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If Porn Made Us Healthy by Dr. Anne Layden
If pornography made us healthy, we would be healthy by now
By Mary Anne Layden, Ph. D.
Dr. Layden is Director of Education, Center for Cognitive Therapy, Department of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, PA; and Director, Social Action Committee for Women's Psychological Health, Philadelphia.
Dr. Layden wrote this statement for Morality in Media on the occasion of the so-called "Erotica USA" trade show which appeared at New York City's Jacob Javits Convention Center in April 1999.
Erotica USA arrives on April 15, 1999 and describes itself as "titillating but not nasty'. As a psychotherapist, this description is confusing. This show promotes of a number of psychiatric disorders and symptoms as if they are normal such as fetishes and sadomasochism. Are they trying to promote psychologically healthy relationships? Hardly! If pornography made us healthy, we would be healthy by now. If the sex industry made us healthy, then those in the sex industry would be the healthiest and have the healthiest relationships. The reality is far from that.
Damage to women which precedes working in the sex industry
Most strippers, as with other women who work in the sex industry, are adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Research indicates the number is between 60%-80%. One study found that 35% of strippers have Multiple Personality Disorder, 55% had Borderline Personality Disorder, and 60% had Major Depressive Episodes, These are severe psychiatric problems and many of them are connected to childhood sexual abuse. These are women who when they were little girls would get into their beds each night and roll themselves into a fetal position and every night he would come in and peel her open. The physical and visual invasion of little girl's bodies damages them psychologically and gives them a psychologically unhealthy view of sexuality. Often as adults they reenact their childhood trauma by working as strippers, Playboy models, and prostitutes. The men who, now as customers, physically and visually invade the adult women's bodies, reenact the role of the perpetrator. These women work in the sex industry because it feels like home.
Damage to women which comes from working in the sex industry
Among strippers, eating disorders are rampant. Many of the women starve, vomit, abuse exercise or laxatives to become the unnatural shape that is demanded of them. Plastic surgery is almost invariably required especially artificial breasts to produce unnaturally large breasts. This surgery is considered a necessity despite the evidence that artificial breasts interfere with mammograms, and are implicated in autoimmune deficiency disorders in the women, and digestive disorders in the babies of the women who have had the surgery.
Strippers are often substance abusers as well; one study found the number to be 40%. Sometimes this is-because they have to numb themselves to be able to do the work they do. Often the consumption of alcohol is required on the job. Strippers who refuse to drink or who refuse to accept drinks from customers can be fired, coerced or threatened by bosses. Even strippers who have told their superiors that they are alcoholics who attend AA meetings are told that they have to drink on the job. Sometimes customers tip the strippers with cocaine. Cocaine addiction is common.
Their personal lives and relationships suffer as well. Women who work in the sex industry have only a 25% chance of making a marriage that will last as long as three years. If the sex industry and pornography made us sexually healthy and improved marriages, one would expected that those most involved would have the healthiest marriages but just the opposite is true. These women often hate men and disparage them. They believe that all men are capable of the attitudes and permission-giving beliefs that allow men to feel entitled to buy the physical and visual invasion of women's bodies. Many strippers say they would never date the men who go to strip clubs because they find these men disgusting. Often the only kind of "dates" that these women make with customers is for prostitution. The hatred of men by strippers is deep and widespread. They describe their inner dialogue while they are stripping and it is virulent hate speech against the customers they pretend to desire. The psychological demand to numb themselves or to cover their disgust for their customers exacts a terrible toll on the strippers.
The job that they do is fraught with dangers and unpleasantry. In one study 100% of the strippers reported some kind of physical or verbal abuse on their jobs. Verbal abuse by customers is extremely common with 91% reporting incidents. They were routinely called degrading names like c--t (52%), w---e (61%), and b---h (85%). Besides the verbal abuse, all endured some type of physical abuse on the job. Despite the fact that it is illegal to touch a stripper, strippers reported that customers grabbed them by the arm (88%), grabbed their breast (73%), or their buttock (91%). Customers at strip clubs often assault the women. Customers pulled their hair (27%), pinched them (58%), slapped them (24%), or bite them (36%). They are often attacked in the str1p club in front of bodyguards and other audience members.
If men would do this to women in public, what would they do to women in private? Strippers are often raped. Strippers have reported that they have been followed home (70%) and have been stalked (42%). The fact that strippers work with bodyguards is evidence to the fact that their fears that this activity causes violence are realistic. Strippers may have bodyguards while they are at work but when they leave, they are as vulnerable as is the rest of the female population. Most women interact with these individuals without the benefit of a bodyguard. All women will have to interact with the strip club patrons who have permission-giving beliefs about the use of women's bodies. Strip club patrons do not apply their beliefs only to women who work in the sex industry. Strippers, having been damaged by their own sexual abuse, now go on to work in an industry that encourages the beliefs that will allow behavior that hurts all women. The unbroken chain of victim and victimizer continues.
Self-esteem damage is invariable in this profession but, because these are survivors of abuse, some of the strippers claim to feel better about themselves by stripping, This level of denial is typical of untreated survivors and addicts. They are so disempowered and so damaged by their early abuse that they have no concept of healthy self-esteem or of self-respect for the human body and spirit. This lack of self-esteem mixed with their unhealthy attitude about sexuality causes them to think that selling their bodies will make them feel better. Many strippers move on to become prostitutes. Much of their thinking and behavior is conceptually similar to the thinking and behavior of other addicts.
Damage to men which comes from involvement in the sex industry
For the man who becomes sex addicted there are an enormous host of problems that could be anticipated. Often the addict anticipates few of the outcomes; denial is a large part of the problem. Research indicates and my clinical practice supports that approximately 40% of sex addicted males will lose their spouse. Severe financial consequences will be suffered by about 59% with some losing all of their savings and earnings. in general, about 27% will either lose their jobs or be demoted. Among professionals who are sex addicted, as many as 40% will lose their professions due to their sexual acting out.
With high-risk sex being so frequent among this group, health concerns are typical. Sexually transmitted diseases range from those that are readily treatable to those that are deadly. The risk of receiving a disease is added to by the risk of transmission to others. In some cases, the disease may be transmitted to sex industry workers but many cases it is transmitted to the non-sex addicted spouse. Family life is frequently disrupted due to abandonment of the wife and children or severe friction if the family stays physically intact. Arrest is always a threat and also destabilizes the family. Suicide is not infrequent. The consequences and the pain caused by this disorder are severe and yet the addict does not stop. This is an indication of the strength of the pull. The life of the sex addict is filled with pain and shame as the downward spiral takes hold.
Substance abuse is common with alcohol, marijuana and cocaine being the most often drugs of choice of the sex addict. Steven Chambers, who treats drug addicts at the Coatesville Veterans' Administration hospital, has described the damage done to his clients by sex and pornography addiction. Those who have drug relapses most frequently relapse because of the sex/pornography addiction through cocaine prostitutes, addicted sex partners, etc.
Sex and pornography addiction has become such a wide spread problem that, with very little publicity, there are now 80 AA-type groups for sex and pornography addiction in the Delaware Valley. In my clinical practice I have found this addiction to be less likely to remit than cocaine addiction and more likely to relapse. Most traditional addiction treatment starts with detoxification to remove the substance (cocaine, alcohol, etc.) from the body. Sex addiction from pornography, whether it is print, video, or live pornography like stripping, produces mental imagery which is permanently implanted in the mind of the user and is scaled in by brain chemistry. This is the first addictive substance for which there is no hope for detoxification.
The minimal user of pornography also shows signs of significant negative impact. The damage to marriage of visual infidelity is massive, Sex addicts often have no conception of healthy sexuality and their partners often end up engaging in degrading behaviors. I often hear complaints from partners who feel degraded by a sex addict who watches pornography during the sex act with them and much worse. The partners of sex addicts are often depressed, low in self-esteern, have eating disorders, and sexual dysfunction brought on by body self consciousness or sexual numbing and who fake their orgasms. The damage caused by the addict is not just to the women with whom they are partners. The damage is also seen in the damage to the general respect of women, inability to be intimate in healthy ways, and inability to interact with women in a professional environment in respectful ways. This encourages sexual harassment on the job.
