse I recieved during the filming. The guy, Steve French has a natural hatred towards women in the sense that he has always been known to be more brutal than EVER needed. I agreed to do the scene thinking it was less beating, except the 'punch' in the head. If you noticed, steve had worn his solid gold ring the entire time, and continued to punch me with it. I actually stopped the scene while it was being filmed because I was in too much pain."

 

 Tianna Lynn admits on Luke Ford website:

"I tried porn a year-and-a-half ago for three weeks. They [my agent DK] booked me for everything I didn't want to do. I was in the hospital three times. Allergic to lube. Being pounded too hard. My cervix closed up. My a** got torn up."

 

 Jersey Jaxin says in interviews with Luke Ford and Shelley Lubben:

"I'm just tired of the industry. The way that they treat you as though we are just a piece of meat. That we don't have a mind and our body is everybody's and we have no soul."

"Guys punching you in the face. You have semen from many guys all over your face, in your eyes. You get ripped. Your insides can come out of you. It's never ending. You're viewed as an object not as a human with a spirit."

"Seventy five percent and rising. Have to numb themselves... There are specific doctors in this industry if you go in for a common cold, they'll give you vicodin, viagra, anything you want because all they care about is money. You are a number. You're bruised. You have black eyes. You're ripped. You're torn. You have your insides coming out of you. It's not pretty and foofoo on set. You get hurt."

"The main thing going around now is crystal meth, cocaine and heroin. ...You have to numb yourself to go on set. The more you work, the more you have to numb yourself. The more you become addicted, the more your personal life is nothing but

"I was a drinker. I drank a lot. Vodka was my drug. Vodka was my numbing toy. Before sets, after sets, and if it was a set where people didn't care, they'd have it there waiting."

 

 Jenna Jameson says in her book that porn has more pitfalls than nearly any other occupation:

"Drugs is one. Maintaining a boundary between your job and private life is another. Jenna Jameson writes in her book on page 132:

"Most girls get their first experience in gonzo films -- in which they're taken to a crappy studio apartment in Mission Hills and penetrated in every hole possible by some abusive a**hole who thinks her name is Bit***.  And these girls, some of whom have the potential to become major stars in the industry, go home afterward and pledge never to do it again because it was such a terrible experience."

 

 Porn Star Sierra Sinn states in interviews with Luke Ford and Shelley Lubben:

"My first scene was one of the worst experiences of my life. It was very scary. It was a very rough scene. My agent didn't let me know ahead of time... I did it and I was crying and they didn't stop. It was really violent. He was hitting me. It hurt. It scared me more than anything. They wouldn't stop. They just kept rolling."

"Drugs are huge. They're using viagra. It's unnatural. The girls will be on xanax and vicodin."

 

 Ex Porn Star Kami Andrews says in interview with Luke Ford:

"I love the money, the glamor. I like being recognized. I like the attention. What I don't like is not being able to s--- right. You are constantly doing enemas and you're fasting and you're taking all these different pills, ex lax, and it screws up your internal system."

Kami Andrews speaks out in an interview with Shelley Lubben:

What is the worst part about being a porn actress?
Thinking you are more than you are. Don't ever believe you are the star, cause you are just a joke.

What is the best part about being a porn actress?
You make more money than you could any other way. You can be dumb as a rock and still shop for food that doesn't come in the white box.

Is there really 90% drug use like porn actress Jenna Presley and others claim?
I can only speak from my personal experience, I would claim 90% drug use but that is only from what I saw.

How prevalent are STD's in the porn industry?
Very.

How prevalent are abortions in the porn industry?
I had one

Are most porn stars prostitutes?
I swore I would never escort when I started, in fact it kinda caused me trouble. LA is saturated with porn chicks, it's not profitable to escort when you're hot.

 

 Porn Star Melissa Lauren states on Luke Ford's website:

What do you love and what do you hate about the industry?

"I hate the stupid people who are irresponsible and f--- with strangers without condoms, without tests. I hate all the STDs. I hate that most of the girls are f------ drug addicts.