Pornography is also hate speech about men. The sex industry spreads the myth that male sexuality is viciously narcissistic, predatory and out of control, It is not just strippers who come to think of all men as sexual "pond-scum". This myth about men makes it difficult for women to give men the trust and respect that they are due and damages the image that men have of themselves and of male sexuality.
Damage to the society in general which comes from the sex industry
The level of sexual violence in the society is at epidemic proportions. We are experiencing a sexual holocaust. One in 8 women are raped, 50% of females will be sexually harassed on their jobs. By the time a female in this country is 18 years old, 38% have been sexually molested. We are the most sexually violent nation on earth.
Studies have shown a connection with rape both stranger rape and acquaintance rape. When normal college mates are shown pornography, 50-65% of them then say they would be willing to rape a women if they thought they wouldn't get caught. Males who have committed acquaintance rape are more likely to be frequent readers of sex magazines like Playboy and Hustler. The more sex magazines sold within a state the higher the rape rate.
Studies have found significant changes in beliefs when subjects have been shown pornography. They come to believe that unusual sex behavior even psychiatrically disordered behavior is more common than they thought it was before. This includes behaviors such as having sex with animals and mixing sex with violence. They come to find damaging behavior as more acceptable such as showing pornography to children. They become less negative in their attitudes toward rape and believe that rapists should receive lighter sentences. They have a 50% reduction in their belief that women should be liberated. In one study done in Pennsylvania, Chiefs of Police were polled about the impact of strip clubs on their communities. A majority of police chiefs believed that strip clubs cause crime, that the community does not want them and that the quality of life would be better if they were illegal. In fact, when Oklahoma City closed down 150 porn shops, they had a 26% reduction in rapes.
In the last 12 years I have specialized in the treatment of sexual violence victims and perpetrators. I have not treated one case of sexual violence that did not include pornography. In every case of sibling incest that I have treated, the pornography involved has been sex magazines most often Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler.
Erotica USA wants to continue the cycle of violence and damage. They depend on our silence to continue to make money by hurting people. All of us need to stand up and tell them that they will never have the comfort of our silence again.
Internet Pornography Statistics
INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY STATISTICS
- Worldwide pornography revenue in 2006 was $97.06 billion. Of that, approximately $13 billion was in the United States (Internet Filter Review, 2006).
- Every second, $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography, 28,258 Internet viewers are viewing pornography, 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines, and every 39 minutes, a new pornographic video is made in the United States (Internet Filter Review, 2006).
- The Top Ten Adult Search Requests in 2006 were for: "sex", "adult dating", "adult DVD", "porn", "sex toys", "teen sex", "free sex", "adult sex", "group sex" and "free porn" (Internet Filter Review, 2006).
- Twelve percent of all websites are pornographic websites. There are 4.2 million pornographic websites, 420 million pornographic web pages, and 68 million daily pornographic search engine requests (or 25% of total search engine requests) (Internet Filter Review, 2006).
- 79% of youth unwanted exposure to pornography occurs in the home (Online Victimization of Youth: Five Years Later, 2006).
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According to comScore Media Metrix, there were 63.4 million unique visitors to adult websites in December of 2005, reaching 37.2% of the Internet audience.
- 79% of youth unwanted exposure to pornography occurs in the home (Online Victimization of Youth: Five Years Later, 2006).
- According to comScore Media Metrix, there were 63.4 million unique visitors to adult websites in December of 2005, reaching 37.2% of the Internet audience.
- According to the Florida Family Association, PornCrawler, their specialized software program, identified 20 U.S. companies that accounted for more than 70 percent of 297 million porn links on the Internet.
- By the end of 2004, there were 420 million pages of pornography, and it is believed that the majority of these websites are owned by less than 50 companies (LaRue, Jan. "Obscenity and the First Amendment." Summit on Pornography. Rayburn House Office Building. Room 2322. May 19, 2005).
- The Internet pornography industry generates $12 billion dollars in annual revenue, larger than the combined annual revenues of ABC, NBC, and CBS (Family Safe Media, January 10, 2006, <http://www.familysafemedia.com/pornography_statistics.html>).
- The average age of first exposure to Internet porn is 11 (Family Safe Media, December 15, 2005, <http://www.familysafemedia.com/pornography_statistics.html>).
- The largest group of viewers of Internet porn is children between ages 12 and 17 (Family Safe Media, December 15, 2005, <http://www.familysafemedia.com/pornography_statistics.html>).
- According to comScore Media Metrix, 71.9 million people visited adult sites in August 2005, reaching 42.7 percent of the Internet audience.
- N2H2's database contained 14 million identified pages of pornography in 1998, so the growth to 260 million represents an almost 20-fold increase in just five years (N2H2, 9/23/03).
Porn is not glamorous. Get the facts. Get help.
Former Porn Star Becca Brat Story
I am a former xxx actress. I got out of the business about two years ago, and totally out of the sex industry in January 2006. I grew up in a Christian home, but I never really felt accepted anywhere.
I started hanging out in the world, and got my first serious boyfriend. I lost my virginity at the age of 18, and a few months later my boyfriend broke up with me. I was crushed. I went nuts... it was the beginning of the end. I started dancing when I was 18. I was dabbling here and there with drugs- coke, ecstasy, acid, etc. I met a XXX performer who was feature dancing at the club I worked at. She introduced me to her brother and we started dating. Within 2 weeks I packed up and moved to LA.
I was nervous about being on film at first... she also worked at a legal brothel in Nevada and told me I should try working there 1st... so at the age of 19, I became a prostitute. I worked there for about 9 months and then got into XXX. Over the next 4 years, I did somewhere around 200+ movies. I also escorted all over the country as a porn star escort. Yes, porn stars are prostitues too. I got further and further into drugs and the whole lifestyle. I had a string of boyfriends, each one worse than the last.
I have been hospitalized many times- from being physically abused by men, put into rehab at least 4 times, and even put into the LA County General Hospital by the police for a mandatory psychiatric hold. I became horribly addicted to heroin and crack. I left LA and went back to the brothel in Nevada. I had to escape my boyfriend and that lifestyle. I went to an outpatient rehab- did methadone for two days and then got on some pills the doctor said I would be on for months. I took them for a day and a half and then quit cold turkey. I spent another 9 months in hell at the brothel - I was in most ways a prisoner there. I escaped by leaving everything I owned there in January and going to Vegas. I spent a few months in Vegas, then finally came home in April.
I have obviously had angels doing overtime watching out for me the whole time. I O.D.ed at least 3 times, had tricks pull knives on me, have been beaten half to death- the only reason I am still here is God.
Update:
Becca has been attending web design school at Sessions.edu where she is now working very hard to earn a Web Design Foundation Certificate. She is a single mother to a beautiful one year old daughter and is enjoying her new life.
Karly, her real name, says a big THANK YOU to all of you who cared enough to donate to her schooling. She is thankful that people didn't see her as a throw-away person and believed in her enough to reach out to her. She is also thankful to God for saving her out of the porn pit. Becca says, "Life is sweet now."
If you are a porn star and you want help please contact help@thepinkcross.org
Drug Related Deaths in the U.S. Pornography Industry since 1980
Pornography Industry Factoid 2010
CEO and Founder, Pink Cross Foundation
Copyright © 2010
Published: 2010
Drug Related Deaths in the
2010
Ami Jordan - Apparent prescription drug overdose June 11, 2010
Judy Star – Apparent drug overdose July 7, 2010
2009
2008
Julie Ellis – drug overdose
Anastasia Blue - Tylenol Overdose/Suicide
Tiffany Sloan – Suicide by drug overdose
Missy - Accidental Prescription Drug Overdose
2007
Haley Paige - Methadone
Chico Wang - Drug Overdose
Danny Dukes - Heroin overdose
Anna Nicole Smith - Drug overdose of sedative mixed with nine other prescription drugs
Danny Roddick - Drug Overdose
Brett Mycles - Heart attack due to Steroids and performance enhancement supplements
2006
Kirby Scott - Drug Overdose
Jon Dough - Drug Overdose
2005
Eva Lux - Heroin overdose
Juliette Jett - Heroin overdose
Chloe Jones - Prescription drug and alcohol overdose
Camilla De Castro - Heroin overdose which led to suicide
Karen Lancaume - Prescription Drug Overdose
Tony Alizzi - Heart Failure due to Drug overdose
2004
Judy - Drug overdose
Rebecca Steele - Died from overdose of Carisoprodol; suffering from AIDS
2003
Paige Summers - Drug overdose from a combination of codeine and oxycodone
2002
Mike Henson - Heroin overdose
Elisa Bridges - Overdose of heroin, methamphetamine, meperidine and alprazolam
Amber Sexxxum - Drug overdose
Naughtia Childs - Overdose on Acid and threw herself off balcony.
2001
Leo Masters - Heart Failure due to Drug overdose
Christian Murphy - Crystal Meth overdose
Teri Diver - Prescription drug overdose
2000
Kyle McKenna - Prescription drug overdose
Jamoo - Drug overdose
Jon Vincent - Drug overdose
Lolo Ferrari - Prescription drug overdose
1999
Chance Ryder - Prescription drug overdose
Dave Chandler – Valium influenced fall
David Morris - Drug overdose
1998
J.D. Ram - Heroin overdose
Trinity Loren - Prescription drug overdose
1996
Christian Fox - Drug overdose.
Rene Bond - Cirrhosis of the liver due to apparent alcoholism
1995
Marc Radcliffe - Apparent drug abuse which led to drowning in tub.
Alex Jordan - Drug abuse induced self-inflicted asphyxiation by hanging.
1994
Joey Stefano - Drug overdose of cocaine, morphine, heroin and ketamine
Savannah - Drug addiction which led to self-inflicted gun shot wound
1993
Rod Phillips - Drug overdose and dying from AIDS
Daniel Holt - Drug overdose and suffering from AIDS
Lisa de Leeuw - IV drug user died from AIDS complications due to contamination from needles.
1992
Chanel Price - Drug overdose
1990
Arcadia Lake - Drug overdose
Megan Leigh - Self-inflicted gun shot wound due to drug abuse.
1988
Fred Halsted - Overdose on sleeping pills
1987
Linda Wong - Xanax, Chloral hydrate, and alcohol overdose
1986
Bambi Woods - Apparent drug overdose
1985
Bodil Joensen - Cirrhosis of the liver due to alcoholism
1984
Shauna Grant - Self-inflicted gunshot wound due to Cocaine addiction.
1982
Jill Munroe - Heroin overdose
1981
Tina Russell - Died from cirrhosis of the liver due to alcoholism.
Porn is not glamorous. Get the facts. Get help.
Dedicated to all porn actors who died from HIV, suicide, homocide and drug related deaths. Their voices will be heard now.
AIDS Related Deaths in the U.S. Pornography Industry since 1985
Pornography Industry Factoid 2010
CEO and Founder, Pink Cross Foundation
Copyright © 2010
Published: 2010
AIDS Related Deaths in the
2010
Allen Gassman – 4/12/10
2009
Satiny Miranda – 10/11/09
2008
2007
Tom Howard – 2/27/07
Joe Romero – 10/30/07
Steve Taylor – 2007
2006
Kristian Brooks – 9/06
Brandy Dalton – 8/4/06
Johnny Rey – 1/18/06
Rocky – 12/07/06
Joe St. Marie – 2006
2005
Tamara Lee – 2/3/05
2004
Karen Dior – 08/25/04
"Nice" Kevin Mooney – 2004
2003
2002
Mason Flynt – 1/4/02
Mike Hensen - 2002
2001
Brett Ford – 12/25/01
Ron Pearson – 12/10/01
2000
Chuck Holmes – 9/9/00
1999
Lisa Melendez – 9/99
Sparky O'Toole – 8/99
1998
Scott O'Hara – 2/18/98
Scorpio – 12/24/98
1997
Kurt Houston - 8/23/97
Chet Thomas - 3/23/97
Matt Gunther – 5/27/97
1996
Richard Locke – 9/25/96
Eric Stone - 12/24/96
Brad Braverman - 1/10/96
1995
Ben Barker - 9/28/95
Lon Flexx - 9/15/95
Pierce Daniels - 7/8/95
Jon King - 3/8/95
Chris Burns - 2/26/95
Jason Steele - 2/25/95
Kip
Melchor Diaz – 1995
Joe Simmons - 10/2/95
Steve Kennedy – 1995
1994
Glenn Steers - 9/17/94
Ed Dinakos - 7/6/94
Jeff Lawrence - 7/31/94
Brad Peters - 5/31/94
Jeremy Scott - 5/28/94
Morelle DeKeigh -1994
Scott Taylor -12/22/94
Zeff Ryan - 1/94
Steve Taylor - 1994
1993
Clint Lockner - 6/17/93
Luc Colton - 5/18/93
Lei Lani -1993
Lisa de Leeuw - 11/11/93
Tyler Regan -10/93
Paul Pellettieri -10/93
Scott Bond - 10/29/93
Craig Markle – 10/93
Rod Phillips - 6/7/93
Peter Waves - 1993
1992
Keith Ardent - 9/9/92
Jake Corbin - 9/27/92
Al Parker - 8/17/92
Glenn Dime - 8/12/92
Roy Garret - 4/3/92
Tim Kramer - 4/15/92
Lucky Luc - 3/2/92
T.R. Witomski – 1992
Jimmy Cricket – 9/17/92
Harris Harold Gates Jr. – 10/26/91
1991
Chris Williams - 9/11/91
Darryl Weld - 7/24/91
Lee Ryder - 7/10/91
Frank Vickers - 2/24/91
Bill Harrison - 10/18/91
Buster – 2/10/91
Christopher Rage – 4/24/91
Keith Anthoni – 7/22/91
David Alan "Lance" Reis – 5/26/91
Joel Christopher – 12/19/91
1990
Chris Ladd - 11/14/90
Tony Bravo – 7/25/90
Steve Kreig - 9/13/90
Nick Elliot – 1990
Bill Henson – 1990
Lou Thomas - 1/7/90
1989
Marc Stevens – 89
Phillip "Luke" Wagner - 6/20/89
Johnny Dawes - 7/25/89
Rydar Hansen – 10/18/89
1988
John Holmes – 3/13/88
Jim Ed Thompson – 1988
Jim Moore – 1988
Jesse Kohler – 1988
Eric Stryker – 1988
Kyle Hazzard – 1/6/88
1987
Casey Donovan – 8/10/87
Bob Shane – 7/87
Arthur Bressan, Jr.- 1987
Steve Scott – 9/12/87
1986
Joey Yale – 4/18/86
J.W. King – 1986
Beau Matthews – 7/20/86
Mike Davis – 1/19/86
Jeremy Brent – 4/22/86
1985
Lee Richards – 1985
Wade Nichols – 1/28/85
Val Martin – 4/13/85
Unknown D.O.D.
Nick Rodgers
Dave Connors
Bosch Wagner
Steve Loignon
Porn is not glamorous. Get the facts. Get help.
Dedicated to all porn actors who died from HIV, suicide, homocide and drug related deaths. Their voices will be heard now.