Heard Enough? Stop viewing porn. How many more deaths, damaged lives and addictions do you need to contribute to before you wake up?

Porn is not glamorous. Get the facts. Get help.

*Special thanks to Luke Ford, journalist, for allowing me to borrow information from his web site. Thank you Luke! 

website statistics

Former Porn Star Elizabeth Rollings Story

Jan, formerly known as Elizabeth Rollings, left porn in October, 2007 and shares her story in an interview with Shelley Lubben.


SL: How did you get into the sex industry?

ER: I was in my first movie because of an ad I answered on craigs list off the internet. I needed money and it sounded easy to do so I thought, why not? I knew it was wrong but I needed quick cash and of course it was legal, right? So I did the movie and never told anyone until months later when I decided to do it full time.

SL: Tell us about your childhood.

ER: My mom and dad divorced when I was three. My dad was a weekend dad and my mom took all of the responsibility raising us. We never had much of anything but my mom always tried to make sure that my older sister and I stayed in good schools and out of bad neighborhoods. My mom met a man when I was about 6 or 7 who whisked her off to Europe often and she would leave us with her side of the family. This went on for the next couple of years until my sister was about age 14 and I was about 11. We ended up homeless and went to live with our Godmother who was very spank happy to to say the least.

I was becoming very bitter about my mom and dad not being there even though I had accepted God in my heart at 7. When I was in 8th grade is when all the trouble began and I started noticing boys. There were a lot of gangs and gang fights and because of that I needed protection. I turned to clicks and pot heads and underage parties and smoking cigarettes and boys. I was only 13 years old.

I was in a world of trouble when I met "Candyman". Candyman was a gangster and offered me protection and a lot of attention. He took me home to meet his parents. I trusted him and thought he loved me. He tied me up and raped me. This was my first sexual experience. When he was done, he told me if I said anything I would be hurt worse by him and his friends. Gangs began to harass our family so we moved out of the neighborhood.

In high school I was into getting high and smoking cigarettes and having sex with my boy friend. Even though I was an A student, we constantly partied and had sex. At age 17 I ran away from home. My boyfriend and I were living in a friend's rat infested basement for 200 a month and soon I became pregnant. I attained my GED and traded in my hopes of becoming a nurse for becoming a mom and wife. I married my boyfriend and we had three children together.

SL: What led you into the sex industry?

ER: I worked off and on sometime two jobs to make up the lack of my husband's laziness. He never wanted to work. I got involved in prostituting at 19 and I worked for a women who had about 50 other girls working for her. I did topless massage and dominatrix work off and on for two years. I also pursued modeling because it had always been a passion of mine to be a model even though I am plus size. My husband knew I was doing sex work and didn't care.

I always loved to act and was involved in school plays growing up. I did a lot of promotional modeling and some street acting, but having to work a 12 hour shift as a cna (certified nursing aide) and take care of three kids kind of killed the dream. My husband and I divorced in 2004 for obvious reasons and my financial stress grew and grew. I had been to church a couple of times but to me it wasnt enough. I felt like a horrible mother and provider. I made my first porno after answering an ad in craigslist. I felt so ashamed and yet sexy at the same time. Even though the money was good, I had no intention of doing another one.

I ended up doing about 40 movies, 20+ websites, 3 magazines, 3 expos, countless online interviews and finally my own website. But yet I have nothing to show for it.

SL: What was the porn industry like?

ER: I was in Las Vegas so I had to drive back and forth to the porn industry in California four times a week. The money was great and my new boyfriend who recently lost his job, was loving every minute of it, traveling, seeing me have sex with other men and with other women. To him we had it made. I started making a name for myself in the BBW niche. I was in high demand and started loving the attention. My kids were fed, happy and had what they needed when they needed it. My boyfriend and I stayed in nice hotels and ate at good resturants. I bought him things and even helped him out with his own kids.