Suicide Deaths in the U.S. Porn Industry since 1970
Pornography Industry Factoid 2008
CEO and Founder, Pink Cross Foundation
Copyright © 2008
Published: 2008
Suicide Deaths in the
| Photo | Actor Name | Cause of Death |
 |
Jezebel Yum |
Method unknown - October 18, 2010 |
 |
Anastasia Blue |
Tylenol overdose/suicide July 19, 2008 |
 |
Kent North |
Drug overdose/suicide July 4, 2007 |
 |
Porn Director and Porn Actor |
Drug overdose/suicide September 29, 2007 |
 |
Jon Dough | August 27, 2006, in |
 |
Tim Barnett | Suicide by hanging – July 13, 2005 |
 |
Lance Heywood | Jumped off a building – April 29, 2005 |
 |
Karen Lancaume | Drug overdose/suicide – January 28, 2005 |
 |
Camilla De Castro | Drug overdose/suicide – July 26, 2005 |
 |
Johnny Rahm | Suicide by hanging – November 7, 2004 |
 |
Jay Anthony |
Method unknown – November 7, 2004 |
 |
Naughtia Childs | Jumped off balcony – January 7, 2002 |
 |
Mark DeBoy | Method unknown – September 1, 2000 |
 |
Jon Vincent | Drug overdose/suicide – May 3, 2000 |
|
Brad Chase | Suicide by hanging – April 19, 2000 |
 |
Kyle McKenna | Drug overdose/suicide – March 14, 2000 |
 |
Wendy O. Williams |
Self-inflicted gunshot wound – April 7, 1998 |
 |
Steve Fox | Suffered from mental illness and committed suicide October 23, 1997 |
 |
Christian Fox | Left suicide note and overdosed on drugs October, 1996 |
 |
Alex Jordan | Suicide by hanging – July 2, 1995 |
 |
Joel Curry | Method unknown – October 2, 1995 |
 |
Cal Jammer |
Self-inflicted gunshot wound - January 25, 1995 |
 |
Savannah | Self-inflicted gunshot wound – July 11, 1994 |
 |
Rod Phillips | Drug overdose/suicide as he lay dying of AIDS – June 7, 1993 |
 |
Celia Young | Method unknown - 1992 |
 |
Nancee Kellee |
Daughter of actor Jerry Van Dyke self-inflicted asphyxiation by hanging – November, 1991 |
 |
Alan Lambert |
Self-inflicted gunshot wound - December, 1992
|
 |
Megan Leigh | Self-inflicted gunshot wound – June 16, 1990 |
 |
Kristine Heller | Method unknown - 1989 |
 |
Kyle Carrington | Method unknown - 1989 |
 |
Shauna Grant |
Self-inflicted gunshot wound - March 23, 1984 |
 |
British porn star Mary Millington |
Method uknown - August 19, 1979 |
|
Melba Bruce | Method uknown - 1977 |
|
Claudia Fielers |
Method and date unknown. |
|
Method and date unknown. |
|
 |
Andy Mantegna | Method and date unknown. |
 |
Susanna Britton | Method and date unknown. |
|
Porn is not glamorous. Get the facts. Get help. Dedicated to all porn actors who died from HIV, suicide, homocide and drug related deaths. Their voices will be heard now. |
||
Porn Industry Fact Sheet
![[ Porn Industry Statistics ]](http://www.thepinkcross.org/images/pdf-icon.gif){kind=icon}
Porn Industry Statistics
The Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn
by Shelley Lubben, Former Porn Actress
Sex-packed porn films featuring freshly-dyed blondes whose evocative eyes say "I want you" is quite possibly one of the greatest deceptions of all time. Trust me, I know. I did it all the time and I did it for the lust of power and the love of money. I never liked sex. I never wanted sex, and in fact I was more apt to spend time with Jack Daniels than some of the studs I was paid to "fake it" with. That's right, none of us freshly-dyed blondes like doing porn. In fact, we hate it. We hate being touched by strangers who care nothing about us. We hate being degraded with their foul smells and sweaty bodies. Some women hate it so much they can be heard vomiting in the bathroom between scenes. Others can be found outside smoking an endless chain of Marlboro lights…
But the porn industry wants YOU to think we porn actresses love sex. They want you to think we enjoy being degraded by all kinds of repulsive acts. The truth, porn actresses have showed up on the set not knowing about certain requirements and were told by porn producers to do it or leave without being paid. Work or never work again. Yes, we made the choice. Some of us needed the money. But we were manipulated and coerced and even threatened. Some of us caught HIV as a result of that coercion. I personally caught Herpes, a non-curable sexually transmitted disease. Another porn actress went home after a long night of numbing her pain and put a pistol to her head and pulled the trigger. Now she's dead.
It's safe to say most women who turn to porn acting as a money-making enterprise, probably didn't grow up in healthy childhoods either. Indeed, many actresses admit they've experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse and neglect by parents. Some were raped by relatives and molested by neighbors. When we were little girls we wanted to play with dollies and be mommies, not have big scary men get on top of us. So we were taught at a young age that sex made us valuable. The same horrible violations we experienced then, we relive as we perform our tricks in front of the camera. And we hate every minute of it. We're traumatized little girls living on anti-depressants, drugs and alcohol acting out our pain in front of you who continue to abuse us.
As we continue to traumatize ourselves by making more adult films, we use more and more drugs and alcohol. We live in constant fear of catching AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases. Every time there's an HIV scare we race to the nearest clinic for an emergency checkup. Pornographers insist on giving viewers the fantasy sex they demand all the while sacrificing the very ones who make it happen. In other words, no condoms allowed. Herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and other diseases are the normal anxieties we walk around with daily. We get tested monthly but we know testing isn't prevention. Besides worrying about catching diseases from porn sex, there are other harmful activities we engage in that are also very dangerous. Some of us have had physical tearing and damage to internal body parts.
When porn actresses call it a day and head home we attempt to have normal healthy relationships, but some of our boyfriends get jealous and physically abuse us. So instead we marry our porn directors, while others prefer lesbian relationships. It's a real memory making moment when our daughter accidentally walks out and sees mommy kissing another girl. My daughter will vouch for that one.
On our days off we walk around like zombies with a beer in one hand and a shot of whiskey in the other. We aren't up to cleaning so we live in filth most of the time, or we hire a sweet foreign lady to come in and clean up our mess. Porn actresses aren't the best cooks either. Ordering in is normal for us and most of the time we throw up after we eat because we're bulimic.
For porn actresses who have children, we are the world's worst mothers. We yell and scream and hit our kids for no reason. Most of the time we are intoxicated or high, and our four year olds are the ones picking us up off the floor. When clients come over for sex, we lock our children in their rooms and tell them to be quiet. I used to give my daughter a beeper and tell her to wait at the park until I was finished.
The truth is there is no fantasy in porn. It's all a lie. A closer look into the scenes of a porn star's life will show you a movie that the porn industry doesn't want you to see. The real truth is we porn actresses want to end the shame and trauma of our lives but we can't do it alone. We need you men to fight for our freedom and give us back our honor. We need you to hold us in your strong arms while we sob tears over our deep wounds and begin to heal. We want you throw out our movies and help piece together the shattered fragments of our lives. We need you to pray for us so God will hear and repair our ruined lives.
So don't believe the lie anymore. Porn is nothing more than fake sex and lies on videotape. Trust me, I know.
Porn is not glamorous. Get the facts. Get help.
Dedicated to all porn actors who died from HIV, suicide, homocide and drug related deaths. Their voices will be heard now.
Former Porn Star Jersey Jaxin Story
Former Porn Star Jersey Jaxin
I’m a former XXX actress and was called “one of the smallest, youngest and cutest porn stars in the business. I’m 4’11, really short and weigh in the 90’s. I’ve starred mostly in “teen” porn, which means fans liked me because I looked “barely legal”. I left porn in September, 2007.
My life can be summed up in one word: ABUSE!
The porn industry was a shock. My first two scenes I didn’t know what to do. I just stabilized and went along with what everyone else was doing. After that, I was like, throw me in I’m ready to go.
Tanya did 20 scenes in her first month.
My scenes involved extreme videos with very hard sex acts with several performers at the same time.
“I’m just tired of the industry. The way they treat you as though we are just a piece of meat. That we don’t have a mind and our body is everybody’s and we have no soul.”
Guys punching you in the face. You have semen from many guys all over your face, in your eyes. You get ripped. Your insides can come out of you. It’s never ending. You’re viewed as an object and not as a human with a spirit. People don’t care. People do drugs because they can’t deal with the way they are being treated.
Seventy five percent and rising are using drugs. Have to numb themselves. There are specific doctors in this industry that if you go in for a common cold they’ll give you Vicodin, Viagra, anything you want because all they care about is the money. You are a number. You’re bruised. You have black eyes. You’re ripped. You’re torn. You have your insides coming out. It’s not pretty and foofoo on set. You get hurt.
The main thing going around now is crystal meth, cocaine and heroin. You have to numb yourself to go on set. The more you work, the more you have to numb yourself. The more you become addicted, the more your personal life is nothing but drugs. Your whole life becomes nothing but porn.
I was a drinker. I drank a lot. Vodka was my drug. Vodka was my numbing toy. Before sets, after sets, and if it was a set where people didn’t care, they’d have it there waiting.
You may see a 45-minute set that took us 13 hours. We’re ripped, we’re tired, we’re sore, we’re bleeding, we’re cut up, we have dried semen all over our faces from numerous guys and we can’t wash it off because they want to take pictures. You have this stuff all over you and they’re telling you, “Hold it.” It is never straight flowing sex.
Four words girls can say are: Stop, Halt, Pain and Don’t. “You can say anything you want and they don’t’ listen”. There’s the ultimate thing where you squeeze their leg to ease up and most of them don’t care. They have another scene to go to. It’s all about the money. They’ve forgotten who they are and they don’t care who they are hurting.
I’m on the road right now heading to a different life. I’m going to try to make it as a normal person because I’m done. You have no soul in the porn industry. – Jersey Jaxin
Former Porn Star Veronica Lain Story
I was born in Indiana and raised in both Indiana and Colorado. My parents got divorced when I was in the 3rd grade and my father was never really around my whole life. At the age of 14 I had lost my virginity to the boy next door while living in Indiana with my mom and step dad. The boy broke my heart so I ran away from home not too long after.
The state of Indiana took over pretty quickly and I was in and out of foster homes and children's homes etc. from age 14 until about 17 years old. My Mom was always physically and mentally ill and my step Dad was elderly and not able to take care of me. So the state became my mother and father now. I didn't really have the guidance I needed my whole teen life to make it in the adult world. I hung out with other troubled kids. Some were worse than me. I was very promiscuous all through junior high and high school thinking that it was ok to have sex with anyone I wanted any time I wanted. The boys loved me. The girls hated me. I wanted to feel loved, accepted, and needed attention. I learned at my young age that I could use my body to get things that I wanted or needed from men. At only 15 years old, I hitch-hiked to Florida from Indiana to see a boy I liked on my own and was raped by a truck driver old enough to be my father. It was a horrible situation and I thought that this was all I was good for in life. Sex. The men and boys seemed to like it and I loved the attention.
At age 17, I came to live in Colorado again with my mother and stepfather. As soon as I turned 18 I was out of there. No longer a ward of the state, I was free to do what I wanted and be an "adult" Thinking I was grown up, I went to Denver to live on my own. I hadn't even finished high school yet. I wanted to be in radio and TV production which never happened. I stayed in a small studio apartment with my older sister. I was introduced to parties, drugs, and worst of all, stripping. I watched my sister come home with her friend with a duffle bag full of one dollar bills. They wore sexy clothes and it looked like fun and easy money. I said, "I could do that" and I started out dancing at an all nude club downtown that would hire you if you were 18. This place was a real dive. I would then move on to doing private parties then prostitution and it all seemed the same to me.
I remember one of the worst times I had sex for money, I had a customer that wanted me to have anal sex and he forced me into it. He raped me. I went to the police and the hospital but they didn't help me because I was a prostitute. I turned to drugs to help me deal with the pain.
I continued making money and I was able to get my own place. I didn't even have to go to school. I would work, make money, party and do whatever I wanted. I thought I was having the time of my life. I forgot about school, or a regular job and my future. I never thought I would make it to the age of 30 the way I was living so I didn't care. I was sure I would be dead by then.
Someone suggested that I get into porn movies. He said he knew a guy and could get me started. After meeting with the man, he took pictures of me and I was in my first scene right away right in a hotel in Denver. My first scene I was really nervous and scared. I was also very naïve and I didn't know how the whole porn thing worked. I was booked to do a scene with a woman and I had to act like I had done that before.
When the camera started rolling I was trying to cope with having my first lesbian experience when all of the sudden, two men entered the scene who I didn't know I would be filming with. I was so traumatized that I just blocked out everything. I just checked out and became Veronica Lain, the porn star.
After the scene I really felt I had done something bad and I hated myself.
The next thing I knew, I was in Las Vegas at a porn convention signing autographs and posing with fans. I wasn't even famous but yet they made me feel like I was and it hooked me even more. I did some more movies in Las Vegas and did not sleep much at all. I wasn't even old enough to gamble. You can make a porn movie in Vegas but you can't gamble or drink. That's just wrong.
It was all so overwhelming for me so I came back to Colorado but I ended up going to the convention 2 more times again. I loved the attention and by then I was jaded and use to the whole porn world. I continued to work in Colorado doing, movies, parties, prostitution, photos. Yes Porn Stars are also prostitutes! Anything and everything that had to with sex work I did it. I learned to depend on men to take care of me. I wanted a father so much. I was young and loved the attention and money. Porn was not "glamorous" though. I definitely did some things I did not want to do. I saw girls gagged and choked on the set during filming. I was one of those girls who was gagged and choked. I also saw empty douches and enema boxes laying around. I also met women who couldn't work because of STD's. I was treated like meat and saw other women going through the same, or worse. I would stay up and party all night on drugs. I wasn't even old enough to drink.
At about 20 years old, I flew out to Los Angeles and stayed for a month and a half in Hollywood! Wow, I was a real "porn star" now. Everything seemed pretty great up until I started getting terrible abdomen pains so bad that I couldn't get out of bed. I was so sick that I went to a clinic and found out I had several bacterial infections and Chlamydia all at the same time! The medicine made me throw up and I hated it. I came back home to Colorado and decided to work at a topless bar for about 2 years to get away from porn. I also started drinking heavily. I was trying to kill the pain with alcohol and pot daily. I went back to prostitution and I turned tricks out of my apartment. I risked my life over and over and tried to quit many times. I tried to get regular jobs here and there. I wanted out so bad. But I pretty much did sex work off and on from the time I was 18 until age 32. The money was always there and I didn't know anything else.
I moved to another town and hoped to settle down and get some normalcy in my life. I lost my job and went back to prostitution. I soon met a man who became my regular customer and thought if I married him I would get out of prostitution. I wanted love and a family that I never had. I believed I would be out of the business forever after this.(yeah right) I was happy for a while until I realized that I didn't get out of the sex business, I had married it. He was a porn addict and probably seeing hookers on the side. I became very unhappy, suicidal, gained weight, became depressed, and had to get on anti-depressants and counseling. We divorced after about 2 years and I was on my own again but now I had a child to take care of too. I started getting into old habits and went back to prostitution. I still didn't know anything else but selling my body, soul and mind. I desperately wanted out but didn't know how to do it.
Today, I am at the end of that life. Thanks to the lord I am finding strength to find a way out of the sex industry. I feel so tired. I've been in a long time. I feel older than I really am. I started at 18 years old and today I am 32 going on 60.
I finally have hope because recently I have found other women like me who have suffered in the sex industry but yet have changed their lives for the better. Shelley Lubben is one of them and I recently found her myspace which really gave me hope. Please visit her myspace to learn the truth about porn and get help. My faith in God was renewed and I am on my way to being the healthy, smart, strong, mother that I was meant to be. I would rather be homeless than sell my body ever again. I am priceless. I am a human being. Not an object put here to be used by men. The sex industry has changed my life. Now that I look back, I was a young innocent child that had to take care of herself any way she could. If I could help one young girl like that with my story, I think that would be wonderful. I want to help young girls like me and keep them from going through what I went through in the sex industry. The sex industry ruined my life and I know it will take years to heal my broken heart.