I got more and more requests for fetish films. After much pressure from porn producers, I finally caved in and did a 25 guy movie. I never thought I would have done something like that. I felt disgusted and violated, but what was I going to do? I was paid well for it and needed the money desperately.

SL: OH MY GOSH. What was it like to make a 25 guy movie?

ER: For two days I had to fast. I drank heavily one day prior before I did the movie. When I got on the set I felt really sick to my stomach. I wanted to turn around and run when I walked through the door and saw all the male porn stars and film crew standing there. I zoned out and wanted it to be over. I kept saying to myself, "this is going to be over in an hour. You can do it.". I wanted to break down and cry but I hid behind my fake smile.

During the movie I mentally and emotionally checked out and felt like I died. I don't remember real well the pain and trauma I went through. After it ended, everybody wanted to take pictures with me and get my autograph. Here I am standing there with bodily fluids all over me and people wanted to take pictures with me. It was horrible. My body was sore the next couple of days and I wasn't right mentally for two weeks after that. I wasn't able to use to the bathroom right either. My internal system was totally messed up.

SL: Did you lie to your fans and clients? What lies did you tell them?

ER: Of course I lied to my fans. I led them to believe I lived a fantasy life which was far from the truth. I fed into their fantasies. I said I wanted sex 24/7 and made it seem like I absolutely loved what I did and was living this happy life. I gave them hope and insight into their relationships by telling them what to do, or if I were with them what I would do to them. I started to feel like an important nobody, they knew Elizabeth Rollings, but they would never care to know Jan.

SL: Were you exposed to drugs and alcohol?

ER: Yes, the first time was at the 2006 AVN Porn Convention after party. I didnt do them but saw other porn stars using drugs. I was seriously tempted to but instead I got drunk and fooled around with a lot of other people in the "sex room" of the suite. I was still kind of new to the industry but I think after time, I would have used drugs. I always drank heavily before I did a movie.

SL: In your experience, how many other porn stars or sex workers use drugs and alcohol?

ER: I would guess around 90%. It becomes an escape route to reality, a temporary vacation from it all.

SL: What was the worst thing about the sex industry? Or a worst experience for you?

ER: The feeling that you are not in control of your own life. You have to submit to others (producers, agents, etc..) no matter HOW important you think you are, you're not in control. Being called a bitch and being told it was all apart of "acting" the part. Having men do disgusting things to me and even if it hurt, I had to make it seem like I was enjoying every minute of it. I hated it.

SL: Where was God while you were in the sex industry?

ER: In my heart and in my subconscious, pulling on my heart strings, painfully and patiently waiting. Many times God saved me from harm, especially from sexually transmitted diseases.

SL: Why did you leave the sex industry?

ER: I left because I was on the verge of suicide. I hated who I had become. I hated looking in the mirror. I hated not having any "real" relationships with people and most importantly I was desperate for love. There is a website on me for which I have no part in, the man who owns it will not take it down. I had a contract with him and put much time and effort into this site, but after 8 months of mental and emotional abuse, financial threats and much more, I chose to part ways with him. He made threats to "break" me financially because I wouldn't bend to his will. I told everyone I could that I wasnt associated with the site anymore and he was not happy about it. My nerves were shot, I couldn't take it anymore, I was physically sick and had to go to the ER for a nervous meltdown, enough was enough. I didn't care about my name anymore. I didn't care about a temporary financial fix. I wanted to be a good Mother for my children and show them that life is not about the easy way out of things, but about the road less traveled. I left for the sake of my sanity and my soul.

SL: Where are you now in rebuilding your life?

ER: I'm struggling with finances and I don't know how my bills are going to be paid, rent, food, supplies, but I know God is faithful and I'm NOT turning back again. I'm back in with my church and just started a job at Starbucks, for which I'm so grateful to God for. I'm honestly on the verge of losing a lot, but have a peace I haven't felt in years. I know God is with me and has a plan for my life.