I hope to inspire young girls to get an education, stay away from drugs and the sex industry and really think about their future. When do you quit the sex work? When you are 30, 50? Or maybe when it finally kills you like it has many other men and women. I want people to know the truth about the horrible sex industry. I start here, with me and my past. The sex industry got me nowhere in life but destroyed everything in my life. But I know God is bigger than the sex industry and will heal my life and use my story to hopefully inspire many.
To leave encouraging comments for Jenni please visit her myspace.
Former Porn Star Diamond Story
I met Kristenye, formerly known as Diamond, on Myspace and was immediately drawn to her because I something very special in her. In only a few months Kristenye has quit the adult industry and is now in recovery. She now wants to use her story to help others learn the truth about the porn industry and to inspire women to leave the sex industry.
SL: What was childhood like?
K: I had an alcoholic abusive mother who loved to go bar-hopping, and an abusive step-father who was addicted to methadone and alcohol which made him really abusive and mean. My real father died when I was 12 from heart problems (he was a severe alcoholic). My step-dad used to get drunk and beat the hell outta me while my mom was at work. My mom was so in-love she let it happened and stayed in denial he also beat the hell outta her all the time and I would go to school the next day and act out. They eventually put me in "special classes" saying I had an anger problem. I was sexually abused at 12 by my step-dads co-worker in the military, they did nothing, it was "my fault". My mother called me a slut, whore, tramp, failure way before all of the sexual abuse or even before I started taking an interest in boys so in a way I saw myself that way. I was gang-raped at 13 by 4 neighborhood boys I grew up with , and hospitalized for 2 years. I dealt with depression, being so-called bi-polar/manic-depressant. I was on a lot of medication that of course never worked. I was a cutter and suicidal for awhile. I was hospitalized and put in many behavioral center where I just acted out even more. Taking a child out of an environment they are used to and putting them with children who are worse than them is not a smart idea. Kids adapt to there environment and learn from those they are around. How was I supposed to act? Not only had traumatic things happened to me at an early age but I felt my mother chose a man over me!
I ran away 18 times in one year and was banned from Pecan Gardens (neighborhood in Virginia beach). I joined a gang at 14 and stole cars and other things, did teen porn, drugs, skipped school and stayed in fights. I always got sent to a detention center or group home, until they got tired of me in the juvenile system. I was arrested more than 14 times as a juvenile went to juvenile prison 2 times and still didn't learn.
I turned 18 started robbing peoples homes, set a house on fire, got a conspiracy to robbery, plenty of assault charges even on minors, and eventually the judge got tired of seeing me in Virginia Beach City Jail and sent me to adult prison while I was 5 months pregnant with my daughter because I was smoking weed, violated probation and was living with a federal fugitive. I was sentenced to 2 years in Fluvanna maximum security women's prison. I was in a solitary confinement program called Structured living (for gang-members and problem inmates). I was a security threat to the whole facility because I was affiliated and because of my tattoo's and mail.
I got released at age 21, 6 months after having my daughter Gabriella. Thus I do not have a mothers bond with my child. And when I got out of prison I was still not in the right mind-frame emotionally after having lived with murderers and child-abusers in prison so I couldn't take care of my daughter. So I did what I thought was best and left her with my mother instead of her going into Social Services.
I continued to use drugs & I was in a lesbian relationship for 4 years with a 43 year old black butch who used to smoke crack and beat the hell outta me. I was brainwashed by her to think that she was the only one who cared for me. All I had. I was a disaster waiting to happen...In fact, I was a disaster happening.
SL: How old were and how did you get into the sex industry?
K: I was 16 when I decided to get a fake ID and start stripping for fast cash because I was a run-away and needed the money to survive. I was then told about Craig's list, an online ad web site, right before I turned 17 and I posted an ad for private dancing/modeling to get bigger cash. Eventually the company I was working for influenced me to dance and model nude for even more money.
I started to performing in amateur films at 17 for a few different men and companies. I signed a contract with Masquerade films right before I turned 18. I had never heard of them before but I figured it was low-key enough not to be noticed.
SL: Did you have pimps or madams?
K: When I was 18 years old I met a guy named Shawn who claimed to like me. We started dating and he always told me how pretty I was how much he loved me. I craved love so much I believed him and fell in-love for the first time. He ended up getting locked up for child support so he asked me to start posting adds on Craig's list for "full-service calls and charge my clients 250 and hour to get him outta jail. I REALIZED I WORKED FOR A PIMP. Shawn's name was Black Ice and when he got outta jail he brought me to his house that was full of his girls and his "Bottom Bitch"(a name used for the head female/madam) Lexie. Lexie trained me to do calls in a hotel in Richmond Virginia. We did nothing but stay in a hotel all the time, when we went out we were not allowed to talk to anyone unless it was a female.
We traveled a lot had to do car-dates which was horrible and scary. We went to Washington D.C. and there it was even worse. We walked a track and were in constant threat by clients, police, gang-members, and other pimps. As I learned the ways of the sex biz, I eventually started my own company " Diamond Entertainment" and was a madam over 6 girls aged from 17-23 who I would put up in hotels and take 50% of their money and make them do the same things I was made to do. I hated myself for making them do the same horrible things I had to do.
SL: Describe one of the worst moments when you were in the sex industry.
K: I was trapped in a room with a guy smoking crack who would not let me outta his home until I did everything he asked. He wanted me to indulge in drugs with him and then join in with him and his male lover in a threesome, forced anal was involved. It was horrible.
SL: What lies did you tell your fans and clients?
K: I would tell them things like I was just a college girl doing this to make money because I was struggling, I didn't want them to know how horrible my situation was or they would take advantage of that. I told a few guys I loved them and wanted to be with them, just so they would give me what I wanted. I constantly lied to men.
SL: What was it like to make a porn movie?
At first I thought it would be exciting. Sad isn't it? I started out just having sex with a guy, then started doing threesomes, then lesbian porn because I was bi-sexual. Then I did dominatrix stuff with submissive men and I did degrading things to them such as peeing on them, beating them, and doing even worse things to violate them.
Porn was a horrible experience, having to stay in the same position while they re-did shots and having to re-do positions all the time. I wasn't allowed to wipe anything off my face or body until they were done. It was really gross and really degrading as a woman, I had a very low-self esteem even though people constantly told me how pretty and sexy I was. I developed an eating disorder which I had to be hospitalized for several times. I think I am not able to have kids now because of all the physical problems I had. Sometimes I was pounded so hard I bled, my periods were always off key. I caught gonorrhea when I was 18 by another guy I was asked to have sex with on film without a rubber. I never caught anything from prostituting but did from doing porn.
SL: What kind of drugs and alcohol were you exposed to and when did you begin using drugs and what kind?
K: I started using drugs at 16...I started off with methadone (synthetic heroin) then went to cocaine, crystal meth, crack. I used everything but I used cocaine and weed more than anything. To forget the pain...I took drugs.
SL: Where was God while you were in the sex industry? Did He reach out to you or were there times you almost died but something saved you?
K: I actually thought God turned his back on me because of the filthy things I was doing. I came close to death a few times and I always got outta it. Now I know God was there for me right by my side the whole time just waiting for me to notice him.
SL: Where are you at today and what are your future goals?
I was NEVER the type to use my bad experiences to get attention or to get pity. Bad things happen in life and there are people across seas who live life a lot worse. I just have always been a real person and my experiences have made me who I am now so I don't wish to have pity. Instead, I wish to use what I've gone thru to help other people. To make a difference, because we do have a loving God who apparently allowed me to go thru these things to use it to glorify Him ...and that's what I plan on doing. I am a new person with God and he never left my side even when I left him. Sometimes still I just get so overwhelmed with anger and negativity. I pray for strength. Other times I get so depressed and think of hurting myself...but I remember he loves me and blessed me with beauty not only outside but within me too. It is so hard for me...I have such an addiction to money. I've always been willing to sell my soul to get what I wanted. This will be the hardest struggle because I hate "not having". God tells me he will be there to comfort me and make it all okay. I'm wondering how long it will take till all the pain goes away.