*I want to seriously thank Jan for her courage to share her story. Many women want to hide and never think about porn again due to the overwhelming shame and guilt but not Jan. She is allowing God to use her mess to be a strong message to the world that PORN DESTROYS and only God is able to utterly save you from whatever you are going through! If you want help out of the sex industry please email Pink Cross Foundation at help@thepinkcross.org

To leave encouraging comments for Jan please visit her myspace.

website statistics

Ex Male Porn Star Trent Roe Story

My name is Ryan and I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago Illinois and I’m 37. I’ve been a Christian for a little over a year. However, I didn’t come to know God until Nov. 2007 when I got the chance to go on the Encounter retreat.
 
To start with, I have to explain to you that I was the last of 5 children, so my path was already laid out for me by the time I got to high school. As a kid, I had a great family and I loved to play sports. I was in Little League Baseball, I was a Star Wrestler from 3rd grade until my Junior year of High School and everyday after practice I would go snow skiing at the local resort down the street from my house. In the summer, I would go water Skiing or fishing almost everyday and I was also a BMX racer. As you can see, I never had a dull moment and I was pretty popular. The problem was, I was a small kid and I never got much attention from the chicks!
 
I started smoking pot in 7th grade and it became a daily routine. When you’re 13, money isn’t easy to come by unless you stole it, and that’s what I did. I became a thief and used to rip off hundreds from my step father weekly. I always had a bag and soon after I was selling joints for 2 bucks a piece as a freshman in high school. If I couldn’t rip off the my step father, I would team up with my friends at 3 am and go around town walking for miles breaking into cars and stealing Radar Detectors. When the police came to school and called out 50 license plate numbers of cars that had a radar detector and told the owners to come to the auditorium, I freaked out and I realized, they were on to us. Eventually I took the rap for everyone and did a week in a juvy stress camp and paid a hefty fine.

The Porn Industry
 

I moved to California the following summer. I told my friends that I was going to Cali to “Get Paid To Get Laid”! I wanted to be a Porn Star. It took me 7 years to do it, but like anything, if you put your mind to it, you can do what ever you want! Most of us think that watching Porn is the worst part of Sin. For the majority of us, it is. For me it’s quite different. I was not only watching Porn, I was an Actor in Porn. For two years of my life at the age of 24, I committed what most would say (aside from murder) the worst Sin of all. I got paid to openly have sex with women while others watched and filmed it. I knew that what I was doing was wrong and I also knew the odd’s of getting Aid’s or some other sexually transmitted disease! The thing is, “I WAS HIGH” and I didn’t care about my life or the lives of others!
 
The odd thing, is that when I tell this story, people tend to ask the most stupid questions. People frequently ask me, “was it fun, did it pay well“. If you think that Sin is a good source of income, then you need to recognize “The Holy Spirit” more then you think. 
 
On Thanksgiving in 95’I went to visit my family in Palm Springs. I noticed my step father switching the channel every time I walked in the living room. Curiosity got the better of me and I got up early the next day to check something. I looked at the remote control and I noticed the recall button was worn out, so I pressed it and the cable box switched to the XXX Spice Channel. At the time I had been getting calls from Spice to shoot for them. I totally freaked out and I had to make an immediate decision. I had to get out of Porn or my family would find out “VIA 3rd party“. I have 16 nieces and nephews and the last thing I wanted was, for them to see Uncle Ryan in a PORNO! I asked my roommate what to do and he said “either keep doing it or quit and keep selling them Coke and Weed”. I quit immediately and kept my contacts for my customers. Besides, I was making 4 times the money! I went from Bad to the Worst. I started selling drugs to people and was ruining hundreds of lives, all for the simple reason that I didn’t want my family to find out about my “Porno Past”. My family always knew I was doing drugs the whole time so there wasn’t much of a surprise there. I was an adult and I wasn’t about to let them interfere in my life.
 
I was sellin' to everyone I could. producers, camera men, Actors and Actresses, anyone that had Cash. My childhood was o.k. until my parents split up. My mom was married and had 4 kids. She met my dad that had 3 and then they had me. My father was a special effects genius and developed a-lot of what we see in the movies, although we grew up in the Chicago northwest suburbs. He did movies such as the Original "The Fog" and Cheech and Chongs "Up in Smoke". I had a great time growing up and my sisters and brother have been great to me. My father became an Alcoholic and started to abuse my mother and my brother. I only saw it a few times but the image is there and that is what sucks. Actually, it made me a better person and I swore to myself that I would never be that way and I haven't.
 
As it is when anyone attains a "step father", it sucks. I was 13 and the last thing I wanted was some other man with my mother! I didn't care about girls. All I wanted to do was ride my bike and go PRO! Having a Step father put a damper on my life and my mother didn't really pay much attention to me during those years. I was a wrestler from 3rd grade until I was a junior in high school. I won alot and I took first in quite a few tournaments that she was never at. That was disappointing. I would go to practice and didn't want to go home after, so I would have her pick me up and drop me off at the ski hill down the street from our house and I would ski til 10 p.m. every day. The last thing I wanted to do was go home and see my step father.
 
I got used to it after a while but I soon started getting into trouble and things started to disappear in the house that friends of mine decided to steal. Once a gun got stolen and a box of cash because I opened my mouth. The cops thought I did it because the thief made it look like an inside job. The summer before I had gone sailing with a friend and I left my house key attached to the boat so I wouldn't loose it. I figured it out about 2 years later. I had to take a lie detector test that my step father wanted and I failed it because I was taking cash out of the box for weed. OMG, what a life! A radar detector came up missing and my mom came to school looking for me. The night before I swiped 100 bucks and I had the change from it in my pocket when she came and yanked me out of class. Out in front of the school in front of the deans window, she asked me what happened to the radar detector. I had no clue what the heck she was talking about. She looked down at my pocket and saw a bulge and told me to take what was in my pocket out. It was a wad of Moo la! Busted for somethin' again! I found out who stole the radar detector and kicked his A _ _! I immediately copped to taking the money from my step fathers money clip'(s) but I wasn't about to look like a petty thief. If I was goin' down, I wanted to look smart. She couldn't believe her ears and never told him. 
 
I finally got nailed and took the rap for everyone in town. We had a crew that would go snatchin' radar detectors and bust out windows during the week at 3 am. We would sell them for 100 bucks or trade em' for weed. I had one stashed at a friends house and his mother was a close friend of my mom's. She was actually my Scout Mother. He was a punk and got stuck livin' with his grandma next to his parents house and when his mom searched his room and found my stuff, he pointed the finger at me. She took everything he had and my stuff to the cop shop. My father had a few run in's with Sargent Bush, so he knew my name very well. I got pulled out of class by Jeniffer Becker and she asked me what I did because Sargent Bush was in Mr. Scotts office, the head dean. Mr. Scott and I were friends because my brother grew up with his son and Mr. Scott was also a close friend of my step father from high school. I sat in a room at the police station separated from my mom for 4 hours and denied everything until they tricked me. I went to court and had already admitted to 18 counts. The judge asked me why I was crying at the police station and if I was crying because I was caught. I s id yes when I was on the stand and screwed myself! My mom's head hit the table I was a goner and I took the rap for everyone! I Ain't No Snitch. I ended up going to a stress camp for a week in November in Michigan and we were forced to sleep in tents with snow on the ground. I left at town and moved to California to start over and live with my brother. Then I got some weed and started all over again in the wrong crowd! That's when I found the Porn Industry! In June of 2007, I was in a relationship and had been off of speed since Jan 4th 2006. My computer crashed and he tried to fix it. Guess what? She found a box cover I was on, and the cat was now out of the bag! The “Porn Star” was discovered by accident 13 years later. She paid for and started downloading my videos. She even said that if I watched them with her that we could work it out and I would be Forgiven.