I wish my mom would just call to say "she loves me " or even to just say she's "thinking of me". Even with all the things I've been thru with her, I just can't help loving her and wanting her to love me. But she never does and never once calls other than to belittle me or scream at me for some disgusting thing I did in the past. She doesn't allow me or the child's father to see my daughter. She has full custody and has since the last time I was in jail for drugs. I used to have visitation but now I don't because one of my friends called my mom awhile ago and gave her my porn-site info and she seen one of my porn sites and cancelled my visits. Since then I haven't seen my 2 year old precious little angel "Gabriella" at all. But I know someday God will make me the mother I should be. God gives me strength because I should've broke down and died a long time ago.
I want to add that one day when I thought that nobody cared and I was just a failure at life I ran acrost Shelley Lubbens page...I listened and watched her testimony and I cried all thru it. I couldnt believe there was another human being on earth who could understand what was going on with me. I was in awe about how much she had changed her life and how happy she was. First thought was...If this woman can do it, why cant I?
So I contacted her and since she has been an inspiration to me. She has been a role model/mentor to me ever since. Her ministry reaches out to girls going thru the same things. I am grateful to have met her, she has helped me in so many ways and motivated me to do something with my life thats so much better. I believe God sent her to me when I felt like ending my life and just giving up. I am so thankful to have met such a beautiful person who trully cares and wants to help people stop hurting.
SL: I'm the one who is thankful Kristenye. You are such a joy and blessing in my life!! Together we will help those trapped in the sex industry and inspire the world to turn away from the lie of porn and live the life God meant them to live!
To leave encouraging comments for Kristenye please visit her myspace.
Update on Kristenye:
* I GOT MY G.E.D
* ME & MY MOM ARE GETTING ALONG AND WE'RE GOING CAMPING IN JULY
* MY BIRTHDAY WAS APRIL 5TH AND I DIDNT GET DRUNK OR HIGH
*MY HUSBAND STARTED COLLEGE AND IS TAKING INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY
* I STARTED THE ART INSTITUTE FOR MY DIGITAL DESIGN DIPLOMA AND I LOVE IT!!!
* I SEE MY DAUGHTER EVERY WEEK :) AND SHE KNOWS WHO I AM!!!!
* IM MOVING INTO A HUGE HOUSE JULY 1ST
* I STARTED GOING TO MY CHILDHOOD CHURCH AGAIN HOLLAND ROAD BAPTIST CHURCH
* I OCCASIONALLY SING SOLO'S FOR THE CHOIR
* I FINISHED SEXUAL TRAUMA THERAPY MAY 1ST
* I FINISH MY DRUG CLASS IN JUNE
I did recently have a miscarriage so I am hurting over that and ask for your prayers.
Former Male Porn Star VJ Soporno Story
I was always the type to need to be center of attention. If I wasn't the center of attention, I felt like the outcast. It's usually either one or the other, no middle ground for people like us. Furthermore, no amount of attention (with the exception of from the occasional stalker which was too much attention) was really satisfying. I'm currently finding out that it's not necessarily "human" attention I've been looking for – even though that's where I obsessively look for it.
Despite having a master's degree in a respectable field and what many view as a successful mainstream music career, I always felt that something was missing. I remember walking down the carpet at the Grammy awards, and still feel depressed because the cameras would rather focus on Slipknot/Christina Aguilera/whoever would be more important and successful within a five person radius of me. A general sense of gratitude does not come easy for us sex industry addicts. I could release a new music single on the internet and monitor a few hits, BUT if I took my clothes off on a webcam I'd get 7,000 hits in hours – that's attention (albeit attention from people that were just as sick as I was if not more). However, even in the webcam situation I'd feel depressed when I noticed another fellow sick person received 50,000 hits vs. 7,000!
I was exposed to pornography at a very young age, perhaps four or five years old. Back then sneaking playboys into the closet with a flashlight with my little friends was just something fun and naughty to do. Little did I know that I set out to make porn stars my childhood heroes alongside the rock stars. At a young age my pornography and masturbation addiction was in full force. Of course it was exciting at first, but as so many of know too well the addiction turned into sexual maintenance rather than acts of excitement. I even worked at a "strip club" once just to hang out with strippers in which I was to masturbate behind a window for customers. Thankfully, nobody ever requested me to "perform," so that gig didn't last long. As I got older and more established in my music career I started contacting famous porn stars on the internet by writing them songs for their sites or just for flattery. A couple of Vivid Girls were very friendly and one eventually hooked me up with who was at the time the 1 porn director in the industry (yes you've seen him on Howard Stern several times over) to write music. Ironically, today this director is one of my closest friends and asks me for help to get him out of the business. I started off writing music for the movies, but of course with my existing porn and masturbation addiction and my sense of dissatisfaction with musical attention, my involvement turned into performing in the movies at various levels.
This got me the attention I thought I wanted for a while – AVN award nominations, the company of hot girls with no self-esteem, a steady article in a major adult magazine. Why was I still so depressed then? It was apparent that I was even more dissatisfied than I was before entering the adult entertainment industry. Whatever money I made went to drugs and alcohol to try to stabilize my misery. No matter what a guy says about adult entertainment work, sex with hot girls or not, each act that compromises your instinct to want good character and integrity drives your self-esteem further to the ground. But yet I couldn't quit. I used excuses like "The publicity will help my music career" or "I'm not good for anything else anyway." The only word that can describe the situation is INSANITY. Later I learned I was just spiritually ill.
I tried to quit the industry several times. I took a respectable day-job as an executive analyst, and made good money. I spent it all on booze and drugs, and spent hours masturbating to porn. I was lonely, discontent, irritable, and becoming more selfish and dishonest as the days went by. After only a few months I flew back to Los Angeles to do porn once again. Where was the memory of the misery? Did I think that it would be different this time? All the "friends" I had made in the industry either committed suicide or were drowning themselves in drugs and alcohol. The need for attention/fame was so bad that I threw my job away and went to live in poverty in a dangerous apartment complex in Van Nuys with my friend whose porn career was taking a nose dive (and so was he - into rails of crystal meth as a method to deal with his stripped fame). Every day we ran for our lives from crack heads, pimps and gang members – a far cry from my executive analyst or musician life – but yet I did what I had to do because I was ADDICTED TO ADULT ENTERTAINMENT!
I managed to get out with my life once again. I recovered from alcoholism and drug addiction, but could not shake my porn involvement. I destroyed relationships, aroused jealousy, and lost the ability to look myself in the mirror – all because I couldn't quit pornography; both doing it and watching it. I knew I needed help. I prayed for liberation. I tried a couple of twelve step programs and would be able to gain 3 months at a maximum of "sexual sobriety," but couldn't make any lasting attempt. Finally, after some web searching I fatefully stumbled upon Shelley Lubben on MySpace. I had never met anyone who had RECOVERED from the industry before. Up until that day I had only met people who could stay away from porn or dancing for periods of time, but always slid back in. I don't know how much time has passed since I've been free from the industry, probably not a lot, but I do know that thanks to my friend Shelley and a couple of other great people I share recovery with, we are able to stay free on a day to day basis based on Spiritual Principles! Yes, God. I personally went with Christ because that's how Shelley does it. I will emulate whatever works because there's nothing more important to me than my freedom from porn. I admit that I had to gain some humility to accept Christ because I was quite anti-Christian in the past. But that humility I gain is indispensable, and I am ever grateful for it. Since day one of acceptance, people having been coming into my life either giving help or asking for it with regards to our specific problem! I know the word "miracle" is a bit cliché, but I can't deny that my recovery is happening on what feels to be on some Fantastic/Supernatural level. I pray every day for this freedom to last, for I don't know if I will survive another lapse into adult entertainment. I also pray to be able to help those others that want out of this hamster wheel of misery, because nobody has to live the way we did. There is a solution. That solution is finding freedom and forgiveness in Jesus Christ.