I’m sorry Gentlemen, but the only one that will allow that is God “The Father”, and my Brothers take it from me, if you repent and surrender your lives, you can and will be accepted by Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior. I had to do something very important and I had to do it now. I called my mother and I told her what I used to do. Mom was cool about it because it was as she said ”My Past”! I had to tell mom before my girlfriend acted out her threats. I was at the verge of death by my own hand and I wanted to end it all, but I knew that somewhere I could get help and not by wasting 20 grand in a rehab. I found that help here at the Encounter through the brothers here that have shown me how powerful God truly is! I am an Ex-Porn Star and I am Alive and Well. I have been sober from Speed for 2 ½ years and now I’m free from weed for over 123 days or 4 month’s to the day. Sin is not a contest to see who can die first, because then no one wins except that PUNK satan! Getting away from and being free from Sin is a goal and Jesus paid for all of our Sin’s when he took his place upon the cross. Thank you for listening and God Bless you my brothers, for we are all God’s Children and we can all go to Heaven!

 

How I met Shelley Lubben and Pink Cross Foundation
 
Last year (2007) around November, I was struggling with my past and how I was going to face it. I was on myspace and I was searching for new friends when I stumbled across this, "EX PORN STAR Shelley Lubben speaks out"! I checked out her page and I watched her testimony. I immediately felt the exact pain she went through. I started to get teary eyed and I wanted to add her as my friend and contact her. Being that myspace won't allow us to contact people unless they are our friends, I sent an add request. I was notified that she approved me the next day unlike most of the losers out there that have to analize your page. I sent her an email and explained just how her story lifted me up and that I wanted to join her in the fight against porn! My exact words were, "I Want To Kill Porn 1 Soul At A Time".
 
She asked me to write a testimony and that took a while. It took some soul searching to look back at what I used to do and not get upset. I prayed on it to Jesus for weeks. I suddenly got the ambition one night to do it and it just poured out like you wouldn't believe. I wrote it in one shot and I was up til 3 a.m.! Funny how the Lord works when you pray for answers, huh? I sent it to her and she asked me if I was ready. I was nervous at first but the Lord told me different. He told me that this is what his plan is for me. What helped the most is that Shelley told me that she really hasn't met any men that have quit the porn scene and were willing to speak out about it.
 
I am and I will never quit until "I KILL THE PORN INDUSTRY 1 SOUL AT A TIME". This is God's will and he has been really good to Shelley. That fact speaks for itself. God has also been really good to me. He has given me a friend named Shelley Lubben that I can call at 3 or 4 in the morning if I need to talk to someone. She may not answer, but she always returns the call.

Last Christmas I got a call from Shelley asking me for my address. She wanted to help me because I was having a difficult time and I was low on money for food. About 3 days later I got a package in the mail from a foundation named The Pink Cross Foundation. I opened it up wondering what the Pink Cross was and who this was from. It was from Shelley and her husband Garret and the people at Pink Cross. I got a BIBLE and some other books as well as a DVD named Traffic Control. There was also a gift card for the grocery store and Home Depot. I was floored! Absolutely astonished. I couldn't believe that some stranger actually cared about me and my well being. Shelley is "God Sent" and is doing the will of God! We are together in this fight and we are "KILLING PORN 1 SOUL AT A TIME".
 

Written By:
Ryan Lee Millay
 

Adult Film Industry Safety and Health Report

[ Adult Film Industry Safety and Health Report ]

Adult Film Industry Safety and Health Report

download pdf here

Back to Top

Our Mission:

Pink Cross Foundation, founded by former porn actress Shelley Lubben, is a faith-based IRS approved 501(c)(3) public charity dedicated to reaching out to adult industry workers offering emotional, financial and transitional support. We largely focus on reaching out to the adult film industry offering support to porn stars. Pink Cross Foundation also reaches out to those struggling with pornography offering education and resources to recover.

Contact Pink Cross:

To contact Pink Cross with your personal stories or comments, please join our  forums here and post your story or comment. You may also send comments to info@thepinkcross.org.

Thank you for visiting our web site. We hope you felt God’s love and found the resources you need to live a healthy and porn-free life!