Shelley: I met VJ Soporno in 2006 who has become a precious friend of mine. He has been very kind to help me understand what male porn stars go through.
Shelley: VJ, can you write me back with some of the pressures the porn industry put you under as a male actor?
VJ Soporno: From what I haven't conveniently repressed ;), the pressure to look good is the obvious one. The pressure to not piss off the girls is huge. If a girl gets mad at you you're not going to be getting much work (which from what I remember many are in a bad mood to begin with). Many gigs that guys got were at the request of the girl on which guy she's willing to work with.
Performance anxiety is the BIG one. Nobody wants to wait around for you to get an erection, and if you're having trouble the thought of holding up production makes it even more difficult. Then of course once you do have it up, keeping it up is another pressure. Then of course there's the pressure of finishing when told to. It's detrimental to a guy's self-esteem or notions of "being a man" when we fail at any of the above.
Shelley: I wanted to know how Viagra, the blue little pills, fits into this? Did you or other male porn stars have to use them in order to deal with the pressure or to perform?
VJ Soporno: We did. There was always a girl on the set (usually the older 'motherly' types - you know the type) that had Viagra in her purse if things got too stressful. Viagra is not a cure all for performance though - since most of the problem is mental.
*Please pray for VJ Soporno as he continues in his recovery from porn.
Porn Star Statement #1
by Anonymous Porn Star
The statement below is one of ten Statements I submitted to the State of California and comes from a porn actress who is still currently involved with the porn industry. I have removed her real name to protect her publicly.
Note to porn stars: If you are tired of the abuse and want to submit your statement to make your voice heard please contact me at info@thepinkcross.org. I will make sure your name is protected if you wish to remain anonymous.
(Beware of adult conversation)
STD's are a very frightening thing in this industry. For a moment it seems healthier to have sex with a 'tested' porn star, then a random 'civilian'.
Unfortunately, we are never really truly tested as 'clean'. The industry only makes you test for 3 things. 2 of them bacterial! The other HIV.
On top of not being tested for things like: HPV, HEP, HERPES, and AIDS.... Most porn performers also work as prostitutes on the side with NONTESTED customers. (also called privates)
And of course, nobody is going to tell the new innocent girl that her health is at stake, because they (the agents, are making 10-20% of her income!!! and the major companies even more money! Some girls are making $2,000 a day, so their agent is making $200 average a day.
The agents and companies only use you, but I will get into that later.
Many of my friends in this industry including myself caught HPV. Many of their conditions turned worse to cervical cancer and had their cervix and more removed. Once removed we lose our ability to have children one day!
It also does emotional damage. Many girls feel less of a woman not having their cervix. Many of the girls have no idea that they have HPV, but believe me, they ALL do. We all work together with the same people. We all give it to each other. Multiple strains! I have worked several different occasions with several different people knowing that they worked everyday just like me.
Speaking of working everyday and speaking of our agents not telling us about the things we can do to protect ourselves, is they take advantage of us by booking us everyday. It is very harmful to our bodies to work everyday! Think about this:
Say once inside my vagina you have 3-4 inches before reaching my cervix, and then is my uterus. I was performing with men that had 12 inch long penises. Now imagine this forceful male organ smashing up my precious life giving organs!! Fitting all the way inside my body!! Where does 12 inches go??!! So an agent is happily booking a girl everyday and in my case sometimes even twice to 3 times a day!! Imagine the damage we are doing to ourselves physically and mentally!! The money blindsides and confuses the men and women actors.
It could seem like you have nobody to trust.
Imagine that you are me. I fly to Los Angeles from Florida (when first beginning) not knowing anybody out here to work for this agent that promised to help me build my career and help me with anything I needed. They exaggerate the lifestyle. Flaunt Fame, parties, freedom, and drugs in your face.
Technically they work for me, right? Well, they don't care, and use and abuse you. Your fellow 'actors' don't care. Now imagine that your family and friends find out. Do a porno scene and see how quickly your friends will turn on you and judge you. Saying you are a slut. I considered myself more a ''pro whore''. Legal and legit. Obviously accepted since my whole life porn has been all around. You see men leering at woman in society and the woman playing it off like it's an everyday thing. Imagine getting a phone call from your uncle saying you "ruined his favorite website". Oh boy the creepiness. It leaves you with this sick dark feeling inside.
Plus on several occasions, the agent will keep your money and not give it to you. They can tell the company to give the check to them not us and even put it in their name!
Once an agent told me that if I didn't sleep with this director, then he wouldn't book any of the other girls any more! And since the agent at the moment was making me the "main girl" (which means it's my job to make sure the girls don't fight and do what he says) putting pressure and manipulation are very common. Being an agent must feel pretty powerful.
Being in control, being a legal pimp. Prostituting women and making money off of them! This should not be legal.
Drugs. Sex and drugs seem to come together quite a bit in this job field.
I have been on set numerous types for different companies, where they will ask what alcohol I want, and go to the store and get it for me.
Encouraging the girls to drink so that in the scenes they will open up more and do things that they normally would consider a boundary. I have also been offered pain pills on set. Working everyday can make a girl very sore!! Inflamed!! So instead of seeing that I am in pain and shouldn't do the scene, they would give me pain pills (Vicodin). Without the pills I was in so much pain and would just lay in an Epsom salt bath all day after work.
Finding this outlet led to mine and MANY other girls, pill popping addiction. Of course I didn't know I had a problem until later on. Pain pills led to morphine, and cocaine. Drugs freely given to all the girls to loosen them up. Nobody considering the law or the consequences.
A lot of times, you show up on set and they have changed what they booked you for. You can think you are going to do a girl on girl scene, and when you arrive they say that you are doing a B/B/G/G (boy,boy,girl,girl). This is something totally different!! So you call your agent and they say, should we ask for more money!! No consideration of, oh, sorry about that, or they can't do that, or HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS?
In one instant I was doing a boy/girl scene. Meaning just me and a boy. Before a scene you can say "don't do these certain things" such as don't hit me in the face, don't put your finger in my butt, don't bite me. I will tap you instead of saying a safety word.
We start the scene and immediately he starts throwing me around like a rag doll. And this guy is known to do this with every girl. (Of course I didn't know this until later, as I had never worked with him and my agent gave no warning) he starts thrusting me very forcefully and is on me pushing into my stomach causing even more pain. I tell him to lighten up a bit or try a different position. So he starts biting me, hard!
I say stop. Okay- if you say stop or ouch in a scene the director must cut! It eventually led to me crying saying out loud "stop, ouch, director stop the scene" the director did not stop the scene. And the man would not get off me and stop throwing me around like a doll. The other girls came in onto my set from the dressing room and asked if I was okay. Director ignored them and so did camera crew. And the most shocking thing about this scene is that the company continued on to put this scene on DVD!! I haven't watched it, but I bet you can even see me crying with it all chopped up and edited. Once again, just trying to make a buck off the women.
I have many experiences in the 3 years I have been in porn. All I know is that nothing good/healthy or beneficial came out of this career.
I still have flashbacks of many things at random times throughout the day and every time a guy gives me a "look" I get creeped out and feel like he is perving on me. Sometimes I worry people might follow me or become obsessed (which does happen). This has changed my life, and left many scars but I'm determined not to let it keep me down, and to use my experience and knowledge to help other women. At least let them know the truth about porn.
Shelley is doing a great job helping us learn to love ourselves and respect ourselves and find day jobs, go back to school, leave our agents and become clean of drugs. She is a great woman and has helped many of my friends.
I hope that you hear my mine and Shelley's message.
Porn is not glamorous. Get the facts. Get help.